I've been on T since the end of March and am having a hysterectomy next week so we decided it was finally time to come out to the in-laws. I told my mother a month or so ago and she took it really well, said she'd suspected for some time but hadn't wanted to ask. I was surprised by how well telling her went. I still haven't told my dad, I plan to do that in a letter. (My parents live 6 hours away.) My partner and I have a daughter who will be 8 on Thursday, and since the in-laws live close we see them regularly due to her being the only grandchild in the family. Anyway, we had 'the talk' with the mother-in-law last night. It .... could have gone a hell of a lot worse than it did I suppose. She's really not happy about me transitioning. She's a retired psych nurse, and I'm not sure if that helps or makes things worse .... She wanted to know if this was just a midlife crisis (I turned 40 in March). And of course have i really thought about what I'm doing, have I really thought about how this will impact my daughter, am I really sure about all this and have I really thought about the fact that changes are permanent and I can't go back and just .... yeah. She's especially concerned about my daughter. She thinks it's wrong for my daughter to call me dad, insisted that I need to ask my therapist about that (I'm not currently seeing one, I'm doing informed consent for hormones but I have seen a therapist in the past and we did discuss my gender issues, but that wasn't something to go into with her and just said yes when she asked about me working with a therapist). Then she went on about how I'll never be my daughter's dad, I'll always be her mother and her calling me anything other than mom is just wrong and detrimental to my daughter's mental health. If my kidlet doesn't call me dad, what will she call me? We've been talking to her about gender and about me transitioning for months now. She was sad at first, and said it hurt her feelings that I wanted to be a boy. We've stressed to her that I'm still her mom, that I still love her and that won't change and she's pretty cool with it now. We agree that when I'm wearing skirts and look more like a girl, then it's fine for her to call me mom if she wants to.
Just .... ack. The mother-in-law is also really worried about my partner. We had a good laugh on the way home when we realized she probably thinks he's a cross dresser or something. He's always had long hair, and a month or two ago he pierced his ears and last night he was wearing a bit of eyeliner and she may have noticed he shaves his legs from time to time. My partner and I aren't exactly mainstream people. We have tattoos and piercings and dress in black and wear combat boots. She stopped giving me gift certificates to get my hair done when I came home from the salon with purple hair. :) The hairstylist and I both agreed that my purple hair was incredibly awesome. His parents are very much about not doing anything that falls outside of 'normal'.
I really don't have much to offer you in help/support ... but I am in a similar boat with my folks. I started T in Jan -- and I turned 40 shortly before it. My wife and I were in counseling to prepare for me to start medical transition for eight month - my wife identifies as a lesbian and making that adjustment was hard for her. My parents are totally not accepting at all --- in fact they haven't spoken to me in months -- we live 8 hours away so it's not like I see them that often.
As for kids, my kids are older - in their twenties -- but they made the adjustment fairly easily. They call me pops and their step dad. Their biological father is still very actively involved in their lives. Kids make the adjustment easier than folks anticipate. If you are concerned you could look for a counselor for her but I imagine she will do just fine.