I've been in a very weird mood today. It took me until this afternoon to realise that I've just crashed up through a ceiling of dysphoria I'd been at for a while.
As my body feminises, and as I relax more and more into the femaleness of me, and find myself accepted more simply as I am now, I'm suddenly a lot more distressed and impatient at this set of tackle that should be something different. It's like it's been glued on there as a joke.
I have very strong feelings of wanting to be intimately involved with someone, and of that being impossible for me while I'm genitally incongruent. Because I don't want to be wanted for my tackle, and I don't want to be rejected for it either. I just want my proper female body, and my impatience has gone up like crazy suddenly - and it's going to be at least 14 months before surgery can happen.
I'll deal with it, I'm sure - it's just caught me by surprise.
Oh, I so need distraction - its tricky because at the moment my PTSD means I can't always do a lot, so I'm stuck with my mind. Of course, at the moment my main distraction is falling in love all over the place ::).
Life will get a little busier soon (scary but a good thing). Being more social is a double-edged thing, as it makes me more content, but also paradoxically feeds my desire to be more intimate physically. Ah well, maybe I'll meet some lovely androgyne who is happy just to cuddle :).
Anyway, this has just hit me today, I expect I'll acclimatise soon.
Heh, you musical vampire you 8).
One of the good busynesses coming up soon is helping a friend to set up an LGBT community choir in Exeter. I'm really looking forward to both the socialising and the singing, especially the singing (she picks great songs - not a show tune to be seen, hoorah!)
Quote from: Padma on September 16, 2012, 10:05:16 AM
Oh, I so need distraction - ...
[clipped]
Look on the bright side honey, now you have a tackle already... now how about goin' fishin' as a distraction.
Just thinking,
Axélle
Or playing rugby, why not? :)
Girl Rugby? Oh yeah?!
Girl-tackle-dysphoria... I could see that! ::)
Quote from: Felicitá on September 16, 2012, 10:48:12 AM
I went through a dozen hobbies over the last 10 years. Usually, I put all my heart and effort into these hobbies. But there was something lacking in all of them. It was that they didn't allow me to communicate emotion and how I was feeling to others. So I took up more arty type hobbies to explore my creativity that allowed people to visualise how I felt abstractly. Singing is a good choice!
Music is the language of the soul. Always helps me!
And the sacculus (http://cogweb.ucla.edu/ep/Sacculus.html) also be praised :).