Yesterday was a wonderful day for me! What started out as a ->-bleeped-<- day turned to gold, all because of my therapist who just happened to ask a certain question which led to me finally coming out.
The therapist's reaction was one of real care, compassion, empathy, understanding, and empowerment. When she heard exactly what I have been going through and why, and when she found out that I never talked about it to anyone before, when she found out that I have never dealt with it and have been living in silence with what amounts to torment, she knew right then and there that the cards were all laid out on the table for her to see. She supported me, validated me, accepted me, and really said some real things that built me up.
When that moment came for me to lay it all out, it was THE moment I was the most afraid of. This was it, what all of my fears and anxieties have been focused on. There were questions about if she would think I was a freak, would she think I was insane? Would she think I was some sort of sick minded / twisted loser? Was this moment going to be the cause for me to lose what little of my life I have left?
I was all worked up and worried for nothing! My fears turned out only to be my mind running away with me. Today was the day I was able to reclaim my identity, my soul, and my existence. I feel so relieved, so free, and so safe now! I am now in a place where I don't have to hate myself anymore. I won't have to worry about how I see myself for much longer, and I'll be able to deal with body image, with who I am as a woman. Today was a day when I stood up for myself for once and did it with someone who actually cares! My silence is no more now, and it feels so good!
I'm really looking forward to living healthier, living better by being better to myself, and am looking forward to that day when I wear my first new outfit. I'm worried about passing just a little bit, but that won't stop me. There's all sorts of ways to pass well without too much hassle from what I have found out, provided I actually pay attention to details and do it right.
Congratulations, and welcome to your happiness! So glad to hear how therapy has helped you...! 8)
I'm so happy for you Dawn. Savor this feeling, and know it is just the beginning of great days to come. No your problems won't all disappear, but you will start to have ALL of you to draw on when dealing with and overcoming them. :)
Thanks for the kind words, you two! I really appreciate your encouraging responses!