...is the possibility that life on HRT might end up being worse than the dysphoria.
I admit this post is indulgent, but it's heart-felt, and I guess I'm hoping somebody can offer me the wisdom I don't yet have.
My situation: I have gender dysphoria. It pops up all over the place and lately I've realised just how powerful it's been through my life, and the kind of subtle effect it's had (often without my recognising the cause, until now.)
But despite it, I'm a happy person. I read that a lot of women here were deeply depressed, often suicidal, prior to transition. I feel for them and understand, I think, how that can be. In these cases, the possible negatives of HRT are vastly outweighed by the fact that the positives make life liveable. But while I'm no stranger to depression or even suicidal tendencies, I've been lucky in other ways. I have a perfect partner. She makes a dysphoric life beautiful. I have supportive family. I don't have much money, but I have enough. What I have right now I cherish immensely and I'm frightened to put it into jeopardy.
Still, I need to do something about the dysphoria. I know what happens when I try to just let this stuff alone. Now, as it happens, my friends and co-workers seem fine with me wearing makeup, female shirts, long hair, dangle earrings, and so on. They just see an androgynous, metrosexual modern man. But androgyny has never been enough, and once people interpret me as a man and treat me accordingly, I might as well have dressed like a lorry driver for all the difference it makes. There still feels like a fundamental disjuncture between me and my body.
I suspect HRT can help this. But I'm frightened that it's another kind of cage: one that will make me dependent on expensive medication, that will put me at risk of DVT, that might significantly reduce my lifespan, that might kill my libido. It seems like extremely heavy stuff. My fears that my hair will fall out (for example) seem superficial in comparison to the probability that I will get less years to live with her.
It's hard. What do other people do? I feel like a bit of a jerk for this post, just because it's so close to saying "oh my life is so great, and HRT is so terrible" when a lot of people here have deep, valid, and life-saving reasons for taking that option. I believe all our situations and solutions are unique. I just feel lost figuring out mine. Might the dysphoria get crushingly worse (it has been increasing?) Might the side-effects not be as crippling as I'm afraid of? Any words of advice will be deeply appreciated.
Quote from: Stranger on October 02, 2012, 02:50:15 AM
I suspect HRT can help this. But I'm frightened that it's another kind of cage: one that will make me dependent on expensive medication, that will put me at risk of DVT, that might significantly reduce my lifespan, that might kill my libido. It seems like extremely heavy stuff. My fears that my hair will fall out (for example) seem superficial in comparison to the probability that I will get less years to live with her.
You are at risk of DVT either way.. HRT can increase the risk, but it's a maybe, not a certainty - being a smoker does increase the risk substantially. Will it shorten your lifespan? That one I don't know - I know it has extended mine, without it I'd likely not be around any more. And as far as libido goes, mine has changed as far as what I'm looking for goes - but I won't say it's really diminished in any way.
Well for a start, estrogen-filled people tend to live longer than testosterone-filled people. And if you get regular checkups, hopefully you can catch anything before it develops.
Though if something ain't broke...
Hmm, I think I relate as far as falling into the lucky category goes. I never "hated" being male and I'd gotten pretty good at being a boy so to speak. What I've come to realize though is that my dysphoria hasn't presented as a rejection of my physical body but rather of reality as a whole. I've suffered from a sort of existential dread my whole life that I could never find a reason for until I finally realized that I wasn't happy living as a man anymore.
Since accepting that I'm Trans, that dread has gone. Now that I'm happy (ok, still a work in progress but way better) with myself, I'm strangely at peace with the weirdness of the world around me.
I don't know if any of that speaks to your experience, but I do know that my personal stress levels are greatly reduced and I'm pretty sure that chronic long term stress is a greater cause of negative health impacts than HRT.
QuoteI'm pretty sure that chronic long term stress is a greater cause of negative health impacts than HRT.
Quoted for truth.
If you don't need it, don't take it. If you do, you should. No one here can answer that for you. This is possibly why some people see a therapist to help them come to a decision about what is right for them. Being a trans person is f**king hard. But then, being any kind of person is.
As others have said being on E should increase your life span. But if you are happy as is, why change? If you are content and happy as you are do you want to risk everything we go through? Lost marriages, lost 'friends', lost work.
I went through it because there was on alternative. I've been exceptionally lucky, but many have lost everything just to be normal.
A big coin toss.
Quote from: kelly_aus on October 02, 2012, 03:13:21 AM
You are at risk of DVT either way.. HRT can increase the risk, but it's a maybe, not a certainty - being a smoker does increase the risk substantially. Will it shorten your lifespan? That one I don't know - I know it has extended mine, without it I'd likely not be around any more. And as far as libido goes, mine has changed as far as what I'm looking for goes - but I won't say it's really diminished in any way.
That's true. I'm probably caught up in the idea of leading a "safe" life to take account of the fact that risks always exist.
Quote from: Forum Admin on October 02, 2012, 03:18:52 AM
Well for a start, estrogen-filled people tend to live longer than testosterone-filled people. And if you get regular checkups, hopefully you can catch anything before it develops.
Though if something ain't broke...
That estrogen, is there anything it can't do! I ought to get checkups more often anyway, so perhaps it'd be good to have an actual imperative to seek more medical advice.
Quote from: Twyla on October 02, 2012, 03:27:00 AM
I've suffered from a sort of existential dread my whole life that I could never find a reason for until I finally realized that I wasn't happy living as a man anymore.
Since accepting that I'm Trans, that dread has gone. Now that I'm happy (ok, still a work in progress but way better) with myself, I'm strangely at peace with the weirdness of the world around me.
I don't know if any of that speaks to your experience, but I do know that my personal stress levels are greatly reduced and I'm pretty sure that chronic long term stress is a greater cause of negative health impacts than HRT.
The existential dread... I know exactly what you mean. And the continual, gnawing stress. Sometimes I just have to go back to bed and wait until it passe, and it's been like this for as long as I can remember.
Thinking about it, you're so right that lifelong stress is one of the worst possible things for good health. I don't know why I'd never looked at it that way. I was okay with being put on anti-depressants (though I've been, with GP's approval, off them for many years now), maybe I should think of estrogen as something similar?
Quote from: Cindy James on October 02, 2012, 03:52:43 AM
As others have said being on E should increase your life span. But if you are happy as is, why change? If you are content and happy as you are do you want to risk everything we go through? Lost marriages, lost 'friends', lost work.
I went through it because there was on alternative. I've been exceptionally lucky, but many have lost everything just to be normal.
A big coin toss.
I worry about things getting worse, basically. When I get into one of my dysphoric "moods", it's distressing for those close to me, because I essentially shut down and hide myself until the feelings pass. As a result I try not to make too many close friends (it's tough managing friendships when, every now and then, you just don't want to leave the house.) As implied above I went through several years of clinical depression, where it was like that every day. This is different somehow, though I wonder if they're not related.
Yet when I'm happy, I'm happy, and the anxiety is at the threshold of tolerance. I have coping mechanisms, like meditation or relaxation, and right now I'm managing it. Of course sometimes the dysphoria hits me unexpectedly, even comically (being called "dude" is devastating, for some inexplicable reason.)
Quote from: Isabelle on October 02, 2012, 03:42:46 AM
Quoted for truth.
If you don't need it, don't take it. If you do, you should. No one here can answer that for you. This is possibly why some people see a therapist to help them come to a decision about what is right for them. Being a trans person is f**king hard. But then, being any kind of person is.
Nobody can answer for me, for sure, but after reading these replies, I'm very glad I asked :)
The main thing that bothers me are the ridiculous assumptions that people make and the stupid rumors that haters try to spread about trans people
Ah. If you are struggling to cope and having depression there are very good reasons to seek advice from professionals.
The old comment; talk to a gender therapist (GT). Why?
GTs don't put you on hormones or make decisions about your life. They guide your thoughts with questions and prodding you to think about yourself. Many, if not all TG people, carry a lot of baggage and dealing with that is a major problem. GTs help with that.
'I'm OK but I get miserable' TG doesn't get cured by age, it gets worse. As you (if you are MtF BTW) get older your T levels decline and that also drives dysmorphia. One cure is taking T but it seems to fail badly for 'true' TG people. There is no suggestion in that comment about greater or lesser TG people BTW. It's a medical treatment.
I would suggest very strongly that you seek medical help. This isn't an easy problem to deal with as many of us know.
Cindy
MtF, yes, and approaching my thirties (much faster than I'd planned!)
I hope to seek professional help when I get back home to Australia. Unfortunately, as I'm living abroad right now for the next two months as part of my ongoing work, I'm in a kind of grey in-between period. I do take the mental health issues very seriously (I've learned this through experience), and figure the best approach is to endure this period while staving off insecurity. I've become good at recognising and responding to the warning signs of the return of clinical depression, though of course personal judgement is hazardous. I'm not nearly so capable at dealing with dysphoria.
This discussion has helped me a lot. It's reassuring to hear from others who have gone through similar things.
Stranger, you're not alone. I feel the same way (though I'm moving to the position that the benefits of hrt outweigh the downsides).
I'm a generally happy person, and transition will make my life harder, not easier. I don't hate my body.
I do hate, however, not having people see me for who I am and I hate that my body (which I'm grateful to for seeing me through a half-century) doesn't look or feel the way that it should.
Will we be happier in transition? I can't know that. I just feel that, happy or no, I can't stay where I am.
There's only one way to find out I guess, and that is to try. My mood improved dramatically within a few days of starting HRT, after years of chronic Depression. If you don't like how it makes you feel you can always stop after a few weeks trial. The only concern is whether it will affect your fertlitiy if you decide you want children.
There are as many ways to transition as there transitioners, so don't worry about fitting any sort of template. If it works for you, that is all that matters.
Karen.
Quote from: Twyla on October 02, 2012, 03:27:00 AM
Hmm, I think I relate as far as falling into the lucky category goes. I never "hated" being male and I'd gotten pretty good at being a boy so to speak. What I've come to realize though is that my dysphoria hasn't presented as a rejection of my physical body but rather of reality as a whole. I've suffered from a sort of existential dread my whole life that I could never find a reason for until I finally realized that I wasn't happy living as a man anymore.
Since accepting that I'm Trans, that dread has gone. Now that I'm happy (ok, still a work in progress but way better) with myself, I'm strangely at peace with the weirdness of the world around me.
I don't know if any of that speaks to your experience, but I do know that my personal stress levels are greatly reduced and I'm pretty sure that chronic long term stress is a greater cause of negative health impacts than HRT.
What she said!
About the only thing I can think of adding is how most of the train wrecks in my life I can attribute indirectly to being trans. Finding that root cause is what led me away from a life of distractions, diversions, and denial to one often times filled with joy as I've come to embrace being trans. Like what choice is there? I know after 50 years I cannot stop being trans
Everyone has their own story and path to follow. If possible see a therapist, to talk about the issues. It sounds more like you fit the "full time cross dresser" aspect of the spectrum. You want to look and be treated as female, but not necessarily be female. Once on HRT things do change. Breast development, to some extent, loss of upper body strength, loss of muscle bulk and abdominal fat, skin thinning and softening, change in pheromones etc. If on HRT long enough, changes can become permanent, so going back to "male" can be a problem and costly. Make sure this is what you want to do.
never met a crossdresser who suffers from bouts of dysphoria as much as the OP describes.
But yes, I would recommend the OP to see a therapist before we hand out labels for her.
This may be obvious to some but I made the mistake of not differentiating between a regular therapist and a specialized sex-therapist in the beginning... big difference.
They some times cost more but you won't be wasting your time or money in the end.
Like all the previous ladies have stated, see a therapist that specializes in gender identity. This will allow you to work out issues and such before you make a decision. Honestly, you should be only one deciding if transitioning is right for you.
As for the DVT and short life span, honestly transitioning and going on HRT caused me to stop smoking, and take better care off myself. I got myself back in shape somewhat lost alot of weight. I go to the doctor regularly, report things that don't seem right and you can live a long and productive life. If anything I think I added a few precious years to my life :)
Jennifer
Much like Jennifer, my personal lifestyle has improved since I decided to do something and I am alot healthier than I used to be. Even exercising regularly and taking care of myself as I want to improve my physical self as much as possible :)
I was actually fairly happy as a guy and had a pretty decent life pre-transition. I had no decent relationships and one failed marriage but enjoyed my work, had some decent friends and for the most part had fun. I wasn't one of the people who would have slit their wrists if I couldn't transition either. It seems like the older I got the more it wore on me and I realized there wasn't really anything stopping me for living as the gender I always wanted to be, so I did something about it.
All that said I starting living full time 3 years before I started HRT. I know you read "the list": you must have full electrolysis, be on full HRT for a year etc before you consider going full time. It's just not true. Plus you don't have to take massive doses of HRT, I really believe a reasonable dose of a T blocker and E isn't going to shorten your life span to any degree. As far as libido, I lost some of what I call the male sex drive, (morning erections etc) which I am glad is gone but I still have a decent sex drive and things still work fine when there is some stimulation/something worth getting excited about.
I really don't think you have to choose either or and I totally relate to NOT wanted to be treated like a man but to be seen and treated as a woman. That was my goal as well and I am now :)
Quote from: agfrommd on October 02, 2012, 05:28:13 AMI do hate, however, not having people see me for who I am and I hate that my body (which I'm grateful to for seeing me through a half-century) doesn't look or feel the way that it should.
Will we be happier in transition? I can't know that. I just feel that, happy or no, I can't stay where I am.
I feel that sense of necessary momentum as well. I think there's some part of me that's angry, or at least resentful, that it's *me* that needs to change because *they* attach so much significance to my being born a man. But then I do the same thing when I look in the mirror and feel unhappy about having a male body.
Quote from: justmeinoz on October 02, 2012, 07:26:12 AM
There's only one way to find out I guess, and that is to try. My mood improved dramatically within a few days of starting HRT, after years of chronic Depression. If you don't like how it makes you feel you can always stop after a few weeks trial. The only concern is whether it will affect your fertlitiy if you decide you want children.
For various reasons, children aren't an issue, which makes that part of things easier. When it comes to trying, here's something I'm unsure about - when seeking prescriptions for HRT medication, I assumed we had to demonstrate that we were 100% ready and committed to the process. Is it okay to openly confess "I'm not sure I'll want to stick with this, but I'd like to give it a shot?" Though I guess this depends on who I see, and where I go...
Quote from: JoanneB on October 02, 2012, 07:29:59 PM
About the only thing I can think of adding is how most of the train wrecks in my life I can attribute indirectly to being trans. Finding that root cause is what led me away from a life of distractions, diversions, and denial to one often times filled with joy as I've come to embrace being trans. Like what choice is there? I know after 50 years I cannot stop being trans
Yes, it does seem to have a way of turning things upside down! I'm already feeling better these days by having talked about it, with some close friends and of course my partner. It's given me a way of articulating something that I've experienced kind of vaguely as a life-long dissonance.
Quote from: Nathine on October 02, 2012, 09:49:05 PM
Everyone has their own story and path to follow. If possible see a therapist, to talk about the issues. It sounds more like you fit the "full time cross dresser" aspect of the spectrum. You want to look and be treated as female, but not necessarily be female. Once on HRT things do change. Breast development, to some extent, loss of upper body strength, loss of muscle bulk and abdominal fat, skin thinning and softening, change in pheromones etc. If on HRT long enough, changes can become permanent, so going back to "male" can be a problem and costly. Make sure this is what you want to do.
This could be true. Many of the physical changes don't bother me (at least in theory; who knows what they'll feel like?). Quite a few seem welcome: I'm short-ish and slender, and have never had much fat or muscle, which has always been fine by me. As for skin, I've been religiously cleansing, exfoliating, and moisturising for nearly a decade, and while I'm pretty soft for my age, I'm inevitably getting coarser. For the future I can look to my father, who's tough as leather. So softer skin would reassure me. So would reducing the chance of losing my hair, which I've worn long ever since I was old enough to have the choice, and which I have an irrationally-strong attachment to. Of course, my father is bald. I love the guy, but maybe I have father issues :)
But I certainly have no idea what it would be like to have natural breasts, or to experience pheremone change. One of my big fears initially was that HRT involved personality changes, though further investigation seemed to suggest this was implausible. I'd like to believe that rather than becoming anyone or anything else, I should accept myself as I am, with an imperfect body but with every right to present and act as I prefer. I just don't know how difficult this might be when more physical changes creep in five, ten years down the track.
Quote from: JenniL on October 02, 2012, 11:15:24 PM
As for the DVT and short life span, honestly transitioning and going on HRT caused me to stop smoking, and take better care off myself. I got myself back in shape somewhat lost alot of weight. I go to the doctor regularly, report things that don't seem right and you can live a long and productive life. If anything I think I added a few precious years to my life :)
Sounds motivational! I'm pretty good generally, with a careful nutritional diet, no alcohol or smoking, etc, but my only exercise lately is walking an hour or two each day. And when I'm having an off-day, no exercise at all. But my worst problem is definitely not seeing the GP often enough. Regardless of what happens to me, I should look into changing that.
Quote from: Stephe on October 03, 2012, 12:48:07 AM
All that said I starting living full time 3 years before I started HRT. I know you read "the list": you must have full electrolysis, be on full HRT for a year etc before you consider going full time. It's just not true. Plus you don't have to take massive doses of HRT, I really believe a reasonable dose of a T blocker and E isn't going to shorten your life span to any degree. As far as libido, I lost some of what I call the male sex drive, (morning erections etc) which I am glad is gone but I still have a decent sex drive and things still work fine when there is some stimulation/something worth getting excited about.
Yes, I'd read online an equivalent of the List, and it was overwhelming! It's reassuring to think that these are more like guidelines. I've already gone past the point of social stigma in the way I dress in public, so as long as I'm not physically in any danger, I think I can handle some of the stares and double-looks. The main thing that keeps pushing HRT to the forefront of my mind is reading, here and elsewhere, the urgency with which people recommend getting HRT "before it's too late." But hell, what's really to say it's too late so long as I'm both happy and certain?
Thanks to everyone who responded, you are all wonderful and inspiring :)
Since HRT I've changed a lot more than I expected. I don't think it's just because of HRT though. I believe there's also a social factor envolved. There are things that you just can't or won't do/say as a woman without being clocked. For me it goes naturally for the most part, but I still slip up sometimes with little things and I still learn from it. If at some point you pass then you cant really be prepared for how people will treat you. It's a magical thing but to some degree there's also a learning curve because old habits die hard. This is what it's like for me anyway.
I remember telling my family 2,5 years ago that HRT wasn't going to change my inside or personality, but now I feel I was wrong about that (which reminds me to ask them how they feel about that now) and I didn't mention that the whole process would also change me. I just didn't know. The core of me is still there, but everything around it is different. I don't know if that makes sense. I don't even know how to describe 'core'.
I also feel that I was naive to think that my friendships would continue to 'work' and that my relationship with my family would stay the same. It has ALL changed. For the most part because I myself have changed and for a smaller part because I am being true to myself. For example; how can I continue a friendship with someone who after 3 years still cant say my name and who thinks that I should be 'open' about my transsexuality? I've made some radical decisions and I don't regret them.. I do what it takes to be able to move on.
I expected to just become the female version of the person that I used to be, and perhaps that's just what it is but things have changed on so many levels that I can't say that I still feel the same person as before. It feels great though. Before HRT I was not sure if I was ever going to have SRS and now 2 years later there's nothing I want more.
If a person changed both physically and emotionally then what exactly hasn't changed? I mean that as an actual question and not a retorical question lol. The only thing I can think of is the core of the person but that's just to vague. What exactly is this core?
The core of me (whatever that is) was born in the wrong body, wrong hormones, etc. and slowly it all starts to make more sense and I feel that I am on my way to becoming 'normal'. There have been way too many changes though to say that I've only changed from the outside.
Quote from: Stranger on October 03, 2012, 03:08:38 AM
Yes, I'd read online an equivalent of the List, and it was overwhelming! It's reassuring to think that these are more like guidelines. I've already gone past the point of social stigma in the way I dress in public, so as long as I'm not physically in any danger, I think I can handle some of the stares and double-looks. The main thing that keeps pushing HRT to the forefront of my mind is reading, here and elsewhere, the urgency with which people recommend getting HRT "before it's too late." But hell, what's really to say it's too late so long as I'm both happy and certain?
Thanks to everyone who responded, you are all wonderful and inspiring :)
It's never too late, the right time is when you think it is..
Obviously the point of transition is to be yourself. The only way you know if it will be right for you is to actually do it and see if life is happier to live. I know that's captain obvious but the deeper meaning is coming.
At the end of the day, transition is better for you if you've *never* been yourself, and transitioning allows you to be yourself, making you less awkward and improving your social life. However, maybe things were awkward before, as you were yourself pre transition and that created a projection that did not match who you are. Transitioning may be what makes everything project correctly, and thereby making things less awkward.
IDK if that makes any sense but it does in my head :)
See, I'm transsexual (duh). I was awkward pre-transition, because I was trying too hard to be somebody I'm not. Now that I've transitioned, I don't have to try so hard to cover up who I am, or try too hard to be who I'm not. People have seen that, and I've personally won over so ... so... soooo many people that I never thought I would. My brother completely opposed it before, now he says "nobody in the family should have a problem with it... you're the same person just ... you look and talk different. You're still easy to be around, and you're less awkward because you're not trying to be anybody else anymore". This came from one of those good ol southern UFC loving heavy metal kind of guys. People come around if you are who you are... and if they don't, then they fall out of your life and you don't care, because your new life is better.
At the end of the day you have to own whoever you are. People can see fake, they can see if you're trying too hard to be something you're not, they can sense if you're hiding something... they can see if something is just off about you (not physically, but socially). If you are transsexual, own it - be the girl you are inside and TRUST ME... even if you do get opposition, people will like you. If you're a cross dresser (NOT referring to anybody specifically), put on that dress and do what you do. If you're andro, sit in the middle and confuse the hell out of people. If you're bi-gender, switch back and forth based on feel. IT DOESN'T MATTER! PEOPLE SEE WHO YOU ARE AND THERE ARE MANY THAT WILL RESPECT IT! EVERYONE ELSE CAN FALL OFF THE FACE OF THE PLANET! Your life will be much easier without them, and trust me, when you are you, people see that before everything else and will generally respect it.
I've not read every reply yet so may be repeating what someone else has said, I noticed your comment about swapping one cage for another, keep in mind that the HRT cage door is left wide open.
I've been told that when I start HRT it will be for a 6 month trial (standard procedure) if at any time in those 6 months I feel that this is wrong for me I can stop the HRT (not likely) & any changes should be easily reversible.
Should you decide that you need to know for sure then you have the "try before you buy" option with no long term obligations.
Sometimes you just need to take life in bite sized pieces so you don't choke.
Best wishes
Jayne
Quote from: Stranger on October 02, 2012, 02:50:15 AM
But despite it, I'm a happy person. I read that a lot of women here were deeply depressed, often suicidal, prior to transition. I feel for them and understand, I think, how that can be. In these cases, the possible negatives of HRT are vastly outweighed by the fact that the positives make life liveable. But while I'm no stranger to depression or even suicidal tendencies, I've been lucky in other ways. I have a perfect partner. She makes a dysphoric life beautiful. I have supportive family. I don't have much money, but I have enough. What I have right now I cherish immensely and I'm frightened to put it into jeopardy.
It sounds like you love your family with all your heart. If that is true, a full transition could cause you to loose them. If you have school age kids they could be harmed by other children. You could also lose your spouse. Its a critical choice you must make. It's a balancing act between what you need to be mentally happy. Whats more important in your life right now. There are ways to deal with your dysphoria without the full SRS and a fulltime transition. Many people on this board have done so successfully. Many like myself have also kept their spouse and the love of their children. It is possible but you must look at the realities. Small changes may make you feel better and provide a safer route and make you feel better.
Quote from: Stranger on October 02, 2012, 02:50:15 AM
There still feels like a fundamental disjuncture between me and my body.
That is an interesting comment. And one that should be explored more thoroughly. That could be interpreted in a couple different ways. You dislike your body parts or you feel somehow different from your apparent physical gender (ie...male) or both. The later is what drove me into depression. It became nasty as the years rolled by. That's where a qualified gender therapist will really help you zero in on the problem. If your brutally honest with them you will find the issues that are disturbing you. Once that is determined you can find ways to deal with them and keep yourself and hopefully your family intact.
Quote from: Stranger on October 03, 2012, 03:08:38 AM
Yes, I'd read online an equivalent of the List, and it was overwhelming! It's reassuring to think that these are more like guidelines. I've already gone past the point of social stigma in the way I dress in public, so as long as I'm not physically in any danger, I think I can handle some of the stares and double-looks. The main thing that keeps pushing HRT to the forefront of my mind is reading, here and elsewhere, the urgency with which people recommend getting HRT "before it's too late." But hell, what's really to say it's too late so long as I'm both happy and certain?
Here goes another unpopular comment :P
A lot of the advice I hear online about the "must do's" before you can live full time come from people who are not yet living full time. Also a lot of the "This is all the bad stuff that will happen" if from people not living full time. What is required to live full time is you have to start doing it.
Going full time, or even part time as I am, requires nothing more than ATTITUDE. A wardrobe and some makeup also helps ;D Stephe is the expert there. So many people buy into these "lists", which I can understand. I have my fair share of self-esteem and self-confidence issues. Other then the mental/emotional benifits of it, HRT has little to do with my ability to present as female. Electrolysis, BA, FFS, trachial shaves, etc. and even SRS is not on my RADAR. Much less a list of Must Do's before going full-time.
At 6ft tall, big boned, deep voice, frog size hands, super-sized feet and bald, in male mode I can easily say no way. Actually I did say "no-way" twice in my 20's when I seriously considered transitioning. The only difference in passing between then and now for me is attitude.
I knew from my younger days the benifits of low dose HRT for me. I was on and off a few times up to my 30's. After that as life kicked in I had a bounty of diversions, distractions, and some denial to help me get by. However I still needed my monthly or so "escapes" for the day.
The attitude adjustment came after hitting bottom, a lot of soul searching, finding a fantastic TG group with some amazing women I can only hope to be like some day when I finally grow up and perhaps a touch of regular ole therapy. A gender specialist may be of some help. However my situation is far from that of a typical TG looking to transition. Just the opposite really :o That may turn out to be a loosing battle. Time will tell.
Quote from: Stephe on October 03, 2012, 08:02:52 PM
Here goes another unpopular comment :P
A lot of the advice I hear online about the "must do's" before you can live full time come from people who are not yet living full time. Also a lot of the "This is all the bad stuff that will happen" if from people not living full time. What is required to live full time is you have to start doing it.
I agree. People have been very accepting and very lovely. In many ways I'm finding people go out of there way to be respectful, helpful and understanding, and there is NO WAY I'm in stealth. I went from male attire to full female attire at the beginning of a working week. I had let people know, and I was presenting more and more feminine. But not everyone knew and by Goddess it went viral pretty damn quickly. So in many cases the first time many people who knew me saw me in male clothing on Friday and female on Monday.
And no problems.
Cindy
I would add that IMHO as far as a list of "must do's", one that is almost always left off that I would put at the top is -work on a decent female voice-. I would put this WAY above HRT.
Quote from: Stephe on October 04, 2012, 09:12:04 AM
I would add that IMHO as far as a list of "must do's", one that is almost always left off that I would put at the top is -work on a decent female voice-. I would put this WAY above HRT.
Yup... because a pretty girl with a deep male voice startles EVERYBODY!
Quote from: Alainaluvsu on October 04, 2012, 09:40:19 AM
Yup... because a pretty girl with a deep male voice startles EVERYBODY!
And a manly looking girl who has a feminine voice doesn't get clocked.