I've started college completely stealth, and it's AWESOME to finally properly be one of the guys, but at the same time it's confusing and intimidating because I've never been in this situation before, so I thought I'd post here for some advice and guidance.
Don't get me wrong, most of my life I've hung out with guys and considered myself "one of the guys" but I never realised until now just how differently the genders act around each other. It occurs to me I never actually was "one of the guys" when people knew I was born female.
For example me and a bunch of people from my class were hanging outside having a smoke the other day. The girls all went in before the guys did and the second they were out of earshot one of the guys said "thank god for that, been holding this in for ages" and let rip with a fart. The others laughed and agreed, and a different guy let out a fart as well. This was a complete shock to me XD people in general have never farted on purpose around me; and certainly not shamelessly. I was in a 7 year relationship with a man who I never heard let rip even once.
The biggest difference I've noticed is how graphically guys will talk about sex, sex they have had, sex they want to have, who they want to have it with and how they want to have it. Girls will talk in depth about relationships but not specifically sex, unless they're really close "bff's" - but guys seem to be able to freely talk about sex with other guys they have only just met. I'm no prude, but it's a little hard to know how to react to the information I'm being given by people who's names I haven't even fully committed to memory yet o_o
As a side note, I mentioned in a different thread there was one particular girl in the class who for some reason decided to tell everyone that my full name is Nicola and that I'm a girl. Since the original person telling me this and me laughing and saying it isn't true a few other people have come up to me basically saying "I can't believe that lass was going around telling people you're a girl, you're obviously a lad, she's a moron" - which is awesome! Only there's a little problem...this girl is still convinced I'm a girl >.> everyone thinks she's crazy, so I'm not worried about her turning them over to her way of thinking or anything like that. The problem is she keeps talking to me as if I'm a girl - I got a whole big speech today about how she hates men because of the terrible things they've done to her; how she'll never trust a man again, doesn't even want to be near men, etcetera. This makes me extremely uncomfortable - I literally don't have a clue how to react to her. There's only so many times I can say things like "oh we're not all like that" before it becomes glaringly obvious that she is choosing to believe that I'm not part of "the enemy" that is the male gender. She also keeps catching me when I'm on my own to gossip and moan about other guys in the class. I don't want to be a part of this nonsense, how do I make her go away? ;__; Being polite isn't working.
Congrats on being stealth! You will notice guys will talk about sex, but not relationships. Sex, for most guys, has no emotiona to it. It is just sex. Use that as a guide on what to talk about. If it includes emotion, don't mention it.
As for the girl, make yourself appear to be a threat. As if you want to get into her pants. Show that you don't care for her, and pretend to want to get into bed with her. Quit being nice to her! Just be rude, and crude if need be. Become just another jerk. You might have to hurt her feelings pretty bad, but you will be able to portray the guy image. Also, do it privately so that people won't believe her when she tells them. That should keep her mad at you longer.
If the girl knows about your trans status, I wouldn't be surprised if she's actually into you and bi curious. Some cis people like to use trans people to explore their sexualities. It dehumanizing, and hurtful but, that's people for you. Stay away from her. Far away. As for conversation topics... I dunno, I know some girls who say some pretty graphic stuff lol. Some guys are crass yes but, in real life no one really likes crass people. Regardless of gender, manners are important, especially in adults. When I meet an adult with poor manners I can't help but feel they're not very bright.
I don't think I'm capable of coming across as a threat :D There are cuddly teddy bears that are more intimidating than me. I wouldn't even know where to begin with that.
It doesn't help that the best friend I have there is trying to get into the pants of this girls best friend ::) So I've ended up taking on the role of his wingman, I'm pretty sure I'm expected to keep the crazy friend distracted while he flirts
I feel it's worth mentioning that we're talking about teenagers here. I'm a good 5-6 years older than everyone else in the class. In a way I think this helps me, I'm hormonally in the same place as they are :P if not in physical age
Most guys in my experience talk about getting high, getting wasted, getting laid and getting expensive technology/cars -- and taking the piss out of those who's technological ideals are different to theirs -- and swearing probably a little too much. Not much is out of bounds really, apart from the stuff that is touchy-feely. Older guys do pretty much the same thing but with more anecdotes and slightly more respectfully, I've found.
There's only one girl in my class at college and 10 guys and me (I'm not out as male there or anything), and I don't think that the guys moderate what they're talking about with me around because, well, it's me. Most girls would flip out at being asked some of the stuff that my mate asks me about my girlfriend, but I just answer and ask him about his, or just fire back the retort if I don't feel like answering. I also spent a week in a class where most people didn't know I was "female" and no one treated me any differently to what they do now so I'm guessing I'm just being treated like a regular guy, which is great, but gives me the opposite problem to you; when I'm thrown into a room full of girls I tend to upset most of them pretty quickly because I struggle to fit into their social habits and make jokes that they don't appreciate!
Quote from: Alex000000 on October 03, 2012, 05:20:38 PM
Most guys in my experience talk about getting high, getting wasted, getting laid and getting expensive technology/cars -- and taking the piss out of those who's technological ideals are different to theirs -- and swearing probably a little too much. Not much is out of bounds really, apart from the stuff that is touchy-feely.
Oh yes have to agree with all of the above. I feel like I'm going to have to learn a hell of a lot more about cars and football if I want to fully engage in some of the conversation that goes on xD The techy stuff is no bother, I'm loving how much I can ramble on about computers or video games without peoples eyes glazing over.
Hmm, brings back childhood memories of being weirded out by how gross all my male friends were, I couldn't understand it at all. Just one more thing that makes sense now!
I agree with Isabelle that this girl might be interested in you. Especially if she's had some awful experiences with guys in the past she may view your being trans as a "safe" way for her to be "straight". That situation pretty much sucks because she sounds like a bit of a loose cannon that you definitely want to stay away from, but at the same time if the poor girls already messed up, being a dick to drive her away is tough. Urgh, society sure does now how to break people!
Not sure what advice I'd offer.
Can I ask if she just believes your trans or does she actually know?
Quote from: Jeatyn on October 03, 2012, 05:27:22 PM
Oh yes have to agree with all of the above. I feel like I'm going to have to learn a hell of a lot more about cars and football if I want to fully engage in some of the conversation that goes on xD The techy stuff is no bother, I'm loving how much I can ramble on about computers or video games without peoples eyes glazing over.
Just watch Top Gear to learn about cars and how to be a guy all at the same time!
I have no idea what she believes =/
I haven't mentioned being trans, I'm just going about my business as if I was born male. Some of the conversation confirms that others are operating on the assumption that I have all the right parts :P
ohhhh.. well is shes the same age as the teenage boys, she probably just thinks you're an older and, therefore more awesome dude. High school girls love older guys :) Its probably the 5th Law of Thermodynamics or something ;)
Man, apparently I hang out with weird guys then! Most of my friends when it is just the guys talk about work, their wives/girlfriends, family issues, complain about bills... but then again, I hang out with older people, even in college. Though I had an entertaining conversation about accidental nard shots which was hilarious to hear some of the ways my friends have smashed their balls.
As for the girl, back in the states and when I was still in female circles, I'd just tell 'em to shove off. Now, I just ask them "why are you telling me this?" if it is something I don't want to hear like the whole men-are-pigs complaints. I have gotten two pretty common responses which are either "Well, you're gay so you'll understand." and "You're older, so of course you aren't like guys my age. Older guys are cool."
I would say just walk away. If she takes it personal, oh well. Can't win 'em all, especially if she makes you uncomfortable.
You know, that hadn't occurred to me, it could quite easily be the gay or the older thing that makes me "safe" to talk to. I really hope she doesn't fancy me xD
well actually its a long time ago I heard a guy farted as well, but well it happents depending on what kind of guys you hang around.
well the sex thing is very classic, I dont talk that much about sex (unless im drunk) but I had alot of conversation with guys on who they wanna bang, and how was the last time they mastrubated. I think if I asked a girl when her last fap was I would probably be get a wierd look. guys also talk about relationship but I think its a bit more personal im not sure.
arggggegegeggegegegeege Male speak xD the very reason why I stayed away from people in high school and slowly became recluse the last few years of elementary.
College is a little different, people tend to be more interesting. Even in high school I had a couple of quirky friends, that never blasted guy guy machoo macho sex sex sex into my ear drums xD. Just didn't have many people and even tended to stay away from them sometimes because well playing with sporks in the cafeteria was not my definiton of rollicking good time.
In fact I didn't even want to know them while they were doing embarassing things xD hence I went out for lunch(yay open campus)
Quote from: Jeatyn on October 03, 2012, 04:45:30 PMDon't get me wrong, most of my life I've hung out with guys and considered myself "one of the guys" but I never realised until now just how differently the genders act around each other. It occurs to me I never actually was "one of the guys" when people knew I was born female.
i feel the same way there is a new guy and he is in some of my classes so he doesnt know im trans whatsoever. some kids know that i was called by a different name but dont know why most people know a bit about my past, small town problems. so its really nice to just be treated like a guy and it really is different.
your problem with that girl sucks and i dont know what you should do, i suggest straight up telling her that your a guy and she needs to stop telling people otherwise because it is making you uncomfortable.
i had a similar problem but it was with a teacher so i couldnt do anything besides politely ask her to use correct pronouns and call me parker. that didnt work so i switch out of her class. although my hangups about school since being bullied by a teacher are still there.
I think it's the age group and just the type of guys. Not all guys talk about sex all the time, etc. etc. But it is true that most guys will curb certain things they say if they're around females. Just like females won't talk about certain things around the guys. There's definitely gender-censorship that goes on.
As for the girl, I'm going to agree with what others have said and say that it sounds like she's into you. Why she latched on to the "you're a girl" thing I can't say, but I've definitely known women who will latch on to "feminine" or even gay men thinking that they won't be like all those other "bad" men they've had in the past. Personally, I'd steer clear of her or be a bit of a dick to her. Like someone else mentioned, asked her why the hell she's telling you these things.