Recently my confidence has taken a bit of a battering, i've been forced into the position of having to share my ex's house until I can find a new place to live, I seem to get at least one snide comment a day & it's dragging me down. I know i've hurt her by deciding to transition so i've decided not to respond to these comments & work extra hard to get out.
I've been barely sleeping & permenantly depressed, last night I managed to get some sleep & had a very moving lucid dream.
I was infront of a mirror brushing my hair, I could feel the hair running through my fingers & I couldn't tell it was a dream.
Right before my eyes my hair changed, it went from being frizzy & unmanagable to long straight & shiny, I brushed the hair on the side of my head to cover my ears a bit & as I stared at the reflection my cheeks & jaw changed.
The reflection that was now looking back was me, my own mother would recognise me easily but there was no way anyone would mistake me for male, I looked really pretty.
The dream only seemed to last a minute but it's left me with hope that I will pass one day, it's as if my mind decided to show me the light at the end of the tunnel so that I can relax before I snap.
Has anyone else had dreams that have lifted your mood when you felt you couldn't take anymore?
I've always been fascinated by dreams & the inner workings of my mind but i've never had a dream have such a positive effect on my outlook
Some say dreams are the way you work things out in your subconscious.
The dream did not give you renewed hope, the hope was there all the time, just buried under the things that were bringing you done. Draw strength from the positive!
Dreams are powerful. They are the way your subconscious lets you know what is happening to you. I think your subconscious has let you know in a big way that you are a woman and need to move forward and not be intimidated.
Good Luck Sis
You are one Hell of a woman to be doing what you are.
Hugs
Cindy
As usual the Delphic Oracle of Adelaide has hit the nail on the head again. I love lucid dreams, they usually happen if I take even a mild pain med.
You have seen the real you, the woman who is behind the mask, and what is more important, you like her.
Michaelangelo said David was always in the marble, he just had to let him out. :-*
Karen.
Thanks for the replies everyone.
Since coming out i've thought to myslef that the only FFS I should need are having my nose reduced (cue monty python big nose jokes lol) & my jaw slightly altered.
What made this dream noteworthy is that when i've been female in previous dreams I used to look like me (male), last night I dreamt of myself as female again, I was out shopping & then having a drink with friends, every time I saw my reflection it was the pretty female looking back.
I'm hoping this will continue as it sems to put me in a great mood when I wake up.
In the last 2 months i've been made redundant, i've had to deal with threats that have meant i've had to temporarily move into my ex's house, whilst there my landlord who obviously didn't like me being trans sent me a text saying he's kicked me out, i'm now fighting a legal battle to get my property back & I had reached the point where I couldn't take any more & was crying almost constantly.
I swear I was on the edge of a complete breakdown & my subconscious has shown me the light at the end of the tunnel to spur me on & give me hope.
The human brain is an amazing thing
The Delphic Oracle of Adelaide - beware geeks bearing gifts :laugh:
When I started HRT I did have a series of vivid death dreams. I usually put little concern on my dreams, and in fact I only started to remember dreams after I was comfortable in my skin. The dreams were vivid enough that I talked about them to my psych, he said that it was quite common among his patients to have death dreams at some time and they seem to be at the beginning of treatment, possibly to do with the killing off of the old self. OK but I don't remember any birth dreams :laugh:
But I do dream quite vividly now and I never used to, I can almost wake up and think that was interesting and go back to sleep and rejoin the dream. So I have somehow managed to alter my sleep patterns. I wonder why?
Cindy, as HRT opens us up to emotions it doesn't suprise me to hear you say your dreaming has changed.
I've owned a dream dictionary for decades now & when I translate one of my memorable or downright confusing dreams I almost always trace it back to having an emotional key.
e.g. when I first came out my mother was having trouble accepting things & I would get dreams of being out in public with her as Jayne but when people approached us she would push me away & hide me, she hid me in cupboards & pushed me through glass windows!!
I was very worried at the time that her lack of acceptance would split us up & this worry was manifested in my dreams.
The dream about me becoming a woman whilst looking into a mirror came at a time when i'm constantly worried about if i'll ever be able to pass as female in the future.
It's just a theory with no proof to back it up, the theory just feels right to me
The coolest thing about dreams is that they can affect how you live, just like real experiences. I came out to everyone I know because of a dream I had of being a girl and my family accepting me as one. I had GID before this dream, but everyday since then I have thought about transition, where as it was an occasional thing before. Anywho, that's just my 2 cents! :)
Several nights ago (right before I started posting on here) I was laying in bed crying myself to sleep over how I would never be the type of person that I wanted to. I had been asking myself some tough questions and I wasnt sure how to answer them.
Was this really what I wanted? Wasnt I happy just crossdressing? Was it a sexual thing? Did I really just need to find a boyfriend to feel better instead of trying to change myself? Will this make me happy, really? Would anyone ever accept, or god forbid, love me?
I didnt have answers... and I hated that about myself. But that night I dreamt that I was a young woman. True I was shorter and had blonde hair (I prefer brunette or black), but I was still me. I knew it was me. In the dream I got up out of bed and walked around my daily life, no one seemed to notice and everyone treated me the same way that they do now. The only person who did notice was my ex (and still one of my best friends) who smiled when she saw me, and I knew that she was smiling because of the change. (she loves dressing me up by the way, we arent together because shes straight and I prefer guys now... i think that makes me straight as well. lol). I woke up shortly after that and have had a smile on my face for the past few days. I know now that everything will be alright and I am confident in my decision. But more than that, i still had male urges when it came to sex. (you know what I mean but I dont want to use so crass a word). and I satified them regularly.(which could be why i was so on the fence about it) But since the dream it feels so alien on my body and I dont feel anything for it other than pity. What urges I do have are so completly feminine in nature that there really isnt anything I can do about them. (its the ultimate tease. lol) But I am happy and extremely confident in myself now. I may not be able to put the answers to my questions in words, but I know that I have and understand them.