Quick history:
I'm full time less work, been on HRT almost 2 years, binding now necessary for work.
As a construction worker I never figured I'd ever be going anywhere on a business trip, unless it was to look for work. I'm involved in a huge project now as one of three project designers with the contractor I'm working for. We work onsite in an office trailer. I figured the only travelling I'd ever be doing was to and from work and from the trailer to inside the building.
Yesterday I'm in a coordination meeting. The GC walks in and tells us we have to go to DC next week and looks at the other two guys but not at me. He says it will be just one day, fly in in the morning and out in the evening. I'm not sure I'm included but I figure if I am it's no big deal. At least it won't be an overnighter.
Later our boss walks in and asks if we heard about the trip. We tell him how we heard. Then he says, "I think it would be best if the three of you went. I figure leave Wednesday night and come back Thursday night."
All of the sudden my brain goes haywire. I wear a sports bra because it's too obvious if I don't. And I'm trying to figure how on earth I'll share a room with one of the guys and not end up acting like a total nut case in an attempt to try to hide what's under these clothes. The meeting went on for several more hours and keeping focused on what was being discussed was nearly impossible!
All the guys that are going are big wigs with the company. I'm the new kid on the block. After four years of unstable employment I'm finally enjoying some stability that could take me to retirement. I really have to go on this trip. But those moments in the room with whomever I'll be sharing the room with are going to be R E A L L Y S T R E S S F U L ! ! !
I'll have to figure out how to hide not only that I have a sports bra with me but that I'm wearing it. I'll have to do all my changing in the bathroom but what if we have a really tight schedule that requires me to shower and get out? And just the idea of sharing a room with a guy is kind of weirding me out.
Checklist:
1. Remove nail polish from toenails
2. Pack guy underwear
3. Buy guy hairspray.
4. Pack guy pajama pants and a dark colored shirt that won't show the sports bra outilne.
5. Pray I can pull this off.
[Note to self: Next time be prepared for ANYTHING!]
Guess I should leave the makeup and perfume at home, eh?
Julie
Julie,
Pay for your own room. And let it go at that. You can set up a reservation in the same hotel. There is no way I would subject myself to rooming with ANYONE else!! (And that includes women!)
Cindi
Oh geez hon...
Hmmm, ya know people tell me you can also get some kind of special shirt that wraps breasts real tight too.... but with no straps to see?
But wow, I don't know how no one knows ANYWAY... you look so perfectly female in every way.
How do you think these particular guys would react if they DID find out?
I like Cindi's idea best though... can you get your own room?
~Kate~
Quote from: Cindi Jones on April 26, 2007, 03:10:39 PM
Julie,
Pay for your own room. And let it go at that. You can set up a reservation in the same hotel. There is no way I would subject myself to rooming with ANYONE else!! (And that includes women!)
Cindi
I think that's a wonderful idea. :)
QuotePay for your own room. And let it go at that. You can set up a reservation in the same hotel. There is no way I would subject myself to rooming with ANYONE else!! (And that includes women!)
Cindi
Yeah, get your own room. Better yet, come out of the closet, it will cost you in the long run.
Julie Cindi's right on pay for your own room, If someone ask why just tell them you have a sleeping or some other problem that sometimes keeps you up a night and you don't want to disturb anyone.
Jamie L
As someone who has worked in the field on construction projects, before Beni that is, I'd go like Cindy said and get your own room. I think you just developed a real nasty snoring problem LOL.
So are you working for an electrical or mechancal contractor.
It can be scary coming out but well sometimes it's easier too. I did just tell a GC on one of my projects today about Beni. Plus an architect (I never worry about architects) and a owners rep, who I do worry about. Interesting times, But I am loving every minute of it, dispite a few bumps now and then
Hey.. .that's what I tell people. I snore! But I really do and I'm terribly embarrassed about it. That is truly why I will not share a room with anyone.
Cindi
Yes, it looks like you have three options. One, you can come out. Two, you can come out to your boss. I'd assume neither of these choices is too feasible. That leaves option three: get a room of your own.
Telling everyone that you snore may be a bit risky -- you might get caught on that lie. ;) It might be safer, not to mention more honest, to be a bit more vague about having some (medical) issues that really make it hard for someone to sleep in the same room. If necessary, claim it's too embarrassing to go into details; if pressed further, then it's time to start telling well-rehearsed lies about why you have to wake up every half hour to go to the bathroom. ;D
Good luck,
Nfr
Shoot, if I didn't have a snoring problem, I'd still want my own room! I'm a private person. That's something I WILL NOT SHARE!
Cindi
Julie,
I like the pay for your own room idea. Show up coughing and say you just don't think you should be around anyone all night. And take it from me: Don't pack anything you don't want to see laid out on an airport counter. A real shame, but that's what happens these days.
Good luck, sweetie, and hang on. It's only one night.
Kristi
Quote from: Cindi Jones on April 27, 2007, 01:30:32 AM
Hey.. .that's what I tell people. I snore! But I really do and I'm terribly embarrassed about it. That is truly why I will not share a room with anyone.
Your poor husband.
Quote from: Julie Marie on April 26, 2007, 02:53:34 PM
Quick history:
I'm full time less work, been on HRT almost 2 years, binding now necessary for work.
As a construction worker I never figured I'd ever be going anywhere on a business trip, unless it was to look for work.
I would want to be alone on a trip and I can not stand to be in the room with smokers. (Most of the guys smoked at the last site I worked.) If the guys smoke and you do not smoke then you got a good excuse. The snoring one works too. You can also use do not like noise, TV, or just plain need some privacy.
W
Quote from: Melissa on April 27, 2007, 11:00:44 AM
Quote from: Cindi Jones on April 27, 2007, 01:30:32 AM
Hey.. .that's what I tell people. I snore! But I really do and I'm terribly embarrassed about it. That is truly why I will not share a room with anyone.
Your poor husband.
He snores much worse than I do! But we have separate bedrooms so it is not an issue for him. But I do wear earplugs so that I can't hear him snoring in the other room! ;)
Cindi
GET YOUR OWN ROOM!
I've got to slip that girl some valium...
As you know, I'm going to be busy at the theatre all weekend but after that I'm done.
Starting Monday, non-stop Tai-Chi from the time I get home until bedtime. Both of us. If that doesn't work I'll shoot you with a tranquilizer dart.
Julie, it'll be fine! I've been on a dozen or more business trips. Most double occupancy. Every single time each of us took our suitcases into the bath and changed/cleaned up for bed. In the morning, we took our clothes and supplies (toothpast, shaving stuff, etc) into the bath and got ready for the morning.
BTW: I had at least two trips where I forgot to put guy underwear on before I left and had to be sure the panties were well hidden in the suitcase before I came out of the bathroom. Yeah it was a little nerve wracking but no big deal.
Also you might want to also get a mens bag for your shaver, soap and whatnot.
And also the idea of getting a big terry cloth robe is a good one.
CHILL! GIRL!
-Sandy
Quote from: jamie lee on April 26, 2007, 10:41:27 PM
Julie Cindi's right on pay for your own room, If someone ask why just tell them you have a sleeping or some other problem that sometimes keeps you up a night and you don't want to disturb anyone.
Jamie L
Why is is anyone's business why she wants her own room?
Quote from: Kassandra on April 27, 2007, 03:58:15 PM
I've got to slip that girl some valium...
As you know, I'm going to be busy at the theatre all weekend but after that I'm done.
Starting Monday, non-stop Tai-Chi from the time I get home until bedtime. Both of us. If that doesn't work I'll shoot you with a tranquilizer dart.
Julie, it'll be fine! I've been on a dozen or more business trips. Most double occupancy. Every single time each of us took our suitcases into the bath and changed/cleaned up for bed. In the morning, we took our clothes and supplies (toothpast, shaving stuff, etc) into the bath and got ready for the morning.
BTW: I had at least two trips where I forgot to put guy underwear on before I left and had to be sure the panties were well hidden in the suitcase before I came out of the bathroom. Yeah it was a little nerve wracking but no big deal.
Also you might want to also get a mens bag for your shaver, soap and whatnot.
And also the idea of getting a big terry cloth robe is a good one.
CHILL! GIRL!
-Sandy
Julie, it sounds like you've got a great resource living with you. :)
I run a not for profit conference center where, for cost savings reasons, people usually share a room. But still, people ask for their own room all the time and we give it to them. No big deal and no reason to give a reason.
Debbie
:P I think it would be very hard to live full-time sans-work. I can't imagine how difficult it would be to try to live a double life. **hugs** I hope it works out for you and that you can get your own room or come out at work. Coming out, although, might not be as bad as you think and it might relive a lot of pressure and stress. That's my opinion anyways.
Oh no! that is definitely a big no-no on my book. Sharing a room with a perfect stranger, especially if that stranger is a guy. No way!
Hmmmmmm.....coming out is not the solution IMO either, for I would imagine that it takes careful planning before announcing to your co-workers that you are a woman. I concur 100% with Cindi's suggestion, pay for your own room; you can always invent a zillion reasons for it. ;)
Wishing everything goes well.
tink :icon_chick:
Quote from: Tink on April 27, 2007, 10:51:15 PM
Oh no! that is definitely a big no-no on my book. Sharing a room with a perfect stranger, especially if that stranger is a guy. No way!
Hmmmmmm.....coming out is not the solution IMO either, for I would imagine that it takes careful planning before announcing to your co-workers that you are a woman. I concur 100% with Cindi's suggestion, pay for your own room; you can always invent a zillion reasons for it. ;)
Wishing everything goes well.
tink :icon_chick:
I didn't mean to suggest that coming out would be an immediate option. However, at some point, it beats the hell out of continuing to deal with situations like this.
And, again, I wouldn't offer any excuses. 1) No one has a right to know 2) Any excuse would be a lie and "what a tangled web we weave" applies.
Quote from: Melissa on April 27, 2007, 04:04:49 PM
Quote from: Kassandra on April 27, 2007, 03:58:15 PM
I've got to slip that girl some valium...
As you know, I'm going to be busy at the theatre all weekend but after that I'm done.
Starting Monday, non-stop Tai-Chi from the time I get home until bedtime. Both of us. If that doesn't work I'll shoot you with a tranquilizer dart.
Julie, it'll be fine! I've been on a dozen or more business trips. Most double occupancy. Every single time each of us took our suitcases into the bath and changed/cleaned up for bed. In the morning, we took our clothes and supplies (toothpast, shaving stuff, etc) into the bath and got ready for the morning.
BTW: I had at least two trips where I forgot to put guy underwear on before I left and had to be sure the panties were well hidden in the suitcase before I came out of the bathroom. Yeah it was a little nerve wracking but no big deal.
Also you might want to also get a mens bag for your shaver, soap and whatnot.
And also the idea of getting a big terry cloth robe is a good one.
CHILL! GIRL!
-Sandy
Julie, it sounds like you've got a great resource living with you. :)
I have to disagree respectfully. This sounds insane to me, but that's just me. I would find a way to live as my true self pronto. I went through absolute hell in the begining but I found a way to get through it and successfully transition. If I could give advice though, I would recommend that most people my age NOT transition unless one finds the alternative completely untenable.One needs to be willing to risk everything to get it done. If not, just live as a man and make the best of it.
BTW I'd be real careful with the valium!
Quote from: melissa90299 on April 29, 2007, 11:09:27 AM
If I could give advice though, I would recommend that most people my age NOT transition unless one finds the alternative completely untenable.One needs to be willing to risk everything to get it done. If not, just live as a man and make the best of it.
Live as a man and make the best of it? Ew!!!!!!
Quote from: melissa90299 on April 29, 2007, 11:09:27 AM
If not, just live as a man and make the best of it.
Well, yeah, it makes sense. Does it work, though? By far the most information floating around seems to indicate that the alternatives are either transition or serious problems. Is it possible to be ts -- in the sense of having a stable gender identity at odds with the physical sex -- but still be a mild enough case that this kind of an approach would be viable?
Nfr
Quote from: Lisbeth on May 03, 2007, 12:10:44 PM
Quote from: melissa90299 on April 29, 2007, 11:09:27 AM
If I could give advice though, I would recommend that most people my age NOT transition unless one finds the alternative completely untenable.One needs to be willing to risk everything to get it done. If not, just live as a man and make the best of it.
Live as a man and make the best of it? Ew!!!!!!
The key word is people my age, (and I would define that as 45-55) it isn't easy to transition, you have to be willing to risk anything and devote evry fabric of your being to the goal. I doubt that there is anyone who tra nsitioned as late as I did that was as any more successful than I was coming so far so fast.
As options are more available than they were when I was young, I am guessing that soon, most people who are going to transition will do so when they ae young.
I know a lot of FTM's who are late transitioners, mainly because FTM transition pretty much didn't exist until recently. I met a guy who had transitioned like ten years ago and he was telling me how he was consider a "pioneer."
Anyway, if an MTF makes it to 50 without killing herself, she can probably at least eke out a reasonable life. We must remember that transwomen born before 1940-1950 had no realistic option to transition until later in live if at all.
Quote from: Seshatneferw on May 03, 2007, 02:06:08 PM
Quote from: melissa90299 on April 29, 2007, 11:09:27 AM
If not, just live as a man and make the best of it.
Well, yeah, it makes sense. Does it work, though? By far the most information floating around seems to indicate that the alternatives are either transition or serious problems. Is it possible to be ts -- in the sense of having a stable gender identity at odds with the physical sex -- but still be a mild enough case that this kind of an approach would be viable?
Nfr
In our culture, TSs born before the mid-twentieth century had no option to transition. People overcome all kinds of difficulty and survive.
Quote from: Julie Marie on April 26, 2007, 02:53:34 PM
Later our boss walks in and asks if we heard about the trip. We tell him how we heard. Then he says, "I think it would be best if the three of you went. I figure leave Wednesday night and come back Thursday night."
Julie
Sharing a room in corporate travel is unusual, particularly if this is a government contract.
I would just assume the company is going to pay for 3 separate rooms. Put it on your expense report. Don't forget receipts.
Or maybe he meant you should redeye in to Dulles and go straight to the meeting from the airport.
Robyn
When I received my itinerary for the trip I kind of freaked out. It had me and one of the other guys sharing a room with ONE KING SIZED BED! My mind raced as I was trying to figure out what I was going to do. The other guy is pretty macho and I was totally uncomfortable with the idea of sharing a room with him. Then I jokingly said to him that even though I like him, I'm not sleeping with him. And I showed him the itinerary. He said that was a mistake. His itinerary had only his name for his room while mine had both of our names. I checked and found out his name was on my room in error. WHEW!!!!
The trip was fine although a bit stressful. We got into DC late afternoon and had a marathon from that time until the flight left late the next evening. It seemed I was away for a week! I would have posted this sooner but I've been working a lot of hours. Today is my first day off since 4/22. And I think this is going to become the norm. The good thing is I won't have to worry about having a job for some time, maybe never.
Thanks all for the advice but the truth is if I did have to share a room I would have sucked it up, taken off my toenail polish, packed some drab nightwear and hoped for the best. I have to work closely with these guys for some time and I wouldn't want any uncomfortable feelings floating around. That's just me.
As for the Valium Sandy gave me, the bottle is gone and now I have to find a reputable drug dealer to get my next fix as I'm now addicted. ;)
Julie
Quote from: melissa90299 on May 04, 2007, 09:29:16 PM
The key word is people my age, (and I would define that as 45-55) it isn't easy to transition, you have to be willing to risk anything and devote evry fabric of your being to the goal. I doubt that there is anyone who tra nsitioned as late as I did that was as any more successful than I was coming so far so fast.
Oh, I bet there are at least a few somewhere in the world. I think Steph went pretty fast, but then again, you had some extra surgeries. It's very subjective. :) Anyway congrats on getting as far as you did.
The way I see it, if somebody has lived for 50 years or so in misery, why shouldn't they be able to get at least some relief before their time comes. As far as devoting everything to your goal, I think that really applies to anybody, even me. :)
Quote from: Melissa on May 07, 2007, 04:20:03 PM
Quote from: melissa90299 on May 04, 2007, 09:29:16 PM
The key word is people my age, (and I would define that as 45-55) it isn't easy to transition, you have to be willing to risk anything and devote evry fabric of your being to the goal. I doubt that there is anyone who tra nsitioned as late as I did that was as any more successful than I was coming so far so fast.
Oh, I bet there are at least a few somewhere in the world. I think Steph went pretty fast, but then again, you had some extra surgeries. It's very subjective. :) Anyway congrats on getting as far as you did.
The way I see it, if somebody has lived for 50 years or so in misery, why shouldn't they be able to get at least some relief before their time comes. As far as devoting everything to your goal, I think that really applies to anybody, even me. :)
Perhaps, I am being boastful, but you really don't know my whole story, (nor do I know Steph's) but I don't know many people who left everything behind in early transition, picked up and moved to a new city, 3300 miles away, got a job the first day, got a better job three months later, made enough money (commissions) in a job which requires maintaining a nice appearance to afford FFS, got the FFS done,
maintaining a pleasing appearance, all this while fighting alcoholism and drug addiction and having no support system, getting sober, arranging financing for my SRS and BA, and by the grace of God, getting that done within three years of going full-time.
All of this with no help from anyone. I should be lucky just to have a roof over my head, instead, I will have accomplished all that I set out to do when I made my decision that transition was, indeed, even possible.
It has been a pretty amazing ride, but it's only a beginning as I begin my post-op life while building a new life of sobriety, which, alone, is a monumental task.
BTW my drug counselor was very supportive in getting my SRS done ASAP. She thinks it will only be beneficial to my recovery.
Except for the fact of being determined, I don't give myself a whole lot of credit for my progress. I would credit luck more than anything else. OTOH as I find my spirituality in recovery, perhaps it has something to do with being guided by my higher power.
If someone had told me two and a half years ago when everything seemed hopeless (as i couldn't even get a decent job as my true self in Florida),that I would be sober and completely accepted into the inner sanctum of women, and thriving, I would have thought he or she was nuts. Heck, back then, just using the ladies restroom or getting a ma'am here or there was a big deal.
Anyway, that's only a part of the story, there is a whole lot of other stuff that went down that time doesn't permit me to relay.
That is indeed impressive. Congratulations and good job. You sound like you've been having the same kind of luck I have been too. :)
Julie, I hope you're not planning to leave going "full time" until you retire ! You don't look anyway that old !
I just can't imagine how stressful and unsatisfactory leading a double life must be !
You really ought to be looking to make plans "come out" ... surely you have some idea how the company and colleagues would take it ?
For now just say you prefer privacy and sleeping alone, pay the extra cost if need be. No big issue.
Any company I've worked for, or client companies, always gave us our own double rooms. Sharing is just unheard of !
And athough I can think of guys who it would have been really nice to share with :), unfortunately even if times "got hard" I can only dream now :( !
Laura
___________________________________________________________________________
OOps !!!!!
Seem to have missed the whole second page of replies :embarrassed: !!!!!
Quote from: Melissa on May 07, 2007, 04:20:03 PM
Quote from: melissa90299 on May 04, 2007, 09:29:16 PM
The key word is people my age, (and I would define that as 45-55) it isn't easy to transition, you have to be willing to risk anything and devote evry fabric of your being to the goal. I doubt that there is anyone who tra nsitioned as late as I did that was as any more successful than I was coming so far so fast.
Oh, I bet there are at least a few somewhere in the world. I think Steph went pretty fast, but then again, you had some extra surgeries. It's very subjective. :) Anyway congrats on getting as far as you did.
The way I see it, if somebody has lived for 50 years or so in misery, why shouldn't they be able to get at least some relief before their time comes. As far as devoting everything to your goal, I think that really applies to anybody, even me. :)
Well put Melissa, why should we at 45 - 55 "accept our lot" and the misery that comes from it if there is even a glimmer of hope in making success of transition.
Of course if it means messy divorce, rejection, unemployment, then yes its more difficult to start again in middle age, and maybe pro's and con's need to be balanced.
From starting to self med in Sept 2004, making my decision to do the one thing I had desperately wanted since being a child (transitioning was New Year Resolution 2005), coming out Jan / Feb 2005, beginning RLE in March 2005, SRS in August 2006, its been like a dream.
No rejection, full acceptance by everyone I know, and never ever a single problem among society and strangers ... I seem to pass more than OK in every situation.
Its knocked a decade off the way I feel and look too.
I think if any TS woman of any age has a chance to accomplish likewise its a route they have to take ... the alternative is just too horrible for me to contemplate now ....
Laura