I'm not sure if I'm using the right terminology but it should be pretty clear what I mean after I explain :P
I won't bore you with the details, but there are certain family members I have no intention of ever talking to again.
My oldest sister often berates me for doing so, trying to guilt me in to rebuilding the bridges I've burned. She somehow thinks that I should forgive and forget just because they're family. She goes on and on and on about it all the time and it drives me crazy. She tells me that I can't just think of myself, I have to think of my daughter; and how unfair it is that she might never get to meet the people I've cut off...telling me I can't "use her as a weapon" to get my own way.
I'm not trying to get my own way or use my daughter as a weapon, I simply don't see why I should make an effort to be nice and include people in my life when they've been nothing but a'holes to me in the past. It doesn't make any sense to me to keep company of people who cause nothing but stress and misery. I've said to her on countless occasions that if these people contacted me, and wanted to make amends, I would welcome them with open arms and be happy to give them a second chance....but I will absolutely NOT be the one to make that initial contact, I'm not the one who's done something wrong, why the hell should I be the one to go grovelling?
What is everyone else's opinion on this sort of thing? Am I really so out of line here?
I think you are doing the right thing. If they are not treating you well, then that could have a negative impact on your child. So, by not trying to keep a relationship with these people you are protecting her. My son's mother and I broke contact with her entire family except for one grandmother because they were such horrible people. We have not been in contact with any of them for about 4 years. None of them have attempted to make any decent contact either. Her parents did try to sue us for custody of our son, but that did not get them anything more than a restraining order.
I say, hold your ground.
"You can pick your friends, but you can not pick your family." But you sure as hell can decide not to have anything to do with people who do not support you.
I think you are right in what you are doing. I come from a very.. genetically screwed family. Thankfully my parents were both the normal ones from their respective families, but they both cut off many of their siblings. It's nothing that they have regretted and I really don't feel like I missed out on anything. I know a lot of people who could benefit from cutting the cancer out of their life as well.
I've never understood why a shared past history and a bit of shared genetic material earn people all sorts of dispensations that they manifestly haven't earned--that, in fact, they have gone out of their way not to deserve.
And I don't see why you should subject your child to a-holes who have treated, and most likely will continue to treat, you poorly. It certainly isn't good for you. And your sister thinks it would be good for your kid to be around people like that and to see her parent repeatedly disrespected? Really? Um, okay.
It's good to see I'm not being completely unreasonable :P
Apparently in trying to protect my daughter I am removing all of her free will on the subject and forcing my views upon her, she's not even 2 yet, she doesn't care, I can be 100% certain of this xD
You are not removing her free will. You are protecting her.
It is up to family to repair the bridges. Just make sure they know that is your opinion and an option. But on your terms.
I agree with you about not sujecting yourself or your daughter to a negative and toxic environment.