Many of my posts on here recently have been miserable, in fact i'd go so far as to label many of them as downright depressing.
A few people on here have voiced their concern about my mental state, i'd like to say a huge thank you to those people for their concern, it has been a big help.
Due to stress about being made redundant, recieving threats, illegaly evicted with the added insult of having my property seized & missing an appointment at the gender clinic due to all of this, i've been suffering from insomnia & depression.
i've been prescribed sleeping tablets but have told the GP I don't want anti depressants as I hate the side effect & also believe that the best way to deal with depression is to work out what the cause is & eradicate/deal with it rather than suppress it with tablets.
I moved into a sheltered hostel yesterday, I have a small flat to myself & I get a daily visit from a support worker to make sure i'm alright. I can't have my dog but my ex is taking good care of him, I can visit as often as I can get there & she'll let me have him back as soon as I get a place that will allow him.
The hostel aim to have people out & into a proper council place within 4 months, the downside of this is that I can't have broadband fitted, this means I can't play on xbox live every night with my friends, this is hard because we've played games together almost every night & weekend for 5 years, i'd say that I know them better than any physical friend (except my ex).
This also it means i'll only be able to post on here when I get on a friends laptop.
I'd like to put peoples minds at ease from my lack of posts in the next few months especialy those who've voiced concerns, I may go days or even weeks without posting, this doesn't mean i've done something stupid due to my depression (god knows i've thought enough about it).
Things are picking up now, after moving into my place I was asleep by 6pm & slept soundly for 18hrs without having to take a sleeping tablet!!!! For the last 2 - 3 months i've been lucky to get 5 -6 hrs sleep without a tablet, I think the relief of finally having somewhere to call my own home has lifted a great weight from my shoulders.
I've got my second appointment at the gender clinic this week, I was stressed because my benefits have been messed up partly due to my name change happening at the same time that I had to switch from one benefit to another & I didn't have the money to get to London!
This bit is really, really good, my mum who has had a few issues with my plan to transition has bought me my tickets, Yay!!!
She asked what my full new name is this week but hasn't used it yet, i'm not forcing her to as i'm not planning on letting her see me as female until I pass better, i'll only insist she uses this name once I present as female, i'm hoping she starts using it of her own free will before then.
So there you go, that's my sorry tale.
If you're reading this then please try to take a lesson from it, no matter how bad things seem to get they will improve, you just need faith in yourself to pull through.
Once again i'd like to say a big thank you to those who have helped with advice or support.
I'd like to say a super huge thank you to Shantel who is definately one in a million
I'll check in on you all whenever i can.
Best wishes & a very big hug to each & every one of you
Jayne
Thanks for the update, hon. Having somewhere to call home is very important. Too bad Poopie can't be there, a dog really makes a house a home. Keep us posted, hugs, Devlyn
Stick in there Jayne, we'll be thinking of you!
Thank you both, the care assistants at the hostel are very kindly allowing me to use a computer so I still have access to this forum, YAY!!
I miss not being woken up by poopie lying across my chest preventing me breathing or keeping me awake by farting as I doze off but I can visit him whenever I can get to my ex's house.
She was going to look after my 3 hamsters but last night that changed, we met some friends at a pub & she dragged poopie along kicking & screaming, when we left someone offered her a lift but poopie hates cars so I offered to do a 3/4 hr walk away from my new place to gt the dog home (I was just happy to walk him).
When I arrived at her place she was coughing into the sink & going blue in the face from an asthma attack after she went to give the hamsters fresh food & water, I stayed there until she could breath & then walked to the local 24hr supermarket to get her some medical supplies, when I returned she had another attack seconds after I opened the door to the room the hamsters are in.
I've contacted someone I know who loves hamsters & told her she can have all 3 for free just so Ruth doesn't have another serious attack, she only returned to work thursday after being rushed into hospital & then being off for 2 weeks.
She feels guilty about not being able to care for the hamsters but if she got rushed into hospital then i'd feel really guilty.
I'd rather say goodbye to the hamsters than risk Ruth's life.
The one nice thing about giving up the hamsters is that it will help her.
And hamsters are inexpensive and you can replace them, once you find you a home.