Effin' miracles.
ANYWAYS! I am sort of in a spot where I'm being seen completely as male with certain groups of people. Like at work, I go to a few different stores and I know there's some queer employees but I don't say that I'm trans. I'm really used to being in the situation of being seen as female and having to explain I'm trans to get people to see me as male, not the other way around. Before I had to think of "disclosure" as getting my gender validated instead of possibly making people invalidate my gender by saying I'm trans.
Anyways, I'm not going to announce anything at work, but it's one of the many places that I've been wondering about disclosure with people. When do you disclose to a potential romantic interest? What about friends? Or for folks who are comfortable with casual sex, how do you disclose to somebody you might get "intimate" with? I figure, being in the position where I'm being seen as male more regularly, it'd be easier to get into a relationship who sees me as male first instead of seeing me as trans first.
I would not disclose to someone unless I was about to have sex with them.
I was going to post something like this too. I agree with Andy, I plan on only ever disclosing to sexual partners, but how to do that I have not the faintest idea.
I don't think it really matters unless it IS a sexual partner. I really don't talk about it or out myself to anyone who doesn't know.
i would only tell someone im dating or colse friends if i wanted to.
Quote from: wheat thins are delicious on November 06, 2012, 10:47:11 PM
I would not disclose to someone unless I was about to have sex with them.
This is me as well. I have no intention of ever telling another person unless absolutely necessary (physician about to do a full physical exam, another therapist when I move, lower surgeon, similar). My partner and I are engaged and in a strictly monogamous relationship. I have no plans of having sex with anyone else, so it's only the bare minimum at this point. No friends, co-workers, anyone.
But if you were to disclose, how and when would you?
If you're "about to have sex" are you going to be at the point of stripping off clothes and say it? I'm just trying to get some ideas and prepare myself for a possible situation.
I would say that in my view it's a need-to-know thing. You don't have to tell absolutely everyone, I'd recommend just saying it (in a situation that you feel is safe) to people who could possibly see you unclothed. With double emphasis on only doing so if you feel safe--so, this might mean you tell your date (for example) in a place where you can get away if they react violently.
Quote from: Nygeel on November 07, 2012, 08:48:16 AM
But if you were to disclose, how and when would you?
If you're "about to have sex" are you going to be at the point of stripping off clothes and say it? I'm just trying to get some ideas and prepare myself for a possible situation.
I suppose if my partner and I were to break up and I was in a relationship with someone else, I would tell them as part of a general "about to have sex" discussion. Like safer sex practices, preferences in/out of the bedroom, STDs, etc. It would just be a part of that conversation. I would have to know for sure we were going to have sex though.
I would tell the person that I don't have "typical" male parts and I was assigned female at birth. I would tell them exactly what terms I use to describe my genitals and what I am and am not comfortable with. Then see if they are still interested and go from there.
I don't and have never had casual sex so I'm not sure the best way to handle it. Something similar to the above I would imagine. Just an open, honest discussion about the situation and my limits.
Wow, I feel a little like the odd man out here o.o;
Frankly, I spend a lot of time talking about trans issues,
And I deal with hating my 'other identity' (As I like to think about it) by making jokes that only work when people realize that I was born as a woman
*Shrug* I hate the idea of living stealth, and I wear my gender identity right on my sleeve for everyone to know *Well, mostly*
The only place that I DO hide it...is at work, I don't want my coworkers to start seeing me as female.
I don't ever plan on telling them, well...I might mention it to my boss when I get top surgery, just so that it doesn't cause a big fuss when I get back, from the fact that my chest has been lobbed off. But really, I just don't want the people I work with to read me as a girl. They see me as the gay boy, and I like that.
I don't have casual sex, Hell...I've never had sex at all, but I doubt I'd say it right before, that seems a little...abrupt to me. I'm not sure that even I'd like that surprise. I mean...it would be like picking up a cup, expecting to drink milk, and getting a mouthful of beer...totally unexpected.
I agree with most, I don't disclose to anyone unless I have to, such as employers and doctors etc. As far as potential intimate partners, if I knew it was going to escalate to something sexual, I'd just come out with it before we got to that point, saying something along the lines of "There's something I need to let you know, and if you're uncomfortable with it I completely understand, but I was born with a physical complication of having the wrong parts..." something like that, only because I tend to avoid any words involving "trans" because it leaves room for people to automatically think of something stereotypical.
Quote from: GentlemanRDP on November 07, 2012, 11:39:26 PM
Wow, I feel a little like the odd man out here o.o;
Frankly, I spend a lot of time talking about trans issues,
And I deal with hating my 'other identity' (As I like to think about it) by making jokes that only work when people realize that I was born as a woman
*Shrug* I hate the idea of living stealth, and I wear my gender identity right on my sleeve for everyone to know *Well, mostly*
The only place that I DO hide it...is at work, I don't want my coworkers to start seeing me as female.
I don't ever plan on telling them, well...I might mention it to my boss when I get top surgery, just so that it doesn't cause a big fuss when I get back, from the fact that my chest has been lobbed off. But really, I just don't want the people I work with to read me as a girl. They see me as the gay boy, and I like that.
I don't have casual sex, Hell...I've never had sex at all, but I doubt I'd say it right before, that seems a little...abrupt to me. I'm not sure that even I'd like that surprise. I mean...it would be like picking up a cup, expecting to drink milk, and getting a mouthful of beer...totally unexpected.
lol, getting a mouthful of beer wouldn't be so bad :D
I don't think you should come out right at the beginning of seeing someone, you need a short while to get a feel of how the person would react, but definetly wayyyy before sex.
I'm not the type that would feel comfortable at all with casual sex, but in the case of someone you're interested in and you actually date them for awhile, I would broach that topic early on. If I let that go, I would just feel like I was lying to them and leading them on otherwise.
As far as work and all, I'd consider it one of those "they don't need to know" situations.