Recently, I "came out" to my mom, and she handled it pretty well. However, after I told her about it, that's pretty much been it. She's apposed to me trying on masculine clothes, she doesn't want me seeking help online, and I fear what she would think if I even mentioned hormone therapy or gender counseling (I don't know the real term for this). Every time I bring up the fact that I'm uncomfortable, or sometimes even when she brings it up with me on that rare occasion, she starts crying. She says she "just wants her girl back."
The problem is, I don't intend to go back--even if I haven't actually gotten anywhere with my masculinity yet.
If I can't get hormone therapy, or wear the clothes I want, or even bind, for that matter, what do I do? She's apposed to almost every suggestion I have. She just wants me to keep living life as a girl, but it's really hard for me to do that happily and normally.
I guess I just need advice. Has anyone else experienced something similar?
The terms you used are fine.
It sounds like you're still dependant upon your mom, so your options for progressing at this time, are limited.
But, what you have done so far is enormous. You have made an giant leap and don't forget it.
Now, the frustration you feel and will feel is perfectly understandable. But you perhaps need to find other ways to move forward.
Telling some others for example. Friends, perhaps, a close relative.
You might also try to think of someone, perhaps, at school, possibly a school nurse or a support teacher.
These are starting points. But you need to make up your mind.
I am not sure if this is a factor but one girl in my TG group has a mom a lot like yours. She doesn't want to hear, know, or acknowledge anything about her. She just wants wants her son back. BTW her "son" is like 30 and an only child and hasn't lived at home for years. Sometimes it's a real soap opera between them. But after a good 2 years now she is s-l-o-w-l-y comming around
Addressing Spacial:
You're exactly right. I'm relatively young and still depend on both of my parents for a lot.
Your acknowledgement of how I told a parent of mine is really encouraging. Thank you a lot! I had to hint at my gender issue a few times before I could finally tell her directly, and even when I did, I decided to do it while we were in the car so I didn't have to make eye-contact or see her upset.
/shot
I've made up my mind, and my decision stands firm; I am male. I know I am. But she won't see it or have any of the notion. The feeling is so strong and oppressing, though, and it feels terrible not to be able to present myself how I want to.
Addressing JoanneB:
Well, we are in the same boat, even though we have an age gap. I feel sorry for not only her, but her parents, too. I can imagine the great deal of pressure they were feeling, but I'm mostly sad that they couldn't see their daughter for who she truly was and how she could finally blossom to unfurl her true colors.
I don't think my mom's opinion will change. She believes my God-given body is the one I need to stick with, and she doesn't want that to ever change. She's trying to convince me that I'm not who I know I am, and it hurts.
Thank you both of you for the encouragement, advice, and stories!
Quote from: Reinhaven on November 09, 2012, 04:35:34 PM
Addressing Spacial:
I've made up my mind, and my decision stands firm; I am male. I know I am. But she won't see it or have any of the notion. The feeling is so strong and oppressing, though, and it feels terrible not to be able to present myself how I want to.
Then you are.
You have a mountain to climb. But the satisfaction of knowing that many others have also done so.
Remember, it isn't about how much you do, how close you get, it's about how good you feel about yourself.
I'm glad you're here and I hope it doesn't harm your situation any. The way you described it is fine. It does look like you'll have to placate your mom in whatever way you can until you are able to get out on your own. As long as she is your patron you'll have to live in a way that pleases her.
Good luck in your transition. It's a big deal and the hard part doesn't last forever. You can be very happy and fully yourself if you hang on and keep working on it.
Addressing Spacial:
I want to feel good about who I am, but I also need to balance the comfort of my family members and friends in that equation, too.
I just don't know how I'll do it yet... I don't want to live miserable just to keep them happy, but I also don't want them upset just so I can feel comfortable.
I guess figuring this stuff out takes time.
Addressing Felix
She's been a real trooper about this whole thing, so I'm more than happy to try and keep her from feeling strained. After all, she's my mom--I give her credit for my life.
Thank you both of the encouragement. I've always been a fighter, so I don't think I'll give in to worry or stress. We can all do this together!
My mother did not take it well at all. She did not accept me and I have not spoken to her or my half-brother in many years. It is a huge gaping hole in my life. She lives in another state, and we used to communicate by letters when I was growing up. But when I told her I was trans and I intended to transition, she wrote to me telling me that I was young and was likely being influenced by the ideas of my counselor, that she found my character to be "fanciful and easily led" (ha, that's a laugh), and that she wished me well on my journey but she could not support my decision. I have not communicated with her since. It makes me very sad, but I have a loving father who was very supportive. My mother proved to me (in several ways over the course of our relationship) that she was very rigid and narrowminded in her thinking, and so I think she made the best decision for her.
If you need to eventually cut ties with your mother, or if she cuts ties with you, then just make sure that you have a strong support system in place to give you a sense of love and family.