Well, I've said this before. My therapist screwed me and everything pilled on itself. My family wasn't gendering me right. Although my mom was really trying. My mom was going to make my sister go into therapy so she could cope with me transitioning. It just seemed like too much.
And I am scared of losing my job because of this. How would I fund anything?
I need to lose weight. Big time. I have DDD breasts and it's killing my back apart from everything else. I got a binder from lesloveboat. If you have EXTREMELY large chesticles, don't buy. It will not bind the way you want it to. It just looks messed up. Although at this point, I don't think anything will bind a DDD chest. Anyway. I got a packer and I loved wearing it. Problem is, seeing my chest, I just feel like what's the point. And to top it off, I got it too big and it's just like a permanent boner.
Long story short, for now I was like, maybe just lettin everyone see me as a girl will be fine. And I HAVE been okay. But I know this is going to come back to haunt me. I guess this feeling of content is coming from the fact that I'm overweight and no matter how much T I pump into my body, my breasts will always be there.
I was thinking of getting breast reduction that would be covered by my insurance and then binding what I have until I can afford regular chest surgery. What concerns me are excess scars. Sometimes it just feels like life is impossible.
Icing on the cake is that my ex left me because she wants to be with a man. I told her a few weeks ago to just go to calling me by female pronouns. She was the ONLY one who made me feel like a man though. So I cant blame her for what happened. Distance and life got in the way. But it will always feel like no matter what, I never would have been good enough for her because I didn't have the right parts.
Again, this is just a rant. I just feel like I will never get on T because I've stopped going to that stupid therapist and I'm so overweight.
If you get a reduction before top surgery, the extra scarring shouldn't be too bad. I've seen pictures of guys who have had reductions before top surgery, and things turned out okay for them. If I can find the pictures, I'll share them with you(if you want, of course).
Ultimately, you have to do what's best for yourself. It's normal to feel discouraged, especially when your hopes ride on certain things happening just as you want them to. Just sit back and do what you can for yourself and don't be afraid to ask for help. I'm sorry things have been really difficult for you.
Another possiblity is that your surgeon will reduce you completely --- Dr. Buckley in Minnesota always says how much she reduces is between you and she and not the insurance company.
I think Robert is correct on this. Many women have reductions done on insurance, usually because of back problems. How much? That's between you and the doctor, as long as the insurance carrier has it's proper code on the forms, that's all they care about.
And losing weight is hard because it requires several fundamental changes in your life. One side has to change what you eat, when and the portions - and the other is to change your life to be far more physical (on a constant daily, if not hour by hour basis). Just working out, even daily, tends to not be enough. Walking/biking everywhere, taking the stairs and never the elevator, walking, biking and not sitting and watching TV. It's those kind of changes that people find very hard.
If it helps, I have a DDD chest and Underworks 983 (tritop) does well. Its more than half the price of loveboat and does actually work. You just need to get an XL or something.