I talked to my pastor a bit after church last Sunday basically saying that I have some issues that I would like to talk to him about. Hearing the pastor say in his sermon that he promises he won't judge or break confidentiality if we were to tell him something made me feel a bit more comfortable about talking to him about this. I have just got done setting up an appointment to meet with him this weekend.
So, I'm trying to figure out how to best talk to my pastor about this. I'm hoping that he is honest about not being judgemental, but I'm still a bit nervous. I think I have a general plan where I'm going to tell him what I've been going through and hopefully find out his views on this and try to get an idea of how the congregation may react when I start transitioning.
I don't know what your denomination is; mine is UCC (http://www.ucc.org). I didn't so much as come out to my church at first, I simply started attending as Connie. At not quite a year afterward, I was asked by my pastor to address the congregation during worship about my transition.
They gave me a standing ovation.
I hope things go well for you.
Quote from: Constance on November 13, 2012, 05:06:24 PM
They gave me a standing ovation.
And they weren't holding pitchforks and torches? I'm just kidding; I'm glad to hear that things went alright for you.
Yukiko, I wouldn't worry. Not all religious people are bigots.
The last pastor I came out too, drove me straight into Wiccan. Of course he was a Baptist minister. I would just explain things to him with the understanding you don't wish to undergo any conversion therapy and you are happy being you.
I'd research the beliefs of the denomination of the church you are attending. This could be a glorious freeing moment or it could be an absolute disaster. Proceed with extreme caution.
Even pastors who promise confidentiality and "no judgement" will want to help you fix yourself if they are the wrong denomination. They will tell you you are deceived and sinning. It would be a horrific situation.
Or it could be like the UCC church mentioned above.
Make sure you know in advance what will happen
I agree with ashley_thomas, you should research the Church doctrines first. You might also want to have a few scriptures ready to support you.
I also attend a UCC Church. But, when I first went there my friend that invited me introduced me with my female name and told everyone I was just starting transition (I still presented male and was only on hrt for about 2 weeks). Everyone there is super supportive.
I attend a United Methodist church. From what I've found on them, they seem to be kind of in the middle on everything so I feel that it's anybody's guess how the pastor will react. I guess that in worst case scenario, I will need to find another church.
Well, best of luck to you. I hope it goes well. Let us know.
I guess I should add that there are two out of the closet lesbian pastors at my church, including the senior pastor. So, I approached my testimony with the pastoral staff most firmly supporting me.
Quote from: Yukiko on November 13, 2012, 06:45:50 PM
I attend a United Methodist church. From what I've found on them, they seem to be kind of in the middle on everything so I feel that it's anybody's guess how the pastor will react. I guess that in worst case scenario, I will need to find another church.
Well, I like to think there's only the one God and that religions are more our creation so, if a particular church is no longer accepting you or serving your needs, then perhaps finding one that does is what you need to do.
...then again, a church is also a community and that can be hard to just leave.
Yukiko, your plan is okay so go with it. I understand the nerves so don't let that stop you. Let us know how everything turned out.
the two worst case scenarios are as you state you have to leave but the other is damage caused to your faith due to judgment and hate. Many have suffered the second, don't assume you won't be in the second camp.
I think you should ask your intuition how to handle it and go that direction
Godspeed
I've got about a day until I plan to tell my pastor. I still am quite a bit nervous about how coming out to him will go. I don't think I would lose my faith over being judged since I know that judgement passed by other people isn't valid. I still am very sensitive and feel that it may hurt to have my pastor not be accepting. I also know that I can find a few accepting churches in my area if my current one doesn't end up being all that great about this.
I hope all goes well. I will keep you in my prayers. Please, let us know how it goes.
I just got back from meeting with my pastor. The meeting went very well. It turns out that my pastor is a supporter and has had friends and even other church members that have transitioned. I also found out that there is a FTM that attends a different service at the same church that I go to. Knowing all this has definitely put me at ease.
Awesome news, Yukiko. Now on to the next big thing, going to church as Yukiko. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-3.gif&hash=f49e2f86761323f2abd9c33941920389dbb3b10f)
That is fantastic! I am so glad it all went well for you!
Quote from: Yukiko on November 17, 2012, 03:09:57 PM
I just got back from meeting with my pastor. The meeting went very well. It turns out that my pastor is a supporter and has had friends and even other church members that have transitioned. I also found out that there is a FTM that attends a different service at the same church that I go to. Knowing all this has definitely put me at ease.
This is excellent news!
Quote from: Yukiko on November 17, 2012, 03:09:57 PM
I just got back from meeting with my pastor. The meeting went very well. It turns out that my pastor is a supporter and has had friends and even other church members that have transitioned. I also found out that there is a FTM that attends a different service at the same church that I go to. Knowing all this has definitely put me at ease.
Super, super, super awesome!! :)
There actually is a GLBT group in the United Methodist Church. If your pastor does not know about them, it might help, but he seems pretty savvy and kind.
http://www.umaffirm.org/ (http://www.umaffirm.org/)
great news :)