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Luckily, you don't have to imagine what can make you feel better. The therapists job is to guide you down a path that will lead you away from destructive behavior/thoughts towards more constructive behavior/thoughts. All you have to do is be open to the suggestions. You will not be brain washed. You do not have to change your ideals. You just have to be open to help.
Best of luck.
I honestly haven't read more than the title. For some reason I don't really feel like reading these days.
But remember what I told you: it can't f'ing hurt. So shut up and go. There are two choices: either it does nothing, which is the same as not going, either it helps. And I think that as long as you make an effort to open yourself and keep trying, it will help. Besides, you're not doing anything. What does it cost you to just head there for an hour or two a week?
Simple example. I offer you to flip a two-dollar coin of mine. If it's tails, I give you the coin. If it's heads, I keep the coin. Forgetting being considerate about "stealing" my coin, it's pretty stupid to say no, eh?
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Well you will never know the positive things you will get unless you try it out. I figure you can't go wrong with trying. Just my opinion.
Quote from: muuu on November 19, 2012, 04:08:54 PM
If I can't be seen and treated as a girl by strangers, then I'm not a girl, I'm then being seen as a guy.
The whole deal is many people think you have to be 100% pretty young girl to be seen as a girl. You don't. Now if you have the attitude of "I have got to be a knockout looking woman or nothing" you might need to ramp that down a bit.
I am no fan of therapy but what you just posted sounds like someone who needs to talk to a therapist badly.
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The big question is really not, "are you seen as a girl?", but rather "are you a girl regardless of what you might look like?"
In other words, are you a girl inside your own head? If that is the case then it is a matter of how you present to the outside world, and how much you need outside approval to validate your own self-identity. It might sound harsh, but transition is probably the toughest thing one can contemplate in terms of social costs and the resilience needed.
You may have to ask yourself whether you are prepared to, or need to transition at the moment. Remember that things change all the time too, so it might be worth setting transition aside until you have dealt with any other issues that might complicate it.
Karen.
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You may have seen it said many times aroud the net as well as here on Susan's; 90% of passing is ATTITUDE.
Back in my early 20's I felt much the same as you do. For me passing and not being a target of ridicule was BIG factor in a decision to go ahead with transitioning. I had spent most of those 20 years being a target. I was not looking forward to a lifetime of it. Twice in my 20's I seriously gave transition a trial. Twice I stopped because of what I thought oters were thinking.
Fast forward som 30 years. I am still 6ft tall. Still frog hands, super-sized feet, deep voiced and a Lot balder. Funny part is I feel I pass, WAY TOO Easily. Like scarey easy. I still look just as horrible in most photos now as I did way back then. What changed? Only attitude.
Certainly, the first few times I stepped out into the daylight, into the real world as the real me I was super paranoid. Worried to death about every person and their thoughts within a 200 ft radius. I had to keep on reminding myself of what I often say every time I am in a grocery store filled with real life women, "hey, I look as good as if not better then her, or her or..."
Getting to the point I am now was not easy. It took many many months of hard work. It took the help and support of probably the worlds best TG support group. It also took some help of a therapist. Not for the trans stuff, but for all the other issues in my life. Some of which due to being trans.
My miniscule self image, nonexistent self esteem, and zero self worth on top of a ton of shame and guilt eventually got turned around for the better. My attitude changed.
I agree with JoanneB... if you take a serious look at ALL the women you see out on a daily basis, and NONE of them are ever questioned (well maybe some :b) the issue of "passing" is a lot less of an issue. It's more how you feel on the inside.
As someone else said, I'd rather be an ugly girl than a handsome man.
Quote from: muuu on November 21, 2012, 03:52:04 AM
@Stephe For me to be seen as a girl, I'd have to look feminine/pretty enough for nobody to assume I'm not. I don't have to look like a female model to pass, but I can't look like a masculine freak.
Here is that word "pretty" again..
Quote from: muuu on November 21, 2012, 07:18:41 AM
If I talk to somebody, I want them to see me and 'judge' me as a girl. I want to live a life like a normal girl (not normal, but as normal as possible), for that I need to be social accepted as one, otherwise my "social role" will not work.
Which is how my life is. I've been told by people here "I don't see how you can pass looking at your avatar" yet in RL no one questions my gender and haven't in years when I visually "passed" even less well.. I am treated as a woman everywhere I go because I am a woman. Online trans forums focus on minute details (the shape of your chin etc) and some people assume/obsess that the public is going to study them this closely. In reality they don't. Like Joanne said, 90% of passing is self confidence and attitude. Well and a good voice helps a lot too :)
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For the *counts on fingers and gives up* millionth time, how about you stop reinforcing your depression by repeating horrible things?
Quote from: A on November 22, 2012, 03:02:10 PM
For the *counts on fingers and gives up* millionth time, how about you stop reinforcing your depression by repeating horrible things?
And clearly if they feel like this, they NEED to go to a therapist. They post here a therapist would be useless and then you post these "Let me beat myself up with a baseball bat" rants.
The only time a therapist is useless is if someone is perfectly happy with their transition/progress/who they are and just wants to start HRT and is forced into therapy for the purpose of a HRT letter. Clearly that is not where the OP is at.
I think you misunderstood me. The horrible things was the rant post, the self-hating concentrate. Not going to the psychologist. I'm actually trying to get her to go there.
Quote from: A on November 20, 2012, 03:42:28 PM
I honestly haven't read more than the title. For some reason I don't really feel like reading these days.
But remember what I told you: it can't f'ing hurt. So shut up and go. There are two choices: either it does nothing, which is the same as not going, either it helps. And I think that as long as you make an effort to open yourself and keep trying, it will help. Besides, you're not doing anything. What does it cost you to just head there for an hour or two a week?
Simple example. I offer you to flip a two-dollar coin of mine. If it's tails, I give you the coin. If it's heads, I keep the coin. Forgetting being considerate about "stealing" my coin, it's pretty stupid to say no, eh?
honestly your not helping anything by your atittude.
Let me tell you something!
In the last post I read Muu where from Sweden and I just found out the goverment have it illigal to do any threatment outside the official(I actually didnt knew that before). which means there will be 3 places you can be accepted or rejejcted theatment,
and if your show up and get rejejcted from threatment those places. Then your rejected it anywhere the whole country and theres nothing you can do beside pack your stuff and run away to somewhere ells.
Now its been a time but I got the idea we are speaking of this procces with at least 1 year to jugde and risk of rejejcting threatmen.
I might understand you had enough venting but I do see this too be a problem. I know many people who have joined those kind of "threatments" procces who got small panic atttacks and are scared to death for rejection.
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Muuu:
I don't know if your talking about the Rishospital and there threatment, or it where a casual psycoligist.
In caise its the Risk I understand your worryes. If its a casual psycoligist I also see your point as I got some fear for them myself. I havent tryed them in Sweden so I cant talk by personal experience I only do some reseach for the moment because of some of the hormone crises who make me look up for alternatives.
however I do feel it would be good to have somebody by your side, whatever its a good friend or a psycogist.
It would be usefull to have someone by your side to suport you emotionally and get out with many of your fellings and thoughts.
I will give you a few advice BUT one thing is important, and thats you have to be strong and you have to work hard yourself!
Transition is never easy for anyone and you shouldn't expect anyone to do it simply for you, you can get advice, and so but you have to do all the hard work yourself and its not any diffrent from other people. If you dont make the effords on the help and advice you get then we simple cant help you, I am not a suport worker I am a guy with my own problems and I can only help to selfhelp suport by my own.
its hard, thats how it is to be trans, and you learn that the hard way like most.
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my few advice for you is:
* For my knowlegde as I think I mention before I got a couple of swedish friends who could give you advice for basic things, the laws, finding transfriendly doctors, and all those things. I can ask them to help you if your need advice for something, and it can work online. this might not help you on getting treatment but it could help you on getting the right contacts, and in general make life more easy.
* for the face thing, there is make up books and hair books who show how to play with your face and change its illusion to look diffrent. it could be very usefull for you to look into this kind of tricks, theres also videos on youtube fx about makeup for males and females, and how to make someone look more femenine or masculine by using shaddows.
* for threatment part im unsure for the name law, But for homoners you might could travel aboard.
The Riskhospitalet in Sweden is registered as the best of the ones in Scandinavia however its not a option to get homones otherwise like it is in norway or denmark where you can find privat doctors to do so.
I am currently seaching for things about this option, because yeah you could also go so far as spain, to get homones but its pretty far away from you right. Only thing I would demand would be you do things like blood test and so once in a while just to make sure everything is fine. as well for surgery, ask some trans people for advice, or I could help you get contact, but if your not to go thouhgt or get execpted by Risk then it will be in another country. I know this will cost money and time, but its no diffrent from other people and you have to stay strong and focused untill you get that.
those are the advice I got, as said I cant give you all clear details right here right now, cause im about to find out more about the information myself. But I hope it will put some thouhgts in your mind.
The right psychologist can help, i'm sure of it. Not all are made equal, that's certain, but a good one can make a significant difference. And there's many different therapeutic approaches they can employ, from CBT to narrative therapy, classic psychoanalyses or jungian therapy.
They are essentially a repository for theoretical and philosophical concepts about the human condition. The good ones, in my experience, are the intuitive types that give less credence to the raw numbers and more to the person in the room. They introduce you to new methods, new paradigms, new ways of processing the information in your life. You won't know what they offer until you give them a chance.
Call around, talk to them. Many offer a free consultation, which is basically a do-we-jive meet and greet. Take advantage of it and be receptive. There are some pretty great ideas and self-help rituals that they teach clients. But again, you have to do it before you know.
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It sounds like you have a lot of issues beyond gender ones. While some of it may be related to GID, most of it sounds like stuff -any- decent therapist should be able to help with. If for whatever reason you can't find a gender therapist, go see somebody. Sitting around ranting online isn't going to resolve anything.
Best thing I ever didcwas go to a therapist. She let me tell her I never tld anybody. She justified my feeling and gave me to go beyond self medicating to an endo. She helped me be me.
Go for it as im sure it will do you good.
Quote from: muuu on November 22, 2012, 05:24:37 PM
Well, you guys don't have to answer to my rant posts, I don't know, I just want to try to get it out to try to stop my "arguing" with myself.
They have accepted me for HRT, and they're kinda pushing things for laser treatment and some plastic surgeon (to let me know more what SRS does or something, even though it's years in the future).
Even though nobody at the local hospital, in the psychiatric part, knows how to deal with anyone who's TS, so I can't really see anyone from here. My clinical social worker is trying to find somebody, asking the neighbor city and some LGBT places if they know any.
Things are going forward, an I do get help.
I just pend between anxious and depressive periods. When I'm anxious I'll almost be incapable of doing anything, and I just look in the mirror to make sure things are as horrible as I thought. While depressive I'm sleeping most of the time and can't really bring myself to do anything at all.
I can't call around, I hate to call or talk, because I guess of social phobia. I hate having anyone around me because of how I look, and I hate being touched because then they can feel how big I am.
I am just stuck, unable to do anything by myself (luckily I have others to do it for me), other than worsening things.
Honestly im a bit confussed now,
out from what I read I thought you where in a procces to get permission or had been rejejcted but now you say your got your homones. is it your refering to the rest of the things, for getting ffs and surgery? please clear this up for me.
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I think you should follow Stephes advice, find someone who is transfriendly and then go there just to talk, Theyre ment to listen and it would be good to get someone to talk. it might not practically help on whatever situation you have but mentally it could make you better to get hold on alot of those things.
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