I have come out to my best friend as I knew she would understand and she did. I now really need to tell my parents, that way I feel I can get the right help and support that I so desperately need. How did you all come out to your parents? Especially if they found it very hard to cope with.
Joey :)
Hi Joey, check out the Coming out of the closet Forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/board,29.0.html)
Also, the Wiki (https://www.susans.org/wiki/Main_Page) has a lot of information, on the lower left of the front page is a Family and Friends section that may be helpful. Don't forget to thank the Wiki Staff for their hard work! Hugs, Devlyn
My parents found out accidentally. Lol! :D
I was talking to my therapist and my mother actually guessed it. I have been trying to explain that it is not a bad thing.
Although my mother just doesn't want me to go through all that "pain", but she really doesn't know what she is talking about.
I would suggest talking about the subject as if it were for someone else, to see how they would respond.
Thanks Devlyn, I was looking out for a coming out forum but couldn't find one. It must have slipped past me so thanks for that.
Quote from: Hopefull on November 21, 2012, 09:34:45 PM
My parents found out accidentally. Lol! :D
I was talking to my therapist and my mother actually guessed it. I have been trying to explain that it is not a bad thing.
Although my mother just doesn't want me to go through all that "pain", but she really doesn't know what she is talking about.
I would suggest talking about the subject as if it were for someone else, to see how they would respond.
Ah that sucks. Are you happy that she knows now? My mum was watching a show on trans people just last night and she was fairly understanding but if it was me I think it would be a completely different story.
Joey :)
The first time I made a letter on the computer and left it for for my mum and dad to find and then used my phone to send a text to my dad
He sighed me up to all the dating sites to try and fix it
I am still trying to find my self
I'm one of those people that if I don't talk about how I'm feeling or if there is a problem, etc. that I'll get restless. Can't sleep for days, always moving. For me, I had to tell my mum - there was no writing a letter, texting, having someone be the "middle man" -- it was difficult. I lost loved ones, heard hurtful words - some words were from confusion, other words came from anger, but I feel relieved in having said something.
Everyone has a different way of coming out; what will make you feel the most comfortable? Or, maybe a better way to put it, more courageous?
Hi, Joey.
I came out to my parents after coming out to my school. I was out for a few weeks and had support from professors, staff, and new friends. Well, I didn't have their direct support; I just had the confidence of being Lyra around them and being accepted correctly about 90% of the time. Once it got to the point where I couldn't handle doing boy-drag anymore, I sent them an email explaining my situation.
They were....tepid. I think they are still struggling with it a lot and part of the reason is that we have a very complicated history. It's actually pretty upsetting so I might make my own post about it but I'll just say that I think the response was as good as I could have hoped for, given who they are and what lies between us. The tactic I used was to be as plain and honest as I could be: not asking for permission or apologizing, not making any accusations either, just explaining that this is what I am doing, and that I would be happy to answer any questions.
Of course, this wouldn't work for all parents. It really does depend on your particular family dynamic and lots of other particulars. I think you would want to talk with someone who knows your parents fairly well, if possible, and who will also be supportive. I'm wondering if telling other family members might be helpful; it seems like it is easier for them to be accepting and supportive if you aren't "their baby." Then you could possibly get their perspective on how to approach your parents? Just a thought, I fully understand it may not be practical since I haven't even tried it myself.
I have no idea if this would be useful for you, but I often consult Tarot cards for advice on situations like this.
And definitely check out the resources linked to above, I bet there's some good stuff in there.
My parents got really upset because they didn't completely understand some of the information I had told them, and thought I had done something really outrageous, so make sure you are crystal clear about what you tell them, when you do tell them.
Best of luck. We'll be here to help either way.
-Ravens
Sorry if this doesn't help, but I just did. My mom is a super-conservative catholic Dominican lady. We have issues that could fill a list a mile long. However, when I told her out of the blue, she just didn't care, mainly because she gave up on me since we disagree a lot, but nonetheless, everything is stable. My dad was more understanding and I told him by e-mail since he was in Columbia at the time.
I called my mom and asked if she could remember if they had any boy names in mind before I was born. She didn't, but wondered why I asked. I said I had a use for it, she asked if I was pregnant. "Nooo.. that's not it..." :P
I told my dad on the phone too, but was more to the point then. I had called while he was visiting someone, so I said I'd give him a call later that thay, so that had him worried (I almost NEVER make phone calls, and definitely don't call back just to chat).
Unlike many others I was never worried about whether or not they would cope with it, and took it for granted that they would accept it (which they did). If I had been concerned, I might have waited for a chance to do it in person or something.
Cheers for all your replies guys. It makes me realise that there are a few ways to go around it. I'm not really close to anyone in my family at all. I have a large family but none of them are approachable to talk about things like this. I only have my immediate family (mum, dad and brother) and my best friend who I class as proper family. I think I may tell them after Christmas in a letter, gives them time to get their head around it.
Joey :)
My mother lives overseas; I had to tell her via skype messaging(no video available). It did not go well.
I told my father over the phone. That went easier, but he remembers when I was crossdressing straight out of high school. My mother was out of the country by then.
I told a group of friends via a blog post on a separate website from facebook.
I've been telling individuals via facebook chat.
Mostly I'm picking and choosing my open minded friends/family.