Hi. I'm MTF and transitioned in San Francisco and Zurich. I'm fulltime since April 2012, when I underwent FFS with Dr. Ousterhout, and started HRT with Dr. O'Dea. I'm well travelled and speak English and German, plus a little French and Italian. I have a degree in computer science and an MBA. If you click on my weblink (next to my email button), you'll find photos on flickr which include pre- and post-FFS photos.
My plan is to use this intro thread to share my story and lay out my next steps. I thank Susans.org and other TG forums for providing a place for us to discuss our transitions and I'm looking forward to contributing.
Hugs,
Beatrice
Hi Beatrice, welcome to Susan's Place! We're glad you found us. I live near Boston. This site has members from around the world. See you around, hugs, Devlyn
Hey Beatrice!
You're so beautiful! Hope to see you around more.
Hello Bea
Glad to hear from you, this is an amazing board! I'm new here and newly came out. I would love to hear more about your story here. I didn't see a weblink (new to computers too!), but absolutely will agree with Monica, "You're so beautiful!" I/We Look forward to hearing from yousoon, Peace - Holly
Hi Beatrice, :icon_wave:
Welcome to our little family. Over 9051 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.
Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams. Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.
But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-3.gif&hash=f49e2f86761323f2abd9c33941920389dbb3b10f)
And be sure to check out these links ( MUST READS ) (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-8.gif&hash=d9498942f8bbb4bf3ad29af75944ea5e1135c6fa)
- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
- Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
- Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.) (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fanimations.fg-a.com%2FBack412a.gif&hash=a9ae4e4ae245e02788d56f99a8c4cedb2f27f18c)
- Reputation Rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.msg146855.html#msg146855)
- Age and the Forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,62197.msg405545.html#msg405545)
- Photo, avatars, and signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-5.gif&hash=cfc7a68438be4575d8493dfbe65d1b3586f10b81)
Janet (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fupload.wikimedia.org%2Fwikipedia%2Fcommons%2F3%2F32%2FPentacle_1.svg&hash=99e763d33bc5c4d79014cb34bf6acb3dfec8befb)
Why hello and welcome Beatrice, I hope you enjoy your time here.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on November 22, 2012, 11:17:09 AM
Hi Beatrice, welcome to Susan's Place! We're glad you found us. I live near Boston. This site has members from around the world. See you around, hugs, Devlyn
Hi Devlyn, thank you for your warm welcome. Boston is a great city, I enjoyed my visits there. Hugs, Beatrice
Quote from: monica.soto on November 22, 2012, 11:40:06 AM
Hey Beatrice!
You're so beautiful! Hope to see you around more.
Hi Monica, thank you for the compliment! I wanted to achieve a certain quality in my transition -- not perfection -- and it's good to hear I'm on a good path. Hugs, Beatrice
Quote from: Holly P on November 23, 2012, 04:11:09 AM
Hello Bea
Glad to hear from you, this is an amazing board! I'm new here and newly came out. I would love to hear more about your story here. I didn't see a weblink (new to computers too!), but absolutely will agree with Monica, "You're so beautiful!" I/We Look forward to hearing from yousoon, Peace - Holly
Hi Holly, a thank you for the compliment! My weblink (to flickr photos) is next to my email icon. I guess you found it, otherwise you wouldn't know how I present myself.
I will shortly begin telling my story.
Hugs,
Beatrice
Quote from: Ms. OBrien on November 23, 2012, 08:44:53 AM
Hi Beatrice, :icon_wave:
Welcome to our little family. Over 9051 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.
Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams. Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.
But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-3.gif&hash=f49e2f86761323f2abd9c33941920389dbb3b10f)
And be sure to check out these links ( MUST READS ) (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-8.gif&hash=d9498942f8bbb4bf3ad29af75944ea5e1135c6fa)
- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
- Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
- Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.) (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fanimations.fg-a.com%2FBack412a.gif&hash=a9ae4e4ae245e02788d56f99a8c4cedb2f27f18c)
- Reputation Rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.msg146855.html#msg146855)
- Age and the Forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,62197.msg405545.html#msg405545)
- Photo, avatars, and signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-5.gif&hash=cfc7a68438be4575d8493dfbe65d1b3586f10b81)
Janet (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fupload.wikimedia.org%2Fwikipedia%2Fcommons%2F3%2F32%2FPentacle_1.svg&hash=99e763d33bc5c4d79014cb34bf6acb3dfec8befb)
Hi Janet, thanks for the intro to the site family and its rules! Yes I have read them. I am looking forward to sharing my story and seeking advice on future plans. Hugs, Beatrice
Quote from: EmeraldPerpugilliam on November 23, 2012, 08:58:52 AM
Why hello and welcome Beatrice, I hope you enjoy your time here.
Hi Emerald! Nice avatar of yours. It's an awesome site, so yes, I've been enjoying just reading, and now participating.
Hugs, Beatrice
Quote from: beabela on November 22, 2012, 11:10:05 AM
Hi. I'm Beatrice from Zurich (and San Francisco). I'm MTF fulltime since April 2012, when I underwent FFS with Dr. Ousterhout, and started HRT with Dr. O'Dea. I'm widely travelled and speak English and German, plus a little French and Italian. I have a degree in computer science and an MBA. If you click on my weblink, you'll find my photos on flickr which include pre- and post-FFS photos.
I thank Susans.org and other TG forums for providing a place for us to discuss our transitions and I'm looking forward to contributing.
Hugs,
Beatrice
I have been asked to tell my story, and here it is (part I). It takes place between San Francisco and Zurich. I am now a woman aged 45, but I lived as a man until this year. As a man, I had studied computer science, obtained an MBA, built banking software, became associate partner at a strategy consulting firm, and built a couple software companies. I had faithfully followed the outline of a pretty linear career plan I had forged when I was 18.
Two major issues in my life were unplanned. That is where I learned to improvise. One is that I suffered from gender dysphoria. I found this to be fixable by transitioning. The other is a mysterious health issue that cropped up as I turned 31. This issue affected my life just as much as being transgender, and delayed my ability to transition by 14 years.
I believe most transgender people face obstacles in life which influence their decision whether and when to go forward with transitioning. For some, it's lack of money or restrictive demands of their career; for others it may be family; in my case, it was health. In August 1998, when I was working for a strategy consulting firm, a river rafting accident changed life as I knew it. I was no longer digesting food properly after the accident. A surgery that was meant to correct the problem did not resolve it. My health and quality of life deteriorated.
I went back to work. I have a strong work ethic. I thought this was a blip and I could take care of it. But I just wasn't healing. I couldn't digest a thing, food just went through. Doctors continued to reassure that I would eventually heal, but I continued to languish. It felt like a gradual death. In my work I would fly a lot where I would be served cheese and bread. Invariably, I would arrive sick. At that point I didn't know I had acquired an allergy to gluten and casein which is in bread and cheese. Doctors and therapists thought my feeling sick was instead attributable to the stress of work and flying a lot.
In 2001, I quit my job and until 2003, helped refund and relaunch a Silicon valley start-up by getting a new product going. In 2004, I was asked by a large enterprise software firm to help with banking software products. Throughout all those years, I never stopped researching what might be ailing me. I read up on other patient's reports on the internet, and consulted medical papers.
When you have allergies, your brain may "fog up", e.g. you perceive everything through what feels like a haze. I suffered from such brain fog and it progressed to a point in 2004 where I had just an hour's clarity a day. So, I would wait for that hour's clarity -- which could come anytime. For example, if I would poison myself with a croissant (which contains gluten) for breakfast, that hour would come at a different time than if I would start my day with fruit. When clarity came, I would do research on my condition, and also the complicated banking software work, which when I reviewed years later was good work. The quality didn't suffer, but what took a hit was the quantity. I no longer was able to work for 12 hours a day, which had been the daily demand in my earlier career as a consultant.
It was around that time that I heard a doctor talk about celiac gluten intolerance. I immediately latched on to it, because by then I had done enough research and felt that those symptoms were mine. I went on that diet and quickly got better. Ultimately I was diagnosed. Symptoms gradually resolved on a gluten- and casein-free diet.
Just as I was regaining health in 2005, a professor friend approached me with a networking technology and asked how to take it to market. Thus my current company was born.
end of part I
(continuation of my story, here's part II)
After six years, by 2011/2012, this company was sufficiently well under way that I decided to feel my way towards transitioning -- finally. The magnitude of the project felt daunting. This was my third attempt at addressing the issue.
I had been feeling different-gendered already at six years old. I thought the world was doing strange things to me. In college, I told my soulmate of the dilemma I was facing. Her loss and the improbability of achieving a convincing transition made me repress my feminine nature. I busied myself with work instead, and excelled in my career.
However, it gradually dawned on me that I just tire as a man. To make an analogy, I see gender like handedness. It's tiring to act right-handed when you're really born left handed. You strain to do things which for others are easy because you constantly go against your nature. Therefore, ten years later, I entered intensive therapy to address gender disphoria and contemplate transitioning. As I had the health issues mentioned before, I gave priority to regaining health first. More repression of my identity followed.
After another ten years, I re-opened the issue. At first, therapists attempted easing me back into being male -- again. I guess it's standard practice. I did not take it personal. In fact I have a great relationship with them. Having been in therapy for the same reason ten years prior in the US, I now insisted on actualizing rather than sublimating my gender identity. This would require some sort of plan, but therapists did not provide one. So I jumped on a plane to SCC in Atlanta in late 2011. My interactions with surgeons and other transgendered people helped me outline a plan, and I made new friends. I highly recommend this conference to others. I then further explored the feasibility during a four-month sabbatical in 2012. I spoke at length with about 100 transgender people in person, via Skype or email and asked them how they felt, and whether they would do it again. I found out that yes, gender transfer can be done with dignity and success. Two months into the sabbatical, I started HRT, underwent FFS, and started living full-time as a woman.
-- end of part II
(continuation of my story, here's part III)
As I started living full-time, I had to face the dreaded coming-out to work, friends and family. Except for my girlfriend, only my other transgender friends had prior knowledge. While preparing my coming-out messages, my therapists cautioned me that people's reaction cannot be predicted. I think they can. Reaction to gender change is influenced by how well a given person reacts to other changes -- and I mean any change:
- Some people can't distinguish between positive change and negative change; at first blush, any change to them is negative. Your best hope is that they remain silent until enough other people support you, at which point they'll often be happy to join the crowd of supporters.
- A second group is on the fence, unsure whether this change may be dangerous? Once they understand that your transition is actually benign, they turn into supporters.
- A third group is more resigned to the fact that change has occurred, and deplore what's been lost. They're in a veritable depression over losing the old you. Once they learn to enjoy the new you, they slowly turn into happy campers again.
I should mention that people can also move between groups as if they were phases. So a person may move from being upset that any change has occurred; to accepting that it has, but unsure whether it's benign; to accepting that the change is benign, but deploring what's been lost; to finally embracing you (or not).
Most of my contacts are business people. By necessity, they are mentally flexible with change. They recognized my change as harmless, and realized I may even be re-energized as colleague and business partner. They have been supporting my decision with grace. I am very grateful for that. For just 5% of the people around me change has been harder. They kept missing the old me. Over time, they have come around to also supporting me. They now accept that I am still the same person, except happier. After all, that's what good friends want for their friends -- to be happy.
I now get up every day and feel giddy with joy about what's been accomplished, and what lies ahead. Since I feel like a woman, it's great to live as I feel. My suffering from gender disphoria has been resolved by transitioning, after having delayed it for decades, and having overcome great difficulty.
I'm available to talk and socialize on this site. I am approachable and like to converse on just about anything other than sports (though I am a fitness nut), so try me.
Beatrice, thank you for posting your history. And welcome from southern California.
Sometimes, it seems, a chronic disease can make a person think about their priorities in life. In my case, the wake up came with a ventricular tachycardia that could have killed me. But the odds were in my favor - only 1/3rd of the people who have VT die from their first episode.
But chronic heart disease has caused me to change those things that were causing stress in my life; one of which was a nagging dysphoria.
I wish you continued good fortune.
Hi Beatrice,
A big Aussie welcome to Susan's family. It's good of you to drop in and say "Hi". Hope you like it here, and you stay for a while.
There is a mountain of information, resources and friendship waiting for you here, you just need to jump in start talking and ask any question you like. You're quite safe here and we are very accepting.
Thank you for your life and experience to date. It certainly goes without saying that attitude determines your altitude. You've been flying high for some time.
The point that excites me the most,is your daily giddiness in understanding the power and capacity you have generated within yourself to propel you to even further incredible heights.
Looking forward to hearing more of your story in time to come, but in the meantime, be safe, well and happy.
Lotsa huggs
Catherine
In "my story", I outlined how I came to transition finally after repressing my gender identity for about 30 years. In my experience, the actual transition can be thought of as a project with a beginning, middle, and (sort of) end. That said, as much as it may be planned, it also requires organic "feeling your way along as the path unfolds in front of you" and improvisation. I approach my transition as a five-year project with most of the exciting stuff front-loaded, with the biggest change, and most of the improvement, occurring in the first 18 months.
To illustrate this, I will now post a series detailing the steps involved in my transition. I will leave out the cost and some names, as people have different considerations and preferences. To explain this a bit further, in my case, the cost of taking time off work was considerable relative to the cost of surgery etc. Hence I chose to spend a bit more on Dr. Ousterhout versus another FFS doctor. His premium was small relative to the overall cost; rather a certain quality and tempo was paramount, and he could provide that.
In the Fall of 2011 I researched transitioning with therapists and at SCC in Atlanta
August 2011: First outing as a woman since 1994. First visit with gender therapists. Started laser hair removal with Alexandrite Laser in Zurich. Out of a total estimated 30,000 beard hairs (I had an average male beard), about half of them (the pigmented ones) have been successfully repressed during a total of 7 laser sessions from September 2011 until September 2012. The remaining hairs are white and can only be effectively addressed with electrolysis, which is much more tedious, expensive, and painful.
September 2011: Flew to SCC (Southern Comfort Conference) in Atlanta and interviewed with seven FFS surgeons, a voice therapist, and other practitioners, and mingled with lots of other TG people
October 2011: Visited endocrinologist in Zurich. Ironically, he had been looking for me at SCC but didn't connect with me there. As the conference is attended by about 1000 MTF and about 500 FTM, it's easy to miss each other. He is FTM, hence familiar with TG issues. Found that before any treatment, my baseline T-Level measurement is already at the very lowest bound of the male range. Started with Avodart (Dutasteride, a more powerful DHT blocker than Finasteride/Propecia/Proscar). No estradiol was used at this time as my transition was not decided yet
November 2011: Went to TG support meetings in Zurich, started a series of six voice training lessons with Kate Perez taken via Skype, with recordings of my voice and exercises in between sessions
December 2011: Spent new year's as a woman in Paris with Lolita and my girlfriend. Prepared the sabbatical, which was intended to be both a vacation in the U.S. and Switzerland for me and my girlfriend, and an exploration of transitioning. Not having decided yet that I would indeed transition, I nevertheless handed over the CEO role to my successor at work. Going forward I would focus on my role as Chairperson.
-- end of part I of "transitioning steps"
Part II of "transitioning steps"
My unpaid sabbatical lasted four months from mid February - mid June 2012. I left as a man and returned as a woman. My girlfriend was with me as I transitioned. The point of this list of activities is two-fold:
- it takes a lot of detailed work to transition. Whew, I feel battle-worn from just looking at the list. But it was an exhilarating journey. A noteworthy pattern is my almost daily interaction with other TG people and doctors.
- yes it can be done within four months: two months for research and setting everything up, two months for healing and getting accustomed to socializing every day as a woman.
I should explain that most of my TG stuff occurred in the morning, with afternoons and evenings dedicated to touristic activities with my girlfriend.
Feb 13 Flew from Zurich to US
Feb 14 Visited Dr. Beck in San Mateo/CA, one of the three FFS surgeons under close consideration; the others turned out to be Dr. Mayer in Beverly Hills and Dr. Ousterhout in San Francisco. Flew to Dallas TX
Feb 15 Intensive 8hours of electrolysis with two operators working on me simultaneously at E3000 in Dallas/TX. In a total of 16 hours, my guess is about 6500 hairs are removed at a rate of about 400 per hour.
Feb 16-20 recovery from electrolysis, visiting museums in Dallas and Forth Worth, flew to LA
Feb 21 Met Jenna and about 100 other transgender women at Hamburger Mary's in Long Beach
Feb 22 Consulted with Dr. Mayer in Beverly Hills, and talked with his patient references Alana, Karissa, and Lane
Feb 24 Met Maya, a local trans woman, in Westwood
Feb 25 Met trans women Renee and Vickie for Dinner, and briefly bumped into Alice, Shannon, and Beverly Ann (she was a lovely human being who unfortunately recently died from lung cancer) at the Oxwood Inn
Feb 28 Attended concert at Disney Hall with LA Symphony
March 1 Flew to SF to meet with Ousterhout, and consulted with Bosley regarding hair transplants
March 2 Met with X as a patient reference of Dr. Ousterhout in North Hollywood
March 3 Met with Vanessa in Hermosa Beach, another patient reference of Dr. Ousterhout; and spoke with Veronica at Hamburger Mary's in Long Beach
March 5 Consulted with Dr. Mayer regarding liposuction and Dr. O'Dea regarding hormones; got lab tests and talked with Kimberly, a transgender woman referred to me by my speech therapist Kate Perez
March 6 Consulted with Linda at Hair in Vogue regarding a custom hair piece, and ordered one
March 12 Dental work commenced to remove mercury fillings and replace them with ceramic fillings
March 13-14 trip to Santa Barbara
March 16 Met with Karissa in Beverly Hills; she is a referral of Dr. Mayer
March 18 Met with Karissa again for LACMA, and also with Arya, a young TG woman who I met on Facebook
March 20 Underwent liposuction procedure with Dr. Mayer under general anesthesia
March 21 Underwent another laser session to remove body hair, this time with SCMS in LA, and with the latest LightShear laser
March 22 Met Carmen in Beverly Hills, a transgender woman I was introduced to by my hotel concierge
March 23 Met Andrea and Sherry, two wonderful women with a distant TG past
March 24 Met X for shopping her first set of women's street wear Macy's
March 25 Drove to Lautner Hotel in Desert Hot Springs, a design hotel in the desert about 3hours from LA
March 26 Visited Palm Springs, where I spent a year in high school in 1985
March 27 Had follow-up check with Dr. Mayer back in Beverly Hills regarding liposuction results; Lasered Legs at SCMS, had Dinner with Maya, and returned to my hotel with the wonderful concierge
March 27 Hung out at the hotel
March 28, 29 Traveled to Sequoia National Park, stayed at Wuksachi Lodge
March 30 Left for SF, stayed at hotel until April 22
March 31 Visited art galleries, ate at Michael Minna's and Scala's
April 1 Ate at Rotunda and Oyster Bar/Castro and visited with friends; and visited Legion of Honors Museum
April 2 Visited with more friends
April 3: Had pre-op meeting with Dr. Ousterhout
April 4: Underwent FFS with Dr. O in SF. Thereafter, slow recovery
April 5,6 in hospital, hardly sleeping
April 6-13 at hotel, slowly regaining ability to sleep
April 9 A wonderful TG friend visited and brought flowers; I recontacted an LA-based gastro-enterologist and researcher regarding my dietary allergies; finally secured an appointment for April 24 (after having tried since January)
April 10, 11 Continuing to recover at hotel
April 12 Nose cast and packing removed -- this was a really big deal, as I finally could breathe again and my throat no longer would be so dry from breathing through the mouth
April 13 Consulted a US-based therapist recommended by Karissa regarding coming out strategies; TG friend Cami visited from Sacramento
April 14 Met corset expert Ann Grogan
April 15 Went to look at a house for sale in SF
April 16 Hair piece arrived; died eye lashes. By now, the lip swelling still had not subsided, and I looked odd
April 17 Chaired company board meeting by phone
April 18 Whereas before today I dressed male or female depending on the occasion, from this day on I lived full-time as a woman. Got measured for Corset with Ann Grogan
April 19 Attended SF symphony with Cami: Thibaudet played Saint-Saëns, Davies Symphony Hall; spent evening also with Cami
April 20 A 4-month depot of estradiol, a 2-month depot of progesterone, and even some testosterone was injected by Dr. O'Dea in San Mateo. I showed my FFS results to Dr. Beck who complimented me and Dr. O on the quality of the outcome
April 22 Flew back from San Francisco to Los Angeles
April 23 Dr. Mayer reviewed the results from the liposuction
April 24 Consulted with gastro-enterologist regarding stomach issues at Cedars Sinai in LA
April 25 Met Eric/Linda at 9AM for hair; Held a "thank you and goodbye" event for my (mostly TG) friends in the evening at a hotel in Beverly Hills with Sherry, Andrea, Carmen, Amber, Eric and Linda, and others attending
April 26 I tried acupuncture to stimulate nerves in my post-FFS numb scalp; worked on hair again
April 27 More acupuncture. Trip to Pacific Design Center with Andrea. Flew back to SF
April 28 My first shopping for female street clothes at Banana Republic. Picked up corset from Ann Grogan
April 29 Work; sent quarterly report to Shareholders
April 30 Took a day trip to Napa Valley (rented a car and had the most beautiful drive)
May 1 Follow-up meeting with Dr. Ousterhout. Ulthera ultrasound treatment of neck with Dr. Welsh in SF. Very painful.
May 2 Bought my first women's sun glasses and shirts at Banana Republic
May 3 Consulted with Dr. Kabaker in Oakland regarding hair transplants and neck lift; visited UC Berkeley and USS Hornet in Alameda; and shopped at Mr Leather in SF (o-la-la!)
May 5 Lola visited me again, and we had a bonding experience at a local whisky bar
May 6 Packed belongings, male (old) and female (new), and it as much an emotional as a logistical challenge to chose what to chuck and what to ship
May 7 Flew from SF to Vegas
May 8 Took a day trip to LA to look at a house. Got hair extensions with Linda. Returned to Vegas
May 7-12 In Vegas at Viva Wildside: Visited Show at Wynn, went out with the girls
May 13 Arrived back in Zurich from US
May 14 Re-organized my closets at home to make space for my new female wardrobe -- another emotional moment
May 15 Held my coming out conversation with my sister in Zurich
May 16-21 Getting readjusted to Zurich, more coming out conversations
May 22 Had electrician, plumber, carpenter in my house and had my coming out to them
May 23 Had some of my neighbors over for wine and cheese
May 24 Lolita arrived from Paris
May 25 I had organized a three-day birthday-bash in Zurich with Lolita, Nadia, and other TG friends
May 26 Visited Frauenbadi, the women-only baths in Zurich, with Lolita
May 27 Visited Kunsthaus (art museum), had dinner in the old city with Lolita, Noemi, Nadia
May 28 Brought Lolita to train station, and took my girl friend home via a boat tour
May 29 First meeting with therapists and with a board member after my transition
May 30 Styling and wardrobe consultation with a former model and current neighbor
May 31 Coming out to all staff at my company with a letter
June 1 Karissa arrived; had dinner with Karissa, Lauren, Jolanda
June 3 Flew to Vancouver for hair restoration
June 4 Consulted with Vancouver Laser regarding hair removal; held pre-op consultionat with Hasson & Wong regarding hair grafting
June 5 Consulted with Dr. Ousterhout regarding best timing for hair grafting. Decision was taken to delay hair restoration by 6 months after any scalp advancement in order for optimal scalp blood circulation, allowing for very dense packing of grafts with about 60 hairs per cm2. So I would be back to Vancouver at a later date. Went shopping and bought my first set of yoga clothes
June 6 Stayed inside hotel, growing a beard -- not a time when I like to be seen in public
June 7 Removing hair: 2 hours of LightShear Duet at Vancouver Laser for removal of body hair, 6 hours of electrolysis at Jade to remove more beard hair (this was now my second mega-session after E3000 in Dallas, my guess is that this time about 2500 hairs were removed at a rate of about 400 per hour)
June 8 Rested from electrolysis (face swollen for 7 days)
June 9 Flew from Vancouver to Zurich
June 10 Arrived back in Zurich
June 11, 12, 13, 14, 15 Continued to be swollen from electrolysis -- very troubling. Had to cancel meetings.
June 16-21 Rehearsed Board Meeting with Scripts. Trained voice by reading the scripts in female speaking range
June 22 held Board Meetings and Shareholder Meetings -- I officially re-started my work and had my coming out as a woman to shareholders with these important meetings. I was treated with grace.
end of part II of "transitioning steps"
part III of "transitioning steps"
Since mid June 2012, I've been working full-time with occasional transitioning-related activities:
July: Filed with my local state for my name change. This required a legal argument which I prepared myself, e.g. it was not as simple as filing a form. Expanded my female wardrobe with summer sales in Zurich
August: Filed with local court for change of legal gender. This legal argument I again prepared mostly myself, with additional help from the transgender network Switzerland and a lawyer. In the meantime, my earlier-filed name change was approved and my new Swiss driver's license arrived. Underwent electrolysis mega-session to remove white beard hairs with Dr. Ritzert near Frankfurt. I estimate about 2500 hairs were removed in about 4.5 hours at a rate of over 500 hairs per hour. Whole-body hair removal with IPL in Zurich
September: Face lift with Dr. Ousterhout (Part II of my FFS). Amazingly swift recovery in the Bay Area, allowing me to restart work earlier than planned. Work-related speaking engagements followed in Germany and India which resulted in media coverage. Credit cards, bank statements, and other services and contracts changed over to my new name. My California driver's license also arrived.
October: Legal gender change approved, the first such case in my state in Switzerland. I got along great with the judges. More beard removal of black hairs with Alexandrite Laser in Zurich.
November: New Swiss passport arrived. My old hairpiece was no longer needed with now-longer own hair and new hairstyle. Electrolysis mega-session to remove white beard hairs with Dr. Ritzert near Frankfurt. Including E3000 in Dallas and Vancouver, this was my fourth session. In about 3.5 hours, about 2000 hairs were removed, leaving an estimated 1000-2000 white hairs yet to be killed.
-- end of Part III of "transitioning steps"
I sum, I achieved in no particular order:
2012
- FFS and face lift and slimming of my waist
- Trained voice (a long process, not done yet)
- Removed body hair while growing hair on head (sometimes felt like a paradox)
- Cultivated friendship with new TG- and non-TG friends
- Came out to family and friends
- Went full time as of April 18
- Mustered the courage for re-introduction of myself to my company (management, team, board, and shareholders)
- Legal name and gender change in US (driver's license, banks)
- Legal name and gender change in Switzerland (driver's license, passport, taxes, banks etc)
This may sound silly, but I say it anyway:
- Got a french manicure, gathered friends for birthday, and got a set of nude pumps and a starter set of clothes
- Then further built out wardrobe and pursued fashion and interior design as form of art
- Found my preferred hairdressers in Zurich, San Francisco, and Los Angeles (hair is important to a woman!)
My bucket list for 2013
- Further grow out my already nearly full head of hair. Add about 2000-3000 hair transplants to create a female (hooded) hairline
- Further grow breasts, and determine whether implants may eventually indicated (no rush whatsoever though)
- Remove last bits of beard and body hair
- Gather friends again for birthday
- Some other goals
My plans for life:
- Give myself and others until I'm 50 to really be fully socially integrated as a woman (that will be five years after going full-time, I think that's realistic and gives everybody plenty of time)
- Live with a partner. I'm relationship oriented. I enjoy sharing a home, spending all week together, and building up shared memories.
- Maintain few stressors in life (relationship, living circumstances, work, finances, health, relatives)
- (Re)-build a circle of friends now as a woman, and socially engage in Zurich and elsewhere
- Be active in my school and work alumni clubs
- Speak my own voice in matters relating to society (more likely via position papers than political office)
- Engage in design as both hobby and work: for example, make a contribution to software usability
- Be a woman home owner/homemaker/interior designer
- Be a woman business owner/investor
Beatrice,
You did not have SRS? But yet you could change your gender marker?
Quote from: Ms. OBrien on November 26, 2012, 01:11:33 PM
Beatrice,
You did not have SRS? But yet you could change your gender marker?
Correct, in three recently decided cases (July, August, September 2012) in different courts in Switzerland, the female gender marker was granted to a MTF who had not (yet) undergone SRS. All prior cases were not successful with one exception (decided in 2011, first filed in 2007). I didn't make a big deal of that fact in my transition story, so you found the proverbial needle in the haystack as you read through my posts. This accomplishment of changing gender marker without SRS in Switzerland takes pressure off rushing bottom surgery and it's good news for those of us who never want to do that anyway.
As this acquiescence to our demands is not automatic yet and requires a a lengthy argument, and if it's deemed helpful to others, I may file part of what I submitted to the courts. It is written in German. I'll wait first to see whether there really is demand for this information on a site like this, and who would like to see this.
Hugs,
Beatrice
Wow Beatrice, what an interesting story.
You seem like a driven person and a smart businesswoman who plans meticulously and knows how to get things done, most of all, a positive role model in our community, someone that young and late transitioners can look up to.
Congratulations on all your successes so far and best wishes for all your endeavors!
If you ever need help figuring things out on the interior design front, I'm an architect and will be glad to talk about things related to design.
Hugs and take care!
Quote from: monica.soto on November 26, 2012, 01:54:58 PM
Wow Beatrice, what an interesting story.
You seem like a driven person and a smart businesswoman who plans meticulously and knows how to get things done, most of all, a positive role model in our community, someone that young and late transitioners can look up to.
Congratulations on all your successes so far and best wishes for all your endeavors!
If you ever need help figuring things out on the interior design front, I'm an architect and will be glad to talk about things related to design.
Hugs and take care!
Thanks Monica, I think the same of you! Regarding design, I have a collection of photos I like on houzz.com: http://www.houzz.com/pro/belavidorico/ (http://www.houzz.com/pro/belavidorico/)
To be clear, these are not my creations, these are photos of others I have favorited. I maintain another 20'000+ interior design photos on my laptop :) very much like my programmer friends who maintain code fragments on their PCs so they can use them when needed. I have so far designed nine interiors and lived in all of them, and still have five of them (some are rented). I also designed a few for my friends, though they've been less encompassing, as I worked with what they had for the most part.
Usually I pick a theme. That helps the decision process:
- my first was a house designed near Zurich from 1991-1994 with the colors of my girlfriend at the time, e.g. blond, red, black, white, and chrome, so that was the theme. It's like I was wrapping myself up in her. She was a smart woman and we were a bit into fetish. The place has been timeless, it does not look cold and has held up well without a change since then. It's rented out.
- Then I tweaked a condo in San Francisco. It had a nautical theme, eg. round corners, white furniture mixed with dark mahogany, as it overlooked the bay and was in an art deco building. It was sold in 1998.
- Followed by another condo in San Francisco. I think of it as a treasure chest, e.g. it has guilded elements and golden upholstered silk walls and other precious attributes. The idea is that you feel cradled like a gem inside. It has a full-on view of the bay bridge. It's rented out. No change since it was built, it's held up well and still feels luxurious.
- followed by another condo in San Francisco. This was a luxury yacht in theme, with large chrome frames around the window that reflected light, and portholes between rooms for improved lateral light. The floor was brazilian cherry which looked like mahogany. Furniture was white. A fabuluous place with a view of the bay. I sold it.
- I then moved back to Zurich into a condo downtown that lies on a river, next to the lake. I gave it a theme of a tug boat, e.g. less luxurious and elegant than the "yacht" above, and more a feeling of "sturdy, unsinkable, and cozy". Again it's held up well and is rented out.
- Then my new girlfriend and I moved into her place and renovated that in 2007. We gave it a theme of "grown up", e.g. if there's Ikea in it, you'd never know it. Colors are fuchsia and yellow and brown. It's a bourgeois city apartment with high ceilings and chandeliers but by no means over-the-top. We love it and it cradles us when we're in the city. I should mention it has a boudoir-like walk-in closet akin to Carry's in sex-and-the-city :)
- Now we live most of the time in a home on the shore of lake Zurich, about 20 minutes towards the Alps from Zurich. This was a tear-down and rebuild. It's built like a yacht (again) because it's on the lake. This time, the yacht is clearly docked, eg. its long side stretches along the shore, opening up its entire side to the lake for a 180 degree view. This yacht has traveled around the world, collecting things from all the places I've been to, and now it's anchored to stay. It has mahogany-like cherry hardwood floor with white thin maple strips which make the floor look like ship planks. Furniture is mostly oversized and american-made which raised a few eyebrows here in austere Switzerland, but people love it and when we have dinner guests, they don't want to get out of their wing chairs as they're so comfortably plunked down.
Realizing this is just text without photos, it requires imagination to visualize these interiors. Or you come visit :) From May 24-26 2013 would be a good time, if you're interested I can tell you more, as other professional TG people will be gathering here in Zurich for socializing.
Hugs,
Beatrice
Hi Beatrice,
I cycled though all your Interior design reference pics and I love them! Your taste in styles, textures and colors, is very varied but it is all so classy and chic!
I personally imagined your tastes would be more "swiss" ;) , but after reading the description on your decoration projects and seeing your reference pictures, it does not surprise me at all.
How gracious of you for the invitation, of course I would love to see your home and meet and greet women like ourselves, but realistically I'm not quite there with my transition and I still have a few things to sort out in my personal and professional life that I feel inhibit me from traveling to beautiful Switzerland at such a date.
I do hope that we will be able to continue exchanging messages on this board (and in the future emails!) you seem like such an interesting person and your life experience is so inspiring that I would love to know more about you and hopefully establish a friendship.
Hugs,
Monica
Quote from: monica.soto on November 27, 2012, 09:30:18 AM
Hi Beatrice,
I cycled though all your Interior design reference pics and I love them! Your taste in styles, textures and colors, is very varied but it is all so classy and chic!
I personally imagined your tastes would be more "swiss" ;) , but after reading the description on your decoration projects and seeing your reference pictures, it does not surprise me at all.
How gracious of you for the invitation, of course I would love to see your home and meet and greet women like ourselves, but realistically I'm not quite there with my transition and I still have a few things to sort out in my personal and professional life that I feel inhibit me from traveling to beautiful Switzerland at such a date.
I do hope that we will be able to continue exchanging messages on this board (and in the future emails!) you seem like such an interesting person and your life experience is so inspiring that I would love to know more about you and hopefully establish a friendship.
Hugs,
Monica
Hi Monica, seems like we're establishing friendship fast! I'll take this offline to email and until I get to that, I'm sending you a quick hug in public.
Beatrice
Quote from: Ms. OBrien on November 26, 2012, 01:11:33 PM
Beatrice,
You did not have SRS? But yet you could change your gender marker?
Hi Janet,
I thought what the heck, I might as well post my submission to the courts. Here it goes. It's translated from German. My comments are in <>.
Dear Court,
I request a change of gender marker from "M" to "F". I refer to my telephone conversation with the court and Article 7 para 2 lit. o ZStV regarding sex change, determination of gender. I am unmarried.
<I recommend calling the court before starting the process. Having a lawyer in the background is helpful, and keeping that lawyer in the background, and not in the foreground, may actually simplify dealings with the court and lower your overall bill; if the court is well-natured, they'll let you know if they're likely to turn down your request and at that point you could still bring out the big guns>
My appearance is that of a woman. I have feminized my personal appearance with irreversible steps such as hormone therapy with breast growth and fat redistribution, laser therapy for beard removal and surgical facial feminization (FFS).
My FFS is a visible expression of my will to permanently live in my female gender. My transition to a life as a woman is widely communicated and implemented.
<I write this because courts are often concerned with the question whether this is a whim or a long-term decision>
Since my FFS in April 2012 I'm making the constant experience of being addressed as a woman. However, as my gender marker is still "M", I face a variety of problems. I will mention two examples:
- Bank accounts, insurance policies, official shareholder registers by the state: These institutions have accepted my name change for correspondence purposes but they won't change their master data until they are furnished an official decree. This creates a variety of problems as correspondence and master data are not in alignment.
- Business travel: I travel professionally in Europe, the US, and Asia. As the gender marker in my passport does not match my visual presentation, I cannot, for example, travel to an important conference in Abu Dhabi without risking imprisonment (see Wikipedia entries on applicable law in that country).
<some practical examples help illustrate the need for gender marker change as our daily trials and tribulations are not familiar to the courts>
My therapists have submitted reports in of support my application for change of the gender marker. These reports explicitly support the change of my gender marker prior to any SRS.
<OK, at that point, the official request is done. What now ensues is a pre-emptive debate of law: Is SRS and sterilization tenable as a pre-condition to change of gender marker?>
The Federal Office of Civil Status EAZW issued new guidelines on 1 February 2012 and dropped the requirement of SRS prior to change of the gender marker:
<I omit the quote from their guideline as it's a bunch of legalese that's hard to translate and is essentially repeated in arguments below>
The judicial practice in Canton Zurich and Canton of Berne in the years 2011/2012 shows that SRS is not compulsory for those seeking to change the gender marker (Decision Regional Court Bern-Mittelland GP Falkner from 27.07.2012; ruling Regional Court Bernese Jura Zealand GP Horisberger iS W. from 26.06.2012). The following quotes are from the judgment of the Zurich Court, Civil Division II from 1 February 2011 case NC090012 / U (see attached):
<Citing precedents help courts as few court want to be first in breaking rank>
"3.3. The surgical procedure is described in the literature as problematic. There are health risks. The external adjustment to the appearance of the opposite sex could be achieved via hormonal treatments and aesthetic measures instead. A sex change is considered successful if the person is making the constant experience of having arrived at the desired sex and if this is recognized in daily interactions with other people.
(see FamPra 2/2007 page 371 with reference to the opinion the German Society for Sex Research: Becker et al, Journal of Sex Research, 2001, 258 ff, where surgery on the outer
genitalia as a condition for change of civil status is deemed untenable."
<above quote has been liberally translated from German to English, some passages have been left out>
"3.4. Also for legal reasons, requiring surgery as a pre-condition for the change of civil status is problematic. This would violate the physical integrity of the person concerned.
The right to respect for private life (Article 13, Constitution) includes, among others, also the right to self-determination in matters of sexuality, including the desire for sex change (see Biaggini comment BV, Art 13 N5). If the court demanded a surgical procedure as an essential pre-condition, this would require a legal basis which does not exist in Switzerland (Häfelin / Haller / Keller, Switzerland. Federal Constitutional Law, 7th edition, N 307 et seq.) We therefore direct our attention towards the decision of the
German Federal Constitutional Court of 11 January 2011 (1 BvR3295/07), in which the requirement of the surgical procedure for the recognition of civil status of sex change is considered in violation of the fundamental law. "
The World Professional Association for Transgender Health explains in its latest guidelines "WPATH 7" that SRS ought to be well researched (page 63): " Genital surgical procedures for the MtF patient may include orchiectomy, penectomy, vaginoplasty, clitoroplasty, and labiaplasty. Techniques include penile skin inversion, pedicled colosigmoid transplant, and free skin grafts to line the neovagina. Sexual sensation is an important objective in vaginoplasty, along with creation of a functional vagina and acceptable cosmesis.
Surgical complications of MtF genital surgery may include complete or partial necrosis of the vagina and labia, fistulas from the bladder or bowel into the vagina, stenosis of the urethra, and vaginas that are either too short or too small for coitus. While the surgical techniques for creating a neovagina are functionally and aesthetically excellent, anorgasmia following the procedure has been reported, and a second stage labiaplasty may be needed for cosmesis (Klein & Gorzalka, 2009; Lawrence, 2006)."
According to WPATH 7 SRS is not equally important for all patients: "[...] many transsexual [...] individuals find comfort with their gender identity, role, and expression without [gender reassignment] surgery" (Excerpt from Chapter XI , page 54).
The newspaper "XX" briefly discussed my case. In the article, complications suffered by another well-known transsexual individual XX were recounted. So it is well-known to the general public that SRS is a delicate operation and may result in severe complications.
In sum, presupposing SRS would be in contradiction to the latest medical and legal doctrine and newest legal practice. As the person affected by such an operation, I should be given time to contemplate and research it. Given the risks, this period of research may take several years as I would educate myself, interview patients and doctors, and possibly be placed on a wait list for the best-suited surgeon. My already-public identification as a woman would continue to be in conflict with my gender marker for a long time. This would be untenable, even cruel.
This leaves the question of fertility, a matter which used to be important to courts in the past. A physical measure of ensuring infertility would violate body integrity again. It also would go against the new guidelines of EAZW conflict as well as the new judicial practice (Kt.Bern). Furthermore, such a measure is unnecessary because the administration of anti-androgens also produces infertility. This was recognized in the judgment of the Zurich Court, Civil Chamber II on 1 February 2011 in the above case assumed NC090012 / U.
My therapy with anti-androgenic hormones began in November 2011. Since the intake of estrogen (estradiol) in April 2012, I've been infertile. This was shown by a test conducted at that time which could be repeated at any time. Since I plan on continuing to take hormones, I will continue to remain sterile. This justifies the assumption of infertility in my case. My hormone levels are included in the supporting documents and show clearly female levels.
I summarize that the following basic rights would be infringed by a demand of prior SRS for change of gender marker for a transgender person with the appropriate diagnosis: first and foremost the right formulated by doctrine and jurisprudence "to own gender identity and way of life because of perceived individual gender". Are also affected would be the right to physical and mental integrity (Article 10 paragraph 2 of the Constitution) and the right to privacy (article 13 section 1 BV). Further, there is the protection of fundamental rights of trans people also from the ECHR (European Court of Human Rights) as formulated in the jurisprudence of the ECHR since 2010, and the prohibition of discrimination under Article 14, and from Article 8, the right to respect for private and family life. Furthermore, this protection is supported by international law and the relevant UN conventions.
In closing, I affirm that my interest in a stable gender identity outweighs the public's interest in the immutability of sex markers. I trust that this request for change of gender marker is well founded, that the court recognizes the urgency of the matter, and that all necessary documents supporting a the decision have been provided.
Sincerely,
XX
Enclosures:
- Information to business partners, brief biography and excerpt from company website with my female identity
- Article from "xx" paper
- Medical report Dr. Douglas Ousterhout, Surgeon, San Francisco
- Medical report xx
- Psychotherapeutic finding xx
- Psychotherapeutic finding xx
- Medical confirmation xx, dermatologist FMH, Zurich
- Laboratory values for estrogen and testosterone
- Judgment of the Zurich Court, Civil Division II from 1 February 2011, NC090012 / U
- Legal Advice from the EAZW of 1 February 2012 concerning transsexualism
- Confirmation of name change with the Department of the Interior of the Canton of xx
Ah. I see that some changes were made the excludes SRS. I changed my gender maker with the state DMV and the Social Security Administration. The SSA was done by the fact my orchidectomy was "irreversible gentile surgery."
Now I just have to do my b/c.
Quote from: Ms. OBrien on November 27, 2012, 11:44:23 AM
Ah. I see that some changes were made the excludes SRS. I changed my gender maker with the state DMV and the Social Security Administration. The SSA was done by the fact my orchidectomy was "irreversible gentile surgery."
Now I just have to do my b/c.
Hi Janet, the changes in law you're gleaning from my submission are more brittle than might appear, otherwise the submission would just be a one-pager. The judgement in Zurich was from a person who had been living for 20 years in the other gender before gathering the courage to ask for an official change of gender marker. Also, that case spent roughly 4 years in court before being finally decided! The cases from Bern and Biel came in at the last minute as my submission was already written, so I included it, but did not base the case on it. Rather, I made the argument that SRS is delicate, may lead to complications, and thus is not a physical change the court may just order you to undertake at its request -- doing so would violate your body integrity. Instead, it's your perceived gender that matters. I cite legal research into this matter, and argue that it would be cruel to make one carry the old gender marker in the (sometimes lengthy) interval until SRS is undertaken.
One additional argument, not used above, is one of symmetry of law (or discrimination): in the case of FTM, courts cannot demand what is physically difficult to achieve: a functioning penis reconstruction. There are some who achieve that, but it's not the norm. Hence FTM are often granted a change of gender marker without bottom surgery, as long as they outwardly appear male. Thus it would be unfair placing the analogous bottom surgery requirement on MTF who outwardly appear female. MTF should not be required to obtain what FTM are medically excused from.
Welcome to Susan's, Beatrice. Congratulations on transitioning.
:)