*sigh* /startrant
I am at a bad spot.
I just realized I am trans. The problem? I have a toddler. Who is still nursing(he is only 14 months old).
I love the cuddles...but I am finding myself dreading nursing him. I mean, logically, I respect and appreciate that I give him the nutrients and antibodies and all that awesome crap in breastmilk, but I hate having to lift my binder to nursing him.
I am a breastfeeding advocate, and I believe in the the biological nursing(nursing until babies self-wean).
I look to the transman who wanted to be an LLLI leader for inspiration. But...
I find myself conflicted. My goal of Social Worker and IBCLC(internationally board certified lactation consultant) seems impossible now(at least partly). I know I could still go that route, but I know making a career out of it will be difficult as a man.
But more importantly, I am trying to deal with the fact that my transition beyond loose binders and boy clothes is ckntingent on my son weaning, is kind of depressing. Especially since I don't want to hurt him by forcing him to wean before he is developmentally ready.
Grrrr
/endrant
I breastfed my daughters for two years each, even though I knew I was trans about six years before the first one was born. The only way I could manage that was by disassociating myself from what was happening. I've always wanted my own children and this was the least complicated way to do it with the equipment provided. That's how I stayed sane through six years of pregnancy and breastfeeding. But my dysphoria has become much worse with age and I don't think I'd be able to cope for so long if I were to try it now.
You have to do the best you can and you might need to make some compromises if you're dreading nursing him. Think about this from a different angle: I've seen several scientific studies suggesting that the stress hormone, cortisol, is passed to the baby via breastmilk - and chronic exposure to higher cortisol levels can cause various long-term developmental issues for the child. So if you're getting stressed out every time you need to feed him, he'll be getting stressed too and that might negate the positive effects of breastmilk.
At 14 months I daresay your toddler isn't feeding more than 3 or 4 times a day and that it's more of a top-up than an actual meal as he gets most of his nutrients from solids. You could gradually reduce the number of feeds, one at a time, and see if that helps him wean himself. This is perfectly natural: if you look at how weaning occurs in other mammals, there is always a point where the mother decides 'enough is enough' and she starts gently discourage her young from feeding, usually by simply walking away when they try to latch on. You won't hurt your son by behaving naturally, like any other mammal would. ;)
You could slowly reduce the number of feeds until he just has the bedtime feed to help him get off to sleep, and see how long you're comfortable with that. That's what we did for about the last six months of feeding. So my kids were weaned by reducing down to two feeds a day, then one before bed... and eventually I used distractions to get them off to bed without a feed. We did this slowly (over six months) so as not to cause distress, and it was fine. You should see how awesome my daughters are today. ;)
My mantra at the time was "she won't be doing this when she's 25". That helped remind me that the situation was temporary and it got me through some difficult times.
As for your career - you're right: it'll be almost impossible to make a career out of it as a man because many women won't be comfortable with a male lactation consultant. Is there some other way you can become involved that won't necessitate front-line support to mothers? Such as policy, admin, service co-ordination, writing, etc...? There is a lot that happens behind-the-scenes and it's every bit as important.
I'm sure you don't need me to point out that binding whilst breastfeeding isn't advisable as you can cause all sorts of problems, but I fully appreciate that you have to do whatever you can to feel as comfortable as possible.
So... well done for managing as well as you have. :)
I don't want to post where I'm not sure what I say is true (I'm going to ask my mom when she gets home), but I'm pretty sure I stopped drinking milk (my mom couldn't breastfeed me because it was my dad that nursed me) when I was 12 mounts. Maybe a little older I'm not sure.
Could you pump the milk and have him drink it from a bottle? Or, would it not be as nutritious that way?
Don't know if this will make you feel better, but all men can lactate and breastfeed if they wanted to.
You have passed the one year mark, which is what most studies recommend ( 6 months to 1 yr actually). I have to stop breast feeding one younger son at 2 - because I I don't think he would EVER had weaned on his own - compared with his brother who self-weaned at 10 months - as soon as he figured out the breast was attached and not cruising the living room with him, he had not use of it!!
You can slowly see if you can quietly discourage him and see how he reacts. He might be fine, or he might howl and scream and you will not that he is not ready. I was a breast feeding educator for years. i worked with moms trying to get them to either try it, or to continue past the first month. At 14 months he is doing it for comfort, not nutrition.
If you can, just remember it can not go on forever, it is finite, and probably relatively short lived.
Quote from: henrytwob on November 23, 2012, 10:47:07 PM
You have passed the one year mark, which is what most studies recommend ( 6 months to 1 yr actually). I have to stop breast feeding one younger son at 2 - because I I don't think he would EVER had weaned on his own - compared with his brother who self-weaned at 10 months - as soon as he figured out the breast was attached and not cruising the living room with him, he had not use of it!!
You can slowly see if you can quietly discourage him and see how he reacts. He might be fine, or he might howl and scream and you will not that he is not ready. I was a breast feeding educator for years. i worked with moms trying to get them to either try it, or to continue past the first month. At 14 months he is doing it for comfort, not nutrition.
If you can, just remember it can not go on forever, it is finite, and probably relatively short lived.
Actually, worldwide studies state that breastmilk changes composition over time to match the nutritional needs of the child. It provides a LOT of nutrients for the first 2 years minimum. It continues to provide antibodies, gut healthy probiotics and necessary growth hormones and amino acids for as long as one breastfeeds.
While I appreciate your attempt to help my frustration, I will request you come with facts.
The fact that you were a breastfeeding educator for years and are perpetuating the "only for comfort" myth upsets me.
The natural weaning age of children is between 2.5 and 5 years. This is when their immune system is developmentally ready to be solely dependent on itself. It is also a sign of emotional and developmental independence when the child weans himself.
Force weaning has been proven to foster clingy, codependent children.
I really suggest you update your research, and/or find a study not sponsored by a formula company or dairy farm.
Thank you to those who responded.
I am resigned to do what is best for him, was just venting more than anything.
I do want to address one thing.
I stated I was on my way to be an IBCLC. I have done more research for that than many people even think exists.
The 'old school' of thought doesn't fly with me. I am an attachment parent.
I do have emotional hurdles to jump over, but I am willing to run this track for him.
Oh, and he has been off bottles for 10 months. Sippy cups or me.