First of.. I have no idea why I haven't found my way here earlier...
I'm currently 19 years old and live in Finland, although I was born in Sweden. I speak both Finnish and Swedish fluently and I'm not bad at English either, heh. I am a pre-everything FtM guy but I've been visiting a psychologist for some months now who hopefully soon can send me further to the right person so that I can start patching up this broken lie of a life I've been living and finally be who I feel I am.
I have a bad-ish gender dysphoria. I don't feel like writing a textwall "story of my life" because it's already past midnight where I live but I guess my story would be a pretty familiar one for a lot of transguys here. Basically I've always felt that something was wrong but for the longest time I didn't know what exactly was wrong. The people around me would just see me as a tomboy but I never really identified with my assigned at birth sex, it always felt off. When puberty hit hell unleashed and that's when I started seriously wondering what was up with me, why did I feel so misplaced and disgusted with what looked back at me in the mirror? I had lots of problems with school's gymnastics (especially swimming and the changing rooms in general..) and I hid myself in baggy black clothes and put on a mask for many years and locked myself away. One day I found the word "transsexual" on internet and after searching it up it said 'bingo' in my head. I searched for information high and low and I got more and more reassured that there was hope to be found; a light to reach out to. I wasn't out of my mind or anything, I wasn't alone being born in the wrong body. It was a huge relief. I gathered courage for some time but didn't manage to tell anyone. The burden got heavier and heavier and I felt so hurt being misgendered so often that last year I fell into a depression and everything just spilled over. It was then one evening before mom drove me to the kendo practice (Japanese sword fencing, a martial art) that I decided, in the car, to tell mom about my gender crisis because I was so fed up with playing this theater and it hurt my very existence. She took it surprisingly well but I can still tell she isn't all that comfortable with it.. but it's getting better and some weeks ago she actually decided to go with me and buy me some guy pants because I've been refusing to buy any women's pants for a long time and had a lack of clothing I would wear because of that.
Most of my relatives doesn't know about my transgender identity yet (I'm afraid to tell them..) but most of my anime/convention/geek friends know and they are supportive. <3
Oops.. I wrote more than I intended. Oh well, now some generic information.
I'm normally a rather quiet fellow who only speaks when spoken to or when something is worth saying. I'm calm and introverted most of the time and avoid trouble. Those who have won over my trust I'm very loyal and kind to and more open and relaxed around. I'm not much of a speaker in social situations but more of a listener.
My interests/hobbies are drawing and painting, write poetry and stories, video games, anime & manga and cosplay; the latter is very dear to me because cosplay has given me a lot of friends who love me just as I am and never failed to cheer me up when I was feeling down. I also dress in kimono as a hobby because I have an interest in the Japanese culture, especially the traditional stuff.
Hmm.. I guess that's it. *scratches head* Sorry if my post is messy..
Thank you for your time!
Oh, and if anyone is interested feel free to have a look at my hobby blogs:
My kimono blog (http://valkoinensamuraikimono.blogspot.com/)
My cosplay blog (http://valkoinensamurai.blogspot.com/)
Hi WhiteDustWolf, :icon_wave:
Welcome to our little family. Over 9102 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.
Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams. Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.
But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another brother. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-3.gif&hash=f49e2f86761323f2abd9c33941920389dbb3b10f)
And be sure to check out these links ( MUST READS ) (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-8.gif&hash=d9498942f8bbb4bf3ad29af75944ea5e1135c6fa)
- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
- Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
- Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.) (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fanimations.fg-a.com%2FBack412a.gif&hash=a9ae4e4ae245e02788d56f99a8c4cedb2f27f18c)
- Reputation Rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.msg146855.html#msg146855)
- Age and the Forum (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,62197.msg405545.html#msg405545)
- Photo, avatars, and signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-5.gif&hash=cfc7a68438be4575d8493dfbe65d1b3586f10b81)
Janet (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fupload.wikimedia.org%2Fwikipedia%2Fcommons%2F3%2F32%2FPentacle_1.svg&hash=99e763d33bc5c4d79014cb34bf6acb3dfec8befb)
Hi, and welcome!
It seems we are from the same country.. :) It's always sort of nice to know there are more FtM:s here than those few I know. (I'm some kind of a transmasculine, too.)
I hope you enjoy Susan's and that your psychologist will send you forward soon. :)
Hi WhiteDustWolf, welcome from Boston! Glad you found the site. Lots of nice folks here, just mingle! Hugs, Devlyn
A warm welcome to you, WhiteDustWolf, from sunny rainy southern California.
Thank you everyone!