that might sum it up. There's too many ways to describe me and my life. I feel like I can relate to a ton of different people but no one can really go, "Oh man I totally know what you mean and how you feel!" I've probably posted something similar in the past, but it was probably one of my tl;dr type of posts. This time, I really don't have much to say other than I'm feeling a little like I'm either really close to figuring out some major crap in my life or I'm super confused and should just go pour a glass of wine and veg in front of the tv tonight.
I fully support the alcohol and vegging. I think the more I think about trans stuff the more confused I get (dunno about you but that is how it works for me).
I think I understand you a bit because of the frustration of not being able to be on hormones for such a long time and the complications it causes in every other aspect of your life. I can't identify with the bisexual thing. Never slept with a guy or even touched a penis (seen plenty/touched none). I would sleep with Taylor Lautner given the chance but I think everybody has that one celebrity crush they would gladly swap teams for, lol.
Just curious if the genderqueer for you came before or after you knew hormones was a no go? I mean is it something you chose or something you fell into? From my own personal experiences I identified with genderqueer people for awhile because of my inability to go one way or the other hormonally and felt "stuck".
Quote from: insideontheoutside on December 02, 2012, 12:28:50 AMI feel like I can relate to a ton of different people but no one can really go, "Oh man I totally know what you mean and how you feel!"
This feel. I know it.
I had a moment the other day where I was looking at transgender-related books, and it hit me that there are no books about me. There's no widespread narrative of a FAAB non-binary queer person who's had top surgery and is mostly attracted to men. I can relate to trans guys who like men, I can relate to FAAB non-binary people, I can relate to bisexual/pansexual people, I can relate to people who have top surgery for whatever reason, but it seems like no one is all of those things.
I can relate to you to some degree, but at the same time we're different in a lot of ways. Nonetheless, PM me if you ever need someone to talk to.
I also fully support TV and wine. Target sells 500ml boxes of wine, and I keep one around for nights like these. ;)
Quote from: Simon on December 02, 2012, 03:10:45 AMI think the more I think about trans stuff the more confused I get (dunno about you but that is how it works for me).
Haha, I'm the same way. The more I think about gender, the less I even understand what it is.
I've struggled with connecting to other trans* folks for a long time. That same issue of finding people that I can relate to on a couple of points at best, but no more.
The funny thing is though that I actually found someone who is like... my twin. The level of shared experience is kind of uncanny. And kind of wonderful.
So I guess it's possible at least? I mean planet of 7 billion, gotta be at least two of everything right?
Quote from: Simon on December 02, 2012, 03:10:45 AM
Just curious if the genderqueer for you came before or after you knew hormones was a no go? I mean is it something you chose or something you fell into? From my own personal experiences I identified with genderqueer people for awhile because of my inability to go one way or the other hormonally and felt "stuck".
Well, the term itself really only seemed to come up for me within the last year. But I would say it sort of fits because my whole life I've been between genders (visually). Then my unique circumstances on top of that where I've kind of gotten to see how both sides live in a way ... how it is to be treated as one gender or the other, or as an "unknown" andro person and still after all these years I won't go over to 100% male. I feel like I've never been female, but I've had to live in society as a female. And while I certainly have a ton of male traits, mannerisms, etc., I still look how I look so there's no way for me to cross over into that male "cis" world. At best I skirt around the edges of it. More and more I'm okay with the fact that I'm just an androgynous dude that most everyone
thinks is a chick. I have my off days for sure ... those days where I just wish the gender part of my life could have played out differently.
Quote from: Cain on December 02, 2012, 11:50:59 AM
This feel. I know it.
I had a moment the other day where I was looking at transgender-related books, and it hit me that there are no books about me. There's no widespread narrative of a FAAB non-binary queer person who's had top surgery and is mostly attracted to men. I can relate to trans guys who like men, I can relate to FAAB non-binary people, I can relate to bisexual/pansexual people, I can relate to people who have top surgery for whatever reason, but it seems like no one is all of those things.
I can relate to you to some degree, but at the same time we're different in a lot of ways. Nonetheless, PM me if you ever need someone to talk to.
I honestly think that it might be more common than people let on ... that is, to identify with multiple things. I think a lot of people are wrapped up in definitions and there certainly is the unique spin on trans* to want to physically/visually BE the opposite of your birth assigned gender so that you will be identified as your actual gender by society. I can get that and if that's what you truly want, then more power to you. But I also think that just being trans* means that you, at the very least, have experiences that relate to both genders. You've already lived x-amount of time of your life as the assigned gender, trying to navigate through socialization, etc. It's a unique perspective regardless of whether or not you're now transitioning to exclusively male or exclusively female. I think some people mistakenly believe they have to give up all parts of themselves ... forget their past experiences, etc. etc. in order to emerge at the other end of transition and into the binary world.
And thanks, I'll have to hit you up on the PM sometime ;)
Quote from: Sarah7 on December 02, 2012, 02:01:37 PM
I've struggled with connecting to other trans* folks for a long time. That same issue of finding people that I can relate to on a couple of points at best, but no more.
The funny thing is though that I actually found someone who is like... my twin. The level of shared experience is kind of uncanny. And kind of wonderful.
So I guess it's possible at least? I mean planet of 7 billion, gotta be at least two of everything right?
They say everyone's got a doppelganger and I'm sure that can apply to more than just looks ;)
I think the most disappointing thing I've run into so far is just the closed-mindedness (for lack of a better way to put it) within this larger LGBTQ community. I don't know if I've just had terrible luck or what but there frequently seems to be an uncomfortable point that is reached when interacting with others for me (this is mostly in person stuff). I remember being in NYC a couple years ago and I ended up in the "gay" part of town at a vegan restaurant (didn't know that's what part of town it was). The entire time I felt eye'd up by all these butch/dyke lesbians but not like they were checking me out because they were interested, it was like I could feel them just thinking, "what's he doing invading our space?". It just really took me off guard. I've had a lot of experiences like that. When people find out I'm not strictly gay then there's an attitude that comes with that. When people find out I'm not transitioning, then I get shunned or I'm not "trans enough". The most accepting group are the Q's and the A's (androgynous/androgyne) maybe because they've kind of gotten cool with the fact that they're a little bit of this and a little bit of that.
Susan's has so far been the best place online, but I've gotten into it with a few people here as well. Seems inevitable. It's not that I mean to start crap with people it's just really frustrating for basically "your own kind" to come at you from certain angles. We're all going through our individual crap and unique circumstances but someone comes along that doesn't quite fit the mold and then the pitchforks and torches come out lol
I've gotten crap here for not being feminine, for being feminist, for being queer, for being sex-positive, for being non-binary, even for being surgery-tracked... It's annoying. But it's the price I pay to meet some really cool people. I met my "doppelganger" through this site, though she no longer really visits here.
And I'm sorry that queer spaces have been unfriendly for you. That's really crappy and alienating. I would say that they aren't all like that though. You might have better luck in a different place?
Quote from: Sarah7 on December 02, 2012, 11:36:00 PM
I've gotten crap here for not being feminine, for being feminist, for being queer, for being sex-positive, for being non-binary, even for being surgery-tracked... It's annoying. But it's the price I pay to meet some really cool people. I met my "doppelganger" through this site, though she no longer really visits here.
And I'm sorry that queer spaces have been unfriendly for you. That's really crappy and alienating. I would say that they aren't all like that though. You might have better luck in a different place?
Yeah it definitely seems to be one of those, "you can't please everyone" types of things and no matter what, you end up getting crap!
I've been trying to see if there's anything near by that's a trans group but no luck. Mostly just LGB stuff. Nearest "city" is an hour away too and nearest major one is 3 hours. So I'm kind of stuck with the internet.