I am thinking that I may infact be pansexual vs just liking cisgender women. I often fantasize about either being with a tomboyish woman (a lot) or a feminine boy (occasionally) or being with a transgender female or being with someone who is intersex. Is it wrong of me to want to act out on my fantasies and seek out those that do not fit the binary gender? I still like cisgender woman very much and I would date them as my 1st choice, but I still find my self occasionally attracted to others. So Does that really make me pansexual and if it does what do i do about it?
What do you do about it? Easy! Enjoy life! It is not really important how you label yourself. What is important is that you know yourself. You know what you like and don't like and you are comfortable with it. I think being pan makes things easier. For one, you can date anyone you find attractive, and you don't have to worry if they fit into a neat little gender box. You get to enjoy the whole person.
Well I wanted to avoid being seen as a ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<- or fantasy ->-bleeped-<-, because that's not what its about, I just feel attracted to certain people, and even though its usually ciswomen it often is something else. I just wonder where you draw the line from being attracted and admitting to that person you like them as a person but also because your simply attracted to their gender fluidity. How do you tell someone this without being seen as a ->-bleeped-<-.
IMHO, a ->-bleeped-<- is someone who is only after sex with a trans person. They don't want a relationship, just sex. If you are truly pansesxual, you are not just after sex, but an actual relationship. Being attracted to someone based on certain characteristics is normal. It is nothing to be ashamed of.
Don't worry about it, you can be something like "polysexual" which is just attraction to certain things. I call myself pansexual but the most interests I have are cis men, cis women, and trans women. I want to stay away from the "->-bleeped-<-" term too but you can't help what you like. You're not a ->-bleeped-<- if you're not just some player looking for a good time. You just find trans women attractive just like I do. Ain't no shame in it.
If you are pansexual, you just go on in life! It actually makes choices much easier hahaha.
wait, if your bisexual and pansexual, then that makes you polysexual?
Well, pansexual is like, you love everyone and anyone, and polysexual is like, you like a select few genders (but more than just cis male, cis female).
hmm well I am not attracted to masculine men or men with beards, mustaches or body hair, i still lean to the feminine side, so would that make me what then?
I consider myself to be panaffectionate. Attraction works in two distinct ways for me.
There's visual attraction, where there are certain features or characteristics that can be observed that I find visually attractive. Most women types (bull-dyke through femme) and some men types (usually lean) spark my interest visually.
But what I find truly attractive in that it inspired the desire for a relationship, is kindness. In the later years of my marriage my wife was not what I would have called visually attractive. But due to the bond I had with her and her kindness, I found her to be immensely attractive.
So, I think it's possible to be "pan" and not be visually attractive to every type of body one sees.
I think that makes you bisexual or polysexual with preferences. ;) I prefer a more effeminate man, so we all have preferences.
And Constance, like you say the "kindness" I love that. I am very attracted to humor! :)
Being pan does not mean you are attracted to every person in the world. To me, it simply means you do not care about gender identity, and on the sexual side, you do not care about their genitalia. There are certain features I do not find attractive, but it has nothing to do with their gender identity.
What I find most attractive is someones heart. If they have a good, honest, loving, caring heart, I find that amazing.
Yes, you got the definition spot on. I couldn't word it properly.
Yup, what Brooke777 said. I prefer to call myself polysexual, but only because when you say pansexual, people seem to assume that means you fancy everyone ::). I think the edges between polysexual and pansexual are very blurred, when you consider that preference doesn't have to mean gender/sexual preference, but can just mean some people do it for you, and some don't.
I've just been reading some online definitions of both words, and it's very hard to be sure what the difference is supposed to be. Any ideas here? As far as these definitions go, I'm definitely pansexual - I just don't like the word!
Polysexual just makes it sound like it should have something to do with group sex to me. I know that isn't what it means, though.
Quote from: Brooke777 on December 06, 2012, 06:34:41 PM
Being pan does not mean you are attracted to every person in the world. To me, it simply means you do not care about gender identity, and on the sexual side, you do not care about their genitalia. There are certain features I do not find attractive, but it has nothing to do with their gender identity.
What I find most attractive is someones heart. If they have a good, honest, loving, caring heart, I find that amazing.
Yeah, this.
I should've added that since I recognize more than two genders and more than two sexes, that's why I don't call myself bi. There's more than the binary, so I say I'm pan.
Yes, I've noticed people mixing up polysexual and polyamorous in their minds too. It's a minefield :). The most difficulty I have is in explaining that I'm polysexual but currently choosing not to be sexual., i.e. I'm attracted to people, but choosing not to act on that attraction (and not for any faith-based reason, so no, I'm not "celibate"*). People seem to think you only have a sexuality (or orientation) if you're being sexual. Pff. Sorry, a bit of an off-topic vent.
[*haha, oh, the irony, I'd forgotten that I'd put "celibate" as one of my profile tags, now changed...]
Well I'm not currently sexual or pursuing any kind of relations other than friends right now anyways. I wonder how many people a person meets and they don't know what polysexual or pansexual means , kinda like Hank Hill asking "so are ya Japanese or Chinese"? "Are ya gay or straight"?
I will share that I was attracted to a very soft and feminine looking boy on the subway while I was in San Fransisco, and it suprised me because I don't usually find men attractive in a sexual way. But I got all flustered and I might have said something, we were both smiling at each other too.
What ever happened to just straight, homosexual, bisexual, or trisexual (for the intersexed I guess)?
Anyways, you're attracted to who ever you're attracted to. IDK what the need for all the labels are for. I for sure don't want a new label created for those interested in men and women, cis and trans. To me, that's bisexual, straight up. I'm kinda offended personally by those who think you're something other than straight / gay / bi simply because you like transgender people.
Not saying anybody in this thread means it that way, but I could imagine it comes off like that to some reading it.
Speaking for myself, liking a person that is trans is the same as liking someone who is cis of that same gender. Since I also like those who don't identify as a particular gender, or as both, that is what makes me pansexual. I can see how identifying as pan because you like trans people can be a bit offending.
I identify as polysexual/pansexual nowadays, since I found myself being attracted to people before I knew what gender they identified as. And since that has included some people who don't identify in binary terms, then gay/straight/bisexual could be construed as just as potentially offensive in that context (for the sake of argument - since for the moment, we're not talking about any actual people being actually offended, right?).
I'm not offended, Padma. Just wondering what's with all the confusing terms. But I've seen people toss around poly / pansexual or whatever just because somebody else is attracted to a trans woman (not necessarily here). That DOES offend me. But anyways, I'm not too sure what's up with all the different labels. Why poly, pan, pomo, omni, auto ... seems like every 2 years there's a new sexuality. If someone is only sexually stimulated by crossdressing men dressed up as female pirates, is that a new term? It just gets really confusing, is all :)
Not knocking sexuality by any means. If you're attracted to certain people - I'll fight any discrimination associated with it (aside from pedophiles). I guess for me, if you're attracted to men, women, and everyone outside of the genders - you're trisexual :)
If your attracted to an intersex person, some would view that as being attracted to a 3rd gender or both genders at the same time, so i guess that could technically make you bisexual since you find both the male and female parts of that person attractive.
But I also find the personality traits and mannerisms of gender attractive, hence why i prefer to like tomboys, because they have a certain blend of masculine and feminine traits (both physical and mental,emotional) that i find really appealing. But as I started to accept myself and I am still in the process of doing so I find myself reaching out further in the gender spectrum.
I don't have a problem with labels actually at all, If I was to list myself on a dating site It is a way to let other people know I accept them as they are and in turn would know who I am.
I can see why a person could be offended to say they are something other than gay, lesbian or straight, but I like the idea of a few extra labels, it gives me choices which immediately gives someone a clue as to what i don't and do like.
If I were to be in a relationship with a trans/woman, that to me would be a gay relationship. If I were to be in a relationship with a trans/man, that to me would be a straight relationship.
I differentiate to "pan" because I know people who are not on opposite ends of the binary. If I were to be in a relationship with a male-bodied two-spirit/bigender person, it could be offensive to them to describe it as gay or straight. At that point, the relationship would be best described as queer, to me.
Let's take for example a "crossdressing [man] dressed up as a female pirate." How does this person self-identify? If they self-identified a straight cis-male crossdresser, that would be heterosexual attraction for me. If they identified as a gay cis-male crossdresser, a relationship with me could not be truthfully described as gay or straight, but queer.
My own genderqueer offspring (sonter? daun?) is a female-bodied genderfluid person: sometimes they are the woman who is my daughter and sometimes they are the man who is my son.
To me, these things aren't labels but merely the words I use to describe myself. To me, it's just descriptive vocabulary. And also to me, discussions like this in relationships are extremely important. Without communication there can't be a relationship (even if it's just about sex; one still needs to know what one's partner wants and what you want your partner to do for oneself).