it has come to my attention that alot of you guys could do with some random bull crap to lighten up and have a laugh with, so here is the place to put it, it's a tradition where i'm from to just muck around, take the piss out of each other and just have fun, post a joke, tell a funny story it doesn't have to be completley true, aske a goofy question and get a goofy answer, just have fun and raz on each other just be sure not to make it mean or personal enjoy fellas
come on people it's just for fun, make up a dumb question and have a laugh
it's a puzzle
5th floor (gold bags)
4th tiger(hungry)
3rd fish(shark)
2nd ice(with a hidden polar bear)
1st lion(angry)
Ground Floor robber
how will he steal the gold?
(the answer is like the puzzle-stupid.)
Quote from: av1 on December 10, 2012, 07:00:37 AM
it's a puzzle
5th floor (gold bags)
4th tiger(hungry)
3rd fish(shark)
2nd ice(with a hidden polar bear)
1st lion(angry)
Ground Floor robber
how will he steal the gold?
(the answer is like the puzzle-stupid.)
Sorry, I am stupid.
Quote from: av1 on December 10, 2012, 07:00:37 AM
it's a puzzle
5th floor (gold bags)
4th tiger(hungry)
3rd fish(shark)
2nd ice(with a hidden polar bear)
1st lion(angry)
Ground Floor robber
how will he steal the gold?
(the answer is like the puzzle-stupid.)
Elevator...? :p
Quote from: av1 on December 10, 2012, 07:00:37 AM
it's a puzzle
5th floor (gold bags)
4th tiger(hungry)
3rd fish(shark)
2nd ice(with a hidden polar bear)
1st lion(angry)
Ground Floor robber
how will he steal the gold?
(the answer is like the puzzle-stupid.)
You make a trampoline out of the robber so you can jump up to the 5th floor. That or you you use the robber to become spiderman!
Dear Justin
I have a wee problem. The dishes are stacking up; there's dirty laundry to be done; and my kids have made a mess of the living room. Oh, and my hubby doesn't like the fact that I'm trans.
So the advice I need is this... could you please tell me how I could care less?
Answers on the back of a packet of Farley's Rusks please.
Thanks everso,
---
Disgruntled of Bristol
Quote from: av1 on December 10, 2012, 07:00:37 AM
it's a puzzle
5th floor (gold bags)
4th tiger(hungry)
3rd fish(shark)
2nd ice(with a hidden polar bear)
1st lion(angry)
Ground Floor robber
how will he steal the gold?
(the answer is like the puzzle-stupid.)
Get a helicopter and land on the roof and get the gold, then go to the press and sell the story of how there's some crazy nutter with a building full of dangerous animals. Gold + money from the press = extra rich :P
Quote from: av1 on December 10, 2012, 07:00:37 AM
it's a puzzle
5th floor (gold bags)
4th tiger(hungry)
3rd fish(shark)
2nd ice(with a hidden polar bear)
1st lion(angry)
Ground Floor robber
how will he steal the gold?
(the answer is like the puzzle-stupid.)
Take an elevator to the 5th floor. None of the animals would press the button to stop it while it made it's way up/down.
Duh, it's easy, he takes the lift.
In Sweden, we have this thing where we create practically untranslatable puns/humorous phrases using antimetabole (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antimetabole) and Spoonerisms (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoonerism), creating things similar to "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy", usually quite crass and excellent for lads of roundabout 14. Also, filthy subversions of common sayings and such. "Better one bird in the hand than ten birds in yer foot" (a riff off "Better one bird in the hand than ten birds in the woods") and similar nonsense. "Better to kill two birds with one stone than to get one bird in yer two stones".
The robber goes to the basement and gets the gold. The bags are what's on the fifth floor.
A school teacher must schedule seven sessions, which are abbreviated M, N, O, P, S, T, and U, during a day. Seven different consecutive time periods are available for the sessions, and are numbered one through seven in the order that they occur. Only one session can be schedules for each period. The assignment of the sessions to the periods is subject to the following restrictions:
M and O must occupy consecutive periods.
M must be scheduled for an earlier period than U.
O must be scheduled for a later period than S.
If S does not occupy the fourth period, then P must occupy the fourth period.
U and T cannot occupy consecutively numbered periods.
1.Which of the following could be a possible list of the sessions in the order that they are scheduled during the day?
(A) MOPSTNU
(B) NTMSOUP
(C) SMOPTNU
(D) SOMPUTN
(E) STOMPUN
2. If session M is assigned to the third period, then which of the following must be true?
(A) N is assigned to the sixth period.
(B) O is assigned to the first period.
(C) S is assigned to the fourth period.
(D) T is assigned to the fifth period.
(E) U is assigned to the seventh period.
3. Which of the following could be true?
(A) M is assigned to the first period.
(B) O is assigned to the fifth period.
(C) S is assigned to the seventh period.
(D) T is assigned to the sixth period.
(E) U is assigned to the third period.
4. If N is assigned to the third period, then each of the following could be true EXCEPT:
(A) M is assigned to the fifth period.
(B) O is assigned to the sixth period.
(C) P is assigned to the fourth period.
(D) T is assigned to the first period.
(E) U is assigned to the sixth period.
5. If T is assigned to the seventh period, then which of the following must be assigned to the fifth period?
(A) M
(B) N
(C) O
(D) P
(E) U
Ten points to anyone who can correctly say what kind of test this is from.
A long one!
I love wine.
That is all.
OK, here's one. An airliner goes down exactly on the border of the US and Canada. Right on the line. I mean smack dab in the middle. Where do you bury the survivors?
LearnedHand - I've probably made a major mistake somewhere, but here goes:
1. C
2. A
3. B
4. E
5. E
And just a stab in the dark, but a LSAT test? [small]I was going to say psychoanalytic but then I cheated and googled a question and it came up with LSAT whatever that may be... bonus points for thinking outside the box?[/small]
Devlyn Marie -
You would bury the survivors years later when they kicked the bucket from some other cause. And you would generally bring any bodies back to their home country, if you could ID the bodies, which would probably be unlikely after a bad airliner crash, but not so unreasonable if there were survivors as well.
My turn:
What can you hold in your right hand but not your left?
Quote from: Alex000000 on December 10, 2012, 08:24:27 PM
My turn:
What can you hold in your right hand but not your left?
A right-handed can opener. A left boob!
Your left elbow.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on December 10, 2012, 08:28:05 PM
Your left elbow.
Correct! Or anywhere else between your left shoulder and left hand.
How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on December 10, 2012, 08:09:29 PM
OK, here's one. An airliner goes down exactly on the border of the US and Canada. Right on the line. I mean smack dab in the middle. Where do you bury the survivors?
Why would you bury the survivors? They may get a little upset. ;)
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on December 10, 2012, 08:09:29 PM
OK, here's one. An airliner goes down exactly on the border of the US and Canada. Right on the line. I mean smack dab in the middle. Where do you bury the survivors?
You don't bury survivors. They're not dead. :laugh:
Quote from: SarahM777 on December 10, 2012, 08:31:54 PM
Why would you bury the survivors? They may get a little upset. ;)
Drats, you beat me to it, lol.
Quote from: Alex000000 on December 10, 2012, 08:24:27 PM
LearnedHand - I've probably made a major mistake somewhere, but here goes:
1. C
2. A
3. B
4. E
5. E
And just a stab in the dark, but a LSAT test? [small]I was going to say psychoanalytic but then I cheated and googled a question and it came up with LSAT whatever that may be... bonus points for thinking outside the box?[/small]
Yay! All correct answers and 10 points! (LSAT is this test they make everyone take who's applying to law school. It's the Law School Admissions Test).
Quote from: DeeperThanSwords on December 10, 2012, 08:18:25 PM
What's Tito's?
Tito's is this really awesome vodka I was originally afraid to try because it's from Texas. Surprisingly, it's the best vodka I've ever had.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on December 10, 2012, 08:31:27 PM
How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Getting them into it is easy. Getting them to screw in it is another matter!
Quote from: LearnedHand on December 10, 2012, 08:37:53 PM
Tito's is this really awesome vodka I was originally afraid to try because it's from Texas. Surprisingly, it's the best vodka I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure we don't get that here. I use Absolut Vanilla in my White Russians. Smirnoff is foul, foul stuff.
I have an unholy craving for Frangelico with a wedge of fresh lime in it.
What always runs but never walks,
often murmurs, never talks,
has a bed but never sleeps,
has a mouth but never eats?
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on December 10, 2012, 09:03:46 PM
What always runs but never walks,
often murmurs, never talks,
has a bed but never sleeps,
has a mouth but never eats?
A river.
I am the beginning of the end, and the end of time and space. I am essential to creation, and I surround every place. What am I?
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on December 10, 2012, 09:09:35 PM
I am the beginning of the end, and the end of time and space. I am essential to creation, and I surround every place. What am I?
The letter "E". Beginning of End, end of timE and spacE.
You are clever, but you didn't solve the whole riddle, Precious!
Here's a new one:
What gets wetter and wetter the more it dries?
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on December 11, 2012, 08:02:19 PM
Here's a new one:
What gets wetter and wetter the more it dries?
A towel.
Hmm...
Nah, too lazy to post a hard riddle now.
If you feed me, I will grow, but give me water and I will die. What am I?
A fire.
What is in seasons, seconds, centuries and minutes but not in decades, years or days?
N.
Seasons, seconds, centuries, and minutes.
A woman was driving, and dozed off for a little while. When she woke up, she tried to open the door, then the windows. She died. Why?
Quote from: Liminal Stranger on December 11, 2012, 08:49:28 PM
A woman was driving, and dozed off for a little while. When she woke up, she tried to open the door, then the windows. She died. Why?
I am guessing she drove into a lake....? I am horrible at riddles, so it's probably something else.
The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a professional. The questions are NOT that difficult.
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door.
This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator? Wrong Answer.
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.
This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.
3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend.... except one. Which animal does not attend?
Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory.
Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.
4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?
Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting.
This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on December 11, 2012, 09:22:58 PM
The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a professional. The questions are NOT that difficult.
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door.
This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator? Wrong Answer.
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.
This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.
3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend.... except one. Which animal does not attend?
Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory.
Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.
4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?
Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting.
This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
By the way most offices are run, I am assuming that if you get them all wrong, then you're qualified to be a professional; and if you get them all correct then you're smart enough to stay clear of professional life.
A Cowboy rides into a town on Friday. He stays for five days then leaves on Friday. How is this possible...?
His horse is named Friday.
What has hands but no arms?
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on December 12, 2012, 07:54:09 AM
His horse is named Friday.
What has hands but no arms?
A clock.
You're in a dark room. You have a candle, an oil lamp and a woodburning stove... but you only have one match. Which do you light first?
The match.
What English word has three consecutive double letters?
Bookkeeper
What English word has four consecutive double letters?
Subbookkeeper.
Say my name and I disappear. What am I?
Quote from: LearnedHand on December 11, 2012, 09:08:13 PM
I am guessing she drove into a lake....? I am horrible at riddles, so it's probably something else.
Yep, that's it.
This makes me sad. I used to have a huge book of old riddles from when my gran was young, but it's nowhere to be found. Le sigh :( How about:
What can you keep even after you've given it to someone else?
Your word.
What belongs to you but others use it more than you do?
My xbox...
Your name.
The more you take away, the larger it becomes.
Quote from: LearnedHand on December 10, 2012, 07:01:35 PM
A school teacher must schedule seven sessions, which are abbreviated M, N, O, P, S, T, and U, during a day. Seven different consecutive time periods are available for the sessions, and are numbered one through seven in the order that they occur. Only one session can be schedules for each period. The assignment of the sessions to the periods is subject to the following restrictions:
Ten points to anyone who can correctly say what kind of test this is from.
i found this extremely amusing
1.c
2.a
3.b
4.e
5.e
im going to go IQ test.
liger
fish
ice
lion
so he will take a lift! :police:
guess the profession of this person-
i am not a fisherman, rescue person or a diver. i jumped in the middle of water. who am i
Quote from: av1 on December 13, 2012, 04:25:05 AM
i am not a fisherman, rescue person or a diver. i jumped in the middle of water. who am i
Wa
iter?
Quote from: anibioman on December 12, 2012, 11:47:21 PM
i found this extremely amusing
1.c
2.a
3.b
4.e
5.e
im going to go IQ test.
Correct answers, but wrong test-- close enough though so 9 points.
Isaac and Albert were discussing the results of the Science Fair. There were three contestants, Louis, Rene, and Johannes. Isaac reported that Louis won the fair, while Rene came in second. Albert, on the other hand, reported that Johannes won the fair, while Louis came in second.
In fact, neither Isaac nor Albert had given a correct report of the results of the science fair. Each of them had given one correct statement and one false statement. What was the actual placing of the three contestants?
This seems to be more a 'riddle thread' than 'random fun'...
That's puzzling......
Are the horizontal lines parallel or do they slope down?
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1279.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy537%2FDevlynMarie%2Fcafe-wall_zpsc9c32b8d.jpg&hash=862e922f09070d7d444acbf7cf02b7192c02cf63)
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on December 14, 2012, 10:41:15 PM
Are the horizontal lines parallel or do they slope down?
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1279.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fy537%2FDevlynMarie%2Fcafe-wall_zpsc9c32b8d.jpg&hash=862e922f09070d7d444acbf7cf02b7192c02cf63)
Ah, that hurts my eyes, but I think they're parallel.
That's what she said.
Quote from: Alex000000 on December 14, 2012, 05:28:07 PM
Waiter?
yes!
The man who invented it doesn't want it. The man who bought it doesn't need it. The man who needs it doesn't know it. What is it?