I'm extremely, EXTREMELY depressed right now b/c I'm nowhere near to getting my top surgery. If I don't get my top surgery done sometime in 2013 there is going to be a bloody mess, meaning I'm going to cut myself up. I feel like doing it now, but I won't b/c I'm too lazy right now. I just need these tumors to be gone. I just want to be able to put on a shirt and not have to put a million binders on to bind my chest. It's so uncomfortable and it's not flat enough. To do one little thing, like going outside for a few minutes to shovel. I have to put on my binder and 3 compression shirts and it's a hassle to do. I just want to get up, put on a shirt on and go out. Then after I'm done shoveling, I take it all off b/c it's so uncomfortable to where and it kills my back. Going out to is depressing too b/c I have to put on all my binding gear and it's makes me not want to go out and do anything.
I hope you can get top surgery soon, binding is a PITA, but making a bloody mess is not the answer. :( How far away from having top surgery are you? Is there anything you can do to help save up/make more money to put away for surgery? Just some thoughts: A friend of mine used to make $15/hour shoveling snow and someone else who would make $20/hour cleaning houses on the weekend. I am sure you can find something you're good at and enjoy that can help you put money away for your surgery.
Hey Buddy. I totally understand your frustration. Been there. What i did was saved every cent i could, asked people for help that i never thought would help. Don't give up. I too tried to cut myself up before I was able to find a way to do my top surgery. Any surgeon that does these surgeries understands we will have scars. Hang in there my brother. Patience is a hard thing.
Quote from: Dominick_81 on December 22, 2012, 03:51:51 PM
I just need these tumors to be gone.
As someone who has a rare genetic illness that causes real tumors in various areas and has had many surgeries just to live that statement pisses me off. Yes, it sucks having a chest but they're not going to kill you. It's extra fat...and I hate them probably more than most because this year alone I have had two surgeries. I can't tell you how many people have seen me without a binder...and I have a full beard. You want to talk about feeling like a freak? Try that.
I would also advise against cutting yourself. If doctors think you have mental disorders they're very unlikely to perform any type of SRS.
@ LearnedHand: Thanks. I'm billion years off. I have no income at all and the money I have I'm being forced to use it on my car so I'm not allowed right now to save for top surgery b/c it has to go to my car for future repairs. I've had to dip into my top surgery fund to pay for car repairs already. I was forced to do that or lose my car and start all over again in finding a car, and paying much more in the long run. I could have had 3 thousand dollars saved by now. Now I'm back to starting all over again and I can't save any money b/c I have no income and whatever I do get has to go to my car or paying back my debts.
@mowdan6: Thanks. I wish I could save up any money I get but I'm not allowed to, it has to go to my car for car repairs and other car stuff. I have no income so it makes things a lot harder. Once I have a job I can save up. But I've been 2 years without a job. I don't see a job coming in the near furture or anytime soon.
@Simon: Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you, but to me they are tumors and if they don't come off in 2013 I might kill myself. Sorry you have an illness that causes tumors. I know a lot of trans guys refer to their chest as tumors which makes sense to me. I got the term "tumors" from people on this site using it so I started using it as it made sense to me. Again, I'm sorry it offended you.
Things would be so much better if I was dead. My mom is killing me right now to go out and shovel which means I have to put all my binding gear on for 5 minutes. I feel like cutting right now. I hate my life!
First of all...Simon Chill out. I am sorry for your situation, and we all have out own problems to deal with. Your problems do not make mine or any one elses more or less. To Dominick, I know it is hard to save money given little to no income. I faced the same situation myself. You say you are not allowed to save money. Been there. i bought myself a small safe and stored any extra money I could get my hands on in it. Even if it was only a buck. That way, it was my money,,,no one else needed to know. Not sure where you live but can you get on some type of financial assistance that also allows you to work part time. Is there any place you can find to put aside a few bucks? Those few dollars might not look like much, but it will give you the satisfaction of knowing you are moving forward. Don't give up my brother.
Dominick, you must not hurt yourself. If you are depressed and thinking of suicide please call one of the hotlines.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,112671.0.html (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,112671.0.html) Your life is precious. Don't speak of throwing it away. Hugs, Devlyn
I don't care who thinks it's ok to liken their chests to tumors. It's not the same thing and you can't know that until you've actually had real tumors. If I was to say something that was considered offensive to someone's situation I wouldn't be telling them to "chill out".
Mowdan, I never said they make yours or anyone's situation any less important...but it is bull to call them that. I know transguys can be very dramatic and over the top but that is a bit much.
Be patient. Your time...my time...everyone's time will come. I'm glad your mom is telling you to get up and do something. Yesterday you said you wanted to lose weight. Well, look at it like it is exercise.
You seriously want to cut yourself over having to get dressed and go outside for half an hour to shovel for your mom?
You don't have a job and want money? Here is a perfect chance. Shovel for your mom and then walk around knocking on doors of people who need their walks or drive ways shoveled. If you could do one an hour you could make a bit today. Just gotta get out there and do it.
Simon, I hear you. My Dad died with a body full of tumours. I had a tumour pulled out of me, you and I both know what it means to hear "It's benign" over the phone. Strength, Brother. Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on December 22, 2012, 04:56:56 PM
Simon, I hear you. My Dad died with a body full of tumours. I had a tumour pulled out of me, you and I both know what it means to hear "It's benign" over the phone. Strength, Brother. Hugs, Devlyn
Thanks Devlyn, you understand where I'm coming from. *hugs* (So glad yours was benign) :)
It's hard to move forward when you have a negative attitude. Instead of coming up with reasons why you can't save, you should be trying to think constructively. Okay, your car ate up your surgery money, but if it's fixed now, you should have the opportunity to look for a job. It's almost Christmas, retail places should have been hiring a month ago. Even PT, temporary work is better than nothing. If you've been out of work for two years, you can try to find something you're good at and make money that way, even if it's unsteady and sporatic income. Open up a Chipin account. I know the economy is horrible right now, but there are places hiring if you're willing to take the time to look and get any necassary training (I know Securitas is ALWAYS hiring because they have such a high turnover rate). I am sure if you and some friends/family work together, you can find something that will work out for you.
I know it's tough, and maybe some people will say that I should just shut my mouth, but when you come on here and say that you're going to kill yourself if you don't get top surgery next year, what do you expect people to say? Everyone pre-op is in the same boat as you, we all understand what it feels like, we all have empathy for you, but I at least feel that it's not a good thing to just come here and say you're going to kill yourself. It's okay to express your frustrations, but there's been several times I've seen you mention suicide, and I think it's quite concerning. There's links and phone numbers at the top of the FTM section of this forum where you can talk to people who are qualified to discuss these matters.
I hope you don't think I am trying to be rude or inconsiderate to your feelings, I just don't want you to hurt yourself when I think there's ways that you can make peace with yourself until you can get top surgery.
If you think positively, good things will happen to you. Thinking negative thoughts will only attract negativity.
Just why do you need a binder and three compression shirts? Why is just a binder not enough? What are you trying to look like? Most guys are not completely flat past the age of 12 to 14.
As for me, I'm never completely flat and with a binder and a t-shirt it just looks like I've got great pecs.
Dominick, I'm just going to back up what LearnedHand said. Sitting here whining on the Internet is not going to get you anywhere. You've been threatening this for years. It's not a good idea because cutting and or mutilating yourself like that will get you nothing but hospitalized in the mental health section. That sort of thing goes on your permanent record. Which means for you, no top surgery, no legally changing gender, no SRS. So get over yourself and get out there and figure out a way to get what you want. Shoving driveways sounds like a great start. People need things like walking dogs, cleaning houses, gardening, and so on. Make yourself a valuable part of society.
Even if you don't want to do that, take a walk, clear your head. Try to be thankful for all the great things that you do have.
If you live in the U.S. then have you considered looking into top surgery scholarships like the Jim Collins foundation?
EDIT: Nevermind I just saw the other topic post but perhaps you can apply in the next cycle.
Or Maybe try fiverr.com and sell your talents online for $4
I was in your position a few years ago - no job, debts to pay, and feeling like I was going to snap at any given time.
The folks here are offering great advice, though. Take advantage of any opportunity to make money, even if it has to go towards repairing your car. The sooner you sort things out there, the sooner you can return to saving for surgery.
Here is a post that really helped me get ideas for how to earn and save money for top surgery, it may inspire you or help you:
http://pansy-boy.tumblr.com/post/13832355588/i-found-at-least-half-of-my-top-surgery-fee-on-the (http://pansy-boy.tumblr.com/post/13832355588/i-found-at-least-half-of-my-top-surgery-fee-on-the)
If you just lie down and say "It's a billion years off, it'll never happen", then you're just going to make yourself feel worse. Try telling yourself things like "I will make this happen" and create a plan for earning money. It might help you clear out the negative thoughts if you can put everything in a neat, linear fashion and see what you will need to make your plans happen.
I don't get the binder and 3 compression shirts either. I mean wouldn't you put on a jacket? Who sees anything under a jacket? Even my fall jacket makes me look like I have broad shoulders and a completely flat chest. Perhaps a compression shirt and a sports bra for aerobic activity which will be building your body up.
I agree re: the tumor comment. I have never had cancers of any kind but I know plenty of people who have.
No group is going to give their money to someone who sounds like they will commit suicide at any point. I think they are looking for someone who will at some point give back to the community.
--Jay
Alright, I might get chewed out for this, but I think you need to hear it. You are a man. Start acting like it. You've got a problem; you need chest surgery. Find a way to solve the problem. Is cutting yourself going to solve the problem? What will solve the problem? What are some things you can do until you are able to have chest surgery? Build your shoulders up more (makes your chest look smaller) wear baggy shirts with wild and bright designs across the chest. You dont need more than one binder, bro. Wear one and then a baggy shirt. Figure out what you CAN do now, and focus on that.
Secondly, find a job. Can you save 250 a month? Then you can have chest surgery in two years. Willing to travel to thailand or the phillipines? You could have it done in one year. Willing to take out a loan? Willing to move to a different town/state/country to find a high paying job (I did).
I know lots of us are coming across harsh, but you need to toughen up brother. Things suck, but we get through them. Be willing to expand your limitations to raise money and succeed. I wish you the best of luck.
Quote from: LearnedHand on December 22, 2012, 05:01:36 PM
It's hard to move forward when you have a negative attitude. Instead of coming up with reasons why you can't save, you should be trying to think constructively. Okay, your car ate up your surgery money, but if it's fixed now, you should have the opportunity to look for a job. It's almost Christmas, retail places should have been hiring a month ago. Even PT, temporary work is better than nothing. If you've been out of work for two years, you can try to find something you're good at and make money that way, even if it's unsteady and sporatic income. Open up a Chipin account. I know the economy is horrible right now, but there are places hiring if you're willing to take the time to look and get any necassary training (I know Securitas is ALWAYS hiring because they have such a high turnover rate). I am sure if you and some friends/family work together, you can find something that will work out for you.
I know it's tough, and maybe some people will say that I should just shut my mouth, but when you come on here and say that you're going to kill yourself if you don't get top surgery next year, what do you expect people to say? Everyone pre-op is in the same boat as you, we all understand what it feels like, we all have empathy for you, but I at least feel that it's not a good thing to just come here and say you're going to kill yourself. It's okay to express your frustrations, but there's been several times I've seen you mention suicide, and I think it's quite concerning. There's links and phone numbers at the top of the FTM section of this forum where you can talk to people who are qualified to discuss these matters.
I hope you don't think I am trying to be rude or inconsiderate to your feelings, I just don't want you to hurt yourself when I think there's ways that you can make peace with yourself until you can get top surgery.
If you think positively, good things will happen to you. Thinking negative thoughts will only attract negativity.
The whole chipin account I think I tried before. I think you have to know people to get money in that account...?
As for training, I rather be trained in something I'm interested in than something i have no interest in.
"everyone pre-op is in the same boat as you"Yeah, but if they are on T they end up getting their top surgery within 2 years of being on T.
"If you think positively, good things will happen to you. Thinking negative thoughts will only attract negativity."My mom always tell me this. I just can't believe it b/c when I do think positive, nothing happens. I've been stuck in the same position since I was in 7th grade. I'm 31 now. There has been no change.
Quote from: mowdan6 on December 22, 2012, 04:43:04 PM
First of all...Simon Chill out. I am sorry for your situation, and we all have out own problems to deal with. Your problems do not make mine or any one elses more or less. To Dominick, I know it is hard to save money given little to no income. I faced the same situation myself. You say you are not allowed to save money. Been there. i bought myself a small safe and stored any extra money I could get my hands on in it. Even if it was only a buck. That way, it was my money,,,no one else needed to know. Not sure where you live but can you get on some type of financial assistance that also allows you to work part time. Is there any place you can find to put aside a few bucks? Those few dollars might not look like much, but it will give you the satisfaction of knowing you are moving forward. Don't give up my brother.
I couldn't store any extra money if I wanted to b/c if I did end up saving extra money and then finally had the money for my top surgery, my mom would have a fit that I didn't spend that money on my car. And when I go to book my surgery, she would be like, "how do you have the money for surgery when you owe me money and you need repairs for your car"? She would have a fit and probably make me cancel my surgery date. And there would be no way she would travel with me to get my surgery. I would be traveling alone.
You seriously want to cut yourself over having to get dressed and go outside for half an hour to shovel for your mom?No, I didn't want to cut myself over that. It's the fact that I'm so depressed b/c I still have to bind my chest with a ton of biding gear and that these things are still there and I feel like they will be there forever and it's so depressing.
Quote from: Squirrel698 on December 22, 2012, 05:25:13 PM
Just why do you need a binder and three compression shirts? Why is just a binder not enough? What are you trying to look like? Most guys are not completely flat past the age of 12 to 14.
As for me, I'm never completely flat and with a binder and a t-shirt it just looks like I've got great pecs.
Dominick, I'm just going to back up what LearnedHand said. Sitting here whining on the Internet is not going to get you anywhere. You've been threatening this for years. It's not a good idea because cutting and or mutilating yourself like that will get you nothing but hospitalized in the mental health section. That sort of thing goes on your permanent record. Which means for you, no top surgery, no legally changing gender, no SRS. So get over yourself and get out there and figure out a way to get what you want. Shoving driveways sounds like a great start. People need things like walking dogs, cleaning houses, gardening, and so on. Make yourself a valuable part of society.
Even if you don't want to do that, take a walk, clear your head. Try to be thankful for all the great things that you do have.
Just the binder doesn't do the job or work right. I first have to put a compression shirt, then fold up another compression shirt, put my binder on then put on another compression shirt and then another one b/c it's whiter and that's what shows on top for the button up shirts.
Which means for you, no top surgery, no legally changing gender, no SRS.I already have my gender marker changed and I'm not doing bottom surgery. Also, mowdan6 said that surgeons that do top surgery will understand we will have scars.
Or Maybe try fiverr.com and sell your talents online for $4Got no talent unfortunately.
Quote from: Zerro on December 23, 2012, 12:24:53 AM
I was in your position a few years ago - no job, debts to pay, and feeling like I was going to snap at any given time.
The folks here are offering great advice, though. Take advantage of any opportunity to make money, even if it has to go towards repairing your car. The sooner you sort things out there, the sooner you can return to saving for surgery.
Here is a post that really helped me get ideas for how to earn and save money for top surgery, it may inspire you or help you:
http://pansy-boy.tumblr.com/post/13832355588/i-found-at-least-half-of-my-top-surgery-fee-on-the (http://pansy-boy.tumblr.com/post/13832355588/i-found-at-least-half-of-my-top-surgery-fee-on-the)
If you just lie down and say "It's a billion years off, it'll never happen", then you're just going to make yourself feel worse. Try telling yourself things like "I will make this happen" and create a plan for earning money. It might help you clear out the negative thoughts if you can put everything in a neat, linear fashion and see what you will need to make your plans happen.
Thanks for the link, I'll check it out.
I make a list today of things I want to accomplish in 2013 and having Top surgery is number 1 on my list.
Quote from: aleon515 on December 23, 2012, 12:42:48 AM
I don't get the binder and 3 compression shirts either. I mean wouldn't you put on a jacket? Who sees anything under a jacket? Even my fall jacket makes me look like I have broad shoulders and a completely flat chest. Perhaps a compression shirt and a sports bra for aerobic activity which will be building your body up.
I agree re: the tumor comment. I have never had cancers of any kind but I know plenty of people who have.
No group is going to give their money to someone who sounds like they will commit suicide at any point. I think they are looking for someone who will at some point give back to the community.
--Jay
Read above for the answer about the binder.
Sorry about the tumor comment. I got it from people saying it on here.
Are you talking about the top surgery funding group? How can anyone who can't afford surgery give back to the group if they have no money in the first place and are also struggling to get by in life? I'd be living in the streets or dead if it wasn't for my mom letting me still live at home.
Quote from: chuck on December 23, 2012, 07:18:28 AM
Alright, I might get chewed out for this, but I think you need to hear it. You are a man. Start acting like it. You've got a problem; you need chest surgery. Find a way to solve the problem. Is cutting yourself going to solve the problem? What will solve the problem? What are some things you can do until you are able to have chest surgery? Build your shoulders up more (makes your chest look smaller) wear baggy shirts with wild and bright designs across the chest. You dont need more than one binder, bro. Wear one and then a baggy shirt. Figure out what you CAN do now, and focus on that.
Secondly, find a job. Can you save 250 a month? Then you can have chest surgery in two years. Willing to travel to thailand or the phillipines? You could have it done in one year. Willing to take out a loan? Willing to move to a different town/state/country to find a high paying job (I did).
I know lots of us are coming across harsh, but you need to toughen up brother. Things suck, but we get through them. Be willing to expand your limitations to raise money and succeed. I wish you the best of luck.
There is one job I'm kinda hoping to get. It's not the job I want and the hours suck and I don't want to take the elevator and she won't work with me to avoid taking the elevator. If I was a boss and someone was petrified of taking the elevator, I'd work around it so they wouldn't have to take the elevator. It seems like she would give me the job she just has to check my references. Maybe I'll hear from her after the holidays...? If not, I'll call and see if she hired anyone. It's part time and not much above minimum wage to start out.
Quote from: Dominick_81 on December 23, 2012, 07:09:55 PM
Yeah, but if they are on T they end up getting their top surgery within 2 years of being on T.
...because they worked for it.
None of us are entitled to have SRS. No one should expect it just to fall in our lap. It's a goal...something to obtain with realistic time expectations. If you have no job and no money then you have no top surgery. It's simple as that.
I also noticed you talking about how controlling your mother is. Well, even at 31 years of age you live under her roof. You should feel privileged to even have that option and she has to have a big heart to have taken care of you all these years. Get a job, pay her back, fix your car, and then save for surgery. The sooner you start the sooner it will all be accomplished.
As far as the elevator; don't expect anyone in the real world to bend over backwards for you...for any reason. Either take the stairs and if that is not an option you should look elsewhere.
Remember, in this life no one owes you anything. It's all up to you.
Quote from: Dominick_81 on December 23, 2012, 07:09:55 PM
"If you think positively, good things will happen to you. Thinking negative thoughts will only attract negativity."
My mom always tell me this. I just can't believe it b/c when I do think positive, nothing happens. I've been stuck in the same position since I was in 7th grade. I'm 31 now. There has been no change.
Are you talking about the top surgery funding group? How can anyone who can't afford surgery give back to the group if they have no money in the first place and are also struggling to get by in life? I'd be living in the streets or dead if it wasn't for my mom letting me still live at home.
Being positive is a job, you can't just say one day "positive thoughts" ;D and expect everything to change overnight. I think I am a relatively positive person, and it's taken me years and years of mental training to not be a depressed wreck.
Also, being positive and expecting things to change on it's own just won't happen, it's more about mentally preparing yourself to be proactive and make your own changes. It's up to you to take the first step, to push the boundaries and
make things happen. Every day you need to wake up and say "Dominick, I am an awesome guy, I love myself, and today, I am going to make my life better. Nothing is going to bother me today, everything is going to go well." Really, it might sound weird, but just say that to yourself every morning, and it'll make a difference even if it takes a few months or years to really set in to the point where you believe it. (God, I should just write self-help books).
You're 31 years old man, it's time to go out and change your life. You said you only want training in something you're interested in, so what's holding you back? What are your interests? Anything is possible, the world is open to you! Also, getting trained in something not interesting to you isn't necessarily a bad thing if it can help serve your goals. I wasn't particularly excited to be a security officer, but getting my SO license and gun licenses was a good thing for me, because it got me a decent paying job with benefits that enabled me to pay my rent, have a bit of fun, and have full independence from my parents. If getting trained in something that bores you brings you closer to completely fixing your car, paying your mom, and getting top surgery, what's so wrong with that?
Giving back to the community means more than just money. Giving back can be volunteer work, mentoring young transguys/girls, or even just being a good role model for the community.
I understand that you feel down now, and it's perfectly acceptable to feel frustrated, but you can't use it as a crutch forever. Your life is in your own hands, and it's up to you to make your own choices. Everyone here at Susans is willing to help you out if you are willing to take our help. :)
Quote from: LearnedHand on December 23, 2012, 08:00:57 PM
Being positive is a job, you can't just say one day "positive thoughts" ;D and expect everything to change overnight. I think I am a relatively positive person, and it's taken me years and years of mental training to not be a depressed wreck.
Also, being positive and expecting things to change on it's own just won't happen, it's more about mentally preparing yourself to be proactive and make your own changes. It's up to you to take the first step, to push the boundaries and make things happen. Every day you need to wake up and say "Dominick, I am an awesome guy, I love myself, and today, I am going to make my life better. Nothing is going to bother me today, everything is going to go well." Really, it might sound weird, but just say that to yourself every morning, and it'll make a difference even if it takes a few months or years to really set in to the point where you believe it. (God, I should just write self-help books).
You're 31 years old man, it's time to go out and change your life. You said you only want training in something you're interested in, so what's holding you back? What are your interests? Anything is possible, the world is open to you! Also, getting trained in something not interesting to you isn't necessarily a bad thing if it can help serve your goals. I wasn't particularly excited to be a security officer, but getting my SO license and gun licenses was a good thing for me, because it got me a decent paying job with benefits that enabled me to pay my rent, have a bit of fun, and have full independence from my parents. If getting trained in something that bores you brings you closer to completely fixing your car, paying your mom, and getting top surgery, what's so wrong with that?
Giving back to the community means more than just money. Giving back can be volunteer work, mentoring young transguys/girls, or even just being a good role model for the community.
I understand that you feel down now, and it's perfectly acceptable to feel frustrated, but you can't use it as a crutch forever. Your life is in your own hands, and it's up to you to make your own choices. Everyone here at Susans is willing to help you out if you are willing to take our help. :)
Agreed. I'm not a positive person. It's hard to be positive in a life full of disappointments and frustrations. My life has not gone the way I wanted it too.
You said you only want training in something you're interested in, so what's holding you back? What are your interests?College loan. I've been told since I have a college loan that I can't go back to school and I really want to go back so I can get a job in the field I'm interested in. My dream is so be a Screen Writer. But if I can get a job doing behind the scenes stuff, that would be great! Whether it be in theater or on movie sets. Also, I would love to drive. That would be my fallback if I can't make it in the entertainment industry. I tried a class for truck driving but it bored me to death. 5 hours reading from a book, I thought I was gonna die of boredom. I can't learn in a classroom,( I have a learning disability) it has to be hands on, and besides, I couldn't see myself diving a huge truck anyway. I'd like to drive something smaller, a lot smaller.
If getting trained in something that bores you brings you closer to completely fixing your car, paying your mom, and getting top surgery, what's so wrong with that? Why waste my time in something I have no interest in when I could be trained in something I am interested in? If your trained in something your interested in your gonna do well in it. If your trained in something you have no interest in your not gonna do well, so to me it's pointless. And all these driving jobs you need a special license and training. Now I don't mind the training, just as long as it's hands on and not in a classroom. Everybody learn differently, and me, I can't learn in a classroom. It goes in one ear and out the other.
Quote from: Liam Erik on December 23, 2012, 08:17:42 PM
If it's a part time job that pays next to nothing, then odds are you can be replaced extremely easily. That means there is no incentive for them to put more than a minimum of effort into accommodating you.
True. They have a 6 month probation to see how well you work out.
That means there is no incentive for them to put more than a minimum of effort into accommodating you. That sucks. I was gonna have this lady who's helping me find a job come in and help me with getting used to the elevator. She suggested that. I just have to ask the boss there if they would let her do that. She's gonna be like my job coach.
Quote from: Dominick_81 on December 23, 2012, 07:09:55 PM
I couldn't store any extra money if I wanted to b/c if I did end up saving extra money and then finally had the money for my top surgery, my mom would have a fit that I didn't spend that money on my car. And when I go to book my surgery, she would be like, "how do you have the money for surgery when you owe me money and you need repairs for your car"? She would have a fit and probably make me cancel my surgery date. And there would be no way she would travel with me to get my surgery. I would be traveling alone.
Or Maybe try fiverr.com and sell your talents online for $4
Well I should have rephrased that. You don't have to have any special talents. You could do something crazy like be willing to dance to the song of the buyer's choice in a hotdog suit or some crazy outfit instead. A lot of people come up with many creative things that people would pay to see.
Got no talent unfortunately.
Well I should have rephrased that. You don't have to have any special talents. You could do something crazy like be willing to dance to the song of the buyer's choice in a hotdog suit or some crazy outfit instead. A lot of people come up with many creative things that people would pay to see.
And think about saving money for your car repairs as part of the road to getting top surgery since your car can potentially help you earn more money. Pick up pennies, sell things on Craigslist, shovel snow, etc. do whatever it takes to get your car fixed so you can eventually get your top surgery. Maybe even use public transportation during that time to help you save.
Also, this may not be an ideal job for you, but perhaps be a pizza deliverer if you like to drive. The car is much smaller and I'm sure you wouldn't need too many classes on that.
I know it's hard to be positive in a life full of disappointments. I'm not the most positive person around I can assure you, but it's those down moments that define us. I remember a famous person saying that if you can't find a way then you better make one. If the trees are blocking your view then cut them down. Do whatever it takes to reach your goal as long as it's morally acceptable. I've heard of guys even collecting cans to help pay for their top and even bottom surgery.
Quote from: Malachite on December 23, 2012, 08:55:17 PM
Well I should have rephrased that. You don't have to have any special talents. You could do something crazy like be willing to dance to the song of the buyer's choice in a hotdog suit or some crazy outfit instead. A lot of people come up with many creative things that people would pay to see.
And think about saving money for your car repairs as part of the road to getting top surgery since your car can potentially help you earn more money. Pick up pennies, sell things on Craigslist, shovel snow, etc. do whatever it takes to get your car fixed so you can eventually get your top surgery. Maybe even use public transportation during that time to help you save.
Also, this may not be an ideal job for you, but perhaps be a pizza deliverer if you like to drive. The car is much smaller and I'm sure you wouldn't need too many classes on that.
I know it's hard to be positive in a life full of disappointments. I'm not the most positive person around I can assure you, but it's those down moments that define us. I remember a famous person saying that if you can't find a way then you better make one. If the trees are blocking your view then cut them down. Do whatever it takes to reach your goal as long as it's morally acceptable. I've heard of guys even collecting cans to help pay for their top and even bottom surgery.
I can always check that site out.
The thing about the pizza delivery job is it's hard for me to see at night so if it could be in the day time that would be okay.
I do have tons of cans that I bring back to the store all the time. But any money I make has to go towards future car repairs or any other payments I need to make. She says I can't think about saving for top surgery until I get a job. So I need an actual job. Once I get a job then she says I can start saving for top surgery.
I'm not trying to make my mom sound bad or anything. I owe her so much money. She paid I think$1000 for my car repairs. Now $500 was a birthday and Christmas present to get my latest repairs so I could drive again and look for jobs. The last payment for car repairs she chipped in $500 which I still owe her. She's not making me pay her back until I have a job and she's not making me pay her back all at once.
Oh, and she's not making me pay rent either right now.
Live under someone elses roof, and you have to follow their rules. No one can tell a thirty one year old person what to do with their money if they're on their own. I chose to join the Army right out of high school. They issued us cold weather gear and sleeping bags and we slept outdoors in the snow. It was by choice. You need to make some choices that involve a little more "take charge" and seriously, you need to get out of your mothers house. I slept in fields, you can too. Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on December 23, 2012, 09:29:18 PM
Live under someone elses roof, and you have to follow their rules. No one can tell a thirty one year old person what to do with their money if they're on their own. I chose to join the Army right out of high school. They issued us cold weather gear and sleeping bags and we slept outdoors in the snow. It was by choice. You need to make some choices that involve a little more "take charge" and seriously, you need to get out of your mothers house. I slept in fields, you can too. Hugs, Devlyn
Yeah, that's true. I'm not living here by choice, I have no money. It's either here or out on the streets. Though, I could stay with my grandparents. I'd love to have my own place but I have no money. And if I get a job and live and home I can save faster for my top surgery.
I don't think I could do what you did. That would be hard for me.
Quote from: Dominick_81 on December 23, 2012, 09:15:29 PM
I can always check that site out.
The thing about the pizza delivery job is it's hard for me to see at night so if it could be in the day time that would be okay.
I do have tons of cans that I bring back to the store all the time. But any money I make has to go towards future car repairs or any other payments I need to make. She says I can't think about saving for top surgery until I get a job. So I need an actual job. Once I get a job then she says I can start saving for top surgery.
I'm not trying to make my mom sound bad or anything. I owe her so much money. She paid I think$1000 for my car repairs. Now $500 was a birthday and Christmas present to get my latest repairs so I could drive again and look for jobs. The last payment for car repairs she chipped in $500 which I still owe her. She's not making me pay her back until I have a job and she's not making me pay her back all at once.
Oh, and she's not making me pay rent either right now.
It doesn't sound like she was saying that like an order but more like a very strong suggestion. She actually seems very supportive and only wants the best for you. A job delivering pizza during the day would be good. I've heard from someone who used to delvier pizzas that they make extra tips when it's raining so if it rains a lot where you are at, then that would be a bonus. I would definately utilize that time while living with here rent-free.
When I got out of the service I worked sixty hours a week. Everyone asked what I did with all the money since I was a single guy and all I did was work. I bought a house, that's what. I'm fifty one, I owe nothing on my house now. No mortgage. I worked for what I wanted. You have to do it as well. Your Mom gives you a place to live. That's what keeps you from getting your own. Your Mom gives you money. That's what keeps you from getting your own. Get out, she isn't helping you finish growing up. Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: Liam Erik on December 23, 2012, 09:49:12 PM
You have no income at all and you're up to your eyeballs in money troubles - doing literally anything that pays is not as pointless as what you're doing now.
Exactly.
I agree with Liam and you're going about this completely the wrong way.
Sorry, but time to grow up a little, Dominick.
Quote from: Dominick_81 on December 23, 2012, 08:39:37 PM
College loan. I've been told since I have a college loan that I can't go back to school and I really want to go back so I can get a job in the field I'm interested in. My dream is so be a Screen Writer. But if I can get a job doing behind the scenes stuff, that would be great! Whether it be in theater or on movie sets. Also, I would love to drive. That would be my fallback if I can't make it in the entertainment industry. I tried a class for truck driving but it bored me to death. 5 hours reading from a book, I thought I was gonna die of boredom. I can't learn in a classroom,( I have a learning disability) it has to be hands on, and besides, I couldn't see myself diving a huge truck anyway. I'd like to drive something smaller, a lot smaller.
If getting trained in something that bores you brings you closer to completely fixing your car, paying your mom, and getting top surgery, what's so wrong with that?
Why waste my time in something I have no interest in when I could be trained in something I am interested in? If your trained in something your interested in your gonna do well in it. If your trained in something you have no interest in your not gonna do well, so to me it's pointless. And all these driving jobs you need a special license and training. Now I don't mind the training, just as long as it's hands on and not in a classroom. Everybody learn differently, and me, I can't learn in a classroom. It goes in one ear and out the other.
1. Who told you that you can't go to school is you already have a college loan? Geez.... 99% of the people in grad school where I am at would be disqualified if that was the case. Do you have federal or private loans already?
2. Screen Writer sounds like a fun job, why not get writing and start a career without college? Write a book and self-publish on Amazon, or try to work with a local theater. Also.... you need to have a good back-up plan. I once wanted to be an artist, but I suck at painting, so now I am onto well.... probably more like Plan G now. Everyone wants to work in film, it's an extremely competitive industry. You need a back-up plan that will make you just as happy.
3. I am sorry you have a learning disability, but sometimes you have to just force yourself to get over boredom and just study. If you want to drive something smaller, why not become a cab driver? they can make decent money. Or a limo.
4. A few people have made the point that you can't be too picky when you currently have nothing. You need to do stuff that you have no interest in currently in order to step up into something better. If I remember correctly, Jim Carey used to clean toliets at a comedy club and that's how he was discovered. Joe Pesici (or one of those Italian actors) was discovered when he was serving food at a restaurant. You need to work from the bottom to work your way up.
I get the feeling that you actually enjoy being down. Being depressed is some sort of comfort to you, it gives you something to cling onto and use as an excuse for not taking any risks. Like in your reply to Devlyn "That would be hard for me." Why avoid things just because you think they'll be hard? Life is about challenges, it makes you a stronger person, but if you just avoid them and hide in your mom's house, you're never going to grow as a person. Soon, you'll be a 41 year old still living at home with no job and whining about not having had top surgery yet. If you actually take a risk and venture out of your comfort zone, and stop feel entitled to have everything that your heart desires, I assure you that slowly things will get better.
Quote from: Dominick_81 on December 23, 2012, 07:09:55 PM
Just the binder doesn't do the job or work right. I first have to put a compression shirt, then fold up another compression shirt, put my binder on then put on another compression shirt and then another one b/c it's whiter and that's what shows on top for the button up shirts.
No wonder your depressed ... you've made yourself believe that you have to do all of the above and to top it off you're probably prohibiting oxygen intake from so many constrictive garments so you're making yourself feel physically worse.
As someone else said, at some point you really do have to just "man up". Almost every one of your posts on here is a post like this where you're ranting on whining or venting or whatever. Plenty of us out here get that things just suck sometimes, but clearly you're not being productive and you're in a vicious circle. If you're not going to do anything at all to help yourself, then you're going to stay right where you are.
It's not just about positive thinking. Positive thinking is really a bit misleading. All these self-help guru people literally make thousands of dollars by telling people all they have to do is "think positive". Well, that's a nice thought, but it takes motivation and action to make things happen. You can just sit in your room and think about having a job and have one magically be offered to you. You can just think of having top surgery and then the money and means to do it just magically fall in your lap.
And one of the worst barriers to having things not happen is not negative thinking, it's excuses. Every time you come up with an excuse for why you can't do something or why something isn't happening you're preventing yourself from doing it that much more.
As for harming yourself, everyone has already said that's not a good idea but I'm going to throw my 2 cents into it. You never realize how good life is until you don't have it. I've talked to a number of people who have lived through suicide attempts and all but one of them had said when they thought they'd done it ... that they were going to die ... they regretted it. They begged to god and all the universe that they could just live then. And the ones who did, their lives were forever changed and that was the last time they ever wanted to kill themselves or die before their time. I am one of those people.
And if it's not death by your own hand, if you're really staring down death, you want nothing more than to keep living. One of my better friends died when he was 31 from colon cancer. It was brutal even looking at him. Knowing he'd already lived his whole life. There was nothing else that could be done. Any dreams he had, any plans, any thing at all that he wanted to do, he couldn't because he'd be dead in 2 days. I look at my stupid attempt at offing myself now as the worst kind of insult I could ever have conceived. People all over, right this very moment are dying and they don't want to, and here I was, (for the most part) healthy and thinking I wanted to throw it all away. I was a total assh*ole and I realize that now and even when I'm depressed I'm still thankful I'm here. So change your perspective and get up out of your self-made rut and live. One day, just like everyone, you'll really be staring at death and the odds are you won't want to die, you'll have regrets and you'll beg for just a little more time. So use the time you have now wisely.
Quote from: Dominick_81 on December 23, 2012, 07:09:55 PM
Yeah, but if they are on T they end up getting their top surgery within 2 years of being on T.
Where are you getting this from? I can assure you that's not the case.
Quote from: wheat thins are delicious on December 24, 2012, 12:25:45 AM
Where are you getting this from? I can assure you that's not the case.
I have to echo this. Most of my friends waited longer than two years, and some of them are still trying to save up after three or four or more years on T. One of my buddies has gone at least ten years, but he's made certain choices that make it harder for him to save money.
Dominick, I feel for you because you do have hurdles to overcome. But so do we all. I know that the economy is bad, but most people who want work can usually find something in two years (I know that a lot of MTFs have it harder, but you are not an MTF). Even flipping burgers or assembling sandwiches or making coffee--there tends to be a lot of turnover in those jobs.
Start small. Look for part-time work or make your own work--petsitting or something like that. Try a temp agency or your local unemployment office, if there is one within reasonable busing distance. If you're not paying rent, or if your mother eventually decides to charge you only a small amount, you can make a lot pretty quickly when you do find something--even with car repairs to pay off.
If you want to be a screenwriter, then you should have been able to use this down time to write some stuff. Have you been writing every day? Do you have any finished screenplays? Have you been working with any books on screenwriting? Taken any courses on the subject, even if it's just the Learning Annex? But I have to point out that the field is very hard to break into, and only a few people are doing most of the screenwriting these days. A lot of other types of writers work very hard at other jobs and do their writing on the side--and most of them don't make enough off their writing to quit their day jobs.
In the end, it's usually the day job that keeps a roof over your head. Well, you've got the roof, but you need surgery money. If you haven't tried some of the options that other people (and I) have suggested, then you haven't nearly exhausted your options. How badly do you want surgery?
Quote from: wheat thins are delicious on December 24, 2012, 12:25:45 AM
Where are you getting this from? I can assure you that's not the case.
If he is watching YT videos that does seem to be the case. It always appears the guys start T and then within 9 months to a year they have scheduled or had their top surgery. However, that is a very small representation of our community.
Quote from: wheat thins are delicious on December 24, 2012, 12:25:45 AM
Quote from: Dominick_81 on December 23, 2012, 07:09:55 PM
Yeah, but if they are on T they end up getting their top surgery within 2 years of being on T.
Where are you getting this from? I can assure you that's not the case.
I'll fourth this. We should do a poll. I'd say most guys have to wait for a good while. Look on the bright side, it sounds as though you're on T. Plenty of other guys can't even afford the therapy, endo, and other bills to get that far. Even if you got it through informed consent, you're still lucky to be on T with no job and tons of debt.
So, even though some guys are lucky enough to get top surgery within 2 years of starting T, you're luckier than others who can't even afford T. It's not all bad. Plenty of guys can't even afford a proper binder. You have a binder and three compression shirts. You've already got it better than a number of guys on this board and you don't hear them whining.
You have a working car. I'm sure we could take a show of hands and there'd be plenty on here both male and female who wish they had that.
From the sounds of it, you have a supportive mother who's ok with your transition. All she asks is for you to get some income before putting money toward top surgery. Which is a very wise move (I don't see how you could do otherwise). I'm sure you've seen the stories here of guys' mothers refusing to even speak to them.
Once you do have an income, you have the opportunity to live rent free while you save up. Do you know how many on here male and female work their asses off day in and day out (and have been for years) with surgery much further from their horizon than yours? They can't put away anything. It all goes to food and rent. Because you won't have those expenses, you could save for top surgery in a year or a matter of months. Does anyone know the going rate?
Forget about the few guys on youtube who are either blessed with wealthy parents or simply worked harder than you for the last two years. Look at what all you do have going for you. I'm willing to bet there are a number here who would gladly trade circumstances.
Quote from: Forum Admin on December 24, 2012, 01:39:54 AM
Where are you getting this from? I can assure you that's not the case.
I'll fourth this. We should do a poll. I'd say most guys have to wait for a good while. Look on the bright side, it sounds as though you're on T. Plenty of other guys can't even afford the therapy, endo, and other bills to get that far. Even if you got it through informed consent, you're still lucky to be on T with no job and tons of debt.
So, even though some guys are lucky enough to get top surgery within 2 years of starting T, you're luckier than others who can't even afford T. It's not all bad. Plenty of guys can't even afford a proper binder. You have a binder and three compression shirts. You've already got it better than a number of guys on this board and you don't hear them whining.
You have a working car. I'm sure we could take a show of hands and there'd be plenty on here both male and female who wish they had that.
From the sounds of it, you have a supportive mother who's ok with your transition. All she asks is for you to get some income before putting money toward top surgery. Which is a very wise move (I don't see how you could do otherwise). I'm sure you've seen the stories here of guys' mothers refusing to even speak to them.
Once you do have an income, you have the opportunity to live rent free while you save up. Do you know how many on here male and female work their asses off day in and day out (and have been for years) with surgery much further from their horizon than yours? They can't put away anything. It all goes to food and rent. Because you won't have those expenses, you could save for top surgery in a year or a matter of months. Does anyone know the going rate?
Forget about the few guys on youtube who are either blessed with wealthy parents or simply worked harder than you for the last two years. Look at what all you do have going for you. I'm willing to bet there are a number here who would gladly trade circumstances.
I strongly agree with Forum Admin here. I'm one of those people who would LOVE to trade places with you. Count your blessings.
Dominick, I hope you don't feel as if everyone is ganging up on you. We just want you to find a way to get what you need. Trans people have challenges that other folks don't have, and it's so easy to fall into a hopeless rut. It can take a lot of digging to get ourselves out again. I know because I've had to do it--and I'm still doing it. You can, too, but you will likely have to change your way of thinking and doing. And that's not easy. Not easy at all.
He was on T and now he's off T, I believe. It wasn't giving him the results he wanted. If I'm mistaken, I'm sorry.
I'd also like to add that I've been on T for 2 and a half years and no top surgery for me and none really in sight. Hopefully next year, as I am trying to save but there are no certainties. The fact is I have three kids and money goes for them first. That's just the way it goes. We all have a stumbling block or two or three or more that we have to overcome. That's why you can be proud of the progress you have made, as it takes a lot of strength every step of the way.
Good news, I recently bought this binder: http://www.lesloveboat.com/shop/product_info.php?products_id=328. (http://www.lesloveboat.com/shop/product_info.php?products_id=328.) It looks very much like a tank top, is very comfortable and works quite well. So that helps a bit because I can just walk around in it at night and such.
Dominick you need to get away from your Mother. I know people on here are saying how generous she is. I'm certain she is and is a good person, however it sounds like she's coddling you and preventing you from growing up. When your mother is your only friend, there is a problem. You are 31 years old and an adult. Her opinion is appreciated but in the end it shouldn't matter. If she doesn't approve of your surgery, tough beans, it's not her life to live. It is yours and you need to take control of it.
I think we need to start in smaller steps before you get a job. First thing you need to do is leave the house. Find an LGBT group, or a role playing group Dungeons and Dragons sort of thing were you can be whatever you want to be, book reading group, walking group, spiritual meditation group anything were you can meet new people. Try http://www.meetup.com/ (http://www.meetup.com/) for your area. I guarantee there is at least something.
So you're social awkward, most people are to some degree. People want to get to know you though, believe it as you are an unique and interesting person. Go out and try to be positive and upbeat and enjoy yourself. Just get out of this cycle Arch rightly says you are in.
Okay, things seem a bit calmer now. So Dominick, you're here complaining because everything feels pointless. People are trying to offer solutions, but I think you're here for empathy, not answers. Do correct me if I'm wrong.
Right now I'm living under the same roof with someone who is terribly unstable, with the foster care system being my only other real option, and let's face it- I'm a sick trans kid with a medical file the size of a college textbook. Nobody would want to go through the trouble of taking care of me until I'm able to be on my own. She's completely unaccepting of my being this way and actually just told me that I'm not going to college because I don't do anything. Between her and the family I do actually have contact with, in addition to other things in life, my self-esteem drops like a rock pretty much all the time. I never feel like I want to do anything, because it's pointless. But yet I still bust my chops with sleep-deprivation and lugging around much more than the recommended weight on my back every day. Why?
Well, a friend once gave me some advice with an anecdote about vegetables. For the sake of not completely derailing myself (curse you, ADD!), I'll get to the point of what was said- To enjoy the good things in life, we have to get through the other stuff first. Learning disorders can really be awful when you're trying to quickly take a course (I don't have much experience with that, but I have a physical handicap and it's annoying as all hell when I need to do things like write or throw a ball, and no one knows because it's defective on the inside), but I'm fairly certain there's a way around it. Depending on what you have, try finding a method that works around your disability and allows you to absorb the information (i.e. an audio recording).
So while you're terribly frustrated right now, there is most certainly hope in sight. You should take this energy and use the job as an outlet for it- set your mind on the goal you desire, and focus on that, rather than where you are now.
By the way, to those who were offended by the reference to chesticles as tumors, I can talk (sort of- please don't form an angry mob!) from both sides of the fence here. While the female chest is most certainly not physically a pair of tumors and is in fact a healthy part of the body, mentally it gives the same sense of not belonging as if there was a mass growing, say, on your leg or some other body part. I actually have a brain tumor that I was in the dark about for a year while I just waited for the further imaging I needed done (an IV with contrast in my case). I had literally no idea if I was going to live, because I had been told from the bat that it was inoperable. Best part was that it was an incidental finding and no one bothered to tell me; I ended up asking after I read the report from an MRI for a concussion and mass panic ensued.
Anyway, the point is that I know how it feels (to both parties now) to have your problems minimized in the face of others, even though it's usually people coming after me with pitchforks because it turns out their major crisis doesn't hold a candle to my everyday issues. But yeah, it's not a contest. We all have battles, big and small. The important thing is that we all work to overcome the hills we have to climb. And remember, keep moving forward. ;D
(Bear with me, I like Meet the Robinsons a lot. Actually, that's a great movie to watch if you want some sort of inspiration when you're in a bad place.)
Dominick, I have to really say I agree with most of the people here. I understand you're having a hard time and things seem impossible, but you have a lot to be thankful for. Your mom is providing you with a place to live I'm guessing either rent free or close to it....you're 31 years old she doesn't have to do that. All of these other guys scrimped and saved for their surgeries, so if you want it badly enough you will find whatever job you can to make it happen. Be proactive, it may not be a dream job, but anything is better than nothing. Mcdonalds or fast food is even something. As far as you not having 'an interest' in it, well you're an adult and how many adults are doing what they 'want' to do? I'd venture not that many, they're doing what they HAVE to do to get by and live. You can do this, just be more positive and take initiative in your own life. Things aren't just handed to us, you have to work for them.
tumor? :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :embarrassed: :embarrassed: :embarrassed: :embarrassed: :embarrassed: :embarrassed: :embarrassed: :embarrassed: :embarrassed: >:-) >:-) >:-) >:-) >:-) >:-) >:-) >:-) >:-) >:-) >:-) >:-) >:-) >:-) >:-) :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(
call it bulls**t but dont call it that. :-X
i understand ur pain as i wake up everyday and they are just growing out but dont try to cut them you will hurt urself.
wait for a professional.
even if u try 2 do urself u wont get d right shape and will never be able 2 repair it.
so it is better 2 calm down than 2 take a step in hurry.