How does one get over the worry that others don't see one as the correct gender? I expect everyone to see me as female and that makes me uncomfortable because I am male. I worry that even the people who accept me as trans see me a female who wants to be male or an "honorary" male instead of the male I am. This isn't necessarily the case, but I keep thinking it anyway. (Not that I'd know. I can't read minds.) How do I stop worrying about this?
I'm going through the same thing. I went out shopping today dressed as a woman. I got a lot of stares and sidelong glances, so clearly not everyone saw me as a woman.
For me, I'm just going to have to get used to it. Until/unless I pass better, I need to deal with the fact that an awful lot of people will see me as a guy in drag.
Still, it's WORLDS better than being seen as cis in my birth sex.
It just seesm to me you are trying to tell people what they should think about you.
Perhaps you could try proving yourself to them as you did when they first decided to be your friend.
Just a thought.
How does one who looks like a chick "prove" to someone that they are male?
If your friends have conditions you must fill to be one of them, then they aren't friends.
How they see you is how they choose to. Personally I'd be quite upset if many people who I knew, knew what I was thinking about them. I was good friends with a couple, the woman especially, for a while. I think she thought I wanted to take off her clothes. Perhaps, but only to try them on. I hope she didn't figure that one out. I'm pretty sure she didn't.
Get the idea?
No, I don't really get the idea, but that probably has to do with vastly different life experiences. Personally, I'd much rather people I know knew what I was thinking about them.
Nice, but life isn't like that.
If you accept people for who and what they are then they will accept you.
Actually, life is like that. I have the ability to be open and honest with my friends. However, knowing that there are people out there who think life isn't like that isn't exactly encouraging.
Quote from: Edge on December 28, 2012, 05:59:13 PM
How does one get over the worry that others don't see one as the correct gender? I expect everyone to see me as female and that makes me uncomfortable because I am male. I worry that even the people who accept me as trans see me a female who wants to be male or an "honorary" male instead of the male I am. This isn't necessarily the case, but I keep thinking it anyway. (Not that I'd know. I can't read minds.) How do I stop worrying about this?
The emboldened part of your OP might be a big part of it. If you have an expectation of something, even subconsciously, then that makes it infinitely harder for anything you do to 'prove' this to the contrary. Because no matter what you do, that expectation will be there, and there will always be that nagging voice at the back of your mind that whatever you do to show who you are, it is not going to be good enough. It's basically thinking you know what someone's opinion of you is before they've even said a word. We all do it, to some extent, and I suspect it comes more from how we see ourselves rather than how anyone else sees us. Maybe it's partly a defense mechanism adopted in order to pre-emptively cope with the fallout from being misgendered and the pain that causes. Even though it actually hasn't happened yet.
Perhaps to stop worrying about it, the change has to first come not from anything you show to the rest of the world, but from within, and you need to work on removing that expectation that people will see you a certain way no matter what. That will give you a lot more freedom to express yourself true to who you are. And you may find that has a ripple effect.
If I could ask... why do you expect people to see you that way?
Quote from: Edge on December 28, 2012, 07:49:41 PM
How does one who looks like a chick "prove" to someone that they are male?
Easy! You beat the tar out of them!
j/k...but seriously, in my youth a "man" was expected to fight at any insinuation against his manliness/manhood...
But seriously 2: Most people do not accept us as we would want them too...Transpeople are too new of an experience to overcome YEARS of social conditioning people have. Accept that, encourage better behaviors/responses from them, and be proud of the fact we are on the cutting edge of a new set of social mores!
:-)
*hugs*
I agree with Sephirah that the change has to come within. Like you mentioned yourself you can't read their minds. Over thinking and analyzing tends to do this to you (everyone does this I bet). As to how stop this train of thinking, I guess its something you have to figure out.
You don't have to prove anything to your friends if they are your friends. They will just see you for who you are and that is male. Some perhaps might adjust in a instant and think nothing of it, while for others it takes them a little time, and some may not accept it. There will always be that lingering feeling and I know its not easy to shake. What ever hurts you can only make you stronger or so the saying goes.
Yeah I know the problem comes from within. Getting rid of it is trickier than I'd like.
Quote from: Sephirah on December 29, 2012, 03:25:47 PM
If I could ask... why do you expect people to see you that way?
Because that's what people always do. Nvm. That answers my own question.