^_^ first off hello Susan's Place!! Long time reader first time poster ( well i think i made one other comment earlier today but :P )
I adore the site and feel like I love you all already :D
In either case I have a question thats been sorta bugging me and my SO(s)
Im a MTF and my BF is a Staff Srgnt in the military. he is hyper paranoid about others learning about us ( especially his CO) for fear of losing his career. Is this fear unfounded or legitimate. Me personally im not so afraid since the repeal of DADT... but im a novice on the inner workings. ^_^ so I post this ?? to you all!
(Bonus questions/extra credit)
If so should I be more closeted in public?
If so is there ways I can alleviate his stress?
If not should I be offended of his fears (imho it wouldn't matter I love this man far to much but still..)
Do you think it will ever be ok for a trans person to be in the military?
Thank you for any responses!
ok.. I'll answer these in order.
If he were trans then he'd have problems under the current policy and regulations. As the worst they could do is label him as "gay" then he's now protected with the repeal of DADT and removal of sexual orientation prohibitions from the military. Unless his CO is transphobic or homophobic (and perceives it that way) then there shouldn't be a problem - legally. He might get a ribbing from his fellow soldiers but I remember when DADT was repealed and no one cared. What he does and who he loves is his own business (and yours).
Should you be more closeted in public? Around his fellow soldiers - discretion is advised. No need to advertise anything "unusual". Your a couple - enough said. If you don't pass then you might want to present yourself as an effeminite male if he's ok being labeled as gay. If not then can you present as a masculine female? The latter is preferable in the military than the former, but not much they can say about either. But trans is still fringe and there are many uneducated and unenlightened people in uniform.
Allieviate his stress? Sorry.. I have a dirty mind and my thoughts immediately went somewhere else with this. >:-) I assume you meant about this issue - Point him to the regulations and/or advise him to talk with the JAG office. He really should have nothing to worry about. But knowledge is power. Being informed of his rights and what rules he is or isn't violating should give him the confidence to be in the military and be with you without conflict.
If not should I be offended of his fears (imho it wouldn't matter I love this man far to much but still..) I don't think you should take offense. He has legitimate concerns as the military has a history of phobias about anything outside the norm. The US military has gotten much better but I know many of our allies are outpacing us on human rights issues.
Do you think it will ever be ok for a trans person to be in the military? I sure hope so. I just got back from a military deployment and as I'm beginning my transition I have to get out before they discharge me and call me "mentally disturbed". I think this is one more human rights issue and it's only a matter of time. As society changes and recognizes that being trans is not a sickness or disease (as they used to classify homosexuality as well), the military is behind the curve... but it does get there. It has to as it's a reflection of society and comprised of people from that society. I think that as the old guard retires and/or dies off you'll see a more accepting and diverse military - at least that's my hope (I'd like to go back in and retire someday).
- Sage (US Army Officer)
I think Sage answered this very well.
I don't see any issues legally from his command knowing. But, he might get some ridicule from his fellow soldiers. I would suggest to keep it as discrete as possible to make things as easy as possible for him.
Best of luck.