After spending some time to get my thoughts together, I'm back and I'm making some very bold and positive moves forward. I've decided that after looking through the TRUE SELVES book, that I am going to write a letter to my current employer and I am going to start living full time as of January 1st 2006. I figure that these last two months will give them enough time to get use to the subtle changes. I wish that I had the oportunity that Stephanie had with having the entire summer off to make her change, but I guess I can't be so lucky. I'm pretty confident that they'll keep me employed.
Tony, my husband just sent me a wonderful letter and in it he said: "I'm happy there's still lots of work and you've got good reliable installers, however, I know you're the best there is."
I'll be talking with my psychologist in full detail about this soon, and he will see things my way, even though he did turn aginst me and had declared me "delusional."
Finally I am going to be putting things into play for the better of ME, and if there are any consequenses, so be it, this time I'm ready for anything.
Gina
Welcome back Gina,
It sounds like you have made some well thought out decisions, I hope all goes well for you. Most often a small business owner will be pragmatic and retain his/her best employees irregardless of the private life an employee chooses, but there are exceptions. I am sure they will do the smart thing and keep their best/fastest installer.
beth
Thanks Beth for your kind words. :)
I was just speaking in general with my employer today and funny (and hurtful) thing that she had said is that everyone knows about me and that she personally finds it embarassing that I want to dress as a woman. She also said that there isn't much difference between myself and my feminine side, but it's really not what the outlook is but more how I personally feel, and I feel 100% better when I'm a woman. It's an inner thing, that I'm sure that alot can relate with.
Gina
Hi Gina,
Welcome back, perhaps time will help with your employer. Remember that other people in our lives have not necessarily had as long as we have had to get used wherewe are on the continuum of sexuality.
Hope all goes well.
Shelley
Thanks Shelley,
I'm hoping that the time will help as well. Technically all I'm changing is my exterior, so I'll still be able to perform all my duties with no problem. They'll just have to address me differently. New pronouns, and so forth.
Gina
Gina,
Welcome back! And congratulations on going full time! Be gentle and patient with your employer, but you already know that.
Peace,
Chaunte
Hey Gina!
nice to meet you! (just realized i didn;t greet you here yet...)
Love
Alex
Thanks Chaunte for your kind words as always, but I have not yet gone full time. My expected time I have set will be January 1st, 2006. On Novmeber 9th, I'll be getting the results from my psyche testing and hopefully it should prove good, and I'll be then going to see my psychologist with the results and I'll be talking with him about a few issues and then I'll be presenting my letter to my employer. Everything has to be done in a proper way if it's going to work well. If you check in the section of TRUE SELVES where the section on presenting your letter to your employer is, I think the best one is the one where the employee simply says that he is transgender and that the only cure for him is to live full time as a woman.
Alex, I will really enjoy getting to know you and I thank you for your encouraging words.
Gina
Hi Gina,
Good to see you are being methodical in your approach and setting goals and deadlines. That's a very positive step forward. Just remember that old saying about the best laid plans and expect the unexpected. Basically just be prepared and don't let any unexpected obstacle or reactions throw you. Be flexible in your plans and adjust as is necessary to achieve your ultimate goal. Good luck.
Good Journey,
Cassie
Thanks Cassie for your good words of advise.
I have been very methodical in my approach this time and I'm not I'm not letting anything slip by. I believe that I should have all my bases covered, so that there won't be any slip ups. :) So hopefully there shouldn't be any obsticles in my way.
Halloween night was a big test fo rme and I passed with flying colors!!! :)
I was nicely dressed in a pink top with a black striped skirt with black pantyhose and black heels and when I was at Walgreens a lady had told me that I looked better than most woman do. I then went to a Halloween candy hand out at a local shopping mall and a lady stopped by and asked me if I was a man. I just smiled sweetly at her and kept silent. She was talking with someone on her cell phone and I heard her say that she was asking this lady if she were a guy. I really felt good. :)
Gina
Well done Gina,
Takes a lot of nerve to do what you did. You should feel really good about yourself.
Shelley
Thanks Shelley. I did really feel good. I was telling a female friend about it, and she told me that they were just pacifing me. She told me that people don't ask her if she's a 'man' when they see her. After thinking about it for a moment, it made some sense to me, but everyone that stopped to compliment me had thought that I looked really good and feminine. But I guess that most people have not necessarily had as long as we have had to get used to were we are on the continum of ->-bleeped-<-, and so they'll never really understand us.
Gina
I'll be starting a new job on Thursday December 1st and I've decided that i don't want to rock the boat by transitioning to soon in my new job, so I've decided that it will have to wait. Unfortunatelly things do crop up unexpectedly.
Gina
Hey Gina,
Its December 2 here so how did it go.
Shelley
Thanks for asking Shelley. My new job as a stock person is going very well. We get a 100' long truck in three times a week, and my primary job is looking after the compactor. Today one of the associates told me that I'm a real hard worker and that I really kept the place nice and neat, without the boxes piling up too much. I appreciated the compliment. :) I may have to wait till my three month training period is finished before I'll approach them about transitioning. At least by that time I'll have a better foot in the business. Has anyone ever read Jennifer Boylan's book "She's Not There"? There was a really good letter to her collegues in there that I may use without plajorizing.
Gina
Great to here, I think if I was in your position I would wait until the training period was over too.
Shelley
Hi Shelley.
Unfortunately I felt that there was too much pressure and stress with the job and so I had to quite. So I'm returning back to my other job. Due to my mental problems, My brain felt very flustered with so much going on and I may be suffering from anxiety attacks. I work best when I'm alone. I get too flustered when too many people are around. ::)
Gina
Sorry to hear that Gina,
Hope things work out ok. If your most comfortable working in your own company then that is the way to go. Good luck girl.
Shelley
QuoteI'll be starting a new job on Thursday December 1st and I've decided that i don't want to rock the boat by transitioning to soon in my new job
She did mention it Melissa and was planning it. It just didn't work out in time.
I think your right though about making it harder as your paperwork would be in your male personal but at least you wouldn't have to broach the subject of transitioning down the track.
Shelley
Just curious, how do you handle the taxation thing. I think you call it your social security number. Won't that give you away?
Shelley
With a court ordered name change the SSA will change it.
Before 911 changing the gender marker with the SSA was much simpler. Now they require supporting documentaion that an actual change has taken place. Once you submit it they ammend the records so that only an F or M appear. I suppose somewhere there is info about the old one but to a normal search if can't be found.
I don't know this for fact but I've heard that when an employer submits the info on a new job hire if there are any discrepencies they notify the employer. This could lead to some embarassing moments for a person in transition if the employer is oblivious to what is going on.
So I'm right then that you would not be able to search for a job as a female as all your ID would be in a male persona. This is my concern for Gina trying to locate work without telling prospective employers she is transitioning.
Shelley
Quotetrying to locate work without telling prospective employers she is transitioning.
This can be a concern, but is almost randomly the case a TS has to face. Working with other people, especially in close environments and the chance that if you make any friends on the job with someone who does or may associate with people who know you closer and better, there is every likely hood that you will eventually be discovered anyway.
This is one of the reasons why each transitioning TS must be absolutly certain and convinced they can endure the process before making the Transition effort to go forward, as in most cases it is impossible to not have evident clues as to ones actual sexual identity and therefore almost impossible to hide from the company one works for, or from some of the employees, what we call confidence, determination and concentration of effort, as you can not quit or revert back to male even if you change your mind in any way that will leave you untouched and possibly unharmed by the incident.
Those that have any doubt whatsoever.
NONE, as even the most trusted of things can't be taken for granted. You either make it through or possibly be even worse off then ever before, or learn to adjust to a groundless being you started off believing your psych couldn't tolerate to begin with. All you can do at such points is remain concentrated on your goals and stick to them with no bad thoughts or worries other then continuing to be who you are regardless of outside circumstances, thats all there is for a transsexual, live it and make it, there can be no other choice, and for the true and original definition of a Transsexual as originally defined at the beginning of HBSOC and DMV definitions of what a transsexual actually is, a person who's sole intellectual and habitual being is of the opposite sex with little or no tolerance for living in life as the sex born as, all other definitions are the result of more modern definitions of those in society who do not wish to actually be of the opposite sex, not from clinical medical definition
And by the way. Think of another definition of what RLT is actually all about. It's not really about proving you are a woman, little of that at all, rather a clearing house of wiping away those that can't handle the life changes that occur on acount of trying to do it in the first place. It's more realistically about "Can you handle the problems involved and succeed in life because of those problems?"
All this is why it is sometimes important where you live at the time of transitioning. We passed a statewide law against Sexual Identity agaist discrimination here in California which has been effective since Jan 01 2004 and a measure against such things as medical restrictions on account of Transsgender activity was put into measure a couple or few months back. Pay attention to things like this in the where of transitioning. The wrong city or state elsewhere could leave you pretty dry, thats why I came to california at the beginning of the 21st centry. I was already in dark water back in Nevada where I came to here from, but I was born in Southern California and so am a California Native, making it all somewhat better as once hired, no employer can release me without a legitimate reason or lawsuit by this time. All that was figured into coming out on HRT before I did it and the arrangements were made with a lot of help from others who wanted to help me out with it, right down to where I would work without myself even considering such a career.
Think about things like that when planning to come out and where to do it at. And in your own best interest, unless under sever pressure for money, to inform any prospective employer the truth about yourself as most likely, that persecptive employer will at some time in the future discover the truth and can make you totally visable to everyone, even in a new enviro
Terri
Sorry for not disclosing the complete information. I had started at Beall's Department store in the stocking room. It really wouldn't have been too much trouble to have transitioned in that department, since there are some ladies that do work in this departmnent. :) In the employee handbook it gave me a page about the code of ethics, but I don't think it would have applied to me. :)
Gina
QuoteIn the employee handbook it gave me a page about the code of ethics, but I don't think it would have applied to me.
Part true and part not true Gina. One of the first things to do in any new company is to see what thier past activity is and how it might be and then you relate yourself into what they got just in case.
Terri
I'm not sure if I understand what you mean Terri, but the code of ethics is simply stating that I should first think about what I'm going to do and how it will affect the company or myself before I do it. Most of the population of where I live knows about me and my lifestyle, so I've got nothing to lose by transitioning.
I have retuned back to my previous work, and I'm still getting a lot of flack from my employer about transitioning. Kind of the same situation that Melissa is having.
Gina
QuoteAnything that slows me down is just a hurdle that I need to go around. It may slow me down a bit, but it won't stop me.
Good thought Melissa, hang onto it. A lot of things happen in life that you are or were not prepared for. Just hold your mug and work through it step by step and you will find a way to see things through if only you refuse to panic at any time under circumstances that are inevitably normal for those who need to see it all the way and it starts on day one of actually coming out, no other way.
Terri
That's a very good attitude Melissa, and I wish that I had your will power, but my mother seems to break through everything with me. Last night she was telling me that the reason that I'm transgender is because of the damage to the frontal lobe of my brain which controls the social behavior part. I really fear of losing everything, but then it may be worth it.
Gina
Thanks Melissa for giving me something to smile about. Your kind heartfelt words really mean alot to me,and I will definately give them a lot of thought. But you are right on your points. It's just a matter of figuring out what is best for me. :)
Gina
Good advice Melissa, but is hard to put in that kind of perspective for some or many.
JOB: This is a thing that few can easily work out with true satisfaction. My job which was pretty good at things like money, interests, friendships and most of the things I at the time thought to be of interest to me was closed like a slammed door when I no longer looked like I was supposed to and to quote my Boss at the time "I can't support your 'Lifestyle' any more". back in Reno Nevada. I tried to take my reputation and skills elsewhere and found I was basically blacklisted. I ended up going back into commercial steel framing that I had sidelined at part time for almost 30 years and even then had to work by myself, doing work that superceded 2 and 3 men teams. I didn't mind that to much since I was equal to 2 or 3 men in those days, but after almost 3 years of that I just had to say, screw it, enough is enough and moved to california to take a hospital job a friend offered me. NOwhere near even half the money I made before, and these days, after 4 years on this job I've lost everything I ever had but my woman and children .... All I have left at all from the prior period is a classic Corvette I got in the bad ol days, and it hasn't been registered for half a year now and it just sits in park in front of my apartment as I can't afford to drive a 2 miles per gallon car these days (has a 454 Corvette jacked out powerplant. LS5 turbo jet power plant and close ratio muncie 4 speed and on bad days gets 435 horse power. I just hang onto it anymore as insurance if I get stuck in the savings plan and have to sell it.
PERSONAL Relationships. This one is tricky. I didn't lose any of my own family, but I lost a lot of others who had been all the way and back twice with me under conditions nobody would want to be in, that's rough considering what we all once ment to each other, win, lose or draw and I miss those people as much as I would miss losing my woman as long as she will stand with me, even though she can be rough on me at times over it all. She comes from a military family.
Personal Belongings. I already explained that.
HEALTH, The biggest thing my woman holds against me. At best I'm not looking at much no matter what. I'm chronic Hep C with not much more then 10 to 15 years max with the best of care and I've already had one stroke and My body is coming apart from all the bone breakage, holes and cuts all over it. Not to mention having lost vision of my right eye. Either way, all I'll get in the end is whats left, and most of that I don't expect to be easy or painless. None of that matters because it's either way.
So the way I address it is "come on, do me some harm, I can take it".
Terri
And from the unduly peppy part of the spectrum:
Job: I like what I do (most days) and I love where I work. It's been nothing but supportive transitioning at work. Well, downright funny some days, but that's just part of my job too. I'm a divorce and criminal lawyer, so if we can't laugh, we'd all have to have a mass pity parth.
Personal belongings: I had too many anyway and the divorce helped me cut down on them.
Health: I'm healthier than ever. But I do need to quit smoking.
Dennis
Quote
1. Your age you start transition.
The more a person has accumulated in life the harder it is for some to divest themselves of it. Lose my job and family? That is to much to sacrifice.
Quote2. Whether you are or become single or stay in a relationship.
How can someone make others in their life happy if they are in turmoil over whatever set of initials they identify as?
Quote3. What field you work in or have skills in.
Learn a new skill. Start over and know what its like to be given the lack of recognition when you are paid 30% less for the same job-in most cases.
Quote4. How well you pass. Beautiful people (men or women) tend to get paid better than ugly people. That's just how it is.
Its about transitioning not money. If this is something a person truly wants there is no obstacle other than health issues they cannot overcome. Live a frugal life, get a second job to survive.
I'm sorry but I cannot accept that money is a detriment to transitioning. Ya ain't going to need cable tv or that new car if you don't survive.
Leigh