I was misgendered for the first time in months today. On a scale of 1 to 10 where 1 is "couldn't give a monkey's" and 10 is "utterly devastated" it ranks at about 3 so no biggie. I really don't think it was done maliciously so what it did get me thinking about is that I'm not giving enough queues and that it would be really helpful to know what caused the person to misgender me. As I said I don't think they were being malicious so I wouldn't want to embarrass them but I would like a non-confrontational way of finding out what caused the confusion.
Has anyone else got any suggestions?
Quote from: Rosie on January 12, 2013, 05:13:17 PM
I was misgendered for the first time in months today. On a scale of 1 to 10 where 1 is "couldn't give a monkey's" and 10 is "utterly devastated" it ranks at about 3 so no biggie. I really don't think it was done maliciously so what it did get me thinking about is that I'm not giving enough queues and that it would be really helpful to know what caused the person to misgender me. As I said I don't think they were being malicious so I wouldn't want to embarrass them but I would like a non-confrontational way of finding out what caused the confusion.
Has anyone else got any suggestions?
Why not just cut to the chase, invite that person out for a coffee and have a little friendly banter then ask them point blank, by saying, "I'm not trying to embarrass you but I am curious about what it was that gave you the idea to say thus and so the other day when I'm actually a woman?"
Do something to that effect and it will come across as non-threatening and perhaps they might say what it was that tipped them off and thus give you an idea of where you can make some corrections in either your dress or body language so that it doesn't happen again.
It's par for the course. Sometimes people make mistakes. Especially if you're not passing as cis. I know it sucks but realistically the majority of people have no first hand experience with trans people, when people have a lack of experience in anything, they're prone to making mistakes from time to time. As to why... who knows? Could be anything from your face, voice, body type, hand size, Adam's apple, hairline or a million other things. Just move on and don't let it bother you. Very few trans people pass as cis 100% of the time.
I've called really attractive feminine women "sir" before.
Usually it's at work, i'm tired and it just comes out ::)
Quote from: Isabelle on January 13, 2013, 08:50:29 PM
It's par for the course. Sometimes people make mistakes. Especially if you're not passing as cis. I know it sucks but realistically the majority of people have no first hand experience with trans people, when people have a lack of experience in anything, they're prone to making mistakes from time to time. As to why... who knows? Could be anything from your face, voice, body type, hand size, Adam's apple, hairline or a million other things. Just move on and don't let it bother you. Very few trans people pass as cis 100% of the time.
Yeah, I think you're right! I still like the idea of having a friendly little tête-à-tête over coffee as a good way to create a potential ally in the workplace and diffuse any misguided thinking the other person might have. Not everyone is as outgoing as I am, but it's worth the effort and helps draw you out of your comfort shell and work on becoming a more outgoing and possibly even a vivacious personality. Just another phase of the blooming process into womanhood.
Quote from: Shantel on January 14, 2013, 09:24:00 AM
I still like the idea of having a friendly little tête-à-tête over coffee as a good way to create a potential ally in the workplace and diffuse any misguided thinking the other person might have.
I agree with you entirely and would probably deal with it the same way in the workplace.
I should probably have provided a bit more context. This was in the queue (which is what I shall blame for queuing up the wrong cue in my original message) for the checkout at the supermarket. It was also the customer behind me rather than the person working at the checkout.
Quote from: Rosie on January 14, 2013, 12:50:51 PM
I agree with you entirely and would probably deal with it the same way in the workplace.
I should probably have provided a bit more context. This was in the queue (which is what I shall blame for queuing up the wrong cue in my original message) for the checkout at the supermarket. It was also the customer behind me rather than the person working at the checkout.
Gotcha, well that's never fun! Five minutes after that event that individual's two bits worth was past history and really should be disregarded as ineffectual to your life unless you let it be otherwise. Chin up hon!