I've been referred to a gender clinic in my home state by my G.P. As a prerequisite to seeing the clinic's psychiatrists (I will be seeing two for the next couple years) I had to prepare a lengthy biography on my family, school, work and gender dysphoria. Well it took about 4 months to write (was pretty painful to rehash my childhood and everything else) and ended up being about 7000 words long. I sent the bio off about a month ago and received appointments for both docs' a couple weeks ago. The first appointment was today and the next is in early August.
I've seen psych's before because of depression but none who dealt specifically with gender dysphoria (or knew how to treat it). I was awash with a mix of emotions/feelings this morning before the appointment ranging from anxiety, nervousness, fear and elation. Anxiety and fear about the journey ahead but at the same time elation that hopefully, finally, I was doing something to right the wrongs of my birth.
Doctor X was nice and friendly and his manner put me at ease. He commended me on the thoroughness of my biography (it's long as I previously eluded to) and told me that it was one of the most moving, detailed and well written that he had seen in his career. He made a number of other comments regarding my 'difficult' childhood and told me that the thoroughness of it meant that I had already provided a lot of the information that we would have covered in consultations over the next few months.
He advised that the information in my bio indicated that I was gender dysphoria but he would seek a deeper insight over the next few months. I'II be seeing him fortnightly for the next three months together with another psychiatrist. At the end of that period the clinic's panel will meet to discuss my history, diagnosis, treatment etc. They will also determine whether I'm a favorable candidate for HRT and if so refer me to and endo for tests and hormone treatment.
The anxiety and elation from this morning has returned. I'm both scared and elated that HRT may only be 3 months away. My life's about to change dramatically and that's a little scary but at the same time I'm finally on the way to being me.
My wife asked me how I went when I arrived home and I told her almost everything (I left out the HRT part as I thought it best not to scare her with so much to soon). She was still upset about the rest of the discussion and that things would potentially be happening so quickly. Although she knows about my gender dysphoria she has trouble believing that I really want to become a woman. I think she still lives in hope that it will go away.
Doctor X did ask me why I thought I was female. I told him that it was something that I'd always felt since I was little, that I felt more akin to other girls, didn't really understand boys, wanted to do girl things (games, clothes etc). That I felt that my emotions, feelings and attitude were female.
I'd be curious to know if others have had this question and your response.
Hi Lydia,
It sounds like you went to a lot of work with your bio. I am glad that my bio didn't have to be that detailed, I would not have been ready to share some details that early in the relationship with a therapist.
I hope things continue to go well for you.
Sarah L.
When i first say my doc he asked me to & i pritty much said the same as your self. Ive allways known i was female but never understood how or why. Its only when i got older i understood.
Quote from: Lydia on May 16, 2007, 09:19:36 AM
Doctor X did ask me why I thought I was female. I told him that it was something that I'd always felt since I was little, that I felt more akin to other girls, didn't really understand boys, wanted to do girl things (games, clothes etc). That I felt that my emotions, feelings and attitude were female.
I'd be curious to know if others have had this question and your response.
It's a question that generally comes up at some time or other in the process. I have to tell you that this question has no "right" answer, and so I think you gave a fine answer for yourself. I have sometimes answered much like you did. Another answer that I have sometimes given is, "I don't know 'why.' I've just always felt this way."
"Well doc, that's why I'm here. I don't know but you should. You've studied pshychiatry and I have not."
That was my answer with my first therapist.
chin up!
Cindi
Quote from: Cindi Jones on May 16, 2007, 02:29:39 PM
"Well doc, that's why I'm here. I don't know but you should. You've studied pshychiatry and I have not."
That was my answer with my first therapist.
chin up!
Cindi
That's an answer that's almost guaranteed to increase the number of therapy visits you will have to have.
Lisbeth... ;)
I soon learned to dictate my terms to therapists. It did work out in the end. The first few that I saw were not qualified to deal with my issues. It was a very painful experience.
Cindi
My UK Psych didn't care too much for "answers" or "detailed biographical narratives" ...
Guess he'd heard it all before, and heard too much to believe other than that the patient was constructing a "story" he/she had been told was what "the psychs expected to hear" ! All he needed to know was that the patient was not suffering mental illness or psychosis ...
I was presenting to him confidently (passably & attractively) as female, was single and unencumbered in relationships, was self medicating, and was about to go full time at work ...
So he cut no bones. He gave me a legal AA / HRT script, wished me well, and asked me to come back in 3 months, and thereafter regularly to see how things were going.
That was the sum of my "therapy", but then Russell Reid was no great believer in psychoanalytical therapy, he believed that the entire proof and diagnosis of transexualism (a self-diagnosed condition) rested in his patients success and happiness during a year of real life experience.
Russell Reid may have cut corners, but he was fundementally right in that if it takes a shrink to tell you you're transsexual then you're probably not !
Laura
Laura... you succinctly put into words the bulk of my experience. Once I had made "the decision" to transition and was presenting myself as female, I had no problems with the therapists. In fact I didn't see them very often..... only enough to get my letters.
Cindi
What are thd two of u on about, i am female but still cant get people 2 listen
Who cares if they listen Lucy? Look, therapists are very helpful in solving your personal life problems. But what if you've already solved your problem? A good therapist will realize this and will help facilitate you in your solution. The best ones will at least.
So if your direction is clear and you know what you want. Tell them. It's very simple.
Cindi
Quote from: Cindi Jones on May 16, 2007, 06:37:38 PM
So if your direction is clear and you know what you want. Tell them. It's very simple.
Exactly!
I think concerns of being female or not, or of being a "true" transsexual and so on... are a subconscious attempt to avoid accepting the responsibility for simply being who you are and accepting that your needs are valid and OK to have. Just more manifestations of hidden shame.
If you're female, then you are. No reasons, no proof, no tests - you CLAIM it. Own it. Accept it without hesitation and most of all...
LIVE it.
~Kate~
Butterfly, why do you think you're female?
I'm female because ~blank look~ I don't know why, I just know I am. It's been years since that question and I still can't answer it.
Quote from: Cindi Jones on May 16, 2007, 02:29:39 PM
"Well doc, that's why I'm here. I don't know but you should. You've studied pshychiatry and I have not."
That was my answer with my first therapist.
chin up!
Cindi
Cindi. Loved the response. It brought a smile to my face.
I'm still presenting full time in drab. I want to feel confident that I'm not going to get clocked everytime I step out the door. Will wait until I've had laser and possibly been on HRT for a little. Dr X made me feel nice. He said that I had a female shaped face and his receptionist commented that I looked 'pretty'. That gave me a buzz. First time I've ever been called pretty.
Once the first three month period is up I only have to return to see the Doctor's once every 3 months for progress reviews which isn't to bad. Have to be full time for 18months before I can be considered for SRS.
Quote from: Cindi Jones on May 16, 2007, 06:37:38 PM
Who cares if they listen Lucy? Look, therapists are very helpful in solving your personal life problems. But what if you've already solved your problem? A good therapist will realize this and will help facilitate you in your solution. The best ones will at least.
So if your direction is clear and you know what you want. Tell them. It's very simple.
Cindi
Dr X asked what I wanted from seeing him. Where did I want to go from here to which I replied that the answer was pretty easy. I said that "I want to be a woman" (in the physical sense)
Quote from: Kate on May 16, 2007, 06:50:32 PM
If you're female, then you are. No reasons, no proof, no tests - you CLAIM it. Own it. Accept it without hesitation and most of all...
LIVE it.
~Kate~
Great response Kate
A couple other questions he asked.
"What about myself did I consider female" Reply "My mind, my attitude, feelings etc"
"What about myself did I consider wasn't male" Same reply "My mind, my attitude, feelings etc"
In the tradition started by Kristi :)
Your pretty: 1
You have a female face: 1
Quote from: Laura Eva B on May 16, 2007, 04:47:54 PM
Guess he'd heard it all before, and heard too much to believe other than that the patient was constructing a "story" he/she had been told was what "the psychs expected to hear" ! All he needed to know was that the patient was not suffering mental illness or psychosis ...
Bingo!
Quote from: Lucy on May 16, 2007, 05:58:25 PM
What are thd two of u on about, i am female but still cant get people 2 listen
Maybe you're sending mixed messages. Do your non-verbal cues say that you're female?
Yes but some people just dont want to beleave, denial.
You can't control them. So ignore them.
I was paranoid about 'convincing' my psych that I meant it, and maybe convincing myself along the way. In the end, I don't think he even really thought much about my long story. It really doesn't mean much in the end.
I think any therapist who thinks its their call to 'judge' the validity of their patients is looking about things completely the wrong way.
I actually was rather unsure of myself to start, but my therapist didn't push me one way or another. He didn't insist that I prove myself, or that I was in denial or faking it or whatever. What he did was help me discover what I needed for myself, and I definitely think that should be the foremost goal of any therapist. Sure, at times I was a little frustrated that he wouldn't just say that I'm trans or whatnot and that I needed so and so treatment, but I think it did a lot more good that he left the decisive part up to me.
After all, it's our journey, not theirs. You make the call, and if they're not willing to help... so be it. They're not worth your time or money.
Unfortunately, there are still a lot of them that don't have any real knowledge of transsexualism, and others who have little actual experience with clinical therapy, rather than just process and theory.
IMHO that question is stupid. Ask a GG the same thing and see if you can get a concrete answer. ::) But I recall being asked that silly question as well. *sighs* I just told her what I'd always felt, that my soul was female and that I despised my male anatomy with all my might, so much so, that I had tried to commit suicide in three separate occasions. I suppose that did it, for she never asked me anything of that nature ever again.
tink :icon_chick:
That's good that you're on the path, Lydia. I think I was asked some think like that, by both my psychiatrists -- I don't remember what I said, exactly.
I didn't come to the need to be a woman until later in life so I didn't fit the traditional ' trapped in a mans body since birth' model;. I just told the doc that I had thought about it, and this is what I wanted to do. That seemed to satisfy him, coming from a 53 year old man and he started me on hormones. History doen't matter. It's just what you need now in your life.
margie
Quote from: Lydia on May 16, 2007, 09:19:36 AM
.... Well it took about 4 months to write (was pretty painful to rehash my childhood and everything else) and ended up being about 7000 words long. I sent the bio off about a month ago and received appointments for both docs' a couple weeks ago. The first appointment was today and the next is in early August. ....
My god! :o I would die an old man, if I had to do a "book" like that, to get hormones. :laugh:
My GP asked a similar question and I monologed at him for about 10 mins and then when I got to the part in my life story where I started going to school I just burst into tears, I still do if I think about it too much....
Anyway, he said he'd reffer me to two gender clinics (one private one NHS) which he did and I recieved letters of refferal three weeks later and I got an NHS appointment 6 weeks after that.
By the time that I saw my NHS doc I was already FT and a passable happy woman so she only asked a couple of questions like when i'd changed my name and when i'd decided to transition.
I've read so many of the "how to convince the medical and psychiatric folk" stories from various places, that it makes me both angry and sad. For me..........I didn't follow a guided path, but took matters into my own hands (Okay, let me again repeat myself here: Do not do this very dangerous thing. It could kill you!). I self medicated, properly, and did not seek medical assistance until I was just over 2 yrs into transition.
For me, I had no one to convince. I was there, in front of them, convincingly being female. My very excellent doctor did blood levels, liver function, etc, and kept me on my regimen. I met with my therapist for the first time last week, and am going again tomorrow. She was great! Wonderful woman, with a wonderful sense of humor, and a very realistic perception of reality. Hehee...! I say that anytime someone else's perception of reality matches mine. Anyway, she said I had a very firm sense of who I was, and how I fit into society. Here, I'm looking for my letter, and some conversation on how to make this easier on those I love, and how to make it easier on me, and who I work with. I think the letter should be a snap.
Bev
Quote from: joannie on May 26, 2007, 08:23:37 PM
I didn't come to the need to be a woman until later in life so I didn't fit the traditional ' trapped in a mans body since birth' model;. I just told the doc that I had thought about it, and this is what I wanted to do. That seemed to satisfy him, coming from a 53 year old man and he started me on hormones. History doen't matter. It's just what you need now in your life.
margie
my guess would be that they'd be most stringent with what they let the younger patients do, and most liberal with what they let the older patients do?
Partly just that young people do silly things? think of how many grown ups are stuck with bad tattoos, they probably have some sort of image of the grown up stuck with SRS that seemed like a good idea to a troubled youth? But hopefully they'd give you more credit than that?
but also if you are older, you are not risking as much? Particularly if you already have a family. The biggest side effect of gender re-assignment as i see it would be loss of fertility. They really don't want a young person to loose that functionality if there is a chance they may be able to cope with their masculine mind in a feminine body (or visa versa) some other way? But if you already have a family, that's not an issue as much?
Yah I have thought about that question so much lately. It's hard for me because growing up I buried anything feminine that came out of me because I was a man and therefore should act like a man.
Over the last few months as this stuff became unburied, I have realized that I have always been self conscious of my lack of hair in certain places, my emotional state of being, hobbies, and problems with how I look.
But even if I can get over all of these things and still be a man....there's still something inside me that longs to be a woman. And I can't break through that locked box to figure out why. It's frustrating.
It is strange how times have changed in 30/40 years and when I hear about what goes on today I don't know if I would have survived the process.
I wasn't allowed to seek medical help until I turned 18 so I self-medicated when I could (which wasn't easy because hormones were hard to come by in the 1960's). Just before my 18th birthday I found a sympathetic gynaecologist who asked me to stop self-medicating - I refused so he wrote me a prescription anyway. He also arranged a psychiatric assessment at the same hospital.
I had been living part time en femme, whenever I could get away from home, and despite in-depth interviews by multiple shrinks I don't remember ever being asked "Why?". I don't think there was a need because it was obvious that I couldn't pass for a guy. The objective of the assessment was simply to determine that a person was sane and stable enough to make their own decisions. I came away from the day-long sessions with the unconditional support of the psych team and didn't see a shrink again. (Unfortunately it was 2 more years before SRS became available.)
Frankly, if I had been denied script, I would have continued DIY. If I had been denied surgery, I would have offed myself. Everybody knew it and they did everything they could to speed me on my way.