Hi guys and girls, how's it going?
First of all I must say I'm so glad I found this forum, people are talkative, nice and helpful. I probably won't be doing really long winded posts as I have my blog for that but I will post snippets of my problems, uncertainties and I'll see if I can be of any help to those who need it.
So, I'm Andrea, I'm 23 years old and I'm a transgender girl that didn't start the transition process yet, for various reasons, so I'm gathering all the information I can on the subject so when I begin transitioning, hopefully soon, I'll have caught up with the things that I needed to. I'm not going to go through all the "why I'm transgender" topics because it's almost the same like any girls reasons out there. I'm just happy to say that since I've came to terms with myself on what I really am and what I need to do from this point on and my whole self has improved immeasurably ever since. And it's only been 11 - 12 days since I came out to myself but my whole view on life has changed to the point where it's almost the opposite of what I used to be 2 weeks ago. Now I have goals, dreams, ambitions, I care about how I look, I want to learn and develop myself for myself as well as for the social life I want now. Before it was none of that, at all, there was a boatload of depression, anxiety, loneliness and heeey, the most "lovely" condition of human kind, can you guess it, can you guess it? Yeeees, I was suicidal, for a very good bad reason (yeah, I don't understand myself sometimes either). And come to think that I always knew I was different and I inclined towards more feminine feelings, habits, approaches as well as material wares but I didn't really speak it "out loud" to myself, what a shame. I'm not the jealous type but I do have a bit of... anger towards myself that I didn't take this road much earlier, so when I see these gorgeous girls that are 18, 20, 24 and so on I get a bit of that. With God's will and a whole lot of work on my side, I'll probably hit the "yeah I'm passing" moment when I'll be around 26 - 27 years old. But then again, I look at all you lovely senior transgenders and I'm like "just forget about all of that, it's never too late". You, the senior transgenders, regardless of gender are one of the standing pillars of this movement and I salute you all. You show that it's not "just a phase" or that we're not some crazy, perverted kids that just don't fit anywhere. You really show that the expression of self has no age, phase, sexual orientation or the will to subdue to anyone or anything, again, I salute you from all my heart.
Now that I'm into this natural and different mindset I can't really put my finger on the reason why I didn't come to terms with myself earlier but I tend to think it's society's grip on our whole being, I probably feared what most fear, the ridicule, possible violence, rejection, starting over. Now I don't, I crave some of those, especially the starting over. Due to "society's expectations" I gradually learned my role as a male but I'd never quite fit in like I belonged there. I also blame this on society, media, entourage and so on but at one point, around 17 - 19 yo I found that I became homophobic towards gay people. I never did anything against anyone, not even verbally, but when the subject came up with friends, I just had my anti-gay lines and verbal attacks coming out. And I didn't feel right about this but I still did because I needed to fit in with "society" which awkwardly is really anti social if one takes a step back to look at the big picture. At that point there was no such thing as "yes I'm a girl, a transgender girl" in my head. So I used to have homophobic thoughts but now I'm the happiest bunny in the grass for discovering my true female self. Yayyy, I'm a hypocrite! And it's more disturbing when I think about it because I'm bisexual and this has also been repressed by this "operating system" we call society and it was repressed in my own self. Meaning that whenever I was looking at a guy who I felt attracted to, checking him out and such, my rational (pffft) mind kept leaping in with a series of "NO, NO, NO", if you get what I mean. So yaaaaaaay, I'm a double hypocrite, top that!
Because beginning physical transition is not even close to possible for me at the current moment, It doesn't mean I should wait around and do nothing about this right? Right. So at the current moment I'm undergoing a bit of self therapy and learning to truly become the woman that I am. I'm trying to fix my posture, practicing my speech and voice (God this is terrible), getting accustomed to gestures and all the mental developments I need to undertake to really be myself. I want to have as little things left to do when I will actually start transitioning physically so that really rocking period of hormones, self critique, shifting emotions (oh boy, I have a gang of that already) and so on, the ride will be just a bit smoother so I won't end up slicing and dicing up myself. My feelings and emotions are probably the most feminine features I have, mentally speaking. I always get lit up and emotional over the smallest things, I get hysterical sometimes and I cry my ass off when I feel down and cornered. Probably because I've been this way all my life. So when I'll start HRT I'll need to lock myself in a bunker in the woods because God almighty knows I love this planet and I just don't want to destroy it. But it's not just these emotions that reflect my femininity in my every day life either, these are the most radical ones, but there's a lot of good in me, I know that. I just have to dig it up now. Oh, and I can talk your ears off, can you tell? So yeah, I'm social, approachable and talkative to the extreme, now I know that I'm transgender so... Hi! :)
Hi Andrea and welcome to Susan's. Timing has something to do when we're ready
to accept who we really are. When it does come, it's such a relief. Don't beat yourself
up because you didn't come out sooner. I enjoyed reading your introduction.
:)
lol, very energetic introduction; I like it!
When I was 19, I came out to a very few friends and started to consider seriously the idea of transitioning. Back then I was a mess, and society did its share in keeping the idea of transitioning away. So I hid it under the rug, pretending that I could fit in as a male. Guess what happens when you repress your feelings...! Now, at 28, I'm confident and focused. It's very lovely to read from younger people that are certain of their need to transition :-)
Good luck along the way!
Hi Andrea, :icon_wave:
Welcome to our little family. Over 9824 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.
Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams. Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.
But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-3.gif&hash=f49e2f86761323f2abd9c33941920389dbb3b10f)
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Hi Andrea,
A big Aussie welcome to Susan's family. It's good of you to drop in and say "Hi". Hope you like it here, and you stay for a while.
There is a mountain of information, resources and friendship waiting for you here, you just need to jump in start talking and ask any question you like. You're quite safe here and we are very accepting.
Good to hear you have the "Bull by the Horns" and are moving forward with conviction in your journey. What you are doing is right. There is no real way you have to transition. There a just a few "Must-Dos" and it's all done. As time goes on, you'll know what to do.
Looking forward to hearing more of your story in time to come, but in the meantime, be safe, well and happy.
Lotsa huggs
Catherine
Nice to meet other Andrea here ^-^
Welcome
Andrea
@gennee Thanks for the encouragements, I know you're right about it because there's not much I can do really at this point just kick things into high gear starting from now. Unless I'll fix my time machine somehow ???
@Alex_K I'm glad you eventually pulled it off, I'm also starting off with a pretty low general condition as you did when you were 19, except I really neglected myself so much and so hard that even though I'm ashamed of myself and what I've done throughout the years, now I have a very close and clear example of how "not to" do things.
@Ms. OBrien VT Thanks for the informative links, I'm checking that out as soon as I'll make a break from work, I'll do my best to adhere to the forum's rules and policies.
@Catherine Sarah Thanks for the warm welcome, I'm going to stick around for a long while I'm sure of that. Just like I never had a blog longer than 2 posts before I started my current blog, I've also never posted more than once in a forum because there was never a forum of such importance and help for me as this one. I'm very sure I'll be around for many years to come.
-"There a just a few "Must-Dos" and it's all done." That sounds so simple, of course coming from you it seems simple now but from me looking ahead, being very anal and perfectionist by nature I'll probably post a lot of questions regarding even the smallest things.
-"Looking forward to hearing more of your story in time to come, but in the meantime, be safe, well and happy." Well I'm not going to post "my story" here, just small bits and pieces of it where it's relevant. I don't think turning the forum in my day to day diary would be of any relevance to anyone reading here because I've made my blog just for that and it's basically the only place where I can express myself and tell my story and sort of live with my female mentality and thoughts. My little corner of the internet where I can and will document not only my transition period but also the period after that, living life as I was meant to.
@Medusa Hi Andrea, nice to meet you as well. ;D My legal name is Andrew for now and I didn't want change my name radically so I stuck with Andrea, I just love it. My new username, mynameisandrea, is not just a introduction, I just feel amazing to say it, write it, think it because it's a small piece of my whole true identity I have to pull out of the shadows.
Thank all of you for the warm welcome, if anyone has any sort of questions just let them come, there's really no question that would be too intimate or personal so whatever is on your mind just let it come. And if anyone here is interested to know more about me and just read my (almost) daily rants just click my signature, that's where it's really at.
Hi Andrea,
Quote from: mynameisandrea on January 22, 2013, 08:29:40 AM
-"There a just a few "Must-Dos" and it's all done." That sounds so simple, of course coming from you it seems simple now but from me looking ahead, being very anal and perfectionist by nature I'll probably post a lot of questions regarding even the smallest things.
You're absolutely right. Coming from an engineering background, and being anal as I am, yes there is an absolute plethora of things to do, research to be done, people to speak to, yardy, yardy, yardy, that I've overlooked. And just to give the whole process a few more wheels, the engineering software I run has a cost centre management plug-in. I checked just recently, I've spent over 45 days doing my research on transition, alone. And they are 24 hour days, not including social events to get the real news on how things happen.
So, yes please, post whatever question pops into your head. They are ALL very important questions, so don't miss one.
In the beginning, I too, thought it impossible. But that's just the way you eat an elephant, one bite at a time.
Huggs
Catherine