"We Can't Call You Daddy If You're Going to Be a Girl"
Being trans was hard. Finding a name for my children to call me was harder.
Published on January 22, 2013 by Jennifer F. Boylan in Stuck in the Middle With You
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stuck-in-the-middle-you/201301/we-cant-call-you-daddy-if-youre-going-be-girl (http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stuck-in-the-middle-you/201301/we-cant-call-you-daddy-if-youre-going-be-girl)
Whatever it was I'd imagined I'd become, before I changed genders, had finally been replaced by the reality--both difficult and joyful-- of what being a woman in the culture was actually going to mean.
There was one question though, that nagged at me, however, that woke me up in the middle of the night, and which caused me to lie there in the dark, unable to conjure an answer. What about the boys, a voice asked me. What about your two sons?
Now, speaking from the vantage point of my fifties--and my sons' late teens-- I know that things worked out just fine, that having a parent who changed genders had no direct effect on their sense of "manhood." Whatever masculinity is, in their hearts and minds, it appears to be hard-wired. My sons, like any other sons, developed most of the passions that we traditionally associate with men-- an affinity for sports; a love of loud music; a passion for climbing mountains, bungee jumping, and diving in shark cages; and some virtuosity in the realms of Skyrim, Minecraft, and Zelda. And if they'd developed in some other way, that would have been fine too. Whatever they are is the result of something other than my own emergence as trans.
The author is a Professor of English at Colby College in Maine. She is the author of several books, but I recommend -
She's Not There: A Life in Two Genders, Broadway, 2003.
Beautifully written,,,,too bad my wife left me... >:(
Quote from: peky on January 31, 2013, 07:16:43 PM
Beautifully written,,,,too bad my wife left me... >:(
Mine left me years before I transitioned...she didn't even know she'd left me. And still doesn't, because she can do no wrong.
Quote from: Beth Andrea on January 31, 2013, 07:19:13 PM
Mine left me years before I transitioned...she didn't even know she'd left me. And still doesn't, because she can do no wrong.
We must have married into the same family... :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Whether in public or in private:
My oldest always calls me Dad, the next two call me mostly Dad but sometimes they call me Mom in private...the next two down, my youngest, mostly call me Mom...
I do not give a rat ass if they call me Dad or Mom in private or public..but I will refuse to be called anything else..
My son still calls me Daddy. I'm just glad he is comfortable enough with my transition and he still loves me this much. I don't really care what he calls me.