Well today I posted the following note telling my friends that I have officially started my transition. So far all the comments have been positive. I'm sure there will be the haters. But I'm ready for them.
QuoteAfter thinking things over I decided that it's time to tell everyone what I have been dealing with.
Most of you know what I have started, some don't.
Anyway since moving back to Massachusetts I have been seeing a psychiatrist. He helped me get through a rough time in my life. Moving into a nursing home was anything but easy for me, but physically I need to be in one.
But that's by far not the hardest part of my life. What I am about to say is any thing but easy but I need to say it here and now so here it goes.
I also told him about some thing that goes way back to childhood. About not feeling right within my own skin.
I have been diagnosed as Gender Dysphoric. Basically that means born as the wrong gender.
skip ahead a year and a half to two weeks ago I had an appointment up in Boston with a gender specialist.
The Doctor and I talked about a lot of things including Hormonal Therapy and concerns with me taking these drugs. I had done years and years of research on this and had wavered back and forth over the course of last summer what to to. Well the rewards out weigh the risks. I need to find happiness within myself. I walked out of the office with two perscriptions one a testostrone blocker and the other Estrogen.
So on Sunday January twentieth I took my first pills. Yes I am going to transition.
If you don't agree with what I am doing please feel free to delete me from your friends list.
I need support not haters. Any haters will be deleted anyway so please save me the trouble..
The last thing is some time in the future I will be changing my name here. How soon I'm not sure but I do have it picked out.
So there you have it.
Thank you for reading this.
That takes a lot of courage. Good for you. It's also an interesting idea to use social media to weed out undesirables instead of having to listen to them :)
Congratulations on the big step! Hugs, Devlyn
A big step, hopefully the haters will be few or none at all.
Congratulations. *hug*
I took a much more lazy approch myself, I just changed my name and figured; "they either figure it out or ask, to me it doesn't matter because the important people already know." Seems that every single people understood or didn't care because I never got a singel person to comment on it. :P
*hug*
Congratulations, Bethany! Coming out is big step, and Facebook makes it very public very fast.
I had been running two accounts at the same time for a while: one with my birth name and one with my legal name, and they had "friended" each other. Not long before I went full time, I posted this note to my birth name account:
Quote
Goodbye, and Hello
Friends,
I have something to share with you, something of great importance and a source of great joy for me. I am transgender, and am in the process of transitioning from David William McEntee to Constance (Connie) Anne McEntee. She can be found here:
http://www.facebook.com/connieanne11 (http://www.facebook.com/connieanne11)
This thing might seem sudden, but it's something that I can honestly say I've been working towards my whole life, with it having taken root in me during my very early school years.
I'm sure that some of you might have questions. Some of those questions might be answered in my blog, which I've been updating on a somewhat regular basis with details of my experiences as a transwoman. If you are so inclined, you can read that blog here:
http://doubleinvert.wordpress.com/ (http://doubleinvert.wordpress.com/)
This is a thing of great joy for me as I'm beginning to align my body with who I really am. It's been a journey towards wholeness.
Blessed be,
David/Connie
I hope your FB coming out works well for you. I kept most of my FB friends in the process.
Thanks everyone, What I did before I did this was I went through my friends and weeded out those who either never made an effort to keep in touch in any way shape or form
(Deleted cousins who live 10 minutes from me and in the 2 years I been back from Florida they have not been to visit or call me. Whats the point of having them as friends? I certainly don't mean that much to them.),
or people that I did not know in real life. Facebook to me in not a contest to see who can have the most "Friends". I use it as a means of communication with those who mean the most to me. So some already knew some didn't. But the people who I want to know; do.
Now to just change my name though it will be a while before I do that legally But I sure do like being called Bethany, or Bethy as one friend now calls me.
Congrats Bethany!
I had two FB accounts for quite a while. A few months ago, I changed the name on my primary account and stopped using the other. I invited all my 2nd account friends to the primary one. After a number of confused questions, I posted a note containing an explanation. I've received a lot of support, if I lost anyone, I haven't noticed they're gone. I'm very happy to not be living two separate online lives anymore, also really enjoying watching the occasional interactions between my different communities!
Zythyra
Way to go Bethany!
FB is a useful tool in our far flung culture. Funny, as you note, that we might live so close to a relative but not be in touch. I have recreated a wonderful family and circle of support thousands of miles from my origins. And, like you, am finding considerable support vs. the loathsome response I had conjured. The real challenge is more often between my ears than between my legs. ;-) Let us know if you have any major problems with incoming posts on FB.
Thank you Zythyra and Tessa,
The amount of support that I have is unreal, both in RL and on FB. Almost every bit of feed back has been positive so far.
I really only have one real life friend who does not like what I am doing, and she lets me know it. But at least she admits that it's her hangup, and that she does want me to be happy. It just goes against her religion. But I'm ready for when she brings that up again. Everyone else has been great. Even if they don't understand my need to do this, they just want me happy.
Today I changed my name on Facebook. Another big step forward
I came out on facebook last November. Here's what I wrote:
QuoteGuess what? All of you know someone who is transgender! Yup, I'm dropping the "coming out on facebook" bomb on y'all! Some of you already know about all of this but many of you don't- So here's the abridged version of the story...
A few years ago, I realized that I was transgender- that I was DEEPLY unhappy living as a man and I decided that I needed to transition and start living as a woman. It didn't come out of nowhere- Since I was 8 or 9 years old, I have felt "different" and for a LONG time, that was it. Something was wrong, but I didn't have a name for it. I battled severe anxiety and depression for years. I tried therapy, I tried Zoloft, etc. Nothing worked. Even after it all started to come into focus for me, it was very difficult to envision how I could possibly even START the process of transitioning. Luckily my girlfriend came into my life, which was my first big step towards happiness. Her support, love and encouragement gave me the courage to finally start taking real steps towards transitioning.
In July I saw a doctor who pronounced me fit and gave me a prescription for Hormone Replacement Therapy, which I've been on since then. It's a combination of estrogen and testosterone-blocking drugs that will, over time, change my appearance substantially. More importantly, they have almost completely eliminated the depression and anxiety I have been burdened with for decades. I am more relaxed and happier than I've ever been at any other time in my life. I'm also undergoing lazer hair removal to eliminate my facial hair, starting with my neck, and then moving on to the rest of my face after that.
I'm intentionally taking a "slow-and-steady" approach to this process, and the earliest I would possibly start living as a woman is next summer, but that is not a firm deadline. I intend to keep my given name, only changing the spelling slightly. It's important for all of you to know that I'm not becoming a different person- I'm just becoming a happier, more well-adjusted one. My personality and interests won't change. I will still love the Seahawks, I'll still nerd out about movies, TV, politics, and I'll still be with my girlfriend, who has been 100% behind my transition since the day we met. This has always been something I have struggled with mightily, and confronting it is one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life.
Why am I announcing this on facebook? I'm hoping for support and encouragement- If you can't give that to me, I'd prefer that you keep those feelings to yourselves. I'm coming out to an ever-growing circle of people over time, and it just feels like the right time to come out to my facebook friends. I'm still not officially out in terms of my job or my blog yet, and I hope all of you respect that decision, as well as my privacy.
Finally, this is your chance to ask (respectful) questions (within reason) about what I'm doing and what my plans are, if you'd like.
Thanks for reading, and thanks in advance for your support.
The reactions were almost unanimously positive and supportive, thankfully...
You dear ones are continuing to inspire me! I love what you wrote and you encourage me to take some of those other little steps like creating a new email address etc. Here is my email coming out letter, if it will fit:
Hi there,
I recently let a genie out of the bottle and her name is Tessa. My plan was to slowly talk with family and close friends one to one. "News" like this spreads pretty fast and I am wanting to be the one to tell you. Soooo dear ones my compromise is to share the letter below. The bigger story, to me, is how wonderful, compassionate, caring and supportive this community is. When sharing my vulnerable and personal truth with others I have often been graced by profound and personal truths in return. I feel closer than ever to this fabulous community.
With love and an open mind,
Jim/Tessa
Subject: "Coming out"
Dear Family & Friends,
I would dearly love to have an opportunity to sit down with you and share this very personal disclosure. I would rather have you hear this from me and trust you will contact me if you have any questions. I am a transgendered person and have known I was different from other boys and men since childhood. As a kid in the 50's there was no language or understanding for what I felt. I believed I was a girl at times and would grow up to be a mom. I identified with my sisters and mother and preferred to think of myself as some kind of tomboy. I was effectively disabused of these ideas and mannerisms the hard school yard way. Boys act like this and girls act like this! For me it has never been a binary world. As you likely know, there are more people living in the grey zone, or LGBTQ continuum than are acknowledged by themselves or the public. The world is changing and now we do have more people who are out and proud of who they really are. I intend to proceed with dignity and respect for myself and others.
Mine is a long story of repression and the struggle to fit in, act like a man and deny what has been troubling me. The medical folks call it Gender Dysphoria and/or Gender Identity Disorder. I did everything I could to be a boy and man but my shadow feminine self remained. I have been working with a therapist and support group for sometime. Part of therapy is accepting myself and recognizing the truth. Being honest with myself includes "coming out" as a transgendered person. Part of being transgendered for me is to embrace who I am in a process known as transition. Transition can take years and many transgendered people remain private until they are "passable." My transition includes presenting or appearing in clothing/attire that is typically more feminine, where I am very comfortable. Also called "cross dressing" I am now out in public to a limited degree. As I gain confidence and proceed other changes may become more obvious; long hair and feminization in general.
These changes may be uncomfortable for some. It has taken me a lifetime to deal with my gender identity and I understand this may take time for others to process. I am a public figure and will no longer hide. In fact, I find this liberating, hopeful and freeing. It is also my hope that this will be an educational opportunity and help others. An "out" gay teenager committed suicide in LaGrande two weeks ago. We need no further tragedies to convince us that intolerance and bullying are unacceptable.
I have come out to many of my friends and family and am fortunate to have a large circle of support. I have shared this personal truth with many people and they have often graced me with some personal truth in return. I feel closer than ever to you and this community. My experience so far has been very positive and 180 degrees from what I feared. I envisioned my self as the bride of frankenstein being pursued by the villagers with pitchforks and torches. The truth is people are more understanding, caring and supportive than I anticipated.
My wife has known the truth all along and is very supportive. While I don't have a crystal ball, we do plan to remain together in a loving relationship that has lasted 40 years so far. Please feel free to contact me about any questions or concerns. I trust you to be sensitive with this disclosure and prefer to tell my own story but I will never ask you to lie. I do plan to be part of ongoing diversity presentations that will include that rainbow of people who are your friends and family. I welcome talking with you.
Thank you,
Jim/Tessa
Tessa, your letter was awesome. Doesn't it feel great not to keep this all bundled up inside? I know I get a feeling of euphoria when I tell my story to a friend. I hope that your friends who read it are as accepting as those who read mine.
Hugs
Bethany
Thank you Bethany, You are right on sister! I kept myself too busy to deal with my troubled interior. Everything else was too important and I thought my fantasy world was enough. Finally my intimate and emotional life started crashing. When I started telling others and accepting myself I could not get the first sentence out of my mouth without crying. Now with therapy and support this chatty Kathy is ready to sing that coming out song to any and all. And I love it. As you say euphoria. Of course there are major hurdles and challenges but who gets through life without them? Hugs and warm fuzzies back at you hon.
Wow, congratulations on coming out Beth, Tessa, and Connie. You all took a big step and I know just how hard it can be. Hopefully, and I'm sure that, everything will work out for the best. :)
Also, yay for Beth and her upcoming 1 month!!!
Quote from: The Tomboy Transgirl on February 08, 2013, 02:43:49 PM
I came out on facebook last November. Here's what I wrote:
The reactions were almost unanimously positive and supportive, thankfully...
Transgirl, Thats great it seems as though we all have the backing of our loved ones. But it's so hard to know it when we had so much trouble accepting ourselves.
Quote from: Kayla on February 09, 2013, 05:12:25 AM
Wow, congratulations on coming out Beth, Tessa, and Connie. You all took a big step and I know just how hard it can be. Hopefully, and I'm sure that, everything will work out for the best. :)
Also, yay for Beth and her upcoming 1 month!!!
Thank you Kayla I can't believe that I'm approaching the one month mark already. This has been by far the best month of my life, and it's only going to get better.
Hugs
Bethany
Congratulation it's a huge step. ((((hug)))
Congratulations! This step is huge and the world will know about the true you. :)
Today when the aids came in to get me out of bed. One whom I really can't stand says to me. "Is that really your name on facebook. I saw it through a mutual friend who liked your photo." I smiled at her and replied "Yup it's really me."
Out and Proud! Keep it up Bethany D. Nice new pic with you and yours
I like Staci's profile pic too--letting the light shine in!
The person in the picture with me is a very good friend of mine. Very supportive and loving. One of my best friends. And I would not want to chance losing that friendship for anything. If anything we are BFF's LOL.
She is actually the one who encouraged me to transition, not that I wouldn't have.
You two look happy and relaxed. We do so need our BFs! It was my wife who gently got me in to counseling. Forgive me if it's personal but what's with the "aid" assistant?
No worries Tessa I'm more than happy to answer any question. I have a form of musculay dystrophy and I live in a nursing home.
I love it when people look at the obvious and say something like "God thats got to be so hard on you." and their face drops when I tell them that this is a peice of cake compaired to some of my other issues that I have been dealing with since childhood. So then they may or may not did deeper, but if they do I will tell them that I am TG. And I say something along the lines of. "Imagine looking into the mirror every day of your life but you never see yourself but some strangers face looking back."
Thank you Bethany. After coming out I think we generally find it easier to be out and honest about everything? I eventually came to the conclusion that I was literally from another planet or dimension. Before meeting more of the LGBTQ crowd I never talked to anyone who felt like I did. And mirrors, you nailed it! I was a stranger to myself and knew those eyes, at least, were authentic. Other "issues" as you note are more significant to them than us. People tell me they would be more surprised by my turing into a republican than TG.
Your very welcome dear, as I said I'm more than happy to answer any question.
And if anyone would like to be friends on Facebook please ask in private and I will send along my info but then again we chat here so facebook would be a bit redundant.
Opps just saw that I can link to facebook through my profile LOL
And thanks too for inspiring me to post a real picture as avatar. If so many can do it, it must be be ok
I don't know if it's ok or not but I got tired of hiding in the closet in any way, shape, or form. I am who I am. Besides my closet is to small, I need room for more cloths and shoes. LOL
Quote from: Bethany Dawn on February 10, 2013, 02:54:30 PM
I don't know if it's ok or not but I got tired of hiding in the closet in any way, shape, or form. I am who I am. Besides my closet is to small, I need room for more cloths and shoes. LOL
You got it Bethany! that cracked me up about the closet. I never cared much about shopping for boy stuff but girly stuff? Oh to die for! And living in a small house means some man things had to go. The wardrobe does get more complicated tho?
I changed my picture on facebook too and was rewarded by many friends and only one joker. In balance so far so good. Oops it's morning in America.
Gnight
Quote from: Bethany Dawn on February 10, 2013, 02:54:30 PM
I don't know if it's ok or not but I got tired of hiding in the closet in any way, shape, or form. I am who I am. Besides my closet is to small, I need room for more cloths and shoes. LOL
I agree, closets are for clothes! Speaking of which, I need to get rid of all that pesky male clothing to make room for more beautiful outfits ;D
Z
Here's an interesting twist. My adopted Nana posted about me yesterday, She mentioned both my birth name and Bethany. So in order to stop any confusion I posted the following comment
QuoteI think an explanation is in order here so people won't get confused. I am Transgendered. I have just begun my transition. I have recently just come out telling my friends what I have been going through. I live at the same nursing home as Nana and have adopted her as my Grandmother. She is truly one of a kind. Love you Nana.
Nice way to recreate family Bethany. That feels very loving to hear about. And happy Valentines day to you and all!
Well, at the pace the internet and face book work, it did not take long for some troll to hack my picture and literally start to "steal my friends" for what ever purpose? I had to certify this person was "impersonating" me and FB sent my phone a confirm code and now the troll is "blocked." This all happened over the space of 10 minutes! Too techy icky!
Warning!!!!!!!!!
Traffic and changes are monitored by trolls out there. Being public comes with risk and while I will not live in fear we do need to be aware.
Other than that it's been a great day for love!
Sorry to hear that Tessa. But very happy that the troll is blocked. I don't understand why people do things like this. But it seems to happen more often than not nowadays. :(