If society was accepting of your transition, how soon would you have begun? The answer is short. I would not be writing this now. This is what keeps some bigger fears small.
Oh thats easy to answer. As soon as I could have. If parents concent was needed I would have started at puberty. If I didn't get that as soon as I turned 18.
As soon as they would have let me. Maybe I wouldn't have been so miserable when I was a teenager.
I'm not really sure. I'm sure that I would have done a RLE sometime as a kid with just the clothing, but since I haven't done one as an adult yet, I'm not sure how long it would be before I opted for the rest.
I have known since I was about 5 that I wanted to be a girl, so I would have loved to have transitioned before puberty.
I was 5 when I first tried on girl clothes. Even then I new it was much more than fabric. Now 40 years later, I have had the courage to ask for what I want. I have not started HRT yet (2weeks fingers crossed) but it just shows me how bad I need answers.
My first question was: Why is this happening to me? Answer: I stopped asking why.
My second question was: What is this? Answer: (with help of therapist) you are transgendered.
My third question was: What do I do about it? Answer: you start finding out what it's like to stop being male. HRT and the lot.
(where I am at now) My fourth question is what will hormones feel like? there's only one way to find out. Excited! Scared!
At 18 years old, when I finally accepted I was a transsexual and needed to transition, and that no magic spell would save me. I started at 21 (minus 4 days), because of the delays that were put into the process for various reasons, by various people.
The special thing with me is that it's my own fault I couldn't transition early. I thought transsexuals were yucky old perverted ->-bleeped-<-s (thanks dad for the awesome opinions you've given me). A pedopsychiatrist who I was seeing for something else told me about transsexualism at the age of 11 or 12. She asked me if I wanted to be a girl, and I said no, not really, that I was just a boy who was more like a girl. She put a medical term on that and I was happy with that.
I was oh so convinced that magic or something would save me. Or maybe that conviction came a few years later, and the reason at that point was still that I didn't think I had the right to be a girl, because when I asked to be a girl in my childhood, I was told no. I'm not sure at all. My memory is awful. I don't even remember asking my mother to be a girl at all, actually; she told me a few months ago.
I had a chance to start therapy and possibly puberty blockers, something that the vast majority of transgenders have never come close to having, and I didn't seize it.
I don't know if one day, I'll be able to stop feeling guilty and full of regret for that action, and stupid for having always known I was not a guy yet taking 18 years to do the math and take a decision. It's so hard not to, not just for physical reasons, especially with how much brighter my life until now would likely have been if I could have even only been on puberty blockers and seen a therapist. It would have enabled me to build myself a normal adolescence, social skills and a social life.
My experience is why I think such things should be thoroughly investigated, so the shy/stupid/endoctrined/magical thinking/untrusting/whatever child effect can have less consequences. I know myself. I know if I had been thoroughly made to open up, to confess my feelings and beliefs, and if things had been explained to me properly, I would have changed my mind. But then again, I can't really blame anyone. I'm pretty sure most children would not have acted the way I did.
I can really appreciate the dad thinking TG people are purvey men. My father to a T.
Anyway a few days before 21 starting HRT? don't feel one bit bad. I wish I had done it that soon. I thought about it back then, but was far far too afraid to try. It was over 20 years later that I found the courage. Not a moment to waste right? That's what real living is all about.
Yeah, but I'm pretty bad at forgiving myself. Also, I wouldn't quite say I've started just yet. I'm on anti-androgens, right, but only on a low dose of estrogens that has done nearly nothing in a year, because of those annoying blood test results that were biased.
However long it would take for someone to tell me, "Society will be accepting of your transition." Timed myself saying it a 2.04s. :laugh:
Can relate to father issue ( Master Sargent, combat vet, Cop and witnessed expressed predudice towards Transg*).
I guess If I had encouragement 4 or 5 when I was discovered in makeup and my Mom's cloths; not a good day, lots of crying and threats from my Mom to tell my Dad. My Dad would have beat me. I know why I surpressed.
The answer for me is easy, if society were accepting of my transition I would have started the moment I would have been allowed to begin HRT. It would have spared me years of confusion and pain, although two beautiful girls would not have been born had I begun then. I have often thought of the "what would have been", sort of an "It's a Wonderful Life" kinda of thing.
Quote from: A on February 10, 2013, 05:13:28 PM
Also, I wouldn't quite say I've started just yet. I'm on anti-androgens, right, but only on a low dose of estrogens that has done nearly nothing in a year, because of those annoying blood test results that were biased.
There are many that would disagree with me, but in my personal opinion, the second any of us knew is the second that we began our transition. Maybe not in the traditional sense of making the switch, but certainly internally as we try to decipher who we really are and how to handle that information. The road to self-acceptance is part of a transition. In fact, I'd venture to say it IS the transition. The rest is cosmetic to help solidify what you know of yourself, and to allow others to see you the way you see yourself.
Quote from: Emily Elizabeth on February 10, 2013, 09:12:09 PM
the second any of us knew is the second that we began our transition.
I thoroughly agree, Transition begins when you accept who you are.
C.
I always wanted to be a girl since I was like 4-5. Yet, under the hypothetical condition of society being accepting; Now. I really doubt I would be the person I am today nor have achieved many of the successes I have if I transitioned earlier in life when I first tried. I was too immature. Too scared. No self confidence and no self esteem.
But now the chicken and egg situation arises. Was I all those things because I was trans and society wasn't accepting? Would I have felt differently about myself if it were?
I've found socity at large to be accepting in actuality. I just had to get over my own fear that I carried with me since I learned about me on Halloween in Kindergarten, and develop a positive attitude. They were my hold ups.
Though, for full disclosure, I also needed to move away from my hometown. I wasn't strong enough to start my journey there.
I would, and did, transition as soon as I was over my fear. So put me in the:
Quote from: AwishForXX on February 10, 2013, 09:15:09 PM
Transition begins when you accept who you are.
camp.
I would have started puberty blockers as soon as I could have!!
Wouldn't the question of acceptances come easier had it had been accepted by society as "normal"?
I now accept who I am, but I felt so wrong about it for so long. I am so much lighter these days, and I've only told 4 other people on the planet.
At age of 13, I always liked putting make up and coloring my nails and toes. But at age 13 I read an article about Caroline Cossey and her sex change. That is the moment I realize the changing sex is something possible and I knew it is something I wanted to do. I took the news paper to show it to my mother and tell her I want to be a girl like this. But I was too scared to tell anything. Guess I already knew she will never understand and I would have probably ended in a mental institution.
So if the society had been theoretically perfect and accepting I would have transition when I was 13.
I don't know if my feelings about myself would have been any different if being trans were "normal" in society. Despite knowing at a young age, this has been a confusing thing with large consequences (see sterility). I don't believe that transition would be much easier if one thing, any one thing, changed in our favor. Then even if you change one thing for the better, what about the unintended side effects?
In the end we are responsible for our own journey. If we don't choose to transition at a given time, that was our choice to make. Even when things like obligations makes it feel like it isn't. After all, you could also choose to burn your own house down. When we choose to transition, and how to go about it, that's our choice too. Delay or alacrity toward our transition, it's not society's fault, or our SO's, our parents, or our work's, etc... it's always us making that decision yey or nay.
The important thing is you, we, get to acceptance of ourselves and we get to enjoy our lives afterward. We can and would be wise to learn from our past, but the only thing we are left with the ability to have an affect on is our future.
Quote from: Emily Elizabeth on February 10, 2013, 09:12:09 PM
There are many that would disagree with me, but in my personal opinion, the second any of us knew is the second that we began our transition. Maybe not in the traditional sense of making the switch, but certainly internally as we try to decipher who we really are and how to handle that information. The road to self-acceptance is part of a transition. In fact, I'd venture to say it IS the transition. The rest is cosmetic to help solidify what you know of yourself, and to allow others to see you the way you see yourself.
Hmm... I don't agree, but it's more on a semantic sense. To me, transition is the things that can be seen. Accepting oneself, understanding oneself, those are all things that come before and during transition; even after. But I don't think they're part of transition per se. More like part of the whole process. See it this way. If someone knew they were trans, understood themself and decided to transition years ago, they would be well off in this introspection part. But if today, they're still in the same way of life as a man and haven't changed anything in their life, have they begun transition? I wouldn't think so.
Though in my case, I exaggerated. I've started HRT (sort of), and I've filed in my name change request, etc. so I guess it can be said I have sort of started transition.
So yeah. It depends on how you define transition. It can be something like "as soon as you know", "as soon as you begin to change externally", or literally "when you begin to switch gender roles". Probably, none of these definitions is wrong.
Oh I definitely would have had a different life.
As I told my mother I wanted to be a girl when I was 14, if she had known about and accepted transsexualism then my guess is I would have been a teen transitioner or at most early twenties.
I personally think I would have had a much more fulfilling life as I never achieved any success as a male in life, in fact the conflict of gender dysphoria left me in what can only be described as a "numb" state throughout my male life.
I have a lot of sadness and regret over this as I have mentioned in other threads.
Sadie I hear you loud and clear. My success as a male has always come up very short of what others seem to get with ease. In my career, my failed marriage, even dating. I always felt like something was holding me back. I know now what that is. I have fought against these feelings so long, I'm sure it has affected me in ways I can't even begin to understand. I am not looking for a cure all, or think HRT is a magic bullet, but you better believe I'll be paying close attention to my level of happiness in the next 3 months.
Quote from: Samantha L on February 10, 2013, 02:46:26 PM
If society was accepting of your transition, how soon would you have begun? The answer is short. I would not be writing this now. This is what keeps some bigger fears small.
Well, I would have started when I was eight or so - blockers, that is. Estrogen would start at twelve or so, since I would have had parental permission.
Would have saved me a lot of money, seeing as I'm looking into getting a bit o' ffs. I grow weary of having kids stare at me.
I am not sure if I am a trans but I don't think it is society's acceptance that is preventing me from transitioning. Tbh, I don't really want to transition but if I am trans then I think I will have to but on the forum someone said that transsexuals need to transition to feel happy and be who we are whereas I am worrying that I will have to transition to be something I don't want to be so my situation is pretty confusing, huh?
I would have started my transition just about when I did - at 50.
I have not had an easy life by anyones definition. But still, there have been good times, great experiences....and love of both family and friends. I found some success in my life, my career and even my family. Finally, I learned who I was and now, I'm changing to what I am meant to be.
Regrets? You bet - big ones. Can't dwell on those. I have done what I can to make them right.
My life to this point simply prepared me for this and I know there will be challenges and questions (lots of those) and hurting. However, for the very first time in these 50 years, I can say "right place, right time".
Quote from: FreshGuy on February 12, 2013, 08:04:00 AM
I am not sure if I am a trans but I don't think it is society's acceptance that is preventing me from transitioning. Tbh, I don't really want to transition but if I am trans then I think I will have to but on the forum someone said that transsexuals need to transition to feel happy and be who we are whereas I am worrying that I will have to transition to be something I don't want to be so my situation is pretty confusing, huh?
Perhaps you could compile a list of reasons as to why you think you're trans, and then place that list beside a list of reasons why you don't think you're trans.
Add a little subjective, "But what do I
want?" and there you go. If that doesn't fix the issue, then a (gender) therapist might be the correct route. I believe that whether you're trans(itioning) or not is less of an inborn thing, and more of a choice. You may be what you are - a male with a female brain, or vice versa, but this fact should not compel you to transition if you don't want to. Ultimately, you just have to make a decision about what will make you happy, what you can live with, and what you are willing to risk.
Quote from: FreshGuy on February 12, 2013, 08:04:00 AM
Tbh, I don't really want to transition but if I am trans then I think I will have to but on the forum someone said that transsexuals need to transition to feel happy and be who we are whereas I am worrying that I will have to transition to be something I don't want to be so my situation is pretty confusing, huh?
I understand your confusion. I'm 43, married and trying to figure out the square peg and round hole that's been handed to me. I am at the point that I realize I need help to figure out if I can tolerate being as I am now. A woman driving a male body. Or if I need to change something. As someone's signature says, "it doesn't take courage or bravery to change your gender. It takes fear of living one more day in the wrong one." Ms OBrien VT. Examine yourself and if you are there, then it's time to make that change, if like myself, you are not there, then it's still a good idea to seek the help of a qualified therapist to help you figure out what is best for you.
You are not alone in this. :)
C.
I think that's actually a bit of a hard question. Because my reason for not transitioning earlier were twofold:
1. Worried about acceptance (obviously)
2. I had NO IDEA that HRT changed so much.
I had no idea that your face and body could actually feminize to such a degree without surgery. I had no idea that I really could have soft skin and feminine hips and a feminine face and all of that. So part of it also was ignorance, thinking that not even officially becoming transgendered could truly fix the feelings of gender dysphoria that I had, and that I would just end up looking like some he-she-it thing. It wasn't until the very end of last year that I finally learned about this (again, thanks SO much for the "before and after" thread,") and almost as soon as I discovered that it really was possible to become almost completely female, I almost IMMEDIATELY decided that I was going to do it. And if I had known about this as a teenager, I would DEFINITELY have done it then, regardless of what anyone thought.
But on the other hand, part of the reason why I never learned about this was because I was afraid of the societal judgment that comes with it, and as such I never mentioned a word about my transsexual feelings to my therapist or to anyone else that I knew. So had I not felt that societal pressure, I probably would have learned about this much sooner, and therefore probably would have transitioned at least as early as age 14, because that was when I really started feeling like I was going through the wrong puberty, and I officially internalized that what I was feeling was transsexualism.
So it's a catch-22. On the one hand, finally overcoming societal pressures had NOTHING to do with my decision to finally transition. So I'm willing to suspect that if I had known at 14 what I know now about the effects of HRT, I really would not have cared whatsoever about judgmental glances, and would have transitioned without much of a second thought. But on the other hand, it was societal pressures that kept me from discovering this in the first place, so it indirectly did lead to it.
Anyway, kind of an odd experience, but that's what I've been thinking. (I REALLY do wish I had known about this sooner. Now I've got an extra 12 years of testosterone-poisoning to overcome during my transition because I didn't know as a teenager.)