Ok I know this question has probably been asked soooo many times but I honestly dont know the answer. Lik3 I was kinda hoping I would have the money to align with my progression on hormones as to get the few facial surguries and laser done before going full time. Though I dont have the money yet being on hormones its getting to the point that it is obvious.
Like here is a picture of me as of like 3 weeks ago
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi1061.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ft478%2Fdraddog8%2F20130105_1957541_zps42a095d9.jpg&hash=8459ed5943b49469eb6af00d9a4b0559cc597bae)
Anyways I just dont know what to do because I cant get the money and I dont want to feel like a guy in a dress. Like I know im not I just want to see me when I look in the mirror not a feminine guy. It kinda sucks that money is the only thing standing between me and my self comfort. Any advice would be greatly appreciated cause tbh im lost.
Must say you look cute in the picture. But only will know when you will be ready to go full time.
As for me. I waited till I was sooo convince that I looked like a girl enough. I think if I wanted I could have gone full time earlier but I was scared I could not pass as a girl even though all my friends were assured me I can pass without any trouble. I stayed till the moment that I could not present my self in male mode. In the later days people thought I was a girl who like to wear guys cloths lol. HRT didn't changed my breasts nor it didn't do much of a fat redistribution during first year. But I always had kind of a girly face and a frame. So HRT helped me to improve in that department to a point that made people to think I am a Girl in boys cloths.
So in my case, I waited till the moment I was no longer being able to pass in male mode. But the decision is all up to you dear.
Thanks for the input I was kinda thinking the same thing I just know that when it starts getting warmer I wont be able to hide it anymore. Wont be able to wear a jacket anymore but as it stands I actually dress pretty feminine so idk.
Just do it..
Seriously, many of the things we worry about when it comes to 'passing' are things only other trans people are going to notice. The only comments I've heard from other people in the last 6 months or so were from a trans woman - who seemed to take great delight in trying to point out my 'faults' and to publicly humiliate me.. Too bad it backfired on her, she looked like a bad drag queen and my lesbian sisters took great delight in pointing that out and tearing her down.
The thing is I kibda always wanted to be comfortable In my own skin before I went full time as of right now im not :( though it seems like im on a timeline that regardless if I am or not I will need to do it
I just waited until it got to the point where I was being gendered more as a female than as a male even in the most masculine clothing. It DID get to that point. It just kinda got hard to go out in male at that point. I got fired and that marked the start of full time for me :)
Quote from: Stephanie G on February 12, 2013, 02:00:03 AM
The thing is I kibda always wanted to be comfortable In my own skin before I went full time as of right now im not :( though it seems like im on a timeline that regardless if I am or not I will need to do it
I know the feeling well. This is what made to wait to go full time in the first place. But the risk of waiting too much time is, people will start to question your appearance and the way you dress all over again. . Same way as if you go too early.
One thing I can tell for sure is you will never feel 100% comfortable till you go full time, specially if you are someone like me.
During the first few months after I went full time, whenever someone looked at me the first thing that came to my mind was, "did they found out" and it made me pretty nervous. No one ever guessed what I used to be and I was never outed, but it took several months to get over that feeling and getting comfortable in my own skin without crawling under whenever someone looked at me.
I can't bear the idea of waiting until I pass perfectly before going full time.
Especially since that might be forever. I've got large ears and a big bald area at the top of my head. Does that doom me forever to living as a man.
No. I'm going full time after this school year is over, because I'm tired of living a double life. I'd rather people see me just as a woman, but having them see me as a Trans woman is infinitely preferable to having them see me as a man.
Quote from: agfrommd on February 12, 2013, 08:49:01 AM
I can't bear the idea of waiting until I pass perfectly before going full time.
Especially since that might be forever. I've got large ears and a big bald area at the top of my head. Does that doom me forever to living as a man.
No. I'm going full time after this school year is over, because I'm tired of living a double life. I'd rather people see me just as a woman, but having them see me as a Trans woman is infinitely preferable to having them see me as a man.
I have big ears :P
Me too 8)
Quote from: Alainaluvsu on February 12, 2013, 02:13:05 AM
I just waited until it got to the point where I was being gendered more as a female than as a male even in the most masculine clothing. It DID get to that point. It just kinda got hard to go out in male at that point. I got fired and that marked the start of full time for me :)
this is a good rule of thumb. its when i went full time too
Quote from: Alainaluvsu on February 12, 2013, 02:13:05 AM
I just waited until it got to the point where I was being gendered more as a female than as a male even in the most masculine clothing. It DID get to that point. It just kinda got hard to go out in male at that point. I got fired and that marked the start of full time for me :)
This is my plan...except the getting fired part :P
Quote from: Alainaluvsu on February 12, 2013, 02:13:05 AM
I just waited until it got to the point where I was being gendered more as a female than as a male even in the most masculine clothing. It DID get to that point. It just kinda got hard to go out in male at that point. I got fired and that marked the start of full time for me :)
That's kind of what I'm thinking, without getting fired. I'll probably do a part-time before that happens though and just not speak.
Waiting till you get gendered female most of the time is a good plan, unless that never happens. Heck, I could stuff my hair inna hat and pass as a guy right now if I wanted. Being mega tall is the main reason for that, but still.
Quote from: Jen on February 12, 2013, 06:56:09 PMHeck, I could stuff my hair inna hat and pass as a guy right now if I wanted.
I seriously doubt that, hon. :laugh:
Thanks :). It's true tho.
Quote from: anya on February 13, 2013, 01:10:50 AM
I don't think so :P
I do. I don't pass well with my hair up or gone either =/
Quote from: Alainaluvsu on February 13, 2013, 02:51:29 AM
I do. I don't pass well with my hair up or gone either =/
I used to think that to (about me, not you :) ), but then it dawned on me that I always wore my hair up in a pony tail, so there wasn't a big difference.
But as for going full time, I can't even remember when I did. Define full time?
I got my name changed on my drivers license and all the docs I could really early on, and then sort of lived an andro lifestyle, but always used my new name.
More often than not got gendered female. Then about a year later started a legal secretary course. Naturally wearing business clothes and wearing makeup every day. Then about 6 months later got a full time job. I'm still in that role now, over 17 years later.
But at the end of the day you'll go whatever you define as full time, when you are ready for it. I'm sure you'll know when that is.
I hope so i guess eventually it will just be the natural path I take when the time comes thanks for all the input :)
Long hair feminizes a masculine mandible. I pass fine with a pony tail as long as it drops below the mandible. But a good layering can go a long way. It may be that you're just getting looks because it's not in style. Over directed layering and point cutting are totally in right now.
This may seem a bit of a silly comment, but I think a very true one.
Don't worry about waiting until you are 'fully' passing or fully whatever before going full time - it won't happen.
You are setting your self up for failure.
Why won't it happen?
Because you keep bringing up the same doubt that stops it from happening: you don't accept yourself as being female and that means others will not.
I don't mean that rudely but it is the truth.
You will also face and suffer the problems of being misgendered. It happens. So what. If it worries you, it sets you back, if it doesn't it, doesn't matter.
You will also suffer the 'delusion' of being misgendered. That is, a casual comment will be interpreted by your worried psyche as being something it isn't.
I had one tonight, I could of sworn that the shop assistant said to me 'are all these yours sir?' as she served me. I didn't blink she didn't blink, the woman next to her didn't blink and I realised that I has heard something that wasn't said. There was no way anyone would call me sir in such a shop in Australia, and there are also bugger all Australian's who call anyone sir, and they aren't shop assistants.
I think that is what triggered this post; IMO your fears are stopping you and your fears are irrational, although seem real at this time.
Oh BTW why do I think I wasn't misgendered? Well one I don't care. But secondly I had gone to the shop straight from a gym session, I was wearing a sport bra top, skin tight leggings (any inappropriate bulges would be very obvious). So anyone gendering me as male would be trying really hard to be stupid and if they are that stupid they are of no concern anyway.
So take heart. Go for it when you wish and don't put obstacles in front of you.
There are enough challenges without creating more!
Hugs Sisters
Cindy
Quote from: girl you look fierce on February 14, 2013, 04:27:17 AM
I don't really believe the confidence = passing thing tbh and I am kind of puzzled by why everyone says that. I am so self-conscious every time I go out, I've stormed in high-end clothing boutiques, looked at 1 item, realized how self conscious I was after a brief "are you finding everything alright?" and had a panic attack and went right back out flustered and waving bye to the confused but kind sales people. I've spent evenings out to dinner as a complete neurotic mess, terrified that even a single strand of my hair is out of place and everybody will know, gone shopping and been in my head the entire time, checking everybody's eyes for stares, completely obsessed with every little move I made, I've acted reserved and uncomfortable talking to someone one-on-one, and not once have I been misgendered...
Not that confidence wouldn't help someone, just personally passing for me is mostly in getting my makeup, hair and outfit right before I leave the house. I just wanted to say it's not like people should worry that everyone's gonna know just because they're anxious or shy. :)
Haven't you just answered your own question?
Quote from: girl you look fierce on February 14, 2013, 04:27:17 AM
I don't really believe the confidence = passing thing tbh and I am kind of puzzled by why everyone says that. I am so self-conscious every time I go out, I've stormed in high-end clothing boutiques, looked at 1 item, realized how self conscious I was after a brief "are you finding everything alright?" and had a panic attack and went right back out flustered and waving bye to the confused but kind sales people. I've spent evenings out to dinner as a complete neurotic mess, terrified that even a single strand of my hair is out of place and everybody will know, gone shopping and been in my head the entire time, checking everybody's eyes for stares, completely obsessed with every little move I made, I've acted reserved and uncomfortable talking to someone one-on-one, and not once have I been misgendered...
Not that confidence wouldn't help someone, just personally passing for me is mostly in getting my makeup, hair and outfit right before I leave the house. I just wanted to say it's not like people should worry that everyone's gonna know just because they're anxious or shy. :)
If you are dressed right, act right, talk right etc then physical looks become a much smaller part of the 'passing' equation.
Confidence is a big help, but I found that having 110% self acceptance of who and what you are to be just as important. I'm a woman - not a MTF, not a trans woman, just a woman.
Quote from: Kelly the Trans-Rebel on February 14, 2013, 05:03:36 AM
Confidence is a big help, but I found that having 110% self acceptance of who and what you are to be just as important. I'm a woman - not a MTF, not a trans woman, just a woman.
That is so true. I never had trouble passing but I was always on the edge and so scared people will notice anything out of the ordinary, till I started believe my self I was just a woman. It took almost a year after I went full time to believe I am nothing more or less than any other woman.