I think it might be useful for me to make a post of all the times I have dressed as a girl. When I have dressed as a girl, I have not worried about whether I could pass or not. During the times I wasn't trying to pass and I liked the fact that I could play on the fact that I was actually a guy but I will come onto that later on.
The first time was when I was in year 8/9, my school's language department was doing a talent show and for my class it was decided that the dance would be boys dancing to the cheeky girls song, dressed as girls. I wanted to be in the talent show so I signed up and I wore female clothes. This is the first time I remember dressing as a girl. I didn't feel like I was finally myself when I was dressed as a girl.
When I was a teenager I joined my local carnival club and in the clubs every couple of years all the boys dress as girls in the carnival so I was a female a few times when I was in carnivals. It felt weird dressing as a girl at first but I got used to it as it went on. I wasn't really always that comfortable dressing as a girl and I preferred when I was allowed to be a boy. One thing I did enjoy when dressed as a girl was being able to be flirty with men in the audience lol
Then in college I studied drama and for the christmas play, the teacher thought that I would be good to play Widow Twankey who is a traditional pantomine character played by a man but who is a female in the play. Again I enjoyed being able to flirt with the fit boys in the class but I didn't really want to have that role. I wanted to have the lead role of Robin Hood and I even auditioned for that part but the teacher had already predetermined who was going to be which character.
Then last year, me and my friends decided to go to a party as the spice girls. I wanted to be sporty so I wouldn't have to wear a dress and could wear something that was more 'masculine' I tried the costume on in my room, it was a pair of grey shorts (that looked pretty unisex but were womens) and a blue top that shows off the stomach. I tried it on in my room and I stuffed the top with socks to make boobs. I looked in the mirror and then I started thinking 'what am I doing doing this in my room?' then a couple of weeks later I started to think I was a transsexual. I didn't dress as a girl from them untill Saturday last week.
On Saturday my LGBT society at my uni done a drag day where boys dressed as girls and girls dressed as boys so I had to wear a wig and a dress and make-up, I had a leopard print dress lol, when I was dressed as a girl I didn't feel like I was myself suddenly, I just felt weird at first then I got used to it then I tried on heels which were kinda fun to walk in but also kinda painful so I didn't keep them on for long. Later on, we went to watch a drag show and I met the drag queen performing before and after the performance. I noticed that the drag queen was very flirty with boys and I thought that would be a fun aspect of being a women.
As a man I rarely tell people who I like that I fancy them and I am quite shy, when I was in the carnival though I did feel more confident but not just when I was a girl, when I was a guy as well. When I am on stage I feel confident and I like to 'act up' if you get what I mean. Like when I was in the audience for a TV show and when they asked the audience a question I shouted my thoughts and the presenter came straight to me.
A recurring them I have noticed from these times is a bonus that I like from being a girl seems to be the increased social acceptance of flirting with boys, or at least my perceived social acceptance.
When I was dressed as girls, I never tried to 'pass'
What do you guys make of all this?????
I have to agree with you. It does seem that you enjoy dressing as a girl since it allows you to flirt with guys and still be socially acceptable. From what I have seen, most trans crossdressers do what they do because it "makes them feel like themselves". Personally I have never crossdressed, but I had the spontaneous urge to try it at one point; which is a SMALL indicator that I'm trans.
From what I have seen in your posts, I would suggest that you should start thinking in "greyscale" instead of black and white (aka, this one thing makes me trans).
When I started to question my gender identity I thought I was just OCD or a hypochondriac. After awhile I started to notice how I had been trans all of my life, I had just pretended to be male (in a conscious way). I pretended by being overly aggressive, by lowering my voice, and a whole bunch of other stereotypical things. But regardless I knew what I was doing when I was pretending.
There is nothing wrong with being effeminate and gay, and there is nothing wrong with being masculine and gay. Just know that if you choose to transition you will be treated more harshly by people (assuming they clock you, or know you're trans) than if you were just effeminate and gay. If you choose to transition it will change every aspect of your life; not to mention every relationship you have. Just weigh the risk and reward, write it down; do whatever you have to to sort out your thoughts.
I know what your going through, I know that it's confusing. But just give it time and you'll figure it out.
Quote from: Sky-Blue on February 12, 2013, 11:02:37 AM
I have to agree with you. It does seem that you enjoy dressing as a girl since it allows you to flirt with guys and still be socially acceptable. From what I have seen, most trans crossdressers do what they do because it "makes them feel like themselves". Personally I have never crossdressed, but I had the spontaneous urge to try it at one point; which is a SMALL indicator that I'm trans.
From what I have seen in your posts, I would suggest that you should start thinking in "greyscale" instead of black and white (aka, this one thing makes me trans).
When I started to question my gender identity I thought I was just OCD or a hypochondriac. After awhile I started to notice how I had been trans all of my life, I had just pretended to be male (in a conscious way). I pretended by being overly aggressive, by lowering my voice, and a whole bunch of other stereotypical things. But regardless I knew what I was doing when I was pretending.
There is nothing wrong with being effeminate and gay, and there is nothing wrong with being masculine and gay. Just know that if you choose to transition you will be treated more harshly by people (assuming they clock you, or know you're trans) than if you were just effeminate and gay. If you choose to transition it will change every aspect of your life; not to mention every relationship you have. Just weigh the risk and reward, write it down; do whatever you have to to sort out your thoughts.
I know what your going through, I know that it's confusing. But just give it time and you'll figure it out.
Ok I will try to start thinking in greyscale. I have just took out loads of books from the library about how to overcome worry and anxiety so hopefully they will help me :)
I don't feel like I have been pretending to be male, I feel like I have just been being myself (but maybe I am just in denial)
I have been diagnosed with OCD after my trans worries started because I have obsessed over them a lot and I have had fears in the past (incest, schizophrenia, HIV, amongst others which I won't mention all of) but this has been my most severe worry.
I was gonna try and start treating it as OCD to get over the anxious thinking but now you've said that you thought you had OCD so maybe I am trans afterall.
Being "trans" isn't something to seek after, it isn't a gift. It can be a royal pain, time consuming and difficult.
You haven't said anything in any of your posts that would make me think your trans. Your just living a life as most people do, you might have some questions, but who doesn't.
FreshGuy, I believe you are getting conflicting answers because you are asking questions fast and furious and possibly throwing people off. For instance, I disagree with what Sarah says, in that you don't seem to be a transsexual, but you certainly are transgender. So you are "trans". Here are the terms and definitions we use here at Susan's, this may help you communicate with us. Hugs, Devlyn
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
Quote from: Devlyn Marie on February 12, 2013, 12:13:58 PM
FreshGuy, I believe you are getting conflicting answers because you are asking questions fast and furious and possibly throwing people off. For instance, I disagree with what Sarah says, in that you don't seem to be a transsexual, but you certainly are transgender. So you are "trans". Here are the terms and definitions we use here at Susan's, this may help you communicate with us. Hugs, Devlyn
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
Ok, thank you. After reading that I don't sound like I am a transsexual but I could be transgender.
But what classifies someone as transgender? What if lads on a night out wore skirts on a night out for a laugh? Would they be transgender? Where does one drAw the line? Is a transgender literally anyone that has ever worn the other genders clothes in their life?
I'm transgender, I crossdress MTF. I'm not a transsexual, I don't seek to change my body through hormones or surgery. I present as female part time. Everyone decides where they end up on the spectrum. I live my life openly as a crossdressing man. I go to work as Mike, but they call me Devlyn. Just be you. Hugs, Devlyn
Quote from: FreshGuy on February 12, 2013, 12:18:33 PM
Ok, thank you. After reading that I don't sound like I am a transsexual but I could be transgender.
But what classifies someone as transgender? What if lads on a night out wore skirts on a night out for a laugh? Would they be transgender? Where does one drAw the line? Is a transgender literally anyone that has ever worn the other genders clothes in their life?
from the posts i've read from you, you appear to enjoy crossdressing.
The whole transsexual/transgender word can get very confusing. I don't label myself as a transsexual. If I had to label myself, it would be transgender. However, I've fully transitioned to female (so according to the definitions on this website I would be a transsexual).
Some of us calls ourselves transgender because we do not like the confusion the word "transsexual" gives. For example, every other word with the word "sexual" in it involves sexual orientation (heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, asexual, pansexual, omnisexual, etc) except for "transsexual" (which involves gender orientation) which can be very confusing for people who know very little about the meaning of it and in my opinion, i think the medical community came up with a very poor name construct. I say I am transgender because I "crossed genders." The word personally works for me.
But in your case, I would say you are a crossdresser.
What she said :) (Annah)
Quote from: FreshGuy on February 12, 2013, 12:18:33 PM
Ok, thank you. After reading that I don't sound like I am a transsexual but I could be transgender.
But what classifies someone as transgender? What if lads on a night out wore skirts on a night out for a laugh? Would they be transgender? Where does one drAw the line? Is a transgender literally anyone that has ever worn the other genders clothes in their life?
It's not what you do, but how you feel/think that makes you who you are. Also, it's not the label that makes you who you are, labels are chosen in accordance with what you identify as.
Transgender simply means that you do not feel like/think like/act like your assigned birth sex. In turn you do not identify as your assigned birth sex. It all depends on where you draw the line between cisgender and transgender.
In short, how much do you deviate from your assigned gender norms?
I don't think it matters a tinker damn how one deviates from their gender norms. Its a core identity issue, its who you are, not what you do.
From reading many, not all, of freshguy's posts, it just seems to me like he's obsessing, looking up his "symptoms" and trying to find an "illness" to fit them. Like people do when they go to sites like webmd and such. I think he needs to seek therapy over the whole obsessing thing, enjoy being the guy he seems to enjoy being, while occasionally getting his frilly on. Just don't put yourself through more crap than you need to, sometimes, digging deeper doesn't produce much of anything but a bigger hole, that sooner or later, you're gonna have to fill back in.
I agree with the above^
Even though I can relate to you Freshguy (regarding OCD), I've had concrete experiences that suggest that I am trans. Repression and denial do factor into some trans people's experiences, but the key feature is that they always knew in some way that their gender did not match with their birth sex; and some of us just didn't fit in at ALL with people of our own sex (another way of knowing). When I mean "fit in", I mean we had nearly nothing in common with people of our birth sex.
Thanks for your responses people :)