Was scared sh*tless of going shopping? :|
I've always felt damn uncomfortable going shopping any way and I've always gotten stared at by the assistants when I brought even something remotely female to the changing room - so I had always thought bringing something a bit more fitting (not physically of course, cause that would just be silly :P) would give me *less* stares. The thought of going shopping for the most part anyway has always given me panic attacks. I tried to tell my dad this and he went down the whole 'are you sure about all this then?'. God sometimes its like banging your head against a wall with parental units at times. It's nothing to do with doubts, I just hate shopping. I've neveru nderstood the appeal of it ever and I'm beginning to see it even less now..
Just wondered if you guys had any thoughts/tips or anything to help me out
Besides tranquilisers :P
u got someone that can go w/u? a buddy, a brother. first time my bro went w/me and show me around & stuff. peice of cake once u know what ur doing. I use my comp. sometimes & shop on line to. it aint to expensive. u gotta pay the freight though.
I have an older brother but we no longer speak and I hate to think what he'd say if he even knew any of this. It's just that first time that freaks me out. I dunno about the other guys here but I'vew always detested shopping anyway.. so it's nothing out of the ordinary. I guess at the same time I don't want an audience but someone who will kick me up the ass so i'll do it, so to speak.
I considered shopping online, but i guess its really necessary to get things that 'fit' so to speak and don't show off.. ugh parts i don't want them to
Man there is a total lack of FTMs on here :P
Naw, we got a fair few FtM's, we're all just quiet and some don't stop in as often as others.
I hated shopping before. Now it's easy. Men's clothes come in pretty consistent sizes and cuts so once you know your size, just walk in, buy what you want, and be out in a few minutes. Far less painful than hunting the women's clothing racks for the least feminine clothing you can find, or looking for men's clothing that fits a pre-T body.
Cheer up bud, it'll get better!
Dennis
the part about 'least feminine' clothing fits perfectly with me haha the brings back many a memory for me. I guess it was just my dad saying maybe i have doubts cause i hate shopping so much - i guess he doesnt understand but thats cool - he does try to, and i guess thats whats important. Yeah I see the FTM's seem to be inhiding on here. I'm not uberly talkative myself - it's just that I'm tending to worry about 3435657878 things right now ;)
QuoteI dunno about the other guys here but I'vew always detested shopping anyway.. so it's nothing out of the ordinary. I guess at the same time I don't want an audience but someone who will kick me up the ass so i'll do it, so to speak.
yeah, shopping can get pretty bad for me too. I will NOT go unless there is someone with me, and unfortunately I'm not "out" to my family right now so i can't really discuss certain things. However, they do know i dislike feminine clothing and with the support of my sister she helped me get some new stuff about a month ago.
Find someone super supportive, someone who will give you that kick in the ass. That's what I need. Friends, family...
if you can't, there are always ways to reduce anxiety/stress... especially taking deep breaths. You could also go and scout ahead of time so you'll know where to target when you are ready to go shopping.
I don't know anything about wanting to be male, but maybe you're just self conscious due to your age. My girlfriend buys men's shirts for herself and doesn't think twice about it. She's like 61 now, but she's always bought men's clothing because she just hates women's stuff. When she was a girl, she refused to wear a dress for her mother unless she could wear jeans under it. I've seen the picture.
It's funny because she's not FTM. She's just crazy or something.
My mother used to dress male for some reason too. I've never figured that one out.
When you go looking for clothes, just act naturally like it doesn't mean anything. Maybe after you find some sizes you like, the whole thing will be like nothing to you.
I'm surprised that you get any looks these days. I thought female bodied people could buy whatever they want without being glared at by knot-heads.
Peace,
Rebecca
Quote from: Judge Yourself on May 22, 2007, 03:22:40 PM
Was scared sh*tless of going shopping? :|
You're me -- except, reversed. I don't have any clothes except one bra.
You i can help, though. just put on your male mystique, which is your confidence after 100%. around 120%
Thanks for all the tips people. I think it is a confidence and self conscious issue but for me i guess its not 100 % gender related and won't go away with this realisation. I just wanted to stress that its not something thats come out of the blue.. as my old self i found the same problem, just this time it seems a little more justified... ;)
Quote from: ht on May 23, 2007, 06:38:12 PM
QuoteI dunno about the other guys here but I'vew always detested shopping anyway.. so it's nothing out of the ordinary. I guess at the same time I don't want an audience but someone who will kick me up the ass so i'll do it, so to speak.
yeah, shopping can get pretty bad for me too. I will NOT go unless there is someone with me, and unfortunately I'm not "out" to my family right now so i can't really discuss certain things. However, they do know i dislike feminine clothing and with the support of my sister she helped me get some new stuff about a month ago.
Find someone super supportive, someone who will give you that kick in the ass. That's what I need. Friends, family...
if you can't, there are always ways to reduce anxiety/stress... especially taking deep breaths. You could also go and scout ahead of time so you'll know where to target when you are ready to go shopping.
Dont have much in the way of family sadly, and my dad is just a nono.. cant handle going shopping with the old man just yet. My best mate has offered but I cant help but think a third person who hasnt seen me as this girl for so long might be better.. *shrug* Yeah i think i need to conquer my anxiety above all else. Oh and i like the idea of scouting ahead - im totally gonna try that!
Quote from: Ell on May 23, 2007, 08:07:30 PM
Quote from: Judge Yourself on May 22, 2007, 03:22:40 PM
Was scared sh*tless of going shopping? :|
You're me -- except, reversed. I don't have any clothes except one bra.
You i can help, though. just put on your male mystique, which is your confidence after 100%. around 120%
I'm so glad I'm not the only one, it makes me feel a whole lot better and puts paid to my dad's 'doubts' comment. It just doesn't come down to doubts at all. I've never bought feminine stuff - always sticking to the universal sort of stuff so its kind of about tipping the scales I guess. Thanks for all your advice though, I'll need to let you know how I get on when I eventually do go :D All i have currently is my binder and a whole load of shirts/t shirts that I had already, i know itll be the trousers that are the killer - damn hips :|
I find the easiest solution, is to force yourself, mentally, not to give a (insert swear word here) about what other people think. I don't know how well you pass, it shouldn't matter anyway, people stare regardless. I stare, you stare, we all stare. I just noticed that being f2m I always assume people are "reading me", when reality people just stare. I pass 24/7 365 days a year, always get the "sirs" Mr's", but when I see someone "staring" I always jump to the conclusion they must read me.
Like someone else said, go in with confidence. Keep in mind, these people you're seeing at the stores, customers, cashiers, etc, you more than likely will NEVER see again, so who cares what they're thinking.
Once you figure out your size, if you're still having anxiety about going out and shopping, ebay has good stuff, at great prices.
I absolutely hate shopping when Im with someone because I go automatically to the mens wear no question asked and my friends/family what not look at me and are like "hey come and look at the womens wear" my mum gets really pissed off by me looking at mens wear. I can go into the mens section and within minutes I can find something to buy however if im in the womens section it takes forever and I get sick of shopping. I think that the worse part of shopping is trying on the mens clothes and them looking odd on you... knowing full well its because you have these things on your chest and if you didn't have them then the top would look fine.....
Thats my view anyhow
Quote from: GQjoey on May 25, 2007, 01:35:22 PM
I find the easiest solution, is to force yourself, mentally, not to give a (insert swear word here) about what other people think. I don't know how well you pass, it shouldn't matter anyway, people stare regardless. I stare, you stare, we all stare. I just noticed that being f2m I always assume people are "reading me", when reality people just stare. I pass 24/7 365 days a year, always get the "sirs" Mr's", but when I see someone "staring" I always jump to the conclusion they must read me.
Like someone else said, go in with confidence. Keep in mind, these people you're seeing at the stores, customers, cashiers, etc, you more than likely will NEVER see again, so who cares what they're thinking.
Once you figure out your size, if you're still having anxiety about going out and shopping, ebay has good stuff, at great prices.
I think thats what i need to get, a backbone and go in regardless - i go through stages of sometimes caring and sometimes not. with this being one of those 'first times' it tends to make me that bit more nervous. I think when i get my size sorted and stuff it will be loads better. People tend to look at me, then look again confused - which i suppose is better than the full 'so youre a girl' conclusion - and i like that. I think i'm just gonna take a deep breath and go in once and try to remember that, youre so right, the chances of seeing them again are like a billion to one. I must remember to go in a store that is larger though...
Quote from: L_TA_DA_J on May 25, 2007, 02:08:09 PM
I absolutely hate shopping when Im with someone because I go automatically to the mens wear no question asked and my friends/family what not look at me and are like "hey come and look at the womens wear" my mum gets really pissed off by me looking at mens wear. I can go into the mens section and within minutes I can find something to buy however if im in the womens section it takes forever and I get sick of shopping. I think that the worse part of shopping is trying on the mens clothes and them looking odd on you... knowing full well its because you have these things on your chest and if you didn't have them then the top would look fine.....
Thats my view anyhow
You're right its the knowing they look that bit odd - i guess something fitting size wise, isnt the same as something 'fitting' so to speak. I stopped shopping in the womens section for everything except jeans a while ago, cause i just look ridiculous in most female things anyway. I think i'm just gonna need to force myself and get it over and done with ;)
Quote from: Judge Yourself on May 22, 2007, 03:22:40 PM
Was scared sh*tless of going shopping? :|
I've always felt damn uncomfortable going shopping any way and I've always gotten stared at by the assistants when I brought even something remotely female to the changing room - so I had always thought bringing something a bit more fitting (not physically of course, cause that would just be silly :P) would give me *less* stares. The thought of going shopping for the most part anyway has always given me panic attacks. I tried to tell my dad this and he went down the whole 'are you sure about all this then?'. God sometimes its like banging your head against a wall with parental units at times. It's nothing to do with doubts, I just hate shopping. I've neveru nderstood the appeal of it ever and I'm beginning to see it even less now..
Just wondered if you guys had any thoughts/tips or anything to help me out
Besides tranquilisers :P
My ex-wife was the same way. She just hates being around lots of people. I believe the term is agoraphobic - fear of crowds. is this the same with you?
Yeah i have that with a bit of the old social anxiety to boot ;) I get very aware of people around me and feel suffocated, analysed and generally rather anxious - so i have all that as well as the usual but irrational fear of shopping for my new clothes
Try to think of the last time you went to a mall. Tell me what three different people were wearing and the color of their eyes.
My point is that people are there to hang out with friends or enjoy whatever is going on. 99.99999% they don't even have a clue you are there. And if they are an employee of a store, they are there to assist you. Not a single person you encounter in public gives a damn if you are there or not.
If you start feeling tense just smile. It helped me get over my fear of going out alone in public. It also confuses people as to why you are so happy. Most will probably just think you got laid. One you start smiling it naturally puts your body at ease too. I can promise that any fears or worries you have can be overcome. they are founded in our own perception and have no basis in reality. Once wee understand this we can simply adjust our perception to a more positive way of seeing the world around us. I am not saying you are crazy or nuts either. we all have our own demons to conquer at some point in time. Yours just happens to be shopping.
doing anything new, even thinking in a new way, scares us as it is not our familiar way to do something. once it is done over and over again it becomes familiar and is no longer frightening. I have faith that anyone can overcome anything simply by adjusting the way the view the world around them. It is your mind and you control it. There weren't ever monsters under your bed as a child and nothing bad is going to happen to you while shopping. ;)
Renae - that really is such wonderful advice. It's something I'm going to train myself to remember.
QuoteMost will probably just think you got laid.
haha that really made me smile
Yeah I guess its a different thing and such change that I can't seem to adjust to, its more the way I was brought up than anything else - my mother was always making everything seem a lot worse than it was and no matter how hardi try to shake that - i cant seem to. She is very frightened of anything new/change that she will completely stay away, I;m more inclined thesedays to at least give everything my best shot. I think you're right, I will get used to it :) I need to remember that most people arent interested in me or what i'm doing 99% of the time, its just conquering that. It's a hard habit to break but definitely worth my best shot- i'll give it everything i can :) I know it seems to most people something so silly and irrational but like you say we all have our demons :)
Quote from: Judge Yourself on May 26, 2007, 04:39:06 PM
It's a hard habit to break but definitely worth my best shot- i'll give it everything i can :) I know it seems to most people something so silly and irrational but like you say we all have our demons :)
If i can quit smoking, cold turkey after 25 years, then i am sure you will be out shopping alone in no time.
Following our parents bad habits seems to be something we all tend to do. I know I had mine to break at one time. ;)
well an update of sorts - i finally bit the bullet today and forced myself to go shopping.
I went into the first shop and i realised it wasnt so bad, it was just me that had been making things worse for myself in my own head. I managed to pick up 2 pairs of jeans - im not nearly as fat as i thought i was - and a black t shirt. I thought the jeans would be difficult around the ugh hip area (lets just say im not blessed there)and it was better than i thought - i got two pairs to fit decently which is a total triumph. T shirts will always be a trial for me i guess and today was no different - i managed to get one which was black and pretty cool actually, but nothing much else - its WAY too hard to find fitting things, but i persevered anyway and tried on a fair few things.
The funny thing is that if i had been shopping as a girl, idve grabbed anything not tried it on and run off screaming into the distance but the more i was there, the more i actually seemed to enjoy it - that is a totally new concept to me. I got changed in the unisex changing room which i was relieved to see, but i soon realised that NO ONE ACTUALLY CARES - that for one made me feel loads better. I even found myself rather than running off having bought what i needed going off and looking in other shops - even to the extent of buying more in another shop.
This shop was the real test however - separate changing rooms. I felt scared but wondering what the little assistant would do. Sure I can pass for andro but as far as i was concerned i wasn't binding and no way id pass - i showed her my two things: jeans and a black shirt and looked at her for a second - she pointed right.. (the mens) I assumed she had made a mistake and carried on walking to the left before she shouted back at me 'sir, the mens is on the right'
Can't describe that feeling - i floated to the changing rooms - utterly utterly utterly happy. Indescribable feeling. it makes all my worries and feeling general unhappiness disappear even just for a bit
Things learned : stripes, lyrca based things and white are not my friend :P
Way to go, Kaz. Nice to have that barrier come down, isn't it?
Dennis
Quote from: Judge Yourself on May 28, 2007, 12:33:01 PM
Things learned : stripes, lyrca based things and white are not my friend :P
Stripes are nobody's friend.
Quotewent into the first shop and i realised it wasnt so bad, it was just me that had been making things worse for myself in my own head
that is a good thing to know.
Quotehe more i actually seemed to enjoy it - that is a totally new concept to me. I got changed in the unisex changing room which i was relieved to see, but i soon realised that NO ONE ACTUALLY CARES - that for one made me feel loads better. I even found myself rather than running off having bought what i needed going off and looking in other shops - even to the extent of buying more in another shop.
sounds like a total triumph.
Quotei floated to the changing rooms - utterly utterly utterly happy. Indescribable feeling.
woohoo! so happy for you.
---
sounds like a totally positive experience, so do you think your anxiety over shopping has been lifted now?
Definitely, I doubt there'll be much stopping me now ;) If I'd had more cash I would've bought more - the feeling is mainly that I can actually *buy* all this and feel more comfortable and confident within myself. It's like a totally different person that's doing all this, the oldawkward, depressed me shopping in the womens' section has gone for good.
It's a fantastic feeling and I'm glad I forced myself today :)
If i could give you the world's biggest hug right now, i would. Words cannot describe how proud I am of you. You have broken a barrier many don't ever get through. You are amazing and well on your way to personal peace. :)
AND
you inspired me to go shopping for a few items today.
your confidence helped me gain some. I never thought i'd be able to buy boxers without being able to pass!!
So thanks, man.
thats so so awesome, hey im glad my neurosis can help someone at least - haha i bought mine yesterday and proudly handed them over to the assistant - loving this confidence and hoping it doesnt wear off - hope you get on ok