Question #3 is what will hormones actually feel like. I say this as I'm about to find out the answer to that very question. I will know.
Question #4 is What would life be like not to have a a big deep, dark, scary, embarrassing, secret around anymore?
I think I'm making real progress.
Sadly... the only way you will never have a big dark scary embarassing secret is not to be TG. What you were can never be erased. I sure hoped and prayed since I was like five for that scenario!
What will change in time is being able to say out loud to another person I am transgendered and not feel all the shame and guilt that haunted you for all your life prior to that moment. Even feeling ina small way empowered to admit it.
Or, to put things in another way; you are only as sick as your secrets.
I'm looking forward to not having to feel embarrassed about me anymore. Still have fear right now. But I'm looking at at it in the eye
I am targeting people I know will be allies and planning to come out to them. Unfortunately, I have several unsafe pesons I need to navagate around. I am out to 2 persons and going for #3. I am excited to come out to #3 and I know she will be an alli. Small steady steps have build my confidence up. My embarrasment is getting better the more I accept myself and the more contact I have in the LGBT community. I plan to go to a group meeting in th enear future.