Hello everyone!
I have my first therapist visit coming up on Monday. I'm really scared and nervous since I've never really told anyone face to face about my gender dysphoria.
How did your first experience with a gender therapist go?
Also..I have my laser hair removal consultation today..woooo
For my first session I was sooo nervous I didn't really sleep, when I got on the coach to London I put my headphones on & spent the 4 hr journey listening to Mike Oldfield & Enigma so by the time I arrived I was in a very calm state of mind.
My psychiatrist was very friendly & approachable, he asked me lots of questions about my history of being trans such as when I first realised I was trans, why did I feel I had to hide it, school life, family life etc.
The best advice I can give is not to worry & be honest, when I had my second appointment over a year later a different psychologist covered the same ground & had I told porkies then he's have caught me out as I often forget what I said yesterday, never mind what I said a year ago, this is why I say to be honest.
I imagine it would raise red flags all over the place if they thought for a second I wasn't being honest.
Best wishes
Jayne
I basically walked in and explained my story.
My therapist was new to the whole idea (Another transwoman recommended the clinic, but I got a newbie anyway), so she has been very cautious/take-it-slow throughout. Even when I made up my mind somewhere between visits 1 and 2.
I'll echo the call for honesty - even things that seem counter to the diagnosis you're looking for should go on the table. The last thing you want (in the long run) is to be diagnosed incorrectly either way.
Oh, and nerves are natural, but unwarranted. Barring criminal malpractice, you have nothing to fear. The therapist is your friend, not an obstacle to be overcome.
So, lots of obvious stuff. Remember the obvious and you'll be fine. :)
I was so scared I was near panic attack state. My palms were sweaty and my heart was racing.
By the time I left I was looking forward to my next session and wondering why in the world was I so worked up. For the next 14 months I faithfuly made every apointment and most of the time I was early.
Then on my last visit my therapist told me she would no longer be willing to see me as a client as she only accepts clients who are sick. As I was not in any way mentaly sick (that's how she put it) we were parting company.
So on the last visit we just hung out for a couple hours and chated about our lives. She refussed my last payment and parted company.
Occasionaly I run into her at local LGBT functions and we catch up.
I highly advise gender therapy at the beggining of a transition, especially if you feel you don't need it.
Good post. I am trying too find a therapist in my area but I think I've been avoiding it since I don't like the thought of having to explain myself to someone with a clip board. glad I have a better idea of what to expect.
Exactly! It makes me uneasy/scared/afraid and even embarrassed! But I know this is something that I need to do. Must talk to someone who is knowledgeable and who understands.
Yes, the main thing about it for me was that it made me feel like me being trans was validated. I was already out to my dad and he had even set the time with the therapist when she had returned my call before the first visit since he knew I was expecting it. That had actually surprised my therapist, lol.
I have my first appointment next week and I'm nervous as all get out. My mom is a shrink and growing up under that microscope has left me very leery toward mental health professionals. My therapist comes highly recommended though and she seemed really sweet on the phone. Still, there are massive butterflies in my stomach.
It was fine. I don't go anymore though, and hopefully I won't have to. Therapy overall made me very and sporadically uncomfortable that someone in the world knows my dirty little secrets, and I think it put me deeper in the closet. I don't get the fuss tbh. I guess it wasn't for me.
Your going to be alright I promise. You will feel wonderful when you leave.
My 1st time I remember it to a T! I was super nervous. I remember waiting in the waiting room patiently. Waiting for Courtney to call my name. Then out came Cory. My 1st therapist was a a FTM in transition. I had no idea prior to arriving. His online profile was all still set up as Courtney. I thought to myself this is meant to be. The greater being is telling me this is the right direction. That was my last thoughts before I walked into the room with my flatbill white sox hat tucked low. Wearing my Raiders shirt looking like a hoodlum. He goes so Mike what brings you in? Alcoholism addiction? drugs? (His main focus is substance abuse)... I go nope.. I'm Transgender. Spilled ALL the beans in five minutes without a breath. lol... His response was wow. "Did not expect that".. We hit it off and shared our thoughts for the rest of the hour and he just asked me generic questions. I saw him for 3 months every two weeks until he could not take any more 1 on 1 visits because he was primarily focusing on his addiction rehabilitation clients.
The therapist I had ran a LGBT club so I knew it wasn't going to be a problem opening up at all. I no longer have contact with her (she moved states) so now I am a little wary. As for laser/electro, my electrologist told me guys get this done too, even if they don't admit to it. It really put me at ease not having to say anything but I opened up to her anyway. She was very understanding, so really I wouldn't worry about it too much. I take comfort in that I can always leave if I feel I haven't been treated with respect.
Actually my first visit, I was trying to save my marriage and was looking for some way to stop the feelings. He explained that maybe I could get my wife to agree to a monthly night out with the girls. HA. Fat chance of that.
But a year later I returned to the same therapist to begin the process. The ex and I had separated. I ask him if he remembered me, and he said 'yes.' I explained I was back to begin the process and he replied 'of course you are. It was obvious to me that you are transsexual.' (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-9.gif&hash=42bd2ee88d4ddc91007b3b25799f543e9ee358f1)
And he should know, he is FtM.
It was an online therapist and I remember being so excited to go! I set my clock to make sure I didn't miss the appointment. My first session went very well. She first asked me if I was an MtF or FtM because sometimes it's hard to tell lol. Then, we talked about my family and school life, my goals, and what I want out of transition. We also discussed my weight, my addiction to food, and potential plans for me to get weight loss surgery. It was basically a "get to know you" type appointment.
I can just about remember. I was shown to a big comfy chair. He asked what name I preferred to be used, and he has never forgotten it. He next question was. Now tell me why you are here? He asked some clarification questions at times. Told me the procedure for TG people in South Australia, told me the outline of my treatment, costs etc. and was extremely pleasant and comfortable to be with.
I have finished with all of that now unless either of us wants a talk, then it's a phone call to ask him for a quick chat, I have never needed that. I was totally honest in all of my discussions, answers and thoughts. Why hide the crap we live with? I was there for help not to play hide and seek. At any time that I felt uncomfortable about stuff I said so and we would move on and explore those areas when I was OK.
When I needed to go through an awful incident of sexual assault he handled it with extreme sensitivity and care, in fact the only prompts I got where on concern for me and my feelings.
I have to say I enjoyed my therapy sessions, I found a woman who I'm very happy being and very proud of. I always knew she was there but she needed some help to walk in the sunshine.
My first visit to the therapist is difficult to remember because it was a long time ago. The time we now spend talking is just old friends visiting and enjoying each others company. With her no subject is taboo and always honest and open. May you find a therapist with the same understanding. Best of luck.
I started therapy about 8-9 months ago. (I don't see him every week.) I was right off very comfortable with him and was only a little nervous (hey I'm an experienced therapy victim). I didn't know I was transsexual (hate the word), but more genderqueer or androgyne. The first session wasn't very heavy-- I signed some forms (yes, I am aware therapy can bring up painful feelings, etc.); he asked me about suicide and that type of thing. First thing he asked me my name that I want to be called and my preferred pronouns. My therapist is trans. So it has been very good, easy to talk about stuff. He sometimes tells me what something will be like (changing name, seeing a doctor re: T).
--Jay
When I left fom my 1st encounter with a Gender Theripist I was walking on air. I liteally felt like there was nothing under my feet. I felt even, steady and relief. I was not happy, not sad but sooooooo relieved. I parked at the top of a parking garage and when I left the sun was setting and the setting sun light was putting different colors and hughs throughout the downtown high rise buildings. I sat in my car and felt "me" for the first time in my life. I have tears running down my cheaks as I type this, tears from me the girl inside who is now allowed to grow and is welcomed.
This was the 1st person face to face I had told I was trans. I dumped my whole "self" onto this person. Lots of tissues, tears of pain. So much was in my mind and so much was coming back that I surpressed. It was so very good, painful, but good.
I am happy to be me ;D and this was was my 1st step.
Quote from: Cynthia Michelle on February 23, 2013, 05:10:31 AM
When I left fom my 1st encounter with a Gender Theripist I was walking on air. I liteally felt like there was nothing under my feet. I felt even, steady and relief. I was not happy, not sad but sooooooo relieved. I parked at the top of a parking garage and when I left the sun was setting and the setting sun light was putting different colors and hughs throughout the downtown high rise buildings. I sat in my car and felt "me" for the first time in my life. I have tears running down my cheaks as I type this, tears from me the girl inside who is now allowed to grow and is welcomed.
This was the 1st person face to face I had told I was trans. I dumped my whole "self" onto this person. Lots of tissues, tears of pain. So much was in my mind and so much was coming back that I surpressed. It was so very good, painful, but good.
I am happy to be me ;D and this was was my 1st step.
So So true :-* :-* :-* :-*
C
Quote from: Cindy James on February 21, 2013, 01:17:23 AM
I can just about remember. I was shown to a big comfy chair. He asked what name I preferred to be used, and he has never forgotten it. He next question was. Now tell me why you are here? He asked some clarification questions at times. Told me the procedure for TG people in South Australia, told me the outline of my treatment, costs etc. and was extremely pleasant and comfortable to be with.
I have finished with all of that now unless either of us wants a talk, then it's a phone call to ask him for a quick chat, I have never needed that. I was totally honest in all of my discussions, answers and thoughts. Why hide the crap we live with? I was there for help not to play hide and seek. At any time that I felt uncomfortable about stuff I said so and we would move on and explore those areas when I was OK.
When I needed to go through an awful incident of sexual assault he handled it with extreme sensitivity and care, in fact the only prompts I got where on concern for me and my feelings.
I have to say I enjoyed my therapy sessions, I found a woman who I'm very happy being and very proud of. I always knew she was there but she needed some help to walk in the sunshine.
Cindy and I share the same therapist, so it was much the same for me.. I still have a regularly scheduled appointment though - 30 mins every 2nd month.. After what happened to me today, I'm looking forward to the next appointment somewhat..
I had my first appointment on Valentines day (what a great day to have the 1st appointment :p).. I was scared and nervous, I had to drive into the city and than park..Than walk about 30-40 minutes.. Due to being nervous I walked the wrong way without realizing. and I was late by 15 minutes.. I did call her when I noticed I was going the wrong way.
I'm not entirely sure why I was so nervous, but she seemed nice at least thats what I got. We went over some long packet I had to fill out.. I mean it was really really long, it was around 20+ pages asking questions. 35 minutes later sessions are usually 50 minutes long. It was over and it wasn't as bad as I thought it was. Before I left her office she noticed my headphones and asked what type of music I listen to.. I told her I listen to all types, but mostly metalcore and classical. She looked at me and said, "I didn't expect you to listen to metalcore, by just looking at your clothes." My clothing style is lolita if anyone didn't know. I said with a chuckle, you should have seen me when I was wore punk lolita, ero lolita and visual kei. Nine hours later she e-mailed me and was like :o.
On the walk back to my car, I realized something and that all my previous therapists had curly hair.. Not sure if that means anything, but I doubt it.. Than I was treated to sitting in traffic for an hour and 30 minutes.
I had been seeing my therapist for 4 months without saying a word about being trans. I finally couldn't take it anymore and worked up the courage to tell her. When I did tell her she was completely ok with and she told me that she was trained to work with trans people and she was the only one within 30 miles. Finding this out felt like it was destiny and gave me a lot more drive.
Probably too simple for me. I am a rather outgoing personality and rarely care to beat around the bush on any subject and much prefer just cutting to the chase. I might take after a female version of Larry the Cable Guy but would hate to be seen like that! My therapist and I had an amicable conversation, I didn't present her with any dramatics as I knew that she had a sensitive BS detector. I told her what my plan was and why and then presented her with a letter I had composed from her to a certain urologist that I wanted her to sign so that I could have an orchiectomy. I had already been seeing a well known MD for HRT prior to that and also had a letter from an endocrinologist suggesting an orchiectomy. Since my counselor has been in a thirty year lesbian relationship and knew that I am married to a rather nice woman, she had absolutely no objections to signing. Needless to say I didn't spend much time in counseling although I do go see her occasionally as I feel the need.
Thanks everyone for sharing their stories. It helps me a lot. Tomorrow is the big day. I actually had enough courage to come out to my ex-gf and now great friend this weekend. It's been hard for both of us but it has made me feel a lot better.
Have you guys had a significant other keep saying things like: "don't change", "i like the way you are"..how do you guys deal with it? She also said she misses being loved by someone and she is taking it really hard :(
Holly, I'm going through something really similar with my wife right now. It's really difficult to hear things like "I just want you to be the same," "the person I loved is dead," or "I don't think I can ever call you Chloe." I'm trying really hard to not take it personally because I know it's not necessarily meant as personal attacks but is just her trying to make sense of this new and hugely different situation. That doesn't change the fact that it stabs me through the heart every time, but I'm really trying to give her time to sort through her shock. Someone gave me a great piece of advice on here in the aftermath of me coming out to her: we've had years and years in which to sort through our trans selves while our SOs are mostly hearing about this for the first time. We can't expect instant understanding but have to just hope that time will dull the hurt and they'll come to realize that we're still the people they love, we're just not fighting ourselves any more.
Quotewe've had years and years in which to sort through our trans selves while our SOs are mostly hearing about this for the first time
This is so true. It's been going through my head consciously and subconsciously since I can remember (4th grade or so~). I have finally came out to myself these past 4 weeks. And now finally telling someone about it they think its their fault and they blame themselves. She keeps asking me questions and saying things like "You know if we had a baby it would have 2 moms" and "Are you grossed out by the thought of having a baby with me?"..we were bf and gf the past few months but it ended and now we are friends.
QuoteWe can't expect instant understanding but have to just hope that time will dull the hurt and they'll come to realize that we're still the people they love, we're just not fighting ourselves any more.
Exactly how I feel. No more fighting and conflict inside us anymore.
That is why so many of us, including myself don't transition fully as we initially wished to, there is always the consideration for your loved ones that can supersede a full and complete transition. For that reason I have become comfortable in an androgynous presentation after many long and heartfelt discussions with the spouse and transitioning incrementally rather than in two years turn around like single people are able to do. If you can't do that, get a lawyer and buy a box of Kleenex because it isn't going to be pretty.
Quote from: holly_ on February 24, 2013, 02:27:41 PM
This is so true. It's been going through my head consciously and subconsciously since I can remember (4th grade or so~). I have finally came out to myself these past 4 weeks. And now finally telling someone about it they think its their fault and they blame themselves. She keeps asking me questions and saying things like "You know if we had a baby it would have 2 moms" and "Are you grossed out by the thought of having a baby with me?"..we were bf and gf the past few months but it ended and now we are friends.
Exactly how I feel. No more fighting and conflict inside us anymore.
I'm in a similar boat. Wow only 3 years ago I finally admitted to myself that I was GD then I admitted that I was TG shortly after that. That admission scared me. Need I say it scared me a lot? I'm 43 married and I do not want to jeopardize our relationship, so after coming out to only a select few, and after one became abusive, I retreated back into a shell where the feelings of dysphoria stewed for a while longer. I denied and denied thinking that I could ignore it and it'll go away. it didn't so again I have come out to myself but this time the first thing I did after getting on here was go to my GP, I now have an appointment scheduled with a therapist. I still have not spoken to my wife, yet I think that in the back of her mind she suspects something now. I still don't know how to talk to her about it and the end of April seems so far away to wait to see a therapist. My wife and I have both been well practiced head in the sand people and I think she is trying hard to not see what I'm going through.
Quote from: Shantel on February 24, 2013, 03:30:12 PM
That is why so many of us, including myself don't transition fully as we initially wished to, there is always the consideration for your loved ones that can supersede a full and complete transition. For that reason I have become comfortable in an androgynous presentation after many long and heartfelt discussions with the spouse and transitioning incrementally rather than in two years turn around like single people are able to do. If you can't do that, get a lawyer and buy a box of Kleenex because it isn't going to be pretty.
I'm so mixed up on that issue, while I want to transition I wonder if just Low dose HRT would be enough, I then start thinking I could go as far as an orchi and maybe I'd be fine and still be able to live comfortably as my wife's husband, then of course I think that nothing short of full transition with SRS, FFS etc would be enough. While I don't care much about this body I'm driving now, I know down inside where I am really me, I am incredibly vain and if I can't pass I don't want to go there. (Note that I'm 43 and Testosterone has ruined my body in the time it's ruled my life.) I haven't been fully dressed in more than 10 years, it's been all male on the outside for that entire time. Needless to say I'm torn, I keep going round and round in those circles and getting nowhere. I pray the therapist will be able to help me sort it all out. I just hope I don't break down before then.
Holly, good luck on your first appointment.
Colleen.
I walked into my first therapy meeting with a cool head... that lasted a few minutes, once I started talking it all just came out, kind of like a ruptured water line, and I did cry a few times. as I pretty much broke down in that session ...
Quote from: Jeepgirl90 on February 24, 2013, 06:34:04 PM
I walked into my first therapy meeting with a cool head... that lasted a few minutes, once I started talking it all just came out, kind of like a ruptured water line, and I did cry a few times. as I pretty much broke down in that session ...
I'm getting prepared for that exact thing too because I know I am going to do just that...
Quote from: holly_ on February 25, 2013, 07:46:56 AM
I'm getting prepared for that exact thing too because I know I am going to do just that...
And that's not a bad thing. My first session was just a half hour kind of 'get to know you' session, and I spent the entire thirty minutes bawling my eyes out. Mind, this therapist was the second person I ever told so my feelings were still raw from the whole ordeal of discovery and two weeks of trying to keep it to myself. At the end of the session I felt so drained, I ended up napping the rest of the day but when I woke up I felt better that I'd gotten it out of my system. One of the problems that I had been having was being an emotional wreck while at work. I would just sit there and spontaneously burst into tears (fortunately, I sit in a cubicle so nobody really noticed). My first session was enough to get me back into work and being semi productive, since it was a huge weight off my chest. While I'm still emotional about the whole thing and still spontaneously burst into tears, I've only been going to her for a month, now, so these things are going to take time.
For me, it felt like the weight of the world was removed. I like my therapist, and she is easy to talk to and help me see different perspectives. She has been a huge part of planning my coming out to my wife, and connecting me with other resources.
My first trip was just a couple weeks ago. I'm really guarded though. I feel like I have to answer correctly or she's going to deny me. She seems nice enough and even though she's not trans-centric, she handles many gay and lesbian clients and she's been helpful in getting other appointments and things set up. Like getting my endo stuff going.
I didn't have to really admit anything. I wrote on my entry forms that I was there because I wanted to start HRT and that was basically that. It is a lot easier to talk to her than to my SO though. I don't have any history or expectations to live up. Even though my SO knows about me from before we ever lived together and everything.
I've been in and out of therapy since I was 13. And I didn't tell a single person. To be fair, early on I didn't really have the vocabulary or self awareness to actually know I was trans. But even when I was seriously questioning and on the brink of coming out I didn't say anything. The closest I got was telling hospital staff during an admission that I felt pressure to be more feminine than I was comfortable with growing up. And that was after some serious interrogation from my nurse, because I passed in ER. I wish I had spit it out sooner, maybe not to my first therapist, she was kind of clueless. But my second one when I was 14. That would've made my life so much less complicated. If I knew, anyway if I had just said what was on my mind they would've figured it out.
I'm rambling now. I guess the moral of my story is don't hold anything back. That's what a therapist is for, it's they're job. To hear whatever it is that's on your mind and help you sort it out. Saves a ton of time and energy to just get right to it and not hold anything back, they've heard it all :P
Hi,
My first post!
Well, I don't remember feeling nervous or anxious about my first visit, as I was fairly comfortable with who I was at the time: A guy who had been a closeted cross-dresser since the age of 10.
But what I wasn't prepared for was my therapist's response to my story after just three sessions with her, which was "I think you're going to go all the way. I think you will make a complete transition".
I kid you not.
As you can imagine, her comment was food for thought. "Really?", I thought. There I was comfortable with my status as a cross-dresser when all of a sudden I'm told that I'm probably transsexual.
I stopped seeing this particular therapist after one more session with her. Perhaps I no longer wanted to hear what she had to say.
Of course, the legacy from those sessions was my trying to work out what it was that convinced her I was transsexual.
Subsequent therapists were not so frank with their answers. By that stage, however, my ideas on gender had changed quite a bit. But that's another story.
How'd your first appointment go, Holly? Inquiring minds want to know!
Hey!!
My first appointment went soo well!! She is very kind and also very knowledgeable about transgender issues! She is very well connected to the GLBT community in my town which is awesome. I was really nervous at first, even just in the waiting room I was shaking. I only told one other soul before her and that was to one of my good friends. I wrote down all of my thoughts and printed them out before I went. She asked if I wanted to read it out load or have her read it or just talk. I asked if she could read it to herself and she started to while I was getting some water. She read some and then when I came back she asked if she could read it out loud. She started to read it out loud and I kind of got embarrassed about some of the things I wrote. We went through the 3 pages I wrote and talked about some points I put in there. I did shed some tears because of all the truth that was in there. It can be really hard to tell other people your secrets but I knew it had to be done so I can feel better and be me!! We also talked about HRT and how I want to start soon but apparently it can take 2-3 months to get an appointment with the doc. She also has to do a "screening" of me before she writes any approval letter. I actually have another appointment with her tonight and I'm excited!
If you are struggling with any issues, especially gender issues, do not hesitate to speak with a therapist. Just make sure they are knowledgeable about those issues. They can help you in this journey!!
Atta Girl Holly, you're on a roll now hon! It's always best to blurt out everything and withhold nothing, these folks have a huge built in BS detector and the red flags pop up in their brian if they think you're trying to pull a fast one on them. Honesty and openness always works in your favor.
Thank god things have changed SO MUCH!
My first encounter with a shrink was when I was 14 and my mom hauled me off to the county shrink because of my delusion that I was/should have been a girl. It was 1963 and the shrink never heard of transsexual and wasn't interested in learning anything about it. He pronounced me 'homosexual' to my parents and suggested putting me on testosterone to 'make a man of me'. I threw a fit, overturned my chair, and stormed out of the room. I walked the 10 miles home because I was too angry to wait for my parents. From that point forward, I was threatened with being institutionalized and forced testosterone therapy if I got too far out of line.
TANK GOD THINGS HAVE CHANGED!
Quote from: Northern Jane on February 27, 2013, 07:44:39 PM
Thank god things have changed SO MUCH!
My first encounter with a shrink was when I was 14 and my mom hauled me off to the county shrink because of my delusion that I was/should have been a girl. It was 1963 and the shrink never heard of transsexual and wasn't interested in learning anything about it. He pronounced me 'homosexual' to my parents.......
Hummmm. Thanks for the memory Jane. Had a similar situation. I wasn't happy with the first diagnosis myself, so I saw another 'shrink.' and he must have been in the cohort after the first bloke. He suggested I was a ->-bleeped-<-, whatever that was. I gave up after that, went home and made my own dart board with appropriate descriptions.
Huggs
Catherine
Yeah. I'm lucky to have found a therapist that specializes in gender issues. She is really, really, really good. The litmus test came today when I brought my wife to her so we could talk about how I'm going to come out to my son. I didn't realize up until that point how badly I wanted her (my wife) to accept my therapist as 'good,' and the 'right person to see.' Fortunately, she thought both those things, and we now have a clearer idea of what we need to prepare for when we talk to my son. I knew when I first realized that what was going on with me was because I was Trans that it was critical to find a good, knowledgeable therapist, and I spent a good two weeks trying to hunt one down. She wasn't the first one I'd contacted, either, but she was the first one that had a) availabilities, and b) seemed to be grounded in reality. I had one that wanted to do a Tarot reading on my first session, and while I find the Tarot fascinating from an artistic and historic view, I'm also pretty steadfastly athiest. Anyway. Grats on the first of many good visits!
haaay,
when i made the first oppointment with a psychologist it wasnt really to talk about my personal problem but more for helping me prepare to tell my parents. After making the mental preparations to come out to my parents and family( but before i actually told them) i also asked about the procedure to transitioning. since here in Belguim you need prescription from a psychologist to start hormones. She told me it wasnt really her field so she gave me the contact info of a team that does nothing else but gender and sexuality issues. i wanted to tell my family first before making the first "real" appointment for my genderdysforia. after i did i called to make an appointment and i was put on a 4 month waiting list, wich at that time, felt like an eternity. When finally the day of the appointment came i was nervous. I just kept wondering what questions they were gonna ask and such and also because here you need the psychologist' "green light" to actually transition i was a bit afraid because of the " what if, for some unkown reason, they would say no". when they called me in, the lady just told me to do my story. wheni finished she asked a single question: So... what do you want us to do for you then? Dinn't really expect that question, and i didnt really what i had to answer. Eventually i answered with " I wish to get guidance in transitioning from you.". when i said that the lady smiled and told me we will begin the diagnotic procedure, the first stage before hormones ( at least here in belgium). when i walked out i was releaved and euphorious. eventough the next appointment was another 3 months away, the ice was broken and my transition officially had started. its 1 year and 3 months ago since that first appointment and i finally started hormones 2 weeks ago. Kinda surprised about the speed of the progress of some of the other people. Nevertheless, the first appointment is a bit nerve wrecking, but when you walk out it gives you such a wonderfull feeling ( in most cases i assume :))