Susan's Place Transgender Resources

It says it in the title, did you let your parents choose your name when you transitioned? I chose Joey on my own, but I'm wondering wether I should allow my parents to have an input. Joey feels like me, but then again it feels closer to my female name so I'm starting to dislike it and I'm thinking about changing it. Did your parents have a say?

Joey

They sucked so bad at it the first time, no second chances.

I chose mine based on a name I got used to because of games, it sounded similar to  my old name, and has the same initial.  However, when I was talking to my mum about what I would have been called if she had the choice, I found out it would have been Rebecca. Shame I like that name, and half wished I had known before; as it would also have given some involvement to my mum with my transition.  Ah well I'm still happy with my name!

No, I named myself. I did like the name they picked out if I had been a cis boy, but ultimately that ship had sailed for me. I already had a name that chose me.

Well yes and no I chose my name when I was 6 then I found out later that's what I would have been named had I been born a girl. But I chose my name or maybe it chose me. Anyway I love it! :)

Nah, named myself. Course, my mom's been dead since I was a teen, and I rarely talk to my dad, plus he lives nearly 1000 miles away. If I had a closer relationship I might have considered asking him for input.

Though I'm pre-transition, I will tell you with ease that my parents will NOT have a say in my name.  I won't allow it.  For the money and time I'm going to invest in changing it, no one will have the final say but me.  Plus, knowing that they won't be supportive, they wouldn't help me pick anyway.

i let my parents pick mine since its their right and i was not in a position to complain as i was not mentally in the best shape

My parents had both a boys and a girls name picked out when I was born.
I got the boys name  :(  and my sister that came 1 1/2 years later got the girls name.
Took me awhile to decided but I named myself and am very happy with it.
I see no reason for our parents to rename us.
In my case the family has basically ostracised me for transitioning.
So they didn't have any say in my new name.
That's there problem not mine.
Hugs,
Jillieann

I haven't come out to my parents yet, though I do know what my mother would have named me if I was born a girl: Brittany. Eugh.  :P I'm pretty sure that once I come out by and large people (well, those who will still have something to do with me) will expect me to just use the feminized form of my given name, which IMO is just as bad. I've already gone through one name change, where I forced people to use my first name instead of my middle when I was around 14 because while I didn't mind the full version (Joshua) I absolutely hated the fact that everybody just called me Josh. I hate Josh. If my parents want to give me suggestions, I'll listen to them, but at the end of the day, it's my name and it's something that I am going to have to live with for the rest of my life, so I might as well change it to something I like.

I've always been partial to Catherine...

Hmm.....

I chose my own name but it is based off my male name. So in a way we both renamed me.

I haven't come out to anyone yet other than my sister and a very open minded friend (Who very much helped my calm myself when i needed it.) but when i do come out I feel my name is my own to pick Being called Kitten makes me so much more comfortable with myself so i couldn't imagine having to take a name other than that^^

Hmm... I guess I would have been known by my sister's name. I don't like Anna, though, and my sister already has it.
I'll stick with Zoe. :)

I have read on laura's playground, which has a forum for parents that some parents who are very supportive, feel slighted by not being able to chose a name. Of course these are VERY involved parents who are so involved they have checked out a forum for people who are trans. I didn't get the idea your's were at this point and that at least your mom was not supportive.
Otoh, some kids on there did chose their own names and their parents were happy with the names. I think with a parent like that you could involve them to some extent if you really had a good idea.

I know what my name might have been if I had been born male, as I asked once. I would love to have remembered the full context of that one!!! But I don't like the name that much. I am thinking of it being my first name, which I would not really use, but it could be on my name change papers.

There are advantages and disadvantages to a name that sounds like your given name. I sometimes hear my chosen name when people make mistakes. So that's kind of nice. It also doesn't sound real foriegn where I would have to get used to it.

FWIW I love the name Joey. I think it would fit an energetic person.

--Jay

The first name I picked was feminine version of my old name. Only one letter difference and after some times I started to hate it because of its resemblance to my old name and it reminded me everything I wanted leave behind. Then there was two names I really liked and my sister helped me to pick one and I had no clue about a middle name but wanted to have one because everyone in my family have three names and two of my close friends picked my middle name.

Yes and no.

I've been telling them since I was 5 years old that I'm male. When I was about 7-8 years old, my mum got so exasperated with me constantly telling her to call me by a boy's name that she blurted out that she'd originally thought I was going to be born a boy; it was a 'gut feeling' she'd had during her pregnancy. So my parents had planned to name me after my grandfathers.

When I was born apparently female they changed it round so I was named after one of my grandmothers instead but the memory of what my mother said stayed with me.

So when I decided to transition, I considered a lot of names that I really liked... but I decided that the most 'healing' thing for me to do would be to go back to the original birth name my parents had chosen for me had I been born physically male. I changed the spelling of my first name slightly to one I prefer, but it's essentially the name I was supposed to have in the first place. :)

I didn't even think about that to be honest. I just picked a name and I didn't ask for permission :P

I remember my parents telling me when I was younger what they would have called me if I had been born a girl and I've always liked it as a name.  I got lucky because when I was born, Rebecca was one of the most popular girl's names so when my sister was born my parents decided to give her a different name.

I've never been really fond of my male name so I think they picked a better girl's name for me  :).

Bex

I gave my mom the option to help me choose my name. She said that I am a smart woman and she was sure I would choose a good name. I never gave my dad a choice.

Prior to my transition I got it out of my parents that my name would have been Emma.
unfortunately for me this is my little sisters name so no luck there. When I was a kid I was going to be "Amy" which was like my "Secret name" but ultimately once I grew up I felt like I needed more letters.

After I'd begun my transition my mum wasn't friendly or accepting at all at first defiantly declaring that my name had and would always be my male name.

I didn't get along at all with my dad he was estranged and I only begun speaking to him again BECAUSE he wasn't a massive dick about it. (Well he was at first but I tore a strip of him about it because he was a fail dad) My dad gave me my original boy name which was crap and he gave me a series of other names which were also mostly crap... never the less I was going to pick one of them anyway, but all my friends said his choices were awful. Asking them they produced several names, a couple of names came up.
Alice was one of them which is what I picked.

I wish :( I've wanted to so badly but my mom is so weird about my transition, she avoids any conversation about it like the plague. My boy name was Michael Christopher so I chose Michelle Christina. A pretty simple name conversion :D

Quote from: Not-so Fat Admin on February 24, 2013, 06:22:00 PM
No, I named myself. I did like the name they picked out if I had been a cis boy, but ultimately that ship had sailed for me. I already had a name that chose me.

Same here.

I wanted to keep my initials, and the name they chose didn't fit that.


Jay

My mom said she wanted to name me when I came out, but I don't know...I'm not feeling very happy towards her.  And I like my name.

I named myself =) the name I chose is waaaay different than my birth name, but I suppose they are similar in that they are both slightly uncommon. I chose my name cause I like the way it sounds. I also like how it can be shortened. I let my close friends and family call me Sebby, just friends and colleges call me Seb and people I don't really know call me Sebastian or Bastian. With my old name there was no way of making it shorter than it already was, so I like that people can call me by what they like. I have one friend who calls me 'tian (che-jen).

I also like the name because for some reason it reminds me of the sea. Diving and spending time underwater is one of my greatest joys in life. I love the ocean so much, words can't describe my love for the water. So having a name that reminds me of the sea brings joy into my life daily.

Plus my first and last name (which I also changed) sound great together ;)

Nope but I'm pretty sure my Mom would have gone with some very basic Finnish male name like she had planned had I been born cismale.
My current name is basically just the masculine form of my former name while my new middle name is completely different.

I wanted to, sort of, but I sort of had already chosen my name before I mustered the courage to come out to her, so I waited for a bit. At some point, I asked her to choose my middle name (because I was past the point of no return in the choice of name), and she declined, saying I didn't need a middle name.

A few months later, she asked me if I could change my name, because she didn't quite like it. She said she really liked names that fit both boys and girls, like my sister's name. For one, it was way too late to say it at that point. And, well, when what you fear the most is to be taken for a guy once transition is done, picking a name that might give someone an impression that you're a guy is probably not the best idea. So I'm sort of happy I didn't have her choose my name, because of her tastes.

I chose my name when I was 4 because I thought it was pretty and my parents didn't really know what was happening yet. That will be 60 years ago this spring  ;D

I met my birth mother when I was 40 and she said she was going to name me Sheila. I said I was glad she gave me up because I HATE that name LOL!

It's a shame that we can't really have complete freedom when choose a name because of the worry you mentioned A. I saw a young man yesterday named Sasha. I love the name Sasha for a boy and while i'd never consider the name for myself, it's a shame that society would not be kind to those of us with interesting names like that... dunno just something I was thinking about. Or like Jo for a girl. Beautiful names that would cause us to probably be rejected as the correct gender. Maybe it's different in the places the names originate from. I'd be curious to know if a trans-man in Russia, with the name Sasha, would still be seen as a male or not.

The only chance my parents had of influencing my name, was if they had remembered what they had planned for me had I been born a boy. If they had remembered, I would have added it to my list of possible names, that is all.

I can fully understand  people who wish to have their parents rename them. I do however not understand parents that get upset because they don't get to rename their child. If my son was to tell me he was transgendered and transitioning, I'd offer my input -  if he asked for it. Parents get to name their kids because they can't do it for themselves, and when they are old enough to do so, they're pretty much used to what they already have. :p

I think I might have the same given name as you Joey, because I considered finding something that was similar to it and Joey/Joe was what came up.  I wanted something beginning with 'A' though so I didn't run with it.  I quite like the name that my parents would have called me, Matthew, shortened to Matt, but they've given me so much grief over the years that I don't want them to have any power over my life anymore.

If they're exceptionally accepting of the trans thing and seem like they've turned over a new leaf then it might become a middle name. They should be happy that I'm keeping their awful surname.

Ah I think I know what your given name was now. Its not the same as mine haha, similar though.

Thank you everyone for your input on this subject. I just don't know how to turn round to my parents and say look I wanna be called Joey now and I'm changing my name to Josiah.

Joey

During the earlier part of my transitioning, I actually allowed my mother the choice of electing a new name for me, but unfortunately she didn't take me seriously. She kind of brushed it off with things like 'Apple' or some other fruit.  >:(

I wasn't quite happy with the non-seriousness of my own mother, so I ended up choosing my name for myself: my first one out of religious affiliation, and my middle name, Raquel, to honour my Filipino  Christian roots and background!

I've played around with hyphens, such as Mohini-Raquel, Raquel-Mohini, or just Raquel... to the chagrin of ALL of my friends!  >:-) But in essence, a name is identity, a moniker that brings our selves to mind.

We trans people are kind of blessed in this way: since our parents gave us our names, we now are put into this situation in bringing about the identity that we always were; a name may be not as important as 'passing,' and to many others, a conjuncture between the old self and the new. :)

Sorta.

I'm using my birth name, which just so happens to be extremely common for both guys and girls at my age.

I never knew Kelly could be a guy's name. You learn new things every day.

My parents have distanced themselves from me and even if they hadnt,no i would not have let them.I sat alone and with some *inspiration* i finally found the name that fits me and am looking forward to making it offical.I even had a dream about this name believe it or not and how i knew it was mine lol i dreamed it was apart of me *literally but you get the understanding* and i felt proud,happy and whole.so that is the name i choose for myself.

No. But I should have.
When my mom found out I had already changed my name she was a little bummed out. She figured it was her place to name me as she is mom and she has been so supporting. But the name had been changed and made legal.

If I could go back in time I would ask mom to give me a womans name.

I voted yes, my birth name was Paul which my parents chose, so I didn't really change it much, just added ''ine'' at the end of my birth name which had 4letters, now it has 7letters Pauline, my parents would have chose Pauline if I was 'female' at birth, then I discovered I was transgender in my teens, started my transition which is now complete, Im now completely female and my name is Pauline.

So when I came out to my Mom last weekend, I asked her what she would have named me. She confessed that they were dreading that I would turn out to be a girl because they couldn't figure out a girl name they liked. The best they could come up with was Britt.

Eugh.

I, personally, have always been partial to Katherine, but I may just wimp out and go with the feminized version of my given name: Erika.

Yeah, I was having problems picking out something on my own so I gave my mom a list of names I liked. She chose Simon. I picked my middle and last names to go with it.

Quote from: Shodan on March 07, 2013, 10:33:05 AM
So when I came out to my Mom last weekend, I asked her what she would have named me. She confessed that they were dreading that I would turn out to be a girl because they couldn't figure out a girl name they liked. The best they could come up with was Britt.

Eugh.

I, personally, have always been partial to Katherine, but I may just wimp out and go with the feminized version of my given name: Erika.

Don't 'wimp out'. If you're Katherine, you're Katherine. Not Erika.
Here's a Katherine for ya:

Cruel Intentions (1999) - Kathryn teases Sebastian to the max (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KoDyelBh4Xo#)