I am scared, I am sooooo scared.
I am paralyzed with fear.
How far do I go, and what happens if I do anything at all.
I am scared to find out I am totally laughable, and it would crush me to find out that a wig and makeup and a great outfit will not mean a damned thing, that I will be no better off than to just settle for being a woman in my imagination and get over it.
I am also equally as scared to find out I have an attractive woman lurking here that only needs a realistic hair do, some make up an a nice outfit and presto I am actually a reasonable looking female. Because then I likely would be incapable of restraining myself from going slowly as I am a bad one when it comes to impulsive.
All day long I am living with anxiety unwilling to find out either way. Just moping about it.
A constant hell of do nothing, don't risk losing the last thing you have in life to live for.
Don't look into it, the truth might destroy you.
Don't look into it, finding out you look nice would be unlocking a flood gate.
My life has all but come to a halt here. I am doing almost nothing from being so scared of doing ANYTHING at all.
And since so many of my local crowd has seen to have picked 2012 to wander off on me, I have too few people to keep me distracted too. I'm literally walking myself ragged trying to avoid being at home pondering too much.
Quote from: Lesley_Roberta on March 04, 2013, 06:10:46 AM
I am scared, I am sooooo scared.
I am paralyzed with fear.
How far do I go, and what happens if I do anything at all.
The option of doing nothing is, with respect Lesley, long past. You're doing it now.
How are you go?
You go as far as you feel comfortable. OK, we all know the place we want to reach, but fear is the major limiter. You are right to be guided by it. You take each step, one at a time.
As a start, ask yourself, what it is you absolutely have to do? Where do you absolutely have to start?
Today, this morning actually, the wife goes in to talk to the shrink I talked with, I would assume to discuss what is involved with being with me.
I have an appointment following hers. I am assuming it is to follow up my first assessment and further discuss my situation.
I don't expect him to be able to digest much of what the wife will say during the meeting.
I know that my wife does not wish to lose me. I am not sure which me she is worried about losing the most though.
I have mentioned she has been keeping some people waiting here that she met here.
I think she might might have some catching up to do to get to where I find myself now.
I am wondering how the shrink will respond to my having dropped off the 'dual personality' issue I was initially plagued with.
I don't have any illusions any more, that I am just one person, I am simply not the person I mistook myself for, for the last 50 years.
It will be nice to get some positive reinforcement from the man to indicate there is movement on seeing me get some additional support of a real in person variety in the local area, even if that means some journeys to Toronto (I can get assist from my pension on travel for sensible needs).
Quote from: Lesley_Roberta on March 04, 2013, 06:58:59 AM
I am wondering how the shrink will respond to my having dropped off the 'dual personality' issue I was initially plagued with.
I don't have any illusions any more, that I am just one person, I am simply not the person I mistook myself for, for the last 50 years.
I hope he sees it as a positive move for you. An issue resolved. He might even tick it up to his own skills, but who cares?
Just go about it in increments, a little here and a little there. That way observers get used to the gradual changes. It's much more effective than just ripping off your shirt and tie like Clark Kent and suddenly appearing as SuperLesley before the astounded eyes of the crowd. You can do it!
The shrink visit went well today. Done via teleconference. Odd talking to someone and you are the only one in the room :)
But I will pick several conference chats over rarer visits in person.
It took him a while to get back to me, but it was the teleconferencing thing was slow in getting set up. I should have faster easier access now.
I have not talked to wife yet, she is out of the house for the day. But the shrink made it sound like her chat went well.
I am encouraged in that I seem to like the person. You know how when you meet someone, and you just seem to feel ok with them?
I was able to update him on my situation, and for instance I have dropped the dual mind confusion. He responded to that well.
He discussed details and basically we established communication and got better connected during the session. You can only accomplish so much till you know the client eh. He seems to at least know the subject well.
We further talked about specialists that can go even further to help me through finding out all that I need.
I mentioned Susan's place and told him he could always look into the site if he wanted additional content. I have no need to hide what I say in public.
I like that he asked at the beginning if I prefer Lesley in reference.
Quote from: Lesley_Roberta on March 04, 2013, 06:10:46 AM
I am scared to find out I am totally laughable, and it would crush me to find out that a wig and makeup and a great outfit will not mean a damned thing, that I will be no better off than to just settle for being a woman in my imagination and get over it.
Your fears resonate with me and probably many others on these boards. In certain, more dangerous respects, those fears are well founded, considering the physical and psychological violence perpetrated against trans people. For this reason alone, passing as a woman, if you go down that road, is very important. That said, this shouldn't be the case, as it kind of falls into the same argument that biological women have to face, "she was dressed provocatively and obviously begging for it".
However, putting aside those legitimate fears for the moment, I think you should do a bit of soul searching regarding what you think it means to be a woman. For instance, do you think being a woman is all about aesthetics? If you find that you don't pass physically as a woman, would you then not consider yourself a woman? And if so, what would that mean?
QuoteI am also equally as scared to find out I have an attractive woman lurking here... Because then I likely would be incapable of restraining myself from going slowly...
Here again you seem to believe that you would only transition if you believed that you could pass as a woman. But what if you find that you don't look like a woman, yet still have that incredibly powerful feeling that you are a woman? Would you go through a lifetime of emotional angst, or worse, just because of your looks? A decision in this case would likely involve an admittedly unpleasant reality check and a choice between the lesser of two evils. That is, what is the least damaging decision to my person, my mental health, my life?
Despite my preaching, I totally identify with what you're going through. I too am paralysed and incapable of making a decision. I go from thinking the whole thing is just a silly, trivial fad or fetish (one that's lasted 35-years, I might add), to acknowledging the reality of my trans nature and the need to act on it to make my life less of an ordeal.
In any case, it's not the dichotomous, either/or decision that I suspect you seem to think it is. I'm of the view now that while I could eventually pass (maybe) if I really put the effort in, I might be happy just knowing that I have female characteristics/inclinations and indulging them periodically. In other words, just because I could doesn't mean I should. Moreover, such a change would require a massive personality change on my part, as I'm not one to "put myself out there", so to speak, which is exactly what I'd have to do to make such a huge transition. Some people might argue that this is evidence that I'm not transsexual, but I disagree. I think that I am. Several psychiatrists think that I am. Unfortunately, due to a number of external and internal factors, I will probably have to contain or muffle certain aspects of my transsexual nature. That may be considered a dangerous case of denial to some. But there you go; what can you do?
It's the same ole demon Jenna.
I don't think women that dress provocative have much right to complain. They dress to be seen, and when they are seen, well the eye of the beholder belongs to the person viewing.
But at the same time, I am trapped into WANTING to be capable of dressing provocatively. Ironic I suppose.
What's worse, being invisible and no one sees you, or, being sexually assaulted and made to feel like just a piece of flesh? Being a non person is a form of real pain too just as much as the pain of a physical attack.
An insane part of my brain actually thinks being in en femme mode and being the target of an attempted rape by a person that just doesn't realize I might have the wrong plumbing, almost thinks it would at least be a verification of being seen sufficiently female, that a person could mistake me enough to want me in that fashion.
I mean, I'd smile on the inside for a moment and then I'd likely grab the guys goodies and pull them off with my bare hands :) Thanks for the compliment pal but now you need to expire :)
I'm not a frail delicate person in some ways I suppose. I bite back. I don't have much of a bark, but I do have teeth.
I'm not worried about 'physical' responses, I am much more worried about the much more hard to defend against almost silent forms of hurt. I would much rather a person 'try' to hurt me physically, rather than just laugh at me. At least a physical attack permits me to hurt them back. I can't go around beating up everyone that laughs at me or just looks at me disapprovingly.
I am not my appearances any more than I am not my sex organ.
But my appearances do force me to live in a world dominated by them.
Just look at clothing stores. They always seem to stop off at sizes a lot of society can't manage easily. Most cis females just don't have big feet. I want to get the right pants to be able to wear the right boots to be able to look like the women that CAN wear them. I want to be able to wear those boots also with a great looking skirt. But when I observe women in them, they are always well outside the reach of my sizes.
I suppose the FTM crowd must have clothing size troubles. I just figure putting something small into something big is easier than putting something too big into something too small.
I think fear is all part of the process. Fear paralyzed us in our youth to dissuade us from making changes. Later in life fear does the same with upsetting the nice little world we built around us. Plus add in more fear factors like upsetting people we love, social implications, employment, ect.. And of course, just plain fear of actually being successful at achieving your dreams.
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear.
Twice now I've been overwhelmed by fear. The first time I freaked out was when it dawned on me after nearly a year of part-timming it, I actually achieved my life long dream of being seen as and accepted as a woman. OK, Now What? :o
Incident number two was about six months back when my wife said to me "If you want to start hormones it is OK with me. I know you can handle it now. Whereas if you asked me last year I would say no way are you ready for that" OK, Now What? :o
To make my life even crazier, I in essence lead 3 lives. Two isn't enough of a challenge, right? Since I need to work way out of state there is that engineer me, when I make it home on the occasional weekends I have that husband / best-friend / partner me. Finally there is the me me. Oh yeah, there is also the fear of when worlds, or lives collide! Like what was a no way thought suddenly during idle moments at work you start wondering what if.....?
In the midst of each of these existential crises, I like to think of them as timeouts. You do a lot of soul-searching, questioning, crying, and eventually you come through it knowing you really did do due diligence in coming to a crucial decision
Quote from: Lesley_Roberta on March 04, 2013, 06:52:48 PM
I don't think women that dress provocative have much right to complain...
Not sure what you mean here, but I'm going to assume it's not what I think you mean, because that would be really bad.
QuoteI am trapped into WANTING to be capable of dressing provocatively... An insane part of my brain actually thinks being in en femme mode and being the target of an attempted rape by a person that just doesn't realize I might have the wrong plumbing.
I would much rather a person 'try' to hurt me physically, rather than just laugh at me. At least a physical attack permits me to hurt them back. I can't go around beating up everyone that laughs at me or just looks at me disapprovingly.
I'm really not sure how to respond to your comments, other than to say that if your female dress sense is half as provocative as your opinions are, you needn't worry about making an impression.
As for me, I've always dressed for myself and not others and this would also be true as a female.
I should clarify, however, that my feelings are that there's nothing intrinsically wrong with aesthetic narcissism or wanting to dress in the latest slut fashions. I'm aware of the political arguments that frame these and other behaviours (such as pornography) as products of patriarchal capitalist oppression, but I'm kind of on the fence about such arguments.
Quote from: JoanneB on March 04, 2013, 08:11:57 PM
I think fear is all part of the process. Fear paralyzed us in our youth to dissuade us from making changes. Later in life fear does the same with upsetting the nice little world we built around us. Plus add in more fear factors like upsetting people we love, social implications, employment, ect.. And of course, just plain fear of actually being successful at achieving your dreams.
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear.
Great reference, Joanne! I use this as a mantra when the fear of everything that I've brought about by pursuing transition and satisfaction just gets too overwhelming. By the time I've made it through two or three repetitions, the panic has started to subside and I'm able to accept each challenge individually rather than being overwhelmed by the sheer multitude of challenges facing me. Makes me feel a bit like Muad'dib, though I'd much prefer Lady Jessica.
Quote from: AnarchoChloe on March 04, 2013, 10:07:23 PM
Great reference, Joanne! I use this as a mantra when the fear of everything that I've brought about by pursuing transition and satisfaction just gets too overwhelming. By the time I've made it through two or three repetitions, the panic has started to subside and I'm able to accept each challenge individually rather than being overwhelmed by the sheer multitude of challenges facing me. Makes me feel a bit like Muad'dib, though I'd much prefer Lady Jessica.
Ok I need to second this. I love Dune and that is a brilliant quote from it that I haven't thought about in ages. Very pertinent to me now though.
I not only loved seeing the Dune comment, I am a total fanatic. I own ALL the books including likely some you might not even know of :)
I should likely write out the quote as well. It makes sense.
Jeanna, I likely meant it the way you thought I wouldn't mean it.
I don't cut women any slack when it is not earned.
High heels for instance, they are a product of a man's need to see our asses look better, and at the cost of our feet. And we still wear them why? If you wear high heels, you have basically permitted society to say you are sufficiently foolish enough to endanger your feet all so a man can enjoy looking at your ass. So don't even pretend to invent justifications. We have conned ourselves into thinking they are needed to look good. They are not needed. They make it hard to walk, they damage our feet, and they are a sexist form of attire. And yet no one is complaining.
You wear a bra to support the gear. Not supporting them does them no favours. They are not harmful, so wearing one is not a burden invented just for a man's needs.
Wearing revealing clothing though IS for visual reasons. Just be sure to do it safely. A woman dressing provacatively, walking alone, in the dark, in a bad location, is what she is, STUPID. Claiming it as a right, to be foolish, does not render it not foolish.
I see women, that are busty, wearing those strapless, tops that are all one piece items with attached shots, a sort of body suit thing. And wearing them likely bra less, and who knows no panties either, essentially wearing a single article of clothing, that can be stripped off in a single motion, are making themselves at risk. Nothing will make you a better rape target than to make rape soooo easy. It is not important to say oh but the day was soooo brutally hot. Life is a bitch some times.
I also don't like mothers overly sexifying their daughters when minors. It's almost like blindly taunting predators.
You also don't wear a steak around your neck around lions and tigers and bears. You don't rinse in chum and swim with the sharks.
Quote from: Lesley_Roberta on March 05, 2013, 07:06:19 AM
You also don't wear a steak around your neck around lions and tigers and bears. You don't rinse in chum and swim with the sharks.
You're also not trying to attract a lion, tiger, bear, or shark. Everybody tries to increase their sex appeal to snag someone they want, but the sharks always swim with the fish too. You either play it safe and hope somebody notices you or you take a risk to increase your chances. There is a happy medium though and I agree that the over the top stuff doesn't seem right to me.
Even some other stuff that's not considered over the top bothers me. I went and saw my 6yo niece in a school play and they had them in mini skirts kicking their legs up high and doing sexy dances and stuff and I could see how proud all the parents were of this behavior. I KNOW their mothers know how dangerous it is out there to behave like that, so why are they so proud when their children are taught to do it?
So I guess I have mixed feelings on it all since I just hit both sides of the fence.
Lions tigers and bears as well as sharks though, at least they are easily visible dangers and they act according to their nature.
I'm actually more frightened by human predators that are basically invisible.
I look at a lot of clothing in a common day's shopping. Most of what I look at, can look attractive, but I have no desire to look like a steak.
If I HAD the body to die for, if my shape was as perfect as good fortune could make it, I would NOT be wearing a thong swimsuit ever.
I'm actually fond of the look of one piece outfits that cover a person. I am not modest nor shy nor hung up, I just don't see the value in advertizing what isn't on sale :) Well dressed is, well it is dressed well. It is not dressed with nothing left to the imagination.
Quote from: Lesley_Roberta on March 05, 2013, 07:06:19 AM
Jeanna, I likely meant it the way you thought I wouldn't mean it.
Wow. You're OK with blaming the victim, then?
I am ok with calling stupidity stupid.
I am ok with stating the foolish are fools.
Ill advised is called that for a reason.
I am not saying I would not rescue a victim, I am saying I would tell a person before they became a victim, that their choices were unwise, and if they did become a victim after ignoring me, that I had tried to protect them, and they had knowingly discounted my advice.
I refuse to suffer the idiocy in some.
I am not stating the attacker has any less punishment coming to them.
If you play with matches, you might get burnt. If you run with sharp objects you might get cut. Having no insurance is only ok as long as nothing ever happens.
I like to walk naked in the woods. Butt naked, and in the woods. Usually alone.
If something were to happen to me, I could not suddenly get pissed off if no one sympathized with me.
It's a conscious act to dress in a bad idea fashion.
We are not obliged to suddenly be all sympathetic to something a person (with even limited common sense would know was a bad idea) has done if it was clearly a bad idea and bit them.
Quote from: Lesley_Roberta on March 05, 2013, 03:27:57 PM
I am ok with calling stupidity stupid.
I am ok with stating the foolish are fools...
...It's a conscious act to dress in a bad idea fashion.
We are not obliged to suddenly be all sympathetic to something a person (with even limited common sense would know was a bad idea) has done if it was clearly a bad idea and bit them.
So, are you saying that if a woman dresses in a manner that you'd describe as sexually provocative, then she is to blame for being raped? What about rape victims who are naturally beautiful and sexy, who don't dress provocatively? Are we to blame them for not wearing a wardrobe of cheap, shapeless clothing, or head-to-toe burqa-like outfits? Perhaps it's not "rape-rape" when the victim is either dressed attractively or just born that way, and as such the perpetrator should get a lesser sentence (because anyone can see that the poor guy had no way of controlling himself. I mean it was obviously a clear case of entrapment on the woman's part – just look at the way she's dressed!). Or perhaps the victim should be punished as well – as is the case in some countries – so as to deter other women who may have the devious notion to dress provocatively in public.
And where does this magical, arbitrary line exist anyway; the one that divides the realms of sexy clothing as opposed to, well... what? Conservative? Neat and sensible? Dowdy? I mean it's just a deranged, reactionary and ethically hollow argument.
Thank you for your post. I too share in fear and the thoughts of not being what I imagined I could look like. I will be taking small steps to accomplish my goals.
Dune referance, copied and printed. Dune is fantasic!
A women at 15, 20, 30, 40, 50 ,60 years of age goes through many physical changes. Their looks peak and then decline. To have it all then see the future must evoke fear. I just want to capture me for the next 20 - 30 years and I can handle an old me. I just want to be me before I die. I fear not being me. I have come a long way and I can not go back in the box; I would die. I have gained so much and I really like me. I am starting to like who I am. Fear is healthy if used to keep you safe. Irrational fear is paralizing. Not facing my fears leads to self hate.
Quote from: Cynthia Michelle on March 05, 2013, 07:29:13 PM
I just want to be me before I die. I fear not being me. I have come a long way and I can not go back in the box; I would die. I have gained so much and I really like me. I am starting to like who I am. Fear is healthy if used to keep you safe. Irrational fear is paralizing. Not facing my fears leads to self hate.
Absolutely fantastic insight. It so true on many levels
Quote from: Jenna Stannis on March 05, 2013, 05:25:02 PM
So, are you saying that if a woman dresses in a manner that you'd describe as sexually provocative, then she is to blame for being raped? What about rape victims who are naturally beautiful and sexy, who don't dress provocatively? Are we to blame them for not wearing a wardrobe of cheap, shapeless clothing, or head-to-toe burqa-like outfits? Perhaps it's not "rape-rape" when the victim is either dressed attractively or just born that way, and as such the perpetrator should get a lesser sentence (because anyone can see that the poor guy had no way of controlling himself. I mean it was obviously a clear case of entrapment on the woman's part – just look at the way she's dressed!). Or perhaps the victim should be punished as well – as is the case in some countries – so as to deter other women who may have the devious notion to dress provocatively in public.
And where does this magical, arbitrary line exist anyway; the one that divides the realms of sexy clothing as opposed to, well... what? Conservative? Neat and sensible? Dowdy? I mean it's just a deranged, reactionary and ethically hollow argument.
Wasting your time now Jenna, you can live in a world that doesn't punish obvious stupidity if you insist, I won't be found in that world though.
I said I would punish the rapist regardless. I just won't be as sympathetic to victims that should have known better.
I have the actual reference book Cynthia :)
I also have a small booklet sized item that came free with The Butlerian Jihad hardcover called Hunting Harkkonens.
I have a book titled The Road to Dune as well.
It's an amazing universe that Frank crafted. All too plausible sounding as well. In the dawn of the setting humanity has become just too dependent on machines to the point they stop being able to seriously take care of themselves. Machines don't think in the AI sense of the word, they are merely just too capable all the same. Our machines right now are likely doing too much for our own good already.
Quote from: Lesley_Roberta on March 06, 2013, 05:50:18 AMOur machines right now are likely doing too much for our own good already.
As more than amply demonstrated for years now by handing a cashier paper money and these shiny silver and copper disks in order to get one bigger shiny disk back. Nine times out of ten I get the "deer in the headlights" look as they sort out WTF??.
Right now, Canada has ditched the penny.
It is no doubt causing a lot of grief with customers that seem likely to whine making a fuss. Miss that was supposed to come out to 2.25, not 2.30 as if the extra nickel is life or death.
Or cases where they are still just using the old price such as 2.26 and expecting anyone to still be in a hurry to keep pennies handy.
The real trick though is if you pay with plastic, you are paying the extra regardless, so if it costs 2.27 you are paying 2.27, not 2.25.
When I go to Tim Horton's my hot chocolate is 2.26, but fortunately I have a can full of pennies here. I will likely have pennies long after the price in time morphs into something else.
But it does illustrate how cashiers just seem to blindly do what the machine tells them. Yesterday I needed some shortbread bowls, they were listed as 1.99 on the item, and the girl stated 1.79 for reasons I can't fathom and handed me 75 cents back from a toonie. I have no idea what she was doing. The machine would have scanned the item, so I can't say why it was labeled 1.99, it was not on sale to my knowledge. I walked away thinking 'whatever' I am not really feeling like slowing down the line right now.
When the power goes off though, boy that sure is a lot of fun. No one can get gas, so it mangles the work force. You can't buy groceries because they can't process the sale because food can't be input into the machine, because often they have no price on the item. And forget produce being weighed :) No lights mean you better live where the windows point in the right direction. And hopefully the weather is neither really hot or really cold. That and with luck you have food in the house that doesn't need to be cooked.
Right now though, I would just hate to have the supply of disposable razors run out. I do have an old fashioned straight safety razor. Not sure why they are called 'safety' razors though hehe. Ever used one?
I think "Safety" comes from it folds into the handle, which also helps to protect the sharp edge you worked very hard to obtain. There is a very good reason they are more often refered to as "Cut throat" razors :o
Makes sense. I guess mine then is a different term then.
I have something from my grandfather, it has a handle that screws together too lengths and the head is a two piece item holding a disposable two sided blade. It all disassembles into a nice snuff box sized carrying box. Likely meant as a traveling shaver.
Quote from: Jenna Stannis on March 05, 2013, 05:25:02 PM
So, are you saying that if a woman dresses in a manner that you'd describe as sexually provocative, then she is to blame for being raped? What about rape victims who are naturally beautiful and sexy, who don't dress provocatively? Are we to blame them for not wearing a wardrobe of cheap, shapeless clothing, or head-to-toe burqa-like outfits? Perhaps it's not "rape-rape" when the victim is either dressed attractively or just born that way, and as such the perpetrator should get a lesser sentence (because anyone can see that the poor guy had no way of controlling himself. I mean it was obviously a clear case of entrapment on the woman's part – just look at the way she's dressed!). Or perhaps the victim should be punished as well – as is the case in some countries – so as to deter other women who may have the devious notion to dress provocatively in public.
And where does this magical, arbitrary line exist anyway; the one that divides the realms of sexy clothing as opposed to, well... what? Conservative? Neat and sensible? Dowdy? I mean it's just a deranged, reactionary and ethically hollow argument.
I kind of agree, that when someone dresses provacatively that they are wanting to be seen. Wanting to look sensual and attract attention to themselves. I will admire them, look at them, appreciate the beauty and so on. But there are many that are extremely aggressive in their behavour, that will say something either out of jelousy or that think that they are God's gift to the world. And then there are some that are just plain deranged, sexual predators that think that anyone is their's for the taking. It is these individuals that are way more dangerous, in my opinion, than Lions roaming the street. We know that if hungry or threatened that a lion will attack us and possibly eat us. No humiliation involved just food or a threat, nothing personal, the lion doesn't hate you or want want to feel sexual gratification from you. Very predictable. The human predator on the other hand, doesn't seem like a threat. Most you can't tell from just plain old run of the mill people we mingle with on a day to day basis. Very unpredictable and way more dangerous.
There are places that I would rather not go into. Crime ridden areas that do have high rates of rape and robberies and so on. Cars can break down in these areas, or you may have to go into these areas for whatever reason. If I am in an area that I know for sure to have high rates of crime or my vehicle becomes disabled, I tend to be on high alert. If I have a weapon, I will make it seem so, If I don't I still try to give an illusion that I do. In this way, people are predictable in that the human predator will prey on the weakest and most vulnerable among us and they don't want to get maimed or killed in the process. I guess what I'm trying to say is to be vigilent and pay attention to your surroundings and the way people act or look at you and if that little voice in your head is telling you something is not right and you should listen and leave the area. This is good to do for anyone anytime anywhere. I would rather have a steak hanging around my neck in a cage with a lion than be in some places that I have been before.
As for victims of rape or crime and so on, in no way should the victims ever be blamed. The criminal needs to be taken out of society either for a while or permanantly. There is or shouldn't be any justification for blaming a victim. How a person dresses shouldn't even be taken into consideration. How the perpatrator grew up shouldn't be taken into consideration either.
As always, a measure of common sense and discernment of surroundings should be the way all women deal with their outings even in broad daylight. Unfortunately not everyone is so gifted and there are those that are so driven by the desire to be noticed and receive their visual strokes from others that they disregard all caution.
This brings to mind a very pretty young post-op woman I once knew who insisted on going by herself against my advice to a bar where all of the UW huskies and their girlfriends go following a football game. The young cis females clocked her right away as teenage women usually are so adept at doing and as she left later she was pulled to the street and beaten. I saw her later and held her close as she cried and related what had happened. Her face was bruised and she had some severe abrasions on her arms and legs from being dragged across the cement. Harsh as it sounds, I was compelled to ask her if she learned anything by the experience.
Not sure how anyone has concluded I have ever stated a rape victim is to blame for being raped.
Only the rapist is to blame.
But I decide who I feel pity for.
Quote from: Lesley_Roberta on March 06, 2013, 02:28:58 PM
Not sure how anyone has concluded I have ever stated a rape victim is to blame for being raped.
Only the rapist is to blame.
But I decide who I feel pity for.
Just the typical knee-jerk reaction when you don't spout the party line by people who don't live in Realville
Quote from: Lesley_Roberta on March 06, 2013, 02:28:58 PM
Not sure how anyone has concluded I have ever stated a rape victim is to blame for being raped.
Only the rapist is to blame.
But I decide who I feel pity for.
I know what you meant Lesley_Roberta. I didn't come to theat conclusion from your original post.
Quote from: Lesley_Roberta on March 06, 2013, 02:28:58 PM
Not sure how anyone has concluded I have ever stated a rape victim is to blame for being raped.
JENNA: Not sure what you mean here, but I'm going to assume it's not what I think you mean, because that would be really bad.
LESLEY: I likely meant it the way you thought I wouldn't mean it.
Well, now you know what I meant. Without further clarification on your part, I thought it
likely you meant blaming the victim.
Quote[Y]ou can live in a world that doesn't punish obvious stupidity if you insist, I won't be found in that world though.
Again, wow. Can you dig that hole any deeper? Do you realise how your statement could be interpreted; that the victim deserved to be raped?
Then again, I should remind myself that the person making these outrageous, reactionary statements considers rape "a verification of being seen sufficiently female".
Quote from: Jess42 on March 06, 2013, 09:23:49 AM
As for victims of rape or crime and so on, in no way should the victims ever be blamed. The criminal needs to be taken out of society either for a while or permanantly. There is or shouldn't be any justification for blaming a victim. How a person dresses shouldn't even be taken into consideration.
Agreed.
In any case, rape allegedly "caused" by "provocative" attire worn by young, attractive females is, statistically, a myth. Rape is about power, not passion.
Quote from: JoanneB on March 06, 2013, 08:54:21 PM
Just the typical knee-jerk reaction when you don't spout the party line by people who don't live in Realville
Hi Joanne.
Just wondering if you could please clarify what line you're referring to?
Quote from: Jenna Stannis on March 07, 2013, 03:58:18 PM
Rape is about power, not passion.
This. I've actually been the victim of sexual assault. As a man. Long before I discovered I was trans. Was I dressing provocatively? Nope. I was at work, wearing khakis and a polo shirt. I'm not the most handsome of fellow and I was just doing my job.
I was working at Disney World at Pleasure Island at the carnival games that they had there. This woman wanted a large stuffed animal without having to pay for it. Having had these kinds of conversations a million times before, I told her nicely and politely that she would need to win one, or if she really wanted one, she could buy it. Of course that didn't fly for her. So after a bit more whining she tried to use her sexuality as a ploy to get what she wanted. She said, and forgive my language, that she would take me out back and suck me off for it. To which I told her, again, politely, thank you, no, not interested.
So she got desperate and grabbed my junk and
insisted on performing sexual favors for a stuffed animal. To which I responded by getting Security to escort her out.
Even though this is a far cry from rape, it does illustrate that she had no real interest in me sexually. She was using it as a tool, hoping that it would have power over me to get what she wanted. The problem with the idea that women dressing provocatively incites men to perform rape is that in order for that to be true, it would mean that
men would have to have no capability of controlling themselves. Having been a man, I can assure you that I would be offended at this very prospect.
No. At the end of the day, what makes rape rape is that whoever is doing it
could stop, but
won't
Long before I realized I was a woman, I realized you can't win arguments on the internet, not that there is a prize or anything, (there isn't).
I often ponder if people think when I walk away from a discussion if they think they have 'won'?
Well I would need for it to bother me I suppose.
The worst thing you can do to yourself is waste valuable life span in internet arguments waiting for the announcement that you have won.
I'm no longer active on wargaming forums for just this truth eh. I got tired of spending time with people that would just refuse to accept that no one cares where arguments are concerned.
Hey I know of plenty of things that are facts that are easy enough to prove, but generally speaking, people often simply will just go on blindly ignoring the evidence even if you hit them over the head with it.
To that end, enjoy yourself where arguing is concerned, I have much better things to do with my life than pursue obvious arguments.
I don't mind offering an opinion, but I sure am not going to devote an argument to forcibly make it accepted.
There's no award after all, I gain nothing.
In the realm of my OP, spent the day today with my mom baking.
Baking, I think my brother finding out I like to bake and I am good at it would surprise him almost as much as my being his sister (not brother).
He's due up some time this month. I am wondering if the moment will present itself.
I am not planning to hide anything, but I am not planning to make an effort either.
I wonder what he will think of my new purse? He made a comical dig at my Asus laptop carry all the last time he was down. I was carrying it like a purse, but the thing is it IS an electronics carry all.
I wonder if my Avon order will get here before his visit?
My brother and sister are not 'talking' lately. My brother can be a bit of a pain sometimes.
Lesley, Internet discussions to me are about an exchange of ideas and opinions. I'm not even sure how "winning" fits with a discussion on gender, inspiration and sexual assault, or why you even brought it up. Are each of my posts being scored out of 10, or something?
I find it a little sad that you think you "gain nothing" by engaging in discussions presenting perspectives that don't necessarily echo your own.
Discussions are fine.
Argumentative style offers nothing.
I'm not an adversary, not point in behaving like I was.
Quote from: Lesley_Roberta on March 07, 2013, 06:22:09 PM
Discussions are fine.
Argumentative style offers nothing.
I'm not an adversary, not point in behaving like I was.
I get the impression you don't know what an argument is, but that's not surprising.
What is surprising is that you post deeply offensive comments and then get defensive and indignant when someone questions them.
Let's take a moment to review an item from the TOS:
15. Items under discussion shall be confined to the subject matter at hand, members shall avoid taking the other users posts personally, and/or posting anything that can reasonably be construed as a personal attack.