Is there anyone who had really bad dysphoria, like dysphoria that makes it impossible to enjoy everyday life, that got better after fully transitioning/with time?
Because I can't keep living like this. Im not really sure if I should even bother if things arent going to get better. Like why pay 60 grand for surgery if I'm only going to be buried with it a year later? I just want to know if it's worth even trying. Please don't lie to me. I need honesty.
Edited for profanity.
Honestly? It'll get probably worse long before it gets better. It really is a bit of a trip, and there are no defining points along the road. Oh, and there is a quantum f***ton of heartache and struggle along the way. And it's going to come out from every corner, every peephole you never thought it could come from. The minute you feel better, like everything's going your way, someone will try and screw it all up for you. Whether or not you let them is soundly up to you.
Of course, keep in mind you're talking to a crowd of people who thought it was worth it, and many of us are fighting every day of our lives. My recommendation is to join up arms and fight with us, and even if you fail in a year, or two or ten, at least you fought. I'll even save ya a spot in Valhalla ;)
Quote from: mangoslayer on March 04, 2013, 05:29:32 PM
Is there anyone who had really bad dysphoria, like dysphoria that makes it impossible to enjoy everyday life, that got better after fully transitioning/with time?
Because I can't keep living like this. Im not really sure if I should even bother if things arent going to get better. Like why pay 60 grand for surgery if I'm only going to be buried with it a year later? I just want to know if it's worth even trying. Please don't lie to me. I need honesty.
I think when you get to that point, you have to take the plunge. It might get better... or it might not. But any chance is better than the 0% chance of things getting better otherwise.
Edited for profanity.
Quote from: mangoslayer on March 04, 2013, 05:29:32 PM
Is there anyone who had really bad dysphoria, like dysphoria that makes it impossible to enjoy everyday life, that got better after fully transitioning/with time?
i couldn't deal with life. my depression and dysphoria were feeding of one another and it kept getting worse. i started on a SNRI and have progressed a bit in my transition and im feeling a lot better.
Have you joined the ftmmetoidioplasty and ftmphalloplastyinfo groups on yahoo? The guys there who've had bottom surgery may be able to answer your questions about dysphoria post-op.
it will get better IFF you put in the work. You have to figure out what you want and then set your sight on that and and work till you get it.
Is it better? Yes
Is it perfect? No
Did it cost 60 grand? No
Would I go back? Hell no
I can only say how it is for me. Don't know how it will go for you.
I'm doing all the things I've needed to from the start, and I still experience crippling dysphoria from time to time. Making progress HELPS, but in my experience it will not cure everything. You eventually learn how to deal with the times where your dysphoria is so crippling you feel like you can't do anything, because if you just lie down and stop, you can't make progress.
Stop thinking as "I might pay six grand and be dead in a year", and more as "I might pay six grand and be happier and able to live an enjoy my life more". And in any case, if you spend six grand and end up dead, what does it matter because you're dead and money doesn't help you at all then (unless you believe in the Egyptian gods).
I don't know whether I will ever feel right in this body, but I sure as hell am going to try and make it there. I have too much else that I care about to let be ruined by this one problem, can I put my girlfriend through the guilt that she wasn't good enough? Heck no. And then I won't be there to make sure that she's okay once I'm gone, so I don't see quitting as an option for me at all.
Quote from: AlexanderC on March 05, 2013, 03:45:28 PM
Stop thinking as "I might pay six grand and be dead in a year", and more as "I might pay six grand and be happier and able to live an enjoy my life more". And in any case, if you spend six grand and end up dead, what does it matter because you're dead and money doesn't help you at all then (unless you believe in the Egyptian gods).
I don't know whether I will ever feel right in this body, but I sure as hell am going to try and make it there. I have too much else that I care about to let be ruined by this one problem, can I put my girlfriend through the guilt that she wasn't good enough? Heck no. And then I won't be there to make sure that she's okay once I'm gone, so I don't see quitting as an option for me at all.
Money doesn't matter when you are dead, that's true. But while you are living it's just depressing and worrisome to think you may spend all this money on a surgery and then still end up taking your life, which is what I think he's speaking about. He said 60 grand btw.
Quote from: wheat thins are delicious on March 05, 2013, 03:48:25 PM
Money doesn't matter when you are dead, that's true. But while you are living it's just depressing and worrisome to think you may spend all this money on a surgery and then still end up taking your life, which is what I think he's speaking about. He said 60 grand btw.
Yeah you might, but if taking your life is a very real possibility if you don't do anything about it then it's worth a shot, right? There's no use laying down and taking it when there is the chance of making things better, and you won't know whether that sixty grand will be enough, and you might not have it right now, but surely its worth fighting on for in the hope that it will put things right, or at least to a more comfortable level. What I'm really telling him to do is not to give up, and to think of things in a different, more positive way.
I know, I meant to write sixty but numbers hate me and get them messed up a lot. Either way it's a shedload of money.
The best bit of advice i can give is, it's a journey, and it's a hard one. You need to have the strength to do it, our lives aren't for the faint of heart. You need to find little wins where you can to keep your spirits up. I guess i'm lucky because i've only had one episode of crippling depression in the last 9 months, that was when it seemed like there was no hope of me getting my top surgery. I spent a week laying in bed in the dark, not talking to anyone, crying and looking up steps on how to go about suicide. It was bad. But I got through it. By the eighth day I began researching harder, I found surgeons all over Canada and the next day I started calling them, and I found a surgeon who could take me before I went back to school. Now I feel happy again.
I still don't pass very well, my voice still hasn't dropped, I don't have the facial hair I want, I had a lot of my eggs in a basket waiting on the tyron 3 but it was a complete bust, now I don't know what I'm going to do with regards to my junk, but that's ok. If my voice continues not to drop I'll begin taking voice therapy to lower it, if my facial hair doesn't grow in where I want it to I'll deal, I'll deal with my junk when I am independent and have more personal funds, maybe surgery will have improved enough for me to personally justify spending the money. Maybe it won't.
They can actually create functioning organs from completely dead tissue now. It's still a new practice, but whose to say that in 10 years time they may not be able to actually create a 100% functioning penis for us transmen?
Find things that are going to make you happy, look at what's making you unhappy and change it. Look at your main depression, and then figure out what all the little things are that's setting you off and begin to address them one at a time. Why do you feel that having bottom surgery won't make you feel better? Do you not like the current way the surgery is done or the current outcomes? Then maybe wait a few years and see where Tissue Engineering has gotten too.
All in all, it will get better but only if you work hard at making it better.
Quote from: Bastian on March 05, 2013, 04:41:03 PM
They can actually create functioning organs from completely dead tissue now. It's still a new practice, but whose to say that in 10 years time they may not be able to actually create a functioning penis for us transmen? I'm not talking a flop of skin, but a real penis with function, that has 100% success rate in transplant because it's created using your own cells.
Phallos are functioning penises and not just "flaps of skin". That kind of talk in a post specifically about bottom surgery is quite disheartening and not helpful to the OP.
My apologies, I have since edited my post and removed that bit, the point I was trying to make is that the science is improving, so if they OP is unhappy with it currently, and that's why they feel they may still not be happy post-surgery, there are other options that are developing.
Quote from: Bastian on March 05, 2013, 05:06:29 PM
My apologies, I have since edited my post and removed that bit, the point I was trying to make is that the science is improving, so if they OP is unhappy with it currently, and that's why they feel they may still not be happy post-surgery, there are other options that are developing.
I'm good with the current phalloplasty results, and even if I wasn't, I don't have the 10 years to wait. I'm just scared that I'll still have dysphoria looming over my head even after bottom surgery. Even though im 1.75 years on T and post top surgery I still look in the mirror and see a dykey chick even though no one else does. I'm afraid that even after phallo I'll still feel wrong and incomplete.
I consider myself post-transition and am relatively happy. I have my down moments some times but I think I'm pretty satisfied