So I had my first therapy meeting last Friday...and Im back to being pretty depressed again. She basically told me that I have a social phobia and that I would have to get over that in order to transition...I'm trans, why do you think I have a social phobia? Probably because I'm trans, not just because I'm afraid of what other people think of me. She's treating the symptom and not the problem at hand.
And she obviously has no interest or knowledge in trans issues, she didn't even ask me any questions about how far I wanted to transition, or "why do you feel that life would be better after you transition". Nope, just stamp me with anxiety and social phobia and send me on my way. Not to mention the fact that she told me that the nearest gender clinic is in Edmonton (which is 6 hours away).
I'm almost ready to quit because at every turn when I try to get help life just s***ts on me. I haven't booked another appointment with her...and I probably won't.
As you stated it, it does seem as though she just wrote you off. I don't know what criteria goes into the therapy process, but your criteria should be at the top of the list.
Warmest Regards - Sadie
Quote from: Sadie May on March 10, 2013, 11:54:32 AM
As you stated it, it does seem as though she just wrote you off. I don't know what criteria goes into the therapy process, but your criteria should be at the top of the list.
Warmest Regards - Sadie
I should note that she isn't a gender therapist, but I was told she is the best in town because she's a Psychiatrist...mostly dealing in drug addiction therapy.
I just don't know what to do anymore...There isn't anyone who is adequately suited for LGBT issues around here...
I tried to look online, but that's pretty much like finding a diamond in a haystack.
I'm depressed and not doing well...and no one cares, not even the f***ing health care system. I'll be lucky if I last another month.
Quote from: Sky-Blue on March 10, 2013, 11:42:24 AM
She basically told me that I have a social phobia and that I would have other over that in order to transition.
This is mularkey, poppycock, baloney and a whole bunch of other untruthful words that probably violate the TOS.
First of all, your therapist DOESN'T GET TO DECIDE whether you transition. You do.
Second of all, Gender Identity Dysphoria doesn't take a vacation just because the individual also has social phobia. GID is serious and must be treated or VERY BAD THINGS happen.
IMO, anyone who doesn't understand these has no business treating transgender patients.
There is a saying which applies here sky-blue:
When a therapist only has a hammer, all of your problems will look like a nail.
When you are holding a glass slipper in your hand and trying to find the courage to put it on, the last thing you need is a maniac with a hammer saying they can help you.
Unfortunately, not all shrinks have the good sense and professional ethic to say: "I can help you with A, or B, but I really am not trained or qualified to do anything for C, so if you will authorize me to talk about your case to other professionals for this purpose, I will be glad to refer you to someone who is better equipped to help you."
Quote from: Sky-Blue on March 10, 2013, 12:03:20 PM
I'm depressed and not doing well...and no one cares, not even the f***ing health care system. I'll be lucky if I last another month.
You should work on your depression before anything else. I've seen several threads where you have talked about suicide you have to get these feelings out of the way first. Did you explain that you were considering suicide? Social anxiety is not your problem depression is! Transitioning will probably be the hardest thing you will do in life. And it not something you want to start when you already have depression. Please Sky get some help about this I don't want you to become another statistic.
Quote from: Heather on March 10, 2013, 05:51:21 PM
Transitioning will probably be the hardest thing you will do in life. And it not something you want to start when you already have depression. Please Sky get some help about this I don't want you to become another statistic.
Mmmm, well, I kinda disagree. I have lifelong depression. If I'd tried to cure that before transitioning, I'd be...well, I wouldn't have transitioned yet.
I also had situational depression. I was more and more depressed because I wasn't living the life I wanted to live. I think the only way for me to cure that part of the depression was to start my transition.
I've had quite a few friends who were not in a good place when they started transitioning, but they needed to start anyway. And they did, and they are the better for it. But support is key.
Sky-Blue, can you try another therapist? That seems to be your best option at the moment, unless you can clarify things with the current one...and that doesn't seem very likely. You do have options, but you have to recognize them and then exercise them. And recognize that there will likely be setbacks. But you can do it...just take it one step at a time, and always have a backup plan.
Quote from: Heather on March 10, 2013, 05:51:21 PM
You should work on your depression before anything else. I've seen several threads where you have talked about suicide you have to get these feelings out of the way first. Did you explain that you were considering suicide? Social anxiety is not your problem depression is! Transitioning will probably be the hardest thing you will do in life. And it not something you want to start when you already have depression. Please Sky get some help about this I don't want you to become another statistic.
Isn't that just treating the symptom and not the cause?
At this point I don't have an identity, there is nothing left TO treat...
Quote from: Sky-Blue on March 10, 2013, 06:17:08 PM
Isn't that just treating the symptom and not the cause?
At this point I don't have an identity, there is nothing left TO treat...
You certainly have an identity! Just because the rest of the world might not be on board yet does not diminish who you are.
Quote from: Arch on March 10, 2013, 06:15:30 PM
You do have options, but you have to recognize them and then exercise them. And recognize that there will likely be setbacks. But you can do it...just take it one step at a time, and always have a backup plan.
I don't have any therapists around where I live that actually know anything about trans issues. Nor do I have the money to go to one, unless its someone within the public healthcare system. My doctor doesn't know any therapists that know anything about trans stuff, and in fact my doctor was the one who referred me to the Psychiatrist that I was talking about.
My parents are religious and keep trying to convince me that I'm just "making it all up" or that I'm "just really confused". Which is also the vibe I got from my "not so understanding" Psychiatrist.
Bottom line...I don't have support, I have no one. At this point I have no motivation to keep trying; because every time I try it never works out.
In my neck of the woods, psychiatrists don't do much talk therapy--they are into pharmaceuticals and adjusting meds, stuff like that. Does your health system recommend a therapist or a psychiatrist?
I definitely agree with Heather on the suicide issue. If you are thinking about it, then you need help from a true professional, even if it's this unpromising psychiatrist.
But every therapist has to start somewhere. Seems to me you can find a compatible therapist who isn't practiced in trans issues--he or she can always learn more about trans issues, but nothing can substitute for the genuine connection between a client and a therapist who is a "good fit." And if you are thinking about suicide, even an average therapist is better than none at all.
Quote from: Arch on March 10, 2013, 06:31:46 PM
In my neck of the woods, psychiatrists don't do much talk therapy--they are into pharmaceuticals and adjusting meds, stuff like that. Does your health system recommend a therapist or a psychiatrist?
I definitely agree with Heather on the suicide issue. If you are thinking about it, then you need help from a true professional, even if it's this unpromising psychiatrist.
But every therapist has to start somewhere. Seems to me you can find a compatible therapist who isn't practiced in trans issues--he or she can always learn more about trans issues, but nothing can substitute for the genuine connection between a client and a therapist who is a "good fit." And if you are thinking about suicide, even an average therapist is better than none at all.
The problem is that she has so many clients that it takes a month (I'm not exaggerating) just to get an appointment...plus she seems to be one of those elitist Psychologists that thinks they know everything...I don't think she'll change her diagnosis of social phobia...
Quote from: Sky-Blue on March 10, 2013, 06:34:57 PM
The problem is that she has so many clients that it takes a month (I'm not exaggerating) just to get an appointment...plus she seems to be one of those elitist Psychologists that thinks they know everything...I don't think she'll change her diagnosis of social phobia...
I've heard of people who connect to gender therapists through skype. Someone on this board my know a therapist who does that.
Quote from: suzifrommd on March 10, 2013, 07:05:15 PM
I've heard of people who connect to gender therapists through skype. Someone on this board my know a therapist who does that.
My computer camera and mic aren't so great...otherwise I would do it in a heartbeat. Plus, they cost more money than a therapist that is part of public medical care.
Not to shoot down your idea or anything. I've considered it before as someone had sent me a link to a site with Skype enabled therapists.
Quote from: Bailey on March 10, 2013, 07:13:26 PM
I'm assuming you're in Calgary, correct? There are three options if you are.
No, I live in northern B.C.; in a small town close to the border.
Quote from: Bailey on March 10, 2013, 07:16:10 PM
Unless you have an Alberta Health Care card, you're going to be stuck going to Vancouver.
To Vancouver for what?
Quote from: Bailey on March 10, 2013, 07:20:30 PM
To see an actual gender therapist and/or get hormones.
Do you need a 100% certified gender therapist JUST to get hormones...because if that's the case I'm pretty much f*****ed. Wow...we have a messed up healthcare system...
"The system" apparently doesn't care about my wellbeing.
Quote from: Sky-Blue on March 10, 2013, 07:26:04 PM
I guess I'll start researching self medication...since "the system" apparently doesn't care about my wellbeing.
Sky what I was wanting to say earlier is when taking hormones you don't know how your mind is going to handle it. It's not all great all the time there are days that are days that are just awesome! But then their is the days when I feel like a piece of crap who is ugly and nobody likes. Then they are days when I get a combo of both. Estrogen will make you more emotional then you have ever been in your life at least it has with me.But if you feel like taking your life now just wait until your hormones are out of whack because self medication I think you need some patience find you a therapist you like work out these suicidal feelings you are having.
Quote from: Heather on March 10, 2013, 07:48:31 PM
Sky what I was wanting to say earlier is when taking hormones you don't know how your mind is going to handle it. It's not all great all the time there are days that are days that are just awesome! But then their is the days when I feel like a piece of crap who is ugly and nobody likes. Then they are days when I get a combo of both. Estrogen will make you more emotional then you have ever been in your life at least it has with me.But if you feel like taking your life now just wait until your hormones are out of whack because self medication I think you need some patience find you a therapist you like work out these suicidal feelings you are having.
Even if I could get an anti androgen I would be much more at ease...but I can't get anything...
Quote from: Sky-Blue on March 10, 2013, 07:58:46 PM
Even if I could get an anti androgen I would be much more at ease...but I can't get anything...
You shouldn't give up hope so quickly! Sometimes in life if want something bad enough you have to be willing to fight for it. :)
Quote from: Heather on March 10, 2013, 08:08:47 PM
You shouldn't give up hope so quickly! Sometimes in life if want something bad enough you have to be willing to fight for it. :)
What if we lose the will to fight, because we're tired of losing all the battles?
Have you considerd she's right?
It took me a very long summer to adjust and become a
Social animal again. It was hard...but you have to be confident that you
Are pretty....I started very gradually with things like HRT and grooming
It got to the point where you couldnt tell if I was a girl or boy
That was my cue when my body finished personality softened and behaviors
Were feminine
All that was left to change was put on a pair of panties a little shIrt AND skirt
THAN after all that which was a better part pd six months did I see a psych
Lol what can they say when it's all a done deal?
Quote from: Sky-Blue on March 10, 2013, 08:59:41 PM
What if we lose the will to fight, because we're tired of losing all the battles?
Then take a break and try again? Look, it's not up to us to tell you what to do, and heaven knows, I am not all that familiar with the Canadian system. But loads of trans people have navigated that same system--even people who live outside the big cities--so I know it is possible. How long have you been trying? Whom have you talked to? What options have you completely exhausted? Are you sure that you even know what all of your options are?
Quote from: Arch on March 10, 2013, 09:45:56 PM
Then take a break and try again? Look, it's not up to us to tell you what to do, and heaven knows, I am not all that familiar with the Canadian system. But loads of trans people have navigated that same system--even people who live outside the big cities--so I know it is possible. How long have you been trying? Whom have you talked to? What options have you completely exhausted? Are you sure that you even know what all of your options are?
I appreciate the help...
But I'm not well, nor do I ever think I will ever get better. I've lost my will to continue...what more can I say?
I'm tired of this stupid system filled with gatekeepers who live hundreds of miles away from me. I'm tired of how intolerant and stupid the majority of the world is. I'm tired of being depressed, I've been like this for 5 years...and it's probably too late for me because I'm broken.
I hear you, hon. I hear you. I didn't have the same hurdles you do, but I am very familiar with the sensation of dragging myself through life by my fingernails. No hope, no prospects, no emotional reserves--only fear and a strong survival instinct.
I'll tell you the same thing my partner used to tell me: sometimes you don't digress OR progress. Sometimes you just "gress." You tread water and don't make headway. And as long as you don't lose ground, you...haven't lost ground. Just holding your ground can be a good thing.
He used to say that doing something that doesn't work is valuable intel. "Okay, now I know what NOT to do. I'll have to try something else."
He also used to say that sometimes you just need to take a break. Boy, was he right.
And I'll tell you what my therapist said when I was close to giving up: I know it seems like there's no light at the end of this tunnel, but there is--and it's daylight, not a train trying to mow you down! Even though you don't believe it, you can get through this, and you will get through this, one step at a time.
Quote from: kkut on March 10, 2013, 10:26:29 PM
I'm sorry your Friday appointment didn't go as you had hoped.
If at all possible, I would give this psychiatrist a chance to help. Give her a chance to understand you and your situation?
Tell her you feel your dysphoria is causing your social woes. Don't be afraid to challenge her thinking.
I hate to see you give up too soon.
I can't wait another month just to get another appointment with her...it seems like she's already made up her mind. I tried to tell her that the social phobia was caused by me being Trans, but she wouldn't listen...
I don't have any money for a private psychologist, and I can't wait any longer...I don't know what to do besides just give up.
Quote from: Sky-Blue on March 10, 2013, 08:59:41 PM
What if we lose the will to fight, because we're tired of losing all the battles?
Sky in life it's not who wins the battles that matters as much. Its wether we win the war is what matters. You are giving up far too easily. You were putting too much hope on one session. It's not like your going too get everything you want out one session. That was a unrealistic expectation too have. Sky please set up another appointment and try to at least work with her before giving up completely. :)
Quote from: Heather on March 10, 2013, 10:48:44 PM
Sky in life it's not who wins the battles that matters as much. Its wether we win the war is what matters. You are giving up far too easily. You were putting too much hope on one session. It's not like your going too get everything you want out one session. That was a unrealistic expectation too have. Sky please set up another appointment and try to at least work with her before giving up completely. :)
I'm not lying or exaggerating; it will be a month until the next appointment if I make one now. She even showed me her schedule. I can't wait that long, I know I won't make it.
Quote from: Sky-Blue on March 10, 2013, 10:53:33 PM
I'm not lying or exaggerating; it will be a month until the next appointment if I make one now. She even showed me her schedule. I can't wait that long, I know I won't make it.
Is there any way you can afford a private psychologist? Because if this is life or death situation with you I think its worth the money to save your life.
Are you going through the three bridges health clinic?
Transhealth program
Quote from: XchristineX on March 11, 2013, 12:07:35 AM
Are you going through the three bridges health clinic?
Transhealth program
If I lived in Vancouver...
Quote from: Sky-Blue on March 10, 2013, 11:42:24 AM
So I had my first therapy meeting last Friday...and Im back to being pretty depressed again. She basically told me that I have a social phobia and that I would have to get over that in order to transition...I'm trans, why do you think I have a social phobia? Probably because I'm trans, not just because I'm afraid of what other people think of me. She's treating the symptom and not the problem at hand.
And she obviously has no interest or knowledge in trans issues, she didn't even ask me any questions about how far I wanted to transition, or "why do you feel that life would be better after you transition". Nope, just stamp me with anxiety and social phobia and send me on my way. Not to mention the fact that she told me that the nearest gender clinic is in Edmonton (which is 6 hours away).
I'm almost ready to quit because at every turn when I try to get help life just s***ts on me. I haven't booked another appointment with her...and I probably won't.
If you are almost ready to quit, because you have obstacles in your way, then you are not ready to transition anyway. Transition is difficult. There many more serious pitfalls besides finding a therapist. If you are going to fold that easily, you might reconsider your path.
Quote from: Jamie D on March 11, 2013, 12:44:00 AM
If you are almost ready to quit, because you have obstacles in your way, then you are not ready to transition anyway. Transition is difficult. There many more serious pitfalls besides finding a therapist. If you are going to fold that easily, you might reconsider your path.
I live in a VERY small town, and it's difficult to find a well educated Psychologist let alone a gender therapist.
You are not helpless. Broaden your horizons. Trans people face these issues every single day.
You don't need a gender specialist to start with. Or even a psychiatrist.
You are of college age. Are you going away to school soon?
Quote from: Sky-Blue on March 11, 2013, 02:29:30 AM
I live in a VERY small town, and it's difficult to find a well educated Psychologist let alone a gender therapist.
How far is the nearest big city to you? If you want this bad enough you might have to be willing to travel or move.
Quote from: Heather on March 11, 2013, 02:39:33 AM
How far is the nearest big city to you? If you want this bad enough you might have to be willing to travel or move.
If I traveled that would require my parents to drive me. I wish I had the mental strength to move...but it would just add more stress to my life.
Quote from: Sky-Blue on March 11, 2013, 01:26:11 PM
If I traveled that would require my parents to drive me. I wish I had the mental strength to move...but it would just add more stress to my life.
Sky if you really want to be yourself your going to have to find the strength within yourself to do whatever is necessary to get where you want to be in life. :)
*Update*
My mood swings into depression seem to keep getting worse. I'm going to try and get an appointment with a therapist and see if she is LGBT friendly an willing to learn about trans issues.
It's probably for the best that I don't go back to the Psychiatrist, she shouldn't be treating that many patients; she seems fine other than the fact that the session/diagnosis felt rushed. Plus, it would take me a month to get in again. I felt like a cow being run through a milking machine O.o. Not sure if Im going to put in a complaint...
I don't know when I'm going to swing back into depression...so if I do I probably won't be online for awhile. When I get like that there is nothing anyone can say to help me. Right now I'm trying to numb my emotions so that my brain can overcome my feelings. It sucks...but I'll have to stay this way (until I can get help) if I want to stay alive.