For my brothers and sisters here that cannot transition for whatever reason, what are some of the positives you have found in living as your birth sex? I know it can be hard to find positives but maybe it would help if we could talk about it?
Here are a couple of mine:
-Won't get easily get refused healthcare if I have to go to the hospital
-If people "misgender" me, then it's actually a compliment
What are yours?
Hmm.... I have my own personal set of nice boobs.....
Oh, I don't feel like an idiot when I need to ask the guys at Autozone to put the windshield wipers on my car for me or DMD (a big manly but super nice cis-male) at work to help me open the hood of my car when it got stuck this winter and I badly needed to add windshield washer fluid, when if I was transitioned into male I would feel like an idiot.
I can safely live at home with my family while I am currently too poor to live on my own.
I can find female clothes my size where I can't really find well-fitting male clothes my size.
Quote from: Albina on March 15, 2013, 08:36:00 PM
Good points, LearnedHand!
Indeed, especially about the part about living with family. I went shopping for some male dress clothes and trying to find one just my size was pain.
Up until this year I would have said cheaper car insurance, but they've brought them into line now so that doesn't count.
I almost applied for an apprenticeship which had a female bias, but had a very, very, early mid-life crisis and didn't.
Another benefit is I can get a discount on my oil change if I go during "ladies's day" (which I think is every Wednesday).
Quote from: AlexanderC on March 15, 2013, 09:57:44 PM
Up until this year I would have said cheaper car insurance
Yes, I forgot about that one, over here it's still cheaper for girls.
Quote from: LearnedHand on March 16, 2013, 06:52:49 AM
Another benefit is I can get a discount on my oil change if I go during "ladies's day" (which I think is every Wednesday).
Yes, I forgot about that one, over here it's still cheaper for girls.
Excuse me, but I see only the positives to be a lady in your country lol (as opposed to my country, I should add).
Having spent most of my time trying to find ways to deal with the nonsense, this is an interesting perspective.
I suppose not being continually hassled by guys. I used to work in building and many only ever saw a female when they came to work, or that's how they behaved anyway.
Cheaper clothes since most male clothes are generally cheaper.
A bit off topic, but to LearnedHand. Interested in your sub text. How well has your transition been accepted by the Sikh community. I know they have an established division, but be interested to hear how it is working out.
Quote from: spacial on March 16, 2013, 11:18:55 AM
A bit off topic, but to LearnedHand. Interested in your sub text. How well has your transition been accepted by the Sikh community. I know they have an established division, but be interested to hear how it is working out.
I am not a Baptisted Sikh or really out since I haven't started transition yet, but I've been to Gurdwara in male clothing and sat on the male side of the room. It really depends on where you go, because some people really focus on the whole equality aspect of the Sikh faith while in other temples the Punjabi cultures seeps through. There's a lot of good articles on www.sarbat.net (http://www.sarbat.net) (a British based LGBT Sikh website) and some 3HO Sikhs did a really nice video on YouTube that basically says "we don't care if you're LGBT, everyone's equal". I think I posted the video over on the spirituality section of the board (here: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,136458.0.html (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,136458.0.html)).
-My insurance is quite a lot cheaper as a "female".
-I'm unlikely to ever have prostate problems.
-Seducing dudes is easier when you can hypnotize them with boobies.
Both a blessing and a curse, I have a nice and perky chest. I actually think I'd miss them when getting top surgery when I'm not feeling over the top dysphoric.
Some people see my relationship as heterosexual if they see me as female which can be less dangerous for us.
Other than that, no real benefits. I'm treated with misogyny like a female would be, seen as "not a real man".
For me, my children!
If I had transitioned in my 20's I would not have them, and that would be very upsetting to me. I love kids, got 5 and the wife want's another one! ^-^
I do regret not letting the real me out sooner, anywho here I come, look out world!
Quote from: LearnedHand on March 16, 2013, 12:51:10 PM
that basically says "we don't care if you're LGBT, everyone's equal".
Now that's the sort of attitude I'd have expected from the Sikh. From observation they seemed to accept gender differences as a matter of practicalities, rather than dogma. I haven't ever managed to discuss with any Sikh any of the specifics regarding gender or sexuality varients. And what I know is quite limited. But the only significant problem I had, dealing with Sikhs was with some women, especially young women, who didn't seem too sure of why I wasn't acting in what they presumably thought is a standard male role.
I will look at that site though. Always interested in more informaiton. Especially relating to certain aspects of dogma.
Thanks again.
- I guess for me it's the fact that I can keep who I really am to myself with whoever I want to and for as long as i don't transition. It buys me time before I feel I have to tell my parents and my kids, so I don't have to lose anyone (which I might once I do come out to them).
- It's easier on my wife,who identifies as a lesbian
- I can get into clubs for free on Ladies night even if I present as a guy since my ID shows a woman.
All of these are pretty positive for me but they don't help my dysphoria nor stop the constant thoughts about transition.
Well I never had big family drama with "coming out".
I dress and look how I want anyway.
I have a few close friends that know about that part of me, but 98% of the people I interact with don't. The fact that they don't doesn't really bother me that much.
I got married, legally.
Being "female" doesn't really come up too much in daily life ... so I pretty much just live the way I want to and am able to just be myself.
I never really noticed benefits like guys wanting to do stuff for you (I never looked very feminine, that might have something to do with it), because I always just do that sort of stuff myself ... do minor car stuff, do fix it stuff around the house, carry heavy things, etc.
Feeling a little down so I'm trying to find more positives:
1. I never have to worry about getting "clocked" and if I wear male clothes, people at most will think I'm just a butch lesbian.
2. I can go in the women's bathroom and sit on the toilet without worrying about the noise the toilet makes when it hits the toilet or if others are wondering why my feet are pointed towards the door. I also can use the bathroom and exit and not have to deal with an STP device.
3. Guys will hold the door open for me. Now I DO find that demeaning and I'd rather not have them do that, but being a germaphobe, at least I won't have to touch those nasty doors.
4. If I ever wanted to go clubbing, I could take advantage of "free ladie's night" or the other special perks of getting in that the women would have.
5. I could get top surgery and still live as a female with just a mastectomy. That way I could somewhat "be" in transition without many of the associated risks.
For the people born (and staying guys) out there here are just a few quick ones off the top of my head -
Not having to spend time doing makeup every fricken' day
Feeling slightly more secure when walking alone
A boat load of $$$ that you save from transitioning expenses (this goes for would have been ftms as well)
Not having to deal with the flirty stuff from hetero (and depending on your situation trans-loving) guys when you are not attracted men!!!! :-)
More positives:
1. I don't have to worry about pain from getting kicked down there like bio-males and post-bottom surgery guys do.
2. There's not so much competition to do things that I know little about (like cars. . . and stuff. . . ) among girls.
Quote from: retransition on September 13, 2013, 08:12:35 PM
For the people born (and staying guys) out there here are just a few quick ones off the top of my head -
Not having to spend time doing makeup every fricken' day
Feeling slightly more secure when walking alone
A boat load of $$$ that you save from transitioning expenses (this goes for would have been ftms as well)
Not having to deal with the flirty stuff from hetero (and depending on your situation trans-loving) guys when you are not attracted men!!!! :-)
+1 Having opted out of full transition I can say ditto to what retransition has said.
I don't have a need for an extensive female wardrobe, shoes and accessories.
As an androgynous person I can live on either side of the gender fence.
Around males I can still be viewed as a male when it's time to be male and do male things.
Around women I am appreciated for being able to converse well. think with the female side of my brain, considered emotionally available, relate well, listen with my heart and empathize with women's issues.
I can still pee standing up in the woods on a hunt, rather than freeze my tush off.
I can sit to pee at home like a female which I prefer as much neater.
I'm still married to a loving wife who makes allowances for my androgyny, SRS would have been the death nell I opted out by choice!
I forgot one of my favorites of all
Not having to wear an f***ing bra!!!!!!
(the key word being "having" - I know some guys here might enjoy wearing them at times but when it is every day -all day at work it really sucks.)
***** EDIT*******
I just realized I said "guys" here. I am sorry I have been out of the loop and need to get back up to speed- I was confusing non transitioning mtf women living as men with people like me who identify as male. I know there is an important distinction. Anyway - I still hate bras.
Quote from: retransition on September 13, 2013, 10:48:52 PM
I forgot one of my favorites of all
Not having to wear an f***ing bra!!!!!!
(the key word being "having" - I know some guys here might enjoy wearing them at times but when it is every day -all day at work it really sucks.)
especially when the straps keep slipping off your shoulders, ugh drives me nuts.
LOL so true (by the way seeing my post quoted I realized I made an unintentional faux pas which I have edited in my original post)
Malachite,
This thread was a brilliant idea! It's something we all need to discuss more often because, as I'm sure you are aware, people here just assume that we are going to get all these expensive and intrusive surgeries and cut away everything including our family and friends for the sake of feeling we are now living in the correct body, that impulse sometimes is not as strong in some as it is in others. There are loads of different reasons for either partial transition to putting transition on the back burner or not transitioning at all, none of which alters the fact that we all have GID issues and suffer certain dysphoria. It often seems that those who do transition and do it quickly and seamlessly and have a fortune at their disposal to spend on the process always appear to lord it over those who don't, whether it's intentional or not I don't know, it just may be a perception but it only adds to our own dysphoric feelings, lack of self worth and sense of desperation, anxiety and personal failure. It shouldn't be that way, but I think it just is and so this thread is really quite therapeutic.
I know that some don't want physical transition right now which may ruin chances of a potentially brilliant career. Many don't want to divorce and live a lonely life just for the sake of saying that they have changed their genitalia that no-one will ever see anyway. Some are simply overwhelmed at the financial aspects and there is always the nagging fears and concerns about being able to live successfully in other than the assigned gender. So for many this is a helpful thread to vent those feelings.
Well said Auntie Shan
This was a wonderful idea - thanks for sharing. I really needed something to brighten my day and I found it on this thread.
Xoxo,
Terri
one positive is that i can use the authority that comes with being a woman and mother if the situation calls for it.
having grown up in the norwegian countryside, i've learned that women are to be respected. period. there's no such thing as "the man in the house", the woman holds all the power there. traditionally at least... some of the greatest personalities in the area were also women, some have done much more for the community than any man ever could.
if/when i transition (still not sure which it will be), i can't be a woman any more. i'll lose some privilege that unfortunately way too few women realize they have. i won't miss the misogyny, but i'll also be sad that i can't help fight it from this side of the fence. i really hope i can find a wife who can care for my family's interests if i end up transitioning. i'm hopeless at social networking, and can only hope to be a good breadwinner.
my height doesn't make me look like a dwarf.
i get to associate more girls than any cis guy would get to.
i never got bullied at school.
it doesn't hurt when i get hit in the crotch.
i'm considered a very unique and special person because of my strange behaviour.
the girl i had a crush on never realized that i was flirting.
i can do things as slow as i want, and nobody would care if i'm not strong enough to lift something or if i get tired after some little task.
i get to play the more masculine role when among my friends automatically, and if i transitioned i'd have to compete with the rest of cis guys.
people tend to speak nicely to me and help me out a lot.
that's what i can think of now. but sadly none of them helps to reduce the dysphoric feelings.
Quote from: YBtheOutlaw on September 29, 2013, 01:31:38 PM
that's what i can think of now. but sadly none of them helps to reduce the dysphoric feelings.
Take heart, even some post-op folks retain some dysphoria so transitioning isn't always the ultimate panacea!
Quote from: Shantel on September 14, 2013, 09:43:28 AM
Malachite,
This thread was a brilliant idea! It's something we all need to discuss more often because, as I'm sure you are aware, people here just assume that we are going to get all these expensive and intrusive surgeries and cut away everything including our family and friends for the sake of feeling we are now living in the correct body, that impulse sometimes is not as strong in some as it is in others. There are loads of different reasons for either partial transition to putting transition on the back burner or not transitioning at all, none of which alters the fact that we all have GID issues and suffer certain dysphoria. It often seems that those who do transition and do it quickly and seamlessly and have a fortune at their disposal to spend on the process always appear to lord it over those who don't, whether it's intentional or not I don't know, it just may be a perception but it only adds to our own dysphoric feelings, lack of self worth and sense of desperation, anxiety and personal failure. It shouldn't be that way, but I think it just is and so this thread is really quite therapeutic.
I know that some don't want physical transition right now which may ruin chances of a potentially brilliant career. Many don't want to divorce and live a lonely life just for the sake of saying that they have changed their genitalia that no-one will ever see anyway. Some are simply overwhelmed at the financial aspects and there is always the nagging fears and concerns about being able to live successfully in other than the assigned gender. So for many this is a helpful thread to vent those feelings.
Agreed 100 percent Auntie Shan! When I made this thread, I did want it to have like a "theraputic" touch to it. I know as a person who can't transition myself, it gets hard to be in the guys forum and hear about guys who are in their transitions or starting their transitions and at times, it just makes me terribly sad and dysphoric, knowing that I can't live as the real me. I find that the non-op community guys and girls isn't talked about often but I do think it's best if we stuck together me.
@Terri I'm glad this thread has brightened your day! :)
i get to hug lots of cute girls without anyone finding it unpleasant or suspecting i might like them a little more than what's socially acceptable.
being a native woman isn't always too bad.
Quote from: Taka on October 08, 2013, 04:04:38 PM
i get to hug lots of cute girls without anyone finding it unpleasant or suspecting i might like them a little more than what's socially acceptable.
being a native woman isn't always too bad.
I feel the same way. I have some girls that would cuddle with me because "that's what girls do".
I have an excuse to be lazy and pissy once a month and I can get away with it....usually.
Fortunately my body is not hugely masculine. My old history teacher told me a sad story about someone he knew when he worked on an oil rig in the middle east. It didn't end well - she was just too upset about the blatant masculinity of her body. I'm very lucky in that the only seriously masculine parts of my body are my forehead and feet. Everything else is quite neutral.
That means that when my girlfriend does my make-up (she insists on it sometimes xD) then I do look rather convincing without having to go through traumatic operations ^-^
Quote from: RoteRosen on October 14, 2013, 08:10:50 AM
Fortunately my body is not hugely masculine. My old history teacher told me a sad story about someone he knew when he worked on an oil rig in the middle east. It didn't end well - she was just too upset about the blatant masculinity of her body. I'm very lucky in that the only seriously masculine parts of my body are my forehead and feet. Everything else is quite neutral.
That means that when my girlfriend does my make-up (she insists on it sometimes xD) then I do look rather convincing without having to go through traumatic operations ^-^
If only we all had your luck haha
Quote from: Taka on October 08, 2013, 04:04:38 PM
i get to hug lots of cute girls without anyone finding it unpleasant or suspecting i might like them a little more than what's socially acceptable.
Lucky. That has had the opposite effect on me. For some reason, I can't hug pretty girls without being labeled a lesbian so I really don't do it, though to be fair, I rarely put myself into positions where that would happen now. :(
But for another positive, I don't have to worry about how I will pay for testosterone, and because I'm not on T, I don't have to worry about getting a hysterectomy.
I also don't have to worry about unconscious female mannerisms that may have people peg me as a female instead if I were presenting as a guy, especially a stealth guy.
I'll never accidently get my future wife pregnant since I have no sperm, and that's better since I don't want kids.
Quote from: Malachite on November 13, 2013, 03:03:57 PM
I'll never accidently get my future wife pregnant since I have no sperm, and that's better since I don't want kids.
That horrifying moment more than a few young men had to hear: "Son, if you got that poor girl pregnant you know you'll have to do the right thing by her don't you?"
Quote from: Shantel on November 13, 2013, 06:29:41 PM
That horrifying moment more than a few young men had to hear: "Son, if you got that poor girl pregnant you know you'll have to do the right thing by her don't you?"
Lol you mean marry her? At this point if that did happen, she would be my wife by now! :D
Another positive, hmmmm.
I'm not expected to know anything about "manly" stuff like cars or football.
being honest theres some reasons I dont transition even if I wanted to.
my career path choice (animation) is dominated by me, and usually men get hired in the areas I want to work in over women (sexist I know and I wish it wasnt the case, but it actually works in my favour here)
I have physically higher strength because of the added muscle mass. Yeah its the only biological perk I can actually think of...
Yeah not much, but at least theres some good in it
Quote from: Shantel on November 13, 2013, 06:29:41 PM
That horrifying moment more than a few young men had to hear: "Son, if you got that poor girl pregnant you know you'll have to do the right thing by her don't you?"
For us growing up it was more along the lines "I'll bury you and they won't find your body." Have to love rural Australia.
Back on topic before I started to transition I was in hospitality:
-Guys would get the later shifts because some managers would not think it safe for a girl to close. These shift where longer.
-More job opportunities, stores and cellars where considered men's work because all the heavy lifting involved. Yet one of the best cellarmen I knew was female and she would move a half empty keg around with ease. While seeing I guy in the kitchen or anywhere in the cleaning catering departments was ok. Some work was seamed not right for the girls
I am kind of dexterous. I am good at both manly things such as math and car mechanics, and womanly things such as cooking, sewing and makeup. My wife was once surprised how much cleanly I maintain the house when I lived alone for about one month. Usually she cleans the house.
My muscles are not stronger than typical men, but stronger than most women. However, I am healthier than most of my equals and I maintain a body figure that both men and women envy.
Of course, I can choose either men's or women's room, depending on the circumstance. Both men and women easily touch my body, which sometimes can be a repugnance. I am glad when a beautiful and young woman sits next to me while touching my shoulders, or when beautiful ladies study me.
My sons are interested in my computers, while my daughter is interested in my beauty products.
When teaching students or admonishing my kids, I can become very manly. When interacting with my colleagues or friends, I tend to become more feminine. Also, I become very aggressive when I indulge in my work.
I do not need to take pills everyday. I can wear skirts, heels and makeup without a duty of delivering a baby. Still, I have 3 lovely kids. My kids sometimes complain, but OK to my wearing skirt and makeup. I can wear men's formal dress if necessary.
In the beach, I am sometimes topless, other times wearing bras.
I do not need name cards, but anyway I carry them. All of people remember me very well after they saw me for the first time. Restaurant owners think I am a kind of frequenter, even though I visit there just second time.
Above all, I know the differences in the two worlds of men and women. Everyday life is so much different between men and women, and I can experience it.
barbie~~
Quote from: Taka on September 29, 2013, 12:20:16 PM
one positive is that i can use the authority that comes with being a woman and mother if the situation calls for it.
having grown up in the norwegian countryside, i've learned that women are to be respected. period. there's no such thing as "the man in the house", the woman holds all the power there. traditionally at least... some of the greatest personalities in the area were also women, some have done much more for the community than any man ever could.
if/when i transition (still not sure which it will be), i can't be a woman any more. i'll lose some privilege that unfortunately way too few women realize they have. i won't miss the misogyny, but i'll also be sad that i can't help fight it from this side of the fence. i really hope i can find a wife who can care for my family's interests if i end up transitioning. i'm hopeless at social networking, and can only hope to be a good breadwinner.
Thank you so much for posting this, Taka.
I grew up in a similar environment, and for a long time, I'm been told I'm nuts because I felt that transitioning from female to male means loosing a higher position, especially in my family.
I was wondering if I made that up to justify my problems with transition, but no- I didn't make that up :D in some areas, transitioning ftm actually means loosing privilege or social standing. The men in my family are silent and obey :D
I see the ftm transitioning process differently because of that.