My answer is that I can gain female privileges by changing my sex. For example, man will buy a free beer or coffee for me since I am a woman. What's ur answer?
Quote from: ddone on March 23, 2013, 12:26:18 AM
My answer is that I can gain female privileges by changing my sex. For example, man will buy a free beer or coffee for me since I am a woman. What's ur answer?
I sure hope you got a better reason than having men buy you stuff. But I feel the reason why I want to be a woman is because that is who I really am.
I would have to say that I am a woman, I just want to fix the body to match.
@ddone,
My immediate thought is precisely what Heather has said.
Heather
QuoteI want to be a woman is because that is who I really am.
In my initial coming out appointment with my GP & my gender Doc, then I immediately gave a brief history of my journey, to get the dialogue going.
Jamie
Just to be myself. As I told my mother: I understand it will bring plenty of disadvantages in employment and income, as I know the average income and employment rates of women are lower in almost all countries around the world, not to mention trans women. However I still strongly feel that it is just the right way for me. Otherwise I will never feel happy even if I have a great great job as a man.
I'd reply, 'I don't want to be a woman - I am one.'
Quote from: Kelly the Trans-Rebel on March 23, 2013, 12:51:51 AM
I'd reply, 'I don't want to be a woman - I am one.'
I'm going with Rebel on this one :)
And I'm even more rebellious, that I don't want men buying me stuff...I got my own money!
Quote from: Heather on March 23, 2013, 12:34:50 AM
I sure hope you got a better reason than having men buy you stuff. But I feel the reason why I want to be a woman is because that is who I really am.
I just wanna be a wimpy chick so that men will take of me. I just do not think I can be a stereotype strong man.
Quote from: ddone on March 23, 2013, 03:07:31 AM
I just wanna be a wimpy chick so that men will take of me. I just do not think I can be a stereotype strong man.
Strong women get further in life.. Just because you can't be a strong man doesn't mean you can't be a strong woman.
I said to my therapist, "Because I feel that I'm a female inside anyways, and I want my brain to match my body!"
I have no idea why I want to be a woman. I know objectively that because I'm transgender, the part of my brain that dictates my gender understands that it doesn't my body or my lifestyle.
But subjectively, it's a desire without source. When I articulate the advantages vs. disadvantages of transitioning, the disadvantages win.
But it's not a logical conclusion. It's a primal drive to match my body with my brain.
You might be sitting there thinking that I'm someone trying to be someone I'm not, and I will agree with you.
But you're looking from the outside and looking at me as a male, and I'm telling you from the inside that I'm a female and I just can't go on any more pretending that I'm a male just because of the way I look. I've done my best over the years but I don't feel it and I just can't handle it any more.
I'm tired of lying to myself and others and hiding my true self for the sake of acceptance. I want to embrace the truth, and start being myself openly even if I'm hated for it.
What an odd question. Well I suppose I can see the logic of asking it. I don't *want to be* I just am. Perhaps you would like to ask me why I want to be human?
It began with my thinking I was sharing my head with a woman and that I was both. I listened long enough to hear the woman in my head of course, and then it started to dawn on me, the man in my head was the woman too.
I had someone trying to get me to 'heal' and I KNOW they were concerned that I needed for the man to stop hating the woman, and for the woman to stop hating the man and that I needed to heal both of me. But the thing is, the man was never really there, it was just a woman who was confused, and to used to being told the wrong story. The only 'healing' I have done, is for the woman to stop trying to hate this imaginary man she had been pretending was there.
I don't want to 'be a woman' as is being asked in the OPs remark as said by a shrink, I AM a woman, and all I want, is aid in fixing the damage done to me over the years. I want to reverse all the incorrect programming. I want to delete the bugs, and I want the right hardware if possible.
I am not a man is what is important. I want to have people stop treating me like one.
I am thinking the same as kelly and Steph.
As for dealing with discrimination or any other problems, I don't really see how things will be any different. Life's a bitch, which ever way we look at it, but it's a bit harder when you have to lug around something that stinks and makes me feel like crap.
Then I'd smile. :)
When I think of it, I think of Ranma (anime) and a show called Kashi Mashi Girl Meets Girl (also an anime).
Ok admit it, if a bucket of water in the face made you fully and biologically the other half, you WOULD abuse the option :) I would, you would they would we all would.
Why pay for your drink if some horny male will do it for you.
Why have to kneel in front of the boss to get a raise, if you can switch genders and be all manly about demanding you get the spot instead of the other guy.
I watched the second show I mentioned, and I admit, it was a revealing experience looking at the show. Guy dies in accident, and is recreated by the aliens that accidentally killed him, but they screw up and make him female right down to the cellular level by mistake. It is not reversible too. If that happened to me tomorrow, well no, I would not be able to just walk into a female lifestyle just because I am female on the inside.
I have never put breasts into a bra. In the show, it was funny watching a girlfriend of the guy needing to explain how to do it to her.
She had to be taught how to be female.
I walk unlike a female. But I don't know any other way to walk.
I am sure I look male when I am walking, but I look carefully at others walking and it is often hard to see what is different.
And yet, you can tell the girl from the guy if two people are walking in front of you and dressed in a non gender specific outfit.
Just too many little details too hard to really define. But it takes YEARS of conditioning to make little girls into young women.
My answer would be a relatively simple list of things. I want to be a woman so that I can:
- Express myself freely without people thinking I'm extremely flamboyant/weird/gay.
- Wear the things I'd like to wear, and hopefully, look pretty in them.
- Enjoy being in a romantic/sexual relationship.
- Listen to the sound of my own voice, or look into a mirror, without wanting to cry.
- Hopefully be happy enough to become comfortable with the thought of crawling out of my solitude.
I'm not sure that I am a woman, really. I can't be anyone other than myself, and I can't know how everyone else experiences being male or female, so how I know what the experiences of being male or female are like is entirely subjective. Therefore, I can only say that I'm sure that I am what I believe to be female.
Ultimately, this journey is about following my happiness. Whether I'm right or wrong about truly being female is probably irrelevant, a long as I continue to grow in joy.
I have always been female since the day I was born, despite my anatomical incongruities. Self realization of this fact may have taken longer than I liked though.
There is no solid reason for me to want to be a woman, besides being comfortable in my own skin in accordance to how I identify and to be seen by others the way I want to be seen--as a woman, because I am one.
Here in Australia, that question arises but the focus is really about your own stability in what you are undertaking and is there a need for a support structure. For me this the 2nd time round jumping through hoops for the mental health community. it's a good time to make a check on yourself but not about the primary reason, it's more to do with the daily stuff, taking time to reflect on your immediate environment. it's never about my body modification. Love yourself and that will be seen.
A friend in Germany made an interesting observation on this topic. She was talking about MtFs, but I think it can be applied the other way too.
She said, "I have learned that there are two kinds of transgender people: those who want to be a woman, and those who just are one."
Quote from: Lisbeth on March 23, 2013, 08:35:10 PM
A friend in Germany made an interesting observation on this topic. She was talking about MtFs, but I think it can be applied the other way too.
She said, "I have learned that there are two kinds of transgender people: those who want to be a woman, and those who just are one."
You mean transsexual right? O.o
Quote from: Sky-Blue on March 23, 2013, 08:36:34 PM
You mean transsexual right? O.o
Why does someone always have to turn it in to a label fight?
Quote from: Kelly the Trans-Rebel on March 23, 2013, 08:43:39 PM
Why does someone always have to turn it in to a label fight?
Lol that was totally not my intent. It just doesn't make sense to use the word "transgender" since it's a broad term, vs "Transsexual" as a narrow term.
It may seem like I'm splitting hairs, but I'm pretty sure ftm transsexuals don't want to be women, nor are they actually women.
Quote from: Sky-Blue on March 23, 2013, 08:49:54 PM
It may seem like I'm splitting hairs, but I'm pretty sure ftm transsexuals don't want to be women, nor are they actually women.
Quote from: Lisbeth on March 23, 2013, 08:35:10 PM
She was talking about MtFs, but I think it can be applied the other way too.
She was saying that it can go both ways. Meaning ftm are a man or want to be a man. She wasn't saying they were women.
Quote from: Heather on March 23, 2013, 09:08:39 PM
She was saying that it can go both ways. Meaning ftm are a man or want to be a man. She wasn't saying they were women.
I'll just crawl into a corner with my foot in my mouth now...
Quote from: Sky-Blue on March 23, 2013, 09:11:57 PM
I'll just crawl into a corner with my foot in my mouth now...
You don't have to do that! Mistakes happen I actually felt like I was being a miss know it all in pointing it out. I did not mean to come off as rude if I did. :)
Quote from: Heather on March 23, 2013, 09:18:30 PM
You don't have to do that! Mistakes happen I actually felt like I was being a miss know it all in pointing it out. I did not mean to come off as rude if I did. :)
It's all good. :)
Quote from: ddone on March 23, 2013, 12:26:18 AM
My answer is that I can gain female privileges by changing my sex. For example, man will buy a free beer or coffee for me since I am a woman. What's ur answer?
My answer is that I want others to see the real me instead of just seeing an effeminate guy and assuming certain things...as well as the fact that I want to be comfortable in my own body.
Perhaps you should rethink your reasons for transitioning? You might want to create a list of pros and cons based upon what you think and what others have said about the pros and cons of transitioning here at susans.
No one can tell you what you should do, it's all about what makes you happy and how you feel inside.
I can't answer why I would want to be a woman because in my mind I have been for as long as I can remember. People have pointed it out to me that I am not normal. I've had many friends ask me if I was gay or did I grow up around a lot of girls because of subconscious actions I do or how I do things. It's even come down to how I talk. I tell them no and they don't believe that I'm not gay or just in the closet, refusing to come out. It hurts like no tomorrow when I know I am something on the inside, but they question me like changing my body is something wrong.
When my therapist asked me why I wanted to by a woman. I asked her why she wanted to be one. I looked at her and when she didn't answer and shook her head and said she understood, that was the end of that. I didn't have to say one word to her. Since she's a woman and I am on the inside, her intuition picked up my answer.
I think my answer would be, "See ya!" I don't like the use of the word "want" in the question and just now naïve it sounds.
I had a enough psychologists that didn't collaborate with me or were themselves completely uninitiated on trans issues and didn't seem to do any research to get up to speed outside our time together. Now I don't mind helping educate, I rather like it. But in therapy? No, I go there to get help I need.
But maybe I'm being overly critical.
No I don't think you are being over critical at all.
An MD can prove their worth by saving a life.
A shrink is really just a person with some training in how to be clever as far as I am concerned. Just because they get paid to listen, doesn't mean they have any special skills. We treat the field of psychiatry altogether too generously. It's not a science regardless of what they like to think.
In my life, I have met several shrinks that wore the label doctor. Half of them haven't been bright enough to wash cars decently.
After over five decades of trying the only other viable alternative I can easily say why I don't want to continue on living a lifeless, souless existence where I needed to pretty much shut down about ever emotion and feeling decade by decade in order to avoid "Wanting" to be a woman.
After having experienced first hand the joy of living as one, albeit part time, for the first time in my life feeling good about being me, finally feeling!; those are the reasons why I want to live as a woman.
As others have said, I've felt since like 4 y/o I was a woman. There wasn't an option over that. Believe me! I spent most of my time on planet Earth running away as best I could from that feeling.
My wife, a 25+ year post-op MTF, puts it best. "Who in their right mind wants to be a woman?" Which is then followed by the long list of reasons of how women are in secondary position in society. BTW - this includes what you have to go through and give up to get that "Free" meal or beer.
That must be the easyest question to answer.
I have always been a women, just needed to let her out! ;D
I don't. It's just the inevitable consequence of fixing my body.
Simply because on the inside I'm primarily a woman, my current body doesn't fit me correctly
QuoteMy answer is that I can gain female privileges by changing my sex. For example, man will buy a free beer or coffee for me since I am a woman. What's ur answer?
That was your answer?? Seems a little shallow to me. I'm curious as to the response the therapist had to your answer if any.
That question has not been posed to me yet and I'm not sure how I would have answered but if it is ever asked of me in the future I'm going to steal Melly's answer (if you don't mind)
QuoteI asked her why she wanted to be one.
Perfect response!
The more I ponder this thread the more it merely illustrates the inherent problem people that are not us, have in being able to understand us.
Asking me, why do I want to be a woman, is as pointless as asking me why I want to be Canadian.
My as well ask if I like being Caucasian as well. I also don't mind being a Terran.
But the questions that have me the most at odds are 'so how long have you known [insert some specific detail here] ....'
I was born in Lachine, but hey that was where mom had me and nothing else. I have never been back to my knowledge, so ah I have NO memories of it. I lived in a small town in Quebec for 5 years. I have precisely 3 mental images, and nothing else. A scene of my sister in a snow suit and stuck in some mud of a new house site. My brother playing in a small boat that was sinking at the riverside end of the street, and this massive field and a factory on the far side at the end of the street and a train track on the far edge. Turns out the factory was my small mind's way of understanding my older brother's grade school. That's it, 3 images in my first 5 years.
I have almost nothing from my grade school years in the equally small town I am still in since 1967. So that is my preteen years and really next to nothing. I recall playing in the dirt with Tonka trucks and Matchbox cars with a childhood buddy who I broke up with at least once a week :) I remember playing in nearby streams. And I climbed all the trees.
Most of my years from teens are best summed up as in a book, be it library, local stores, my room.
Hell I have lived enough years that a lot of the first half have largely ended up as badly faded and grainy at best :)
It takes some serious effort just to remember the 90s and I usually get it wrong.
How long have I known ..... heck I have trouble with last week most months :)
I want to 'look' how I feel for the same reason I want to be in a 20 x 20 room listening to music too loud while breathing in the smell of lumber and making some article of woodworking. It's because that is what would make my soul sing.
Yeah my instant reaction would be that this person doesn't understand us, but it could be differentiate between people who have bad reasons to transition and those who say 'der, I am a woman already!'. Maybe...
Steph :-)
X
Quote from: ddone on March 23, 2013, 12:26:18 AM
My answer is that I can gain female privileges by changing my sex. For example, man will buy a free beer or coffee for me since I am a woman. What's ur answer?
Because hormones, clothes, makeup, body fragrances, hair supplies, difficulty finding a job or being taken seriously for a promotion totally don't amount to an occasional free drink or dinner. Great logic.
My answer? IDK. I've gained freedom of expression without being looked at like I'm foolish.
Oh and so I can feel all vulnerable to attack every time I step in public because every guy in the world is stronger than me... with my wimpy chick self ::)
Quote from: Kelly the Trans-Rebel on March 23, 2013, 08:43:39 PM
Why does someone always have to turn it in to a label fight?
Sky-Blue is not fighting. Just pointing out that the umbrella is significantly larger than those two options.
Quote from: Sky-Blue on March 23, 2013, 09:11:57 PM
I'll just crawl into a corner with my foot in my mouth now...
Your comments were valid. No reason to shrink away.
When I think of all the hassles involved with being female it seems a bad idea, until I think of all the hassles of being a male.
And believe it or not, there are plenty of things about being male, that some people will not like :)
I think it evens out in a lot of ways you never realize until you walk in the other's shoes.
Quote from: StellaB on March 23, 2013, 06:44:45 AM
You might be sitting there thinking that I'm someone trying to be someone I'm not, and I will agree with you.
But you're looking from the outside and looking at me as a male, and I'm telling you from the inside that I'm a female and I just can't go on any more pretending that I'm a male just because of the way I look. I've done my best over the years but I don't feel it and I just can't handle it any more.
I'm tired of lying to myself and others and hiding my true self for the sake of acceptance. I want to embrace the truth, and start being myself openly even if I'm hated for it.
EXACTLY what I told my therapist! Down to the letter!
My facade is a male appearance; but the soul & spirit is female. enuf said
I know exactly what my response would be. It would come in two parts:
Part one - "What the **** kind of question is that?!"
Part two - "I don't want to be a woman at all - I am one."
QuoteMy therapist asked me, "why u want to be a woman?" What's ur answer?
My answer would be to find a therapist who can spell, and has a better understanding of transgender issues.
Quote from: JulieC. on March 24, 2013, 11:36:55 AMThat question has not been posed to me yet and I'm not sure how I would have answered but if it is ever asked of me in the future I'm going to steal Melly's answer (if you don't mind)
I don't mind at all. I don't really know how to explain to people how I feel about being a woman. If a therapist really wants to know what is on our mind, stop asking us to tell them. One thing I have learned about people, especially kids, is you ask them to tell you want they want in life they will never tell you, but if you ask them to write about it the result is amazing. They will give you the most vivid of dreams that it will bring you to tears. When your therapist asks you why, just write it down for them and they may understand you a little differently. They are taught to analyze voice patterns, facial expression, and body gestures to get down to the base of problems. Sometimes they go about it the wrong way or misinterpret what your telling them with your voice and body. Words on paper can't be misread unless you are a complete idiot.
Hey hey ^_^
Some of us type on phones - sorry, telephone devices! and using things like u instead of u is helpful! lol, sorry, currently I am engaged in the action of laughing out loud. :-P
Quote from: Mellysia (Melly) on March 25, 2013, 10:23:54 PM
I don't mind at all. I don't really know how to explain to people how I feel about being a woman. If a therapist really wants to know what is on our mind, stop asking us to tell them. One thing I have learned about people, especially kids, is you ask them to tell you want they want in life they will never tell you, but if you ask them to write about it the result is amazing. They will give you the most vivid of dreams that it will bring you to tears. When your therapist asks you why, just write it down for them and they may understand you a little differently. They are taught to analyze voice patterns, facial expression, and body gestures to get down to the base of problems. Sometimes they go about it the wrong way or misinterpret what your telling them with your voice and body. Words on paper can't be misread unless you are a complete idiot.
I understand the point of your comment, fully, but, the last sentence is full of fail as the kids would say.
I stopped being a wargamer (it's a label) as a direct result of forums, where people would over react to the written word devoid of context, incorrectly quoted, or given a context it never possessed, that was missing a smiley and thus was incapable of being funny and thus was meant seriously and thus was immediately regarded as offensive.
I gained MOST of my hate for men, and specifically old men ie past 35 and often in the 50+ range entirely due to their being mean, vicious, inconsiderate, grumpy, miserable buggers who couldn't see anything positive in anything at all. They argue for the sake of arguing. The topic really doesn't matter. They will be belligerent just for the sport. My advice for the FTM crowd, is to cultivate skill in being a total prick a complete ->-bleeped-<-. It's important to the illusion eh, just like sitting with your legs closed is the sign of a female that so many males have trouble with.
I have a very highly educated mind. Lousy street smarts yes, I never spent my teens learning how to be 'cool' I learned how to be right though in a discussion involving science and history. And nothing like seeing one of my posts blatantly disagreeing with something I refuse to copy paste anything from someone else or link to a Wiki, because I am the damned source. I don't need a source, I AM the damned Wiki. I'm a walking talking encyclopedia. But I have no street savvy as I never wasted my formative years carousing, drinking, doing drugs, and randomly fornicating. I have almost no idea what a hooker actually looks like, and I don't know anything about drugs and the drug trade for the most part. While the people of my youth were experimenting, I was studying text books.
My problem, when talking to shrinks, is I get mistaken for someone that is NOT depressed, NOT ->-bleeped-<-ed up in the head, NOT confused, NOT unhappy. It's because they are not used to listening to someone like me. I am not normal. I can intellectualize almost anything.
And this post is only about 10% of what you experience when talking to me.
I am both an extremely friendly easy to like person that can make friends with zero effort. I have no concept of what shy feels like. I talk to strangers for amusement. I can just walk up in front of a room of thousands and start talking in front of them. I don't know what stage fright feels like, and I have no idea what writers block feels like. I don't need tricks like seeing the audience in their underwear. All I need is to be told, 'these people want to hear your opinion on [insert virtually anything here], and I am ready to go.
But what makes me ME rarely comes out in just a bunch of cold lifeless words.
The only reason I am not about to get dressed in a dress and get ready for my birthday party (I'm 51 by the way) has nothing to do with my worrying about what anyone would say if I showed up like that. It's all about my actual physical traits. I look like the atypical boss. I dress like what you picture when you think warehouse manager. I don't look 'pretty' I look reasonably decent for a person my age. I wear clean clothing that is worn properly. I wear clothing suitable for work. I look like someone that is in charge. I drip confidence. And I know all of this. I have atypical male pattern hair loss that sure doesn't scream out female. I have a massive neck size that looks football player. The only thing I have in my favour, is I am sort at 5' 7" and wearing high heels will just make me look like any other female height. I don't need to deal with being too damned tall to be female.
I am very sensitive about the reflection in the mirror, which is why I have not yet given anyone a view. I am going to try and take something if I can manage to do it at all though.
The only one giving me a problem with my appearance, seems to be me.
I hope as you claim, "Words on paper can't be misread unless you are a complete idiot." is true here today. I am always getting in ->-bleeped-<- for my posts when I had no intention of doing so in the first place.
Quote from: Lesley_Roberta on March 26, 2013, 07:45:23 AM
I understand the point of your comment, fully, but, the last sentence is full of fail as the kids would say.
I stopped being a wargamer (it's a label) as a direct result of forums, where people would over react to the written word devoid of context, incorrectly quoted, or given a context it never possessed, that was missing a smiley and thus was incapable of being funny and thus was meant seriously and thus was immediately regarded as offensive.
I gained MOST of my hate for men, and specifically old men ie past 35 and often in the 50+ range entirely due to their being mean, vicious, inconsiderate, grumpy, miserable buggers who couldn't see anything positive in anything at all. They argue for the sake of arguing. The topic really doesn't matter. They will be belligerent just for the sport. My advice for the FTM crowd, is to cultivate skill in being a total prick a complete ->-bleeped-<-. It's important to the illusion eh, just like sitting with your legs closed is the sign of a female that so many males have trouble with.
If I'm reading correctly are you saying that you got most of your hate for men from a online gamer forum? If so I think you should get out in the real world more and meet some real men. Most men are not as bad as your portraying them to be I have met some kind caring wonderful men in my life. Have I met some of the ones you describe? Yes but I've met women who have the same traits. I don't think being vicious, inconsiderate, grumpy, and miserable is exclusive to one gender.
Oh I ditched them alright. I stopped hanging out with that crowd. I meet enough guys that are OK.
My dad was my fav role
My friend Paul is how I wish Christians were.
My friend Adam is great to me even if pretends to be a meanie :-)
If I was an ordinary female and single I likely could handle scooping up my friend Ken , who I suppose would feel awkward me saying that, but he is after all a cliche mr right sort (I sure never looked that good).
When my therapist asked me that question i simply replied with:
The same reason why green is my favorite color and not any other color, the same reason i love the taste of grapes or dislike the taste of fries. i cannot explain why i prefer green above any other color, i simply find it more beautifull then the rest. i cant control what tastes good and what tastes bad its just happens. same with wanting to be a girl, i have no explanation for it i just have that feeling within me.
( in dutch i said it a little more precise and with a higher level of grammer then here in english, did my best to get as close to the same explanation i used )
That's almost funny if it were not so sad & true. They can ask us all some stupid questions & bill us poor girls $150.00 per hour. We could have bought some real nice new shoes with a matching new purse & gone nightclub dancing for that amount of money.
I told my therapist that I just wanted to feel whole. It feels odd being in public as a guy like something is wrong with me and that everyone knows it when I am out as a guy.
My reply would simply have been that I am a woman. Period. It's not my fault I was born wired one way and stuffed in the chassis of something meant to be driven differently.
For me, I have always been a girl and I know it. The emotions I feel as myself vs who I'm supposed to be are like night and day.
It is so hard to even want to get out of bed in the morning, knowing I have to play the same part in the same stale play just as I have for years.
"Why do you want to be a woman?" Simple. its easy to want to be who you are inside.
When I was asked a similar question, I said "I don't *want* to be a woman. I AM a woman! I don't want to be a man."
-Sandy
My Therapist asked me this, my answer was "I don't want to be a woman, I already am one. I was just born with the wrong body."
It is clear, the consensus seems to be, that being transgender is a real hassle in comparison to being homosexual which merely means you chase the same sex.
No one has to my knowledge asked, why are you homosexual? as if there was a real simple answer, to homosexual people.
I suppose what complicates my situation, is, I want to be in a female body, but I have no plan to chase men once I get there.
In my case, the complicated question should not be 'why do you want to be a woman?', but rather, 'why do you want to be a woman, if you have no interest in men?'.
Now that is at least a question I can spend a few moments on answering that might even interest the questioner.
I want to be a woman, because this current body sucks.
It sucks the same way a crummy apartment sucks. It sucks like a crummy job sucks. But sadly it is easy to move out of a crummy apartment, but not so easy to move out of a crummy body.
Right now, I think I would settle for trading with an old ugly woman :)
My reasons two
I'll share with you
First that I knew
Since I was two
I'd rather Sue
Than Bob or Lou
And that I choose
What I will do
And I choose to.
ZoeM.
Brilliant!