Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I was just curious on who gave the lot of us the most anxiety in coming out to.

For me, it was my girlfriend of 6 years.  Took me a good year to finally work up the courage to tell her.  I haven't yet told anyone else though.

I answered work/school and other for family. I haven't come out to any of the friends from high school I keep in touch but I'm working on that right now. I just finished coming out to the rest of my immediate family and am still dealing with the backlash from that. Not sure if I'm going to tell extended family or not. I haven't met 90% of them and haven't seen the rest in over 10 years. I dunno.  :-\

Yeah. the thought of coming out to my wife of 14 years had me crying myself to sleep at night, until she finally gave up and asked me what was going on. She knew it was something big, and important, and that I was going to a therapist to try to help me tell her, but at the end of the day, I decided that if she was going to leave me, she was going to leave me, and I'd rather just get it over with than prolong it. She's still not sure about how she feels, especially since I haven't even started to transition yet (even though I badly want to), but we've come to the understanding that if it does turn out to be something she's unable to live with, we'd part amicably.

No significant other (though I might just tell my ex for laughs); work wasn't/isn't (ongoing - eventually they'll figure it out) a problem... Yeah, I have to go with parents.

Problem is, I'm really scared of hurting them. I know learning this will crush them, and the last thing I want is to do that. :(

I am not too worried about my mother cos she is the only one who knows and understands my situation ( i am a FtM transsexual). But i am really worried about social stuff like getting a job. I have a good job at this moment and i just can't see myself coming there and  telling everyone "Hey i am on T and i will turn into a man like after 6 months". This is too much for me, this is really too much! This is impossible!  :o  :( :( :(  But if i have to find a new job i'm not sure what will happen... And plus, i am really worried about people i don't know, about strangers, like people on the bus, in clubs, just pretty much everywhere! This is so creepy...  :embarrassed: :embarrassed: :'(

I was most worried about my dad, but he took it pretty well. Afterwards, he did actually say that he was worried that I was going to tell him I was gay rather than transsexual. For some reason, he found one easier to accept than the other. It took him a bit to where he didn't cringe when I talked about surgery though, lol.

My wife, and my fears were legitimate. I have caused her immense pain, and I love her more than anything. Neither of us are sure the relationship will survive, but as a testament of her love for me she supports and has encouraged my transition.

My mother. With my partner, I felt a bit more secure that he'd understand, that he wouldn't reject me out of hand (I was right, though it affected him far more than my parents). When I came out as bisexual as a teenager, my parents ridiculed me and told me that I was "either a lesbian or making it up." I think that's why I was so nervous telling her, that and because she was the main person giving me messages that I couldn't look masculine. I was literally shaking and couldn't get the words out of my mouth... but she was very supportive. :)

Coming out to my family was a big one but such relief that is is done, not that its over by any means. Coming out to my parents was a lot easier than coming out to other family members, I knew that I would have their love and support but whether they ever fully understand is another thing.
Work is the biggest thing I worry about now, where I live we have anti discrimination laws so that helps but I also live in a place where it is illegal to speed and that happens all the time... I don't want to have to walk away from my job or career and don't think I will but I also don't see it being a walk in the park.
I don't have a significant other atm but want to tell my ex before I go FT.
As for friends I have a couple of close friends and a few acquaintances, my close friends I know will support me but same as family mightn't understand and the rest? I will have to see how that goes when it happens.
People on the street don't bother me at all, I will probably never see them again and why should I care what they think?

My grandmother. We were especially close throughout my life but I never managed to successfully come out to her, due to my being homeless at the time she died plus lack of support by the family. I last saw her when I was married with my family, she saw my decline and that I was unhappy but couldn't work out why.

Recently I discovered from another relative (one of the ones who support me) that she figured it out and that she 'stuck up for me to her dying breath'.

My heart goes out to anyone who has to come out.

My sister, then my grandma, an then my mom.

I am not in the slightest way close with my little sister, but shes family and I love her... She is whats giving me the most anxiety because shes unpredictable, snobbish and can be very cruel. My family is already torn up, the thought of losing my baby sister because shes to close minded sucks... At the same time, however, she might not care.

Then theres granny. She isnt fairing to good health wise and I know she wont be alive long enough to meet her grandsons at the finish line... Her and mom are the closest to me and dissapointing my grandma is the last thing I want to do.

My mom I know is the last person on the planet to let her feelings show, especially to her first born, so I have no idea how she feels about me. I came out to her on thanks giving of '12 but she continues to call me her daughter. We live 8-12 hours apart so conversing with her is hard. She might have forgotten or could be in denial...

So its safe to say my whole family is giving me the closet blues. :(

I was worried about my parents because they caught me at a young age so I buckled under pressure and just told them the truth. I must have been almost 11 and it did not go well at first. Especially with my dad only being back from deployment for two days. My fear of telling them was well justified due to the immediate consequences of being discovered and telling the truth.which is why I picked parents :)
All worked out in the end though

I'm most worried about telling my boyfriend, as he's the one I fear losing, and with good reason. Yeah, telling everyone else is going to be incredibly nerve-wracking (I was barely able to come out as lesbian for a period in high school), but they won't have to reconsider their sexual preference or anything. Which I feel is going to put a whole other pile of pressure on him that everyone else around me won't have to deal with.

I don't talk to my dad anymore (he went psychotic years ago), and my mom's a dumb b**** who won't ever love me, and for those reasons, I'm not really worried about family. No matter what it is I do, I never get love or respect from her, so if anything this can maybe put some much-needed distance between the two of us.

If she decides to kick me out, I've lived in my car for over a year before because of the way she acts towards me. So if anything, that'll just save me a couple hundred dollars rent each month. Win freakin' win.

I chose work. I get harassed on a daily basis for being "gay". I ignore it, in one ear out the other! In some way I think it's better they think this so when I do eventually come out it won't come as such of a shocker.
As of friends my close ones came to me asking what was going on. Then my best friend at the time took the liberty to tell others about my situation :(  many will not speak to me any more just from whatever my x best friend had said. I use to be in a circle of great group of people, now I mainly stay to myself in isolation.
Family, my immediate fam knows, came out to my mother the night before I had major surgery. The doctor recommended it because she was going to be a pre op meeting with me.

I'm most afraid of coming out to my mom.  I live with her and if I told her she would blame it on the internet and probably take my internet away.

I'm not looking foward to coming out when I start working one day.

I wasn't too concerned with coming out to my dad.  I don't live with him so it's easier to cut him out of my life.


I'm very afraid of coming out my second oldest sister.  She has two kids and another on the way and I fear that she may tink that I may be "corrupting" her kids.

It feels like I came out another lifetime ago since it has been over 14 years since then (I came out at 17). It was a disaster. You know everyone's worse case scenario? That is about what it was.

My mom just cried and stopped talking to me until I agreed to meet with a pastor.

My dad just laughed and laughed. Called me a freak and said no matter what I did I would always be his little girl.

My sister cut all ties with me.

My grandmother called me an abomination to God.

My relatives on both sides stopped talking to me. I showed up that Thanksgiving and Christmas (of 1999) and people wouldn't even make eye contact. I was treated like a ghost.

Out of everyone I had one great aunt and my grandfather who said they didn't care and they always would love me. Those two people saved me in more ways than they could ever know just by their acceptance.

Every friend I had at that time either made me out to be a joke to others or they just disappeared.

At that point I had enough. I left home as soon as I turned 18 and moved in with a woman I had met online (she was on the outskirts of NYC). At that same time my parents were divorcing. My sister blamed me for it and she still does. I had nothing to do with that. They were on the outs for many years before that. 

Fast forward to now and things are a lot better. My mom did a complete 180 and is one of my biggest supporters. My sister still refuses to call me by male pronouns or by Simon (she calls me "Hey You" ::) ). I've had a couple distant relatives contact me and were even apologetic.

It was hard and something I very rarely discuss. However, it was completely worth every bit of it. I'm happy now and it made me strong. There is nothing that can break me.

^ That's so depressing, but at least some people did manage to come around. It's wonderful that you were able to turn it into a positive thing!

I'm starting to worry on and off about telling my mom. I know she won't approve (she was so mad I cut my hair off), but it's not even about that.

Her other daughter died of a heroine overdose a year and a half ago. So right now, I'm the only daughter she has left. I'm just worried it's going to be too soon, and she's going to feel like she already lost one, and will be losing another.

I was so nervous coming out to my ex-wife. At first she was cool with it, but she thought it was just a phase until I started HRT. Then she started to resent it, culminating in divorce about a year later.

I told my mom first when my dad was out of town. She instantly rejected it. Saying it was a sin and that if I was gay I didn't have to change my body. No amount of explaining worked so I left feeling like ->-bleeped-<-. Then she told my dad the next day and both of them interrupted my therapy appointment, insulting my doctor for planting these ideas in my head. My parents blamed everything from my wife, my friends, depression, etc. My dad told me that it was a chemical imbalance and that I need to get on anti-depressants. They were quite shocked when I told them that I cross-dressed for years and played around with my mom's makeup when I was even younger.

Eventually I was able to take my mom to my therapist. After that she is a little bit more open minded about the thing, but I can tell it makes her uncomfortable. She asked if I was going to get surgeries and I said yes. My dad is in full denial mode to this day. Frequently calling me "son" and pretending that I'm a macho dude like my brother. I wrote a letter to him a few months ago trying to open up to him and to get us to discuss it but so far nothing.

So I said screw it, saving up for my orchiectomy, gonna get it next year. Haters gonna hate

My dysphoria started two weeks before the end of the spring quarter at my college so my anxiety went through the rough and I was having a lot of issues with mood swings. Needless to say, I couldn't get any work done and was basically looking at all of my grades suffering if I didn't do something. So with one of my teachers, I had issues approaching him to just ask about normal class stuff and I had never gotten a good vibe from him. I had to talk to him though because our final project was a group project and I didn't want to drag our group down because I couldn't get anything done. I was absolutely terrified to talk to him about my situation because I wasn't even on board with it myself yet. It worked out in the end but my god I was so scared that he just wouldn't even care or worse that he'd be a jerk about it.

Quote from: Naomi on June 02, 2013, 07:43:13 AM
My dysphoria started two weeks before the end of the spring quarter at my college so my anxiety went through the rough and I was having a lot of issues with mood swings. Needless to say, I couldn't get any work done and was basically looking at all of my grades suffering if I didn't do something. So with one of my teachers, I had issues approaching him to just ask about normal class stuff and I had never gotten a good vibe from him. I had to talk to him though because our final project was a group project and I didn't want to drag our group down because I couldn't get anything done. I was absolutely terrified to talk to him about my situation because I wasn't even on board with it myself yet. It worked out in the end but my god I was so scared that he just wouldn't even care or worse that he'd be a jerk about it.

The whole stuff about grades sums up last week where it had finally gotten impossible to ignore.

Quote from: CalmRage on June 02, 2013, 07:45:29 AM
The whole stuff about grades sums up last week where it had finally gotten impossible to ignore.

I can't really say anything about high school staff, but I've found faculty and staff at college to be very understanding.

My problem is my feelings don't stay at a constant level . They vary through the day, but i know this has to be treated. And for some reason i cannot cry at the moment.

My parents. Largely because of recent events already causing trouble in our life.

My parents split up this year. Dad's doing his thing, but Mum has a lot of trouble at the moment. Dad will likely ignore it, but mum... well, she has enough troubles without me causing more.
It doesn't help that they've never been too supportive of my troubles. I had once informed them that I wished to see a therapist for depression. Ended up having to pay for it myself, so... one session with a GP-appointed councilor was what I could pay for.

If I have to put up with the resistance they offered just for depression, I'm not looking forward to the response to gender issues.

Though my partner's family isn't going to be much better. They're... less accepting than mine.

Quote from: LWhite on June 02, 2013, 08:25:20 AM
My parents. Largely because of recent events already causing trouble in our life.

My parents split up this year. Dad's doing his thing, but Mum has a lot of trouble at the moment. Dad will likely ignore it, but mum... well, she has enough troubles without me causing more.
It doesn't help that they've never been too supportive of my troubles. I had once informed them that I wished to see a therapist for depression. Ended up having to pay for it myself, so... one session with a GP-appointed councilor was what I could pay for.

If I have to put up with the resistance they offered just for depression, I'm not looking forward to the response to gender issues.

Though my partner's family isn't going to be much better. They're... less accepting than mine.

I no longer have contact to my dad. Last time we talked was a few months ago and the last time i saw him in person was in August or September last year. He's an alcoholic. I don't touch that stuff.

Quote from: CalmRage on June 02, 2013, 08:57:07 AM
I no longer have contact to my dad. Last time we talked was a few months ago and the last time i saw him in person was in August or September last year. He's an alcoholic. I don't touch that stuff.

Roles reversed on this end. I'm terrified coming out's gonna drive her to drink even worse.

Quote from: LWhite on June 02, 2013, 09:06:44 AM
Roles reversed on this end. I'm terrified coming out's gonna drive her to drink even worse.

I don't care what happens to my dad. So big was our falling-out. Besides, i already know he wouldn't be accepting.

Firstly, parents. Secondly - neighbours. Not that I was planning a formal coming-out for the latter, but at some point they're going to notice something.

My mother is bugging me to know what is going on. Not going to tell her yet. I have been behaving rather weird lately, that is true.

I was scared to death of losing my wife.  I was already wearing women's clothes for the most part before I ever discussed my feelings.  She is staying with me  ;D

I need to tell my mom, but she sees me wearing entirely girly clothing, earrings and nail polish and does not say anything ... I think she knows ... we'll see.

Quote from: Tiffanie on June 02, 2013, 08:01:13 PM
I need to tell my mom, but she sees me wearing entirely girly clothing, earrings and nail polish and does not say anything ... I think she knows ... we'll see.

I have to admit thinking "she just might, yes" after reading that... ;)

My dad, because when I told him I was gay a couple years before that he said some really hurtful things and we ended up not talking for almost a year. For some reason, he took the news that I'm transgender much better. Now he loves having a son. I was scared to tell my mom too just cos I knew she'd be upset about it but I also knew she would support me.

I'm worried about telling my mother and my brother.

Reasons for holding out a while longer:

1.terrible, confusing mood swings.

2.planning how to.

My wife. I hate the thought of hurting her. She's my best friend in the whole world and currently she's having a lot of trouble coping with it. We both go to see our therapists today though. So far she is in the "I want a separation and a divorce" camp but still has feelings for me.

It was definitely my mom. I have never met my dad and she is the only parent that I have. She has always been there for me as well as a forward looking person but I still felt ashamed of my feelings to the point where I couldn't talk to anyone about them. It worked for a few decades but I finally was forced to confront my gender issue and talk about it. I came out to her and a huge sense of relief washed over me when she was accepting. I told her and a close friend and have been fortunate enough to not have experienced rejection yet. I have some friends and family who probably will not accept me for who I am. I'm not bothered by it though because it shows you who your true friends are.

I voted wife and work.
Personally, my prediction for my wife isn't pretty. She was uncomfortable when she allowed me to wear women's clothing for two weeks when we dated, so I imagine our marriage won't last long. What's worse is her family, who are highly unaccepting of glbt overall.
I also dread work. I may just quit and start over. It's a factory which is all male on the floor. Plus, my mom works in the office, so I'd hate to cause problems for her. I think she might accept me, bit the other staff saying things might be the problem