Hi all,
As some of you know, I am recently post op and never really dated until I recovered from my surgeries last year. I had written off dating for the most part before then to avoid potential extra drama.
So I met my boyfriend in November and I mentioned before that he is ok with me being trans, although it was a struggle at first. But I'm confident that is the end of it. Now, however, there is still another issue.
He's 34, been married, and dated several other women in the past. He also has had a few flings and what not too. He's not promiscuous at all but he does have a flirty and charismatic friendly personality. He also knows he's decent looking, and I have to admit that girls do gravitate to him.
So basically, he is a veteran, and I'm 24, a 'new' woman and I have NO idea how to act or think about this. In particular, I'm very jealous of other past women and him, even though after only a few months he has told me he loves me and wants me to love him back and I can tell he is sincere. But it seems like most of the women he's interacted with since his divorce has a story - such as they dated, fooled around, got touchy, or even even more. One of them was married. I know it's mostly unreasonable but his past makes me uncomfortable. I want to be his only one, and I can't imagine him being affectionate with others.
It is currently threatening the relationship. He's been so patient but he is at his wit's end, and I'm not ready to lose him. I need the practice with relationships. I've always wanted to be a 'normal' girl and have a bf and it's here and I'm blowing it. He's told me that he's dating a teenager, and unfortunately he's right in most ways.
How can I change this behavior? Do your partners' pasts ever bother any of you?
Thank you!
God I wish I knew what to say here, I feel for you, really I do. Maybe someone else with experience in this will chime in soon.
i think this is an issue that a lot of people have, regardless of gender etc. especially when one person is more experienced than the other. maybe the best thing to remember is that everyone has a past, a present and a future. if you let the past bog you down, then you're not going to enjoy the present and you're going to throw away any chance for a future. regardless of the women he's been with before, he's not with them now and he's choosing to be with you. that counts for a lot. maybe reframing it in that way would be helpful? like, "this guy has been around a lot of women and could choose from any number of them now, but he wants to be with ME".
Quote:"I'm very jealous of other past women" Don't be and really your not it's that your insecure and I understand this all to well but you must try your best just to trust if your really in love because love true love never fails. =)
You are getting valuable experience
Very valuable also....learn lessons...
And to tell you that your just a teenager isn't
Very comforting...think he might assert a domination
Over you coz your younger?