Hi, im Jess (I think I already said that).
I have been transitioning since I was 28 (so just 2 years now). I did not know from childhood that I was different, it was only when I got into my teens I started to feel confusion. However my thoughts were automatically met with feelings of guilt/shame so I buried them away - fearing I was strange/mentally ill and that people would ostracize me if they knew (including my family!). I never knew how to be a 'guy' I spent a lot of my teenage years and early twenties trying to 'copy' people to fit in.
I am a sufferer of OCD and General Anxiety which came out quite strongly after I left school. It took me many years to not only be diagnosed but to get treated - and at one point in my life I was more or less confined to the house due to excessive and uncontrollable phobias/fears. I am better now, its not gone but hey - I can leave the house and do stuff so hey that's something right ;D
My transition started at the lowest point in my life. I began to explore my gender instead of pushing it away - seeking advise and support online. Discovering I was not alone! and that there was a solution I had not known of. However due to family reactions (I was forced to 'out' my feelings too early due to accidentally being discovered) & my own fears I repressed how I felt again and tried to 'man up' - which lasted another 6 years. In that time I flat out denied it ever happened, that I had any feelings of that sort and yeah.... any stuff relating to gender made me feel uncomfortable.
Towards to end of that 6 years things quickly went down hill. Relieving my OCD symptoms made my thoughts clearer and the gender issues just came flooding back. I wasn't happy, I didn't want to be a man, it was all an act. It always had been an act.
My anxiety spiraled out of control and I felt almost suicidal. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror, I felt disgusted. I always remember going to my GP and breaking down in tears telling her that I wanted to transition (I had seen her 6 years previously, about the same issue, but never went back or mentioned it to her again till that day..)
So here I am. I am not really done, no surgery. Just been on estrogen for 2 years (nothing more). My family accept what I am doing now - but my parents don't really like it (and my father really cannot understand). I like plenty of boy things - video games, action movies? hmm beer? ;D and plenty of girl things too. Handbags, shoes, dresses, romance (I am a very soppy romance)?
I am just wanting to get everything sorted out so I can live my life and be 'normal' and me.
P.S - Joswin (forum name) is a mixture of my first name and middle name. Jessica and Oswin.
P.P.S - This is me https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151322034631290&l=8e8512de0b (https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151322034631290&l=8e8512de0b) (incase you wonder - I cant seem to change my avatar)
Welcome, Jess !!!! So good to have you aboard.
Yes, being stuck in the wrong gender role (and the wrong equipment) sure puts a lot of stress on us... and then the stress comes out in different ways for different people... it's normal. Over time, i hope that your stress goes down, and you can begin to let down your hair and not worry.
By the way, who said that video games & action movies are not girly? Where i'm from, in the country, splitting wood and wearing a checked flannel shirt is girly... because it's usually a girl doing the work !! We each fill out our own gender roles as we will, breaking tradition (often sexist tradition) where it needs to be broken.
Hugs,
Karla
Hi Jess. Welcome.
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Hi Jess! I'm Peyton. I've been here about two weeks I think. I like it here. Everyone is great. You'll love it. :)
Hi Jess, :icon_wave:
Welcome to our little family. Over 10875. That would be one heck of a family reunion.
Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams. Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.
But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsmileys.on-my-web.com%2Frepository%2FAnimals%2Fferret-3.gif&hash=f49e2f86761323f2abd9c33941920389dbb3b10f)
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Janet )O(