Okay guys, I need some help here. How many of you worry about being seen as " butch lesbians" and attacked by another guy while you do your business? Because ive tried telling Caleb that guys dont care who is peeing in the mens room, they just go in, do their business, wash their hands (sometimes) and leave. He is all worried about being attacked in the bathroom. And its all because some ignorant gay guy and a lesbian clocked him and fed doubts into his head. And its this same insecurity he wont get over that keeps popping up. And I am at my wits end. He just wont listen to me. I mean I did live as a male for 31 years. Not only that, he doesnt go to seedy bars or questionable places in the city. So, am I just being rediculous? Or does Caleb have a valid insecurity that all guys have? I mean hes been passing just fine for quite some time. And I dont see any guy wanting to risk being caught with another guy in a Walmart bathroom.
As long as you're in a safe environment I don't think there's any problems.
I went into the men's room safely once wearing stillettos and a lace mini-skirt, I also recently went into a men's room wearing what probably looked like hijab. I've never had any problems going in wearing short hair and male clothing while in "guy mode", if anything the men there probably though I was a 12 year old. I don't think anyone cares that much, and unless you're in a dangerous place, no one who's sane wants to go to jail for beating up a "female".
Of course, I'd never go into the men's room in like a Hell's Angels bar or something like that lol.
Thank you. His ID even says male. And ive had the bathroom arguement with him so many times that I can't take it anymore. He wont listen to me. Maybe he will listen to his peers.
I've used the men's bathroom for over a decade now. Even before I passed. I guess I'm a little more brazen than most but I wasn't about to hold my fluids for anyone. I'm not advising it but for years I carried a knife on me. Never had to use it but it gave me confidence to go do what I needed to without worrying so much.
We ALL get clocked at some point. Gay and lesbian people seem to be the best at pointing us out (and making us into a joke if they're transphobic). Getting through transition and retaining our sanity sometimes requires a certain level of indifference. You can't let other people's opinions of you effect how you feel about yourself. Just stop and consider the source.
I have NEVER had a bathroom issue except for a few looks before I passed. In safe places (Walmart,grocery stores,etc) he will be fine to try them out and gain confidence if he wants to. He passes most of the time, right? Just don't push him into anything he is not ready for. Don't pester him. If you are out somewhere and he needs to go to a gas station to find a single stall restroom then so be it. No need to make him feel worse about it than he probably already does. This is his transition and his progress. He'll eventually get to the point where he feels confident enough.
Not a lot of incidents to be found on Google. As a guy I can tell you, when you walk in a men's room, you're hoping it's empty. Just walk in, go straght to the urinals, observing the "not right next to someone else" rule, and pee. When you walk out you'll be wondering why you convinced yourself peeing is bad. Hugs, Devlyn
I was harassed and kicked out of a gay club for using the men's bathroom. I've had some evil glares before in the bathroom. Haven't been beaten up.
What she failed to mention was that the public bathroom I was considering using was in a part of town where just last week, a lesbian was very badly beaten, and called homophobic slurs.
I also do only use the men's bathroom. I don't use the women's, ever. I was just thinking out loud, wondering if I should just pee in the men's, or hold it until I got home.
Of course he failed to mention his location at all to begin with in the first place. which might have saved him an earful :P
Men toilets and gay men toilets are two different things. Men go to toilets to get things done. Gay men in gay bars go to toilets for getting different things done. As Devlyn and Keaira said, men usually dont care who is inside of the public toilet and men tend not to stare at each other, when being there. In fact, they feel uneasy if there is someone there already and try to find a spot as far from that other person as it is possible.
I dont want Caleb to be scared or worried every time he has to go potty. And thanks to some gay guy amd a lesbian, his insecurity is back stronger than ever. With allies like that who needs enemies. I have my insecurity about public bathrooms and even though my are because of legal reasons, I dont want him to feel the same anxieties. He deserves better.
while I didn't pass I once in a while had bad comments from people who was drunk or otherthings. but as I pass its not an issue at all, I feel men really dont pay much attention neither look or comment on what you do, neither do I its rather nice.
I guess if he never been to a mensroom he probably just overthinking it. if he pass in general as a casual looking guy for everyday life then I dont think anyone would notice him. (and what I mean by casual is, that his not wearing a skirt ex.. or something very extreme or gender-queer, I am having abit 80 hairstyle and neither femenine neither masculine clothing, but I dont really get in troble in mens room.
Well I don't pass at all, or let's say only a few times apparently, but I am using it in places I feel safe.
--Jay
I didn't start using the men's room until I was a couple months post-T. I didn't pass at all, so I didn't feel safe. I know I would have gotten weird looks, so I just didn't do it. Most of the time, I just refused to use a public restroom. I was passing maybe 50/50 pre-T, and that's at best.
I guess I must have been three and a half-ish months on T when I started using the men's room. I was too concerned for my safety before that because I just wasn't passing enough. Now...I wouldn't even think twice going in there. Even though I don't STP, people don't care. I have a beard, a deep voice, there's nothing feminine about me... So it doesn't matter what I do, because they see me and know I'm a dude.
I was about to say there's no reason to worry ever, but I've actually had trouble in gay bars. You want to watch out there. The lgbt community can be more exacting and unpredictable than the general public. I'm not going to try to dissect the whys and wherefores. If nothing else, you're more clockable in gay situations and that can set the stage for difficulties.
Still. I started using men's rooms long before I was consistently passing. The only time I ever even had the slightest trouble was when I'd take too long in the stall (for example using tampons, or adjusting necessary accoutrements), and I think people suspected I was homeless and changing or doing drugs or whatever. Even then the most I got in the way of trouble was dirty looks or mumbled epithets.
Men's restrooms are so much chiller than women's.
Quote from: Felix on May 04, 2013, 06:30:38 AM
I was about to say there's no reason to worry ever, but I've actually had trouble in gay bars. You want to watch out there. The lgbt community can be more exacting and unpredictable than the general public. I'm not going to try to dissect the whys and wherefores. If nothing else, you're more clockable in gay situations and that can set the stage for difficulties.
Caleb's been clocked a couple of times now and they've been gay or lesbian. It really upset him, understandably. You'd think they would not try and be a little supportive.
Quote from: Keaira on May 04, 2013, 10:00:05 AM
Caleb's been clocked a couple of times now and they've been gay or lesbian. It really upset him, understandably. You'd think they would not try and be a little supportive.
Yes, they have been, and openly so. I can't be sure about the woman who did it the other day, but if she is not a lesbian, she worked in a very liberal environment. Honestly, I am starting to feel like trans visibility is a double edged sword. On one hand, it helps people like me who had no idea we could transition. On the other, it helps people "spot" us and frankly, they have no idea of how to tactfully approach the matter at all.
I went in for the first time yesterday... there was a line, so I almost left, but no one even looked at me. I doubt I pass, but if I do, people probably think I'm 14. I went and peed in a stall once I was at the front of the line. I washed my hands right next to a cop, too (sinks were pretty full) and he didn't say anything either. That boosted my confidence a little, I guess.
It was in a Wal Mart in the "bad part of town"
Quote from: Felix on May 04, 2013, 06:30:38 AM
Still. I started using men's rooms long before I was consistently passing. The only time I ever even had the slightest trouble was when I'd take too long in the stall (for example using tampons, or adjusting necessary accoutrements), and I think people suspected I was homeless and changing or doing drugs or whatever. Even then the most I got in the way of trouble was dirty looks or mumbled epithets.
Men's restrooms are so much chiller than women's.
I have to agree there. I also started using the men's room before I could even pass. I had long hair and hadn't even started binding yet. Though I was very selective about where I went. Kept to the don't look around rule so I never saw if any faces were made, but I never heard a mumble. I definitely pass most of the time as a preteen these day, but I've been using the men's room for about 8 years and have been binding and therefore passing for 6.5 years. And since I've only had a couple issues. One was while I was at the gay bar. There was a line and while waiting a guy asked "what's in your pocket". Now I don't understand social things so it kind of freaked me out, but at this bar guys will hit on me once I walk through the door. Weather he was trying to harass me or get in my pants I'll never know because I just ignored him. I was interested to find out either way. Most of my worries come to me at work. I've been working at the same place for 7 years and the turnover is extremely low. About six months into my starting there I got the go ahead to use ONE restroom on a basement level. Shortly after that I had to talk to a woman in HR because she'd received complaints and had to explain that the men on that specific floor said it was okay. Then I moved a couple floors up and wanted to use that restroom and was told I couldn't and that that floor has a handicap restroom I can use "and would be more comfortable for everyone" (by my boss not the HR lady). I was and still am insulted at that quotation. The handicap restroom has a button to open the door with NO LOCKING option the only thing that really closes you off from anyone entering that restroom is a thin curtain (Even when I wasn't passing in the Wal-Mart restroom I felt a hell of a lot more comfortable than I ever could feel while passing in that one). I've bit the bullet a few times and have used the forbidden one during curtain times, no one has complained since.
The first time I used the men's room was at a Fred Meyer's (If you don't have them where you live, it's basically like a classier Walmart). I already passed fairly well (despite not having an STP at the time), but it seriously wasn't that big of a deal. I just went in, walked past this Mexican guy, went in a stall, and did my business. There were like three other guys in there at the time and not a single one even so much as looked at me. The great thing about being FTM vs MTF is that men's restrooms are a lot less social than women's restrooms. Men don't really try to spark conversations or judge other men's appearance. Unless you are in a gay bar, most men are just in there to do the deed and get out. The scariest experience I ever had in a men's restroom was at walmart. I went in and there was this guy in a stall making the most disturbing, loud noises I have ever heard. It sounded like he was engaging in sexual intercourse with a walrus while simultaneously conducting an exorcism and giving birth... :o Other than that, you are probably not going to run into any trouble using the men's room.
Hmmm yes.... good point there. Women can be quite competitive in regards to appearance. One less social pressure for you guys hm? ^_^
I think with men's restrooms there are unwritten rules. 1. when peeing at the urinals don't look left or right, just up, straight ahead, or down. 2. also when at the urinals, aim well because if you pee on someone else's shoes, then your screwed especially in a bar. 3. When in the stalls doing a number two, grunt loud so everyone knows what you are doing. 4. fart as loud as you can again, so everyone will know what you are doing. If you can't fart, make farting sounds. 5. buy some stink bombs to pop just in case your poop don't stink. ;)
Seriously though, I could care less who comes into the restroom while I'm there. I would prefer it just be me but that doesn't always happen. I just do my business, wash my hands and get out as quick as I can.
Stay away from rest area restrooms especially in the middle of the night when traveling. Pee in a cup, bottle or anthing else and then dump it in the grass after. These are the most dangerous restrooms I have ever experienced and there have been people raped murdered and abducted in these restrooms. Don't rely on security if the rest area even has security. Daytime is a little safer but definately don't use them at night.
Because I mostly don't pass (I don't know how to figure out if I'm passing or not, but I was out at a restaurant with my mum, and the waiter addressed us as 'ladies', and so did someone asking the way call me a 'girl', so I suppose I'm not passing yet :() I'm too insecure to go into the men's restrooms.
But I feel uncomfortable in the women's too :s usually I just go in (my mum would otherwise make a fuss, as I'm not out yet and she doesn't know), and hope, beg, plead that there's no one there. Quite often I even wait before someone else is gone, if I'm sitting in a stall (which is pretty horrible 'cause women ALWAYS want to chat and hang around for ages. I mean, darn it women; it's the LOO! Why the HECK would you want to start discussing life matters in the figgin LOO!? I just never got that, lol)
But yeah, I'd definitely prefer men's restrooms... maybe I should just try it and be cool, y'know...
Edited for profanity.
Yeah, I have fear of the men's room but it hasn't stopped me from going in the past. I've been testing things out more often because I am considering transitioning. Honestly women's rooms have sometimes scared me because I have had some times I have gotten evil glares for looking too butch already or whatever it is. Some groups of women like sorority girl-types or far less frequently, members of a gang have bullied me when I go in. With the men's room I try to go in there only if I think no one will be around at this point, or it's a really liberal-minded type of place where no one really cares. I guess my fears are more related to something like sexual assault than anything, regardless of whether or not that it happens, whether it is an a reasonable fear to hold on to or it's actually unlikely for that to happen. I don't know.
I look pretty girlish lately and I use the men's room and no one says anything. I get looks but that's it.
If a guy wanted to rape someone, he'd be really stupid to do it in the men's bathroom, just saying.
And Tadpole, I know what you mean, yeah. I am like on the verge of passing-not passing, and sometimes I've gotten confused or even dirty looks from women in the bathroom. And it makes me feel even more uncomfortable than I am already.
The only time when I went into the men's bathroom was when there was an ENORMOUS line for the woman's, women are simply a lot slower with doing their business than men, it appears (what'd you get? With all the chit-chat XD)
He'd be really stupid to do it in the women's room as well. Or any room. But yeah, those looks suck, and the chit-chat is kind of a fun way to make conversation in the women's room, but when it takes a turn for the worse and goes into that whole bullying/groups of sorority girls in the college restroom giving you the evil eye and revolting gasp or unwanted comments, then you will be looking for a way to escape the chit-chat real quick. I'm not going to pass very soon at all, and a urinal seems like nothing more than a goofy wall decoration for me if I wanted to try to go without looking ridiculous, I would need a pee-cone, so that's what a stall is for. I would love to see more unisex bathrooms, and not unisex/family like there are in the mall where I live because there's undoubtably going to be some bigot in there who thinks you are going to be a queer-conversion threat by simply being in the same general area as them and their kids.
As a MtF who still has to present male when at work, I have just stopped using the urinals, using a closed booth even for peeing. I imagine an FtM who does not feel comfortable about peeing in public could do the same thing, even in the men's restroom?
Cheers.
Donna
I suppose it would be okay to use the stalls. I mean, even men have to sit sometimes, don't they? Or do a big business, y'know.
QuoteBut yeah, those looks suck, and the chit-chat is kind of a fun way to make conversation in the women's room, but when it takes a turn for the worse and goes into that whole bullying/groups of sorority girls in the college restroom giving you the evil eye and revolting gasp or unwanted comments, then you will be looking for a way to escape the chit-chat real quick. I'm not going to pass very soon at all, and a urinal seems like nothing more than a goofy wall decoration for me if I wanted to try to go without looking ridiculous, I would need a pee-cone, so that's what a stall is for. I would love to see more unisex bathrooms, and not unisex/family like there are in the mall where I live because there's undoubtably going to be some bigot in there who thinks you are going to be a queer-conversion threat by simply being in the same general area as them and their kids.
Yeah, agree. I usually don't dislike chatting a bit, but at my school there are these 13/14 yr old teenage girls that ALWAYS giggle and say nasty things if I come out or go in a stall. Sometimes say stuff like "Did you see that lesbian!?" or ask obnoxiously "Are you a boy or a girl?", etc. I usually don't mind people asking, but it's the tone they use that pisses me off. Sometimes they also call me 'it', which incredibly bugs me. It is for objects, not for people, goddammit! I can ignore them, but it's still not nice imo.
And I agree on the unisex thing. Each time when I have to go to the bathroom I'm torn apart, something so easy for others is horrific for transpeople.
I would also like to see the acceptance and understanding for transpeople to be raised, so that I wouldn't have to be afraid telling people what I am if I wanted to. The whole reason that 'transphobia' exists is because cispeople just don't UNDERSTAND us. They are confused, and cannot understand how such a 'obvious' thing can be a lot less obvious for many people. And if people don't understand something, fear is a natural response, and with fear... you can either ignore the cause of the fear and try to ignore it exists or shun it, hate on it, etc. and hope it'll eventually magically disappear. :(
It makes me sad that a lot of people think like this, for me it doesn't make sense, but a lot of people aren't like me, lol!
Yeah, it's obnoxious when people are hateful and close-minded to us, as if we don't face enough problems from being TG on our own. I've never even understood the point of having separate bathrooms, who cares what you have under your clothes? You're there to pee, flush, wash your hands, and leave. But nope, can't just make it simple for us because we're a minority so why show an inkling of concern for us? There's women who need protection from whoever so much as looks like they might have male genitalia!
I've gotten horrible looks at school for using the girl's bathroom, but I worry that if I use the boy's room there that I'll run into someone I'm still closeted to and they'll make a big scene out of things. Exactly what I don't need. So I try to either hold it or use the "confused" bathroom converted by the school from a boy's to a girl's room (in other words, they slapped a female sign on it) because other guys do that. But eh, I'd like to just use the restroom without fear of being called out on it or shame using the one people think is right for me.
Quote from: girl you look fierce on May 08, 2013, 11:29:27 PM
TBH not always... some guys are just plain weird in men's bathrooms. Always grossed me out when a big grunt would ring through. Oh god, the memories.
But violence? Well probably not, I was a tiny waif w/ long hair who occasionally passed female presenting male, and nobody ever really even said anything to me, much less threatened me or something.
Actually all the creepy things I can think of that happened in men's bathrooms had nothing to do w/ me personally.
Me and the job that I do, I have to use public restrooms all the time. There are more wierd things that go on in them than you can ever imagine. Not just grunting, farting and plopping. Day or night, I have seen guys peeping through holes in the stalls. A lot of times and what gets to me is that instead of knocking to see if the stall is occupied, they will peep through the spaces and some peep a little longer than they should. One sunday morning I had to wait for a shower room to open up but nature couldn't. I hate to say this but, I sat on the stall and from underneath a magazine was slid into my stall. I hope this isn't against the rules but the guy asked me if I wanted to masterbate with him simultaneously. I thought, ughh, and got out of there as quick as I could. Thank god as I was leaving, the cashier called my name for a shower.
This is the main reason why I hate public restrooms that are not private.
When it comes to the rest area restrooms I avoid them like the plague. I pulled into one one night at about 1 A.M. and was utilizing the facilities (big Moutain Dew bottle) in my sleeper. When I stepped out of the truck to pour it in the dirt, a guy comes running up to me begging to call the police. He had tried to use the bathroom and somone come up behind him and knocked him in the side of the head. Took his wallet and keys and cellphone and then tried to do other things with/to him. He got away from the guy fortunately. When the cops came they found the guy hiding 30 feet in the woods. He was not mentally all there and was babbling about something but he was living in those woods right around the rest area. I bet this is more the norm than the exception unless the rest area has security 24 hours a day. Some do, but most don't. So please be very wary when using rest area restrooms at night.
Erik, you make some really nice points and I definitely empathise with some of the feelings you mentioned.
When I was still kinda andro I was lots more self-conscious. The occasional negative comment could create a hugely disproportionate response inside. Someone might call me "Sir" and I'd fume about it sometimes for days rather than learning to do better. Eventually, as I learned to be less sensitive, those people became like a bad smell I'd become accustomed to. The trick here is to realise how it doesn't matter, which sounds obvious, but is also easier to say than do.
I guess the simplest way to explain this is that NO situation turned out as bad as I'd portrayed it in my mind. MOST turned out to be heaps of nothing! It was all speculation, and I'd psyched myself out time and again. The more I toed that line the more it wasn't bravery pushing me, but the realisation that things simply weren't as bad as anticipated. I figured the next thing wouldn't be so bad either!
Also, this is important: move and act with confidence, with a RIGHT to be there, and you'll see that people tend to NOT notice you. People seem to especially notice others who are trying not to be seen. Does that make sense? People don't take heed to someone acting naturally.
I've become more confident overall as a result of my experiences. I used to be quiet and introverted, but the path I trudged through myself taught me lessons that apply to pretty much everything in life. While I do still love my alone time, there are people who say transitioning won't change who they are, or who tell others, "I'm the same person I was then," well in my experience I am a completely different person today, and really better for it all.
Quote from: Erik Ezrin on May 09, 2013, 05:09:26 AM
I suppose it would be okay to use the stalls. I mean, even men have to sit sometimes, don't they? Or do a big business, y'know.
Yeah, even cis men have to sit to pee sometimes. Piercings can make standing nearly impossible and not ideal. Or maybe they have to take a crap at the same time, wouldn't make sense to start at the urinal and move to the toilet later. Also some guys don't have any reason, they just prefer to sit when they pee.
I know several men who sit to pee. They just prefer it for whatever personal reason (I never asked). Nothing to be ashamed of if you gotta go and you can't use the urinal.
The mens room isnt that big of a deal usually. When your not used to using them it feels like everyone is a possible attacker and is out to clock you. But once you get used to going into the mens room it just becomes an everyday thing thats nothing to worry about. Unless your going to a place where people are more or less poor and ignorant (and usually more aggressive) then you might have to worry about being attacked. But otherwise, no one really cares about what you do in the bathroom.
And more often then not no one will ever raise an eye brow when you sit to pee. No one's ever done that with me, or any of the trans guys I've spoken to.
Oh yeah...I forgot to write what I originally meant to post. Thanks for reminding me!
SO...I have ALWAYS sat to pee. That's right, 26 years as a boy and I sat to wee through all of them. Please note that's through some pretty boyish/guyish years! That was primary school, high school, university, jobs, travels, mates, etc. and it was never an issue, not even once.
That I sat to urinate had nothing to do with my being trans. Rather it was personal preference, just like Nyri and randomroads said about the fellas they knew. When I was a child it was just easier to sit than stand, and somehow it just continued for the rest of my years as it became the only way I was comfortable to go.
In short I'm saying NO WORRIES!! You'll definitely be all right! Like everyone said...guys are really private in the toilets (it's kinda freakish how so). They're afraid to make eye contact, they never talk, heck they're even too afraid to use the mirror. Guys go out of their way to NOT notice someone else in the toilets. I swear they're irrationally mortified of being seen as "gay" or something.
So hey, just wipe that toilet seat off, or lay something down for chrissake, because when boys go they sure seem to enjoy peeing all over everything!
Good luck, hope this helps your confidence! ;D
Erik, wow, I'm sorry you go through such a hard time with the immature girls in the bathrooms. Some people can be just so horrible. My experiences I can remember a fair amount of bad experiences and absolutely not knowing what to expect back in high school because I could walk in one day and see girls who were really nice and asked me how my day was but the next there would be those bullying girls, the same ones who made it so difficult to be in track that I almost quit due to their snobbiness, and there were some men who did the same. One time I was in high school I went into the boy's room and the most macho guy in school just happened to be in there and really shouted me out of there. I was surprised exactly how angry he got. So I've had upsetting experiences in both rooms. I'm guessing that you are still in high school or something, given your experience you described. It's quite a decision for me to choose which one to go in even though I used to mostly just go in the women's room. As I look more and more masculine I wonder if I should be going in the men's room.
And yeah, I could definitely imagine some men trying to do stuff like peep into holes, etc.
Something particularly physically or sexually violent seems less likely to me happening especially due to the illegality of all of it.
It might be not the most rational fear though it's probably based off of something that exists in reality.
People do not want that fate to befall them so of course it could be a fear.
It's good to think that it probably isn't really that big a deal to switch bathrooms as well as the notion that transitioning could instill confidence!
Quote from: LocustBlotter on May 07, 2013, 04:32:23 AM
The scariest experience I ever had in a men's restroom was at walmart. I went in and there was this guy in a stall making the most disturbing, loud noises I have ever heard. It sounded like he was engaging in sexual intercourse with a walrus while simultaneously conducting an exorcism and giving birth...
Lol. :laugh:
I also agree with the people who mentioned the strangeness of separating girls and boys bathrooms in the first place. Even when you take habits and safety and all that into account, toilet segregation feels weird and counterintuitive.
Yeah, I agree. Unisex would feel much better and more 'natural' to me. And no more stress for transpeople, non binary people, 3rd sex people, bigender people, whatever kind of people you can come up with, lol.
And yea, those girls were nasty. I said something witty back a few times though, and magically they disappeared each time I came 'round ::)
But there are so many 1st/2nd grade girls who just have their friggin' LUNCH BREAK in the toilets. I mean... wot!? The day I can understand those girls... *sigh*
I think this is not such a big issue as you make it in your mind. I am a girl that lacks navigation and attention skills :P So, I have found myself in the mens room multiple times :P :P :P ::) I never had an issue, except from a cleaning lady that once pinpointed the right direction quite strictly :P
In public I don't use the toilets unless I really can't help it. I've never used public mens' loos because of fear of not passing, but I've been becoming more and more uncomfortable in the womens' toilets for a number of reasons. One being getting dodgy looks because I am passing, one being that I feel uncomfortable knowing I'm a man in the ladies' toilets.. At school I'm only out to a few people and so have to use the womens' because I know I would get harassed by some of the guys (like my ex boyfriend) but I end up not using it all as much as possible. Single or unisex toilets are wonderful!
I'm actually currently trying to start using the mens loos because I'm pretty sure on most days I pass as a prepubescent boy, so I wouldn't get questioned just using the toilet.
I can understand the fear. Even if you know that it's incredibly unlikely something will happen, there's still always that worry. Plus I don't do well in confrontations and if someone so much as looked at me or politely questioned me I'd quite possibly have a panic attack..
Dovahkiin, yes, you definitely pass as a prepubescent boy, I wouldn't blink if I saw you in the men's toilets. ;)
I think a small advantage is that most women don't even like the men's toilets. They complain about them being smelly (which compared to the ladies they ARE. But I don't care, lol), and women don't like being in 'men only' space I think. So men REALLY don't expect a woman in there. If they WOULD look and would see someone who's doubtfully male they'd probably shrug and think he's a feminine guy or something.
He should be fine. I definitely waited until I was on T until I started using the mens room. I realize, however, that this isn't an option for everyone, and I didn't publicly make the name/pronoun switch until hormones and surgery had been completed (only my gf at the time knew anything about it). The bathroom switch came naturally along with everything else. I can't even remember fussing about it really, or when the first time even was.
Men are unobservant. I think the safest time to make the switch is when you have women telling you you're in the wrong room half the time you use the restroom.