We all agree that being trans just plain sucks. Its hard to live in a body that feels wrong, acts and reacts wrong and has the wrong parts. On top of that, being treated by society as the gender you seem to be, being forced in this role you are not, sucks donkey balls. And I won't even start about transitioning...
That being said, we all know this. Most threads are aimed at the heart-ships, the struggles and the pain. And of course this makes sense.
But I'm a 'the glass if half full' kind of guy. Through all the sucky and hard parts, I try to find something positive. And I did.
As a trans person, we do get a very unique view on life. How many people can say they experienced two genders in their lives? To most cisgendered people, their gender and how society is based on gender is normal. They don't even notice it. But we do. We see and experience life from two sides, and we see how different society can act, based on gender. To me, that is quite special. We see the thing most people are blind to.
On top of that, me being trans has brought me closer to my family. Of course, they have a hard time swallowing my 'condition'. But it has been an opener for talks about feelings and growing up that I would normally have never had. My family are not talkers. We clam up and shut up about feelings. But being trans sort of forces you to discuss and talk about it, and I discovered that my family is open to that. Even my granparents were. They are 80 years old, very religious, and I discovered this very open minded side of them. It was amazing!
So, do any of you try to focus on the few positive sides of being trans? If so, what did you find?
If I could choose to be not being born as trans or not having been born at all, I would rather prefer that than being born as trans. I guess one gets to experience more positive sides when he or she starts the transition. Otherwise, as You Yourself mentioned, it plain sucks :)
For me, the positive aspect of being trans is that I know I could have never understood how hard it still is for women in this world. Sexism is still definitely a thing, and I'll always be a better person for having seen and experienced it myself. I'll always be a feminist and I'll always be respectful of women. When dudes make thoughtless jokes, I'll always be the guy to say "Not funny, check yourself" and while I hope I would be like that regardless, I don't know if I'd feel so strongly about it if I wasn't born female :-\ Perspective is a wonderful thing
It's not so much that I try to think positive as it is suddenly realizing how I would have been different if I hadn't been born in the wrong body.
Most people seem to identify themselves as their body, for example if you ask someone who they are they'll usually state their name then start describing their physical appearance first. I think many people get too caught up in the physical aspect of themselves and fail to realize that there's more to a person than just their body, that's why so many people judge others just based on appearance and it's such a shallow way to view the world. I've been fortunate enough to view myself and the world in a different way though. I've always been so disconnected from my body that I define who I am by my thoughts, personality and actions. My body is just the tangible housing for those intangible things. I've also become a really good judge of character because I tend to see past people's physical appearance. I'm more empathetic towards a person's feelings and personality instead.
Society is a big issue for me too. I remember taking a college sociology class and I would come home feeling so depressed and confused after learning how screwed up society is. Mankind has done nothing but create their own problems and I will never comprehend why people are too blind to see that and just accept ridiculous societal norms. I've always questioned things like where and why problems such as sexism originated. I guess being on the outside of society has allowed me to see these problems and think of solutions for them, if only more people could do the same...
It gives me an excuse to change my birth name, which is utterly terrible for reasons not really related to gender.
Quote from: Darkflame on April 19, 2013, 07:26:58 AM
For me, the positive aspect of being trans is that I know I could have never understood how hard it still is for women in this world. Sexism is still definitely a thing, and I'll always be a better person for having seen and experienced it myself. I'll always be a feminist and I'll always be respectful of women. When dudes make thoughtless jokes, I'll always be the guy to say "Not funny, check yourself" and while I hope I would be like that regardless, I don't know if I'd feel so strongly about it if I wasn't born female :-\ Perspective is a wonderful thing
This.
Plus we know (unfortunately) know how
that time of the month feels like.
Being trans teaches someone a certain amount of persistence. For most, transitioning is a difficult undertaking. It's not just handed to us on a silver platter. Most have at least one hurdle to get over. Might be family pressure, money, resources, etc. Going through this teaches someone not to give up. That's a valuable life lesson that will take someone far.
Something else I can think of is truly knowing who has your back. I lost a lot of people when I came out as trans many moons ago. It did hurt for a long time. I couldn't understand why people I knew my whole life would turn their backs on me for something I had no control over. Then I came to the conclusion that it's alright. Those people weren't true family members or friends. I was better off without them anyways...so good riddance.
Being trans has it's challenges but most things in life that are worth having don't come easy.
If I wasn't trans, I wouldn't be me.
If I wasn't born trans, I most likely would've been a racist/sexist/homophobic/transphobic/intolerant ass like most of my family.
It might change when I actually transition but I can't think of anything that being trans has given me that's positive. I was never socialised as female, so I've never learned what it's like to walk this planet as a female, and it doesn't make me feel closer to girls/women at all. If I wasn't trans but was lesbian then I would have still gained open minded-ness, but I suppose I might not have had that if I was a cis male, depends on how the question is being asked.
If I was pushed then I would have to say that I've gained the ability to understand how people can hate their bodies this much, but that's still a push, and sometimes a hindrance because I'm more cautious about things than I need to be. I suppose I might feel so passionate about voting when I'm able to if it wasn't for being born into a body which couldn't vote 100 years ago, but being a history nut I would have probably still felt the same knowing that Suffragettes died fighting for their right to vote so we shouldn't waste ours, even if we just go along just to deliberately spoil our papers.
I have a son. He would never have been born if I wasn't trans.
-- I am a lot more flexible than I would be if I was cis-male (most likely anyways, it seems like bio-females are more flexible, or get flexible more easily than bio-males)
-- On days when it's too hot and sticky to pull on a pair of jeans, I am not called gay for wearing a skirt
-- I think I have a better understanding on how women's brains work than if I was bio-male
Quote from: Darkflame on April 19, 2013, 07:26:58 AM
For me, the positive aspect of being trans is that I know I could have never understood how hard it still is for women in this world. Sexism is still definitely a thing, and I'll always be a better person for having seen and experienced it myself. I'll always be a feminist and I'll always be respectful of women. When dudes make thoughtless jokes, I'll always be the guy to say "Not funny, check yourself" and while I hope I would be like that regardless, I don't know if I'd feel so strongly about it if I wasn't born female :-\ Perspective is a wonderful thing
I agree, this is the biggest positive for me. And since I think about gender so much, I think it makes me more aware of other injustices/discrimination/etc. I am not always the most PC person around, and I know sometimes I make assumptions, etc. too, but I think I am more aware of them and understand the impact of them more as a trans person than if I was cis.
You guys who somehow have the ability to see things from a female perspective are pretty freaking lucky, I didn't get the manual on that one. What I did learn is that not everyone appears how they seem, classifications aren't something that people should be subjected to, and transsexuality isn't a laughing matter unless you're laughing about yourself. I've learned what it feels like to be treated differently as something I'm not, to scream in silence as the body hosting me began a hideous transformation (and luckily smartened up early on and cut out such nonsense), to live in fear of every day.
Most of all, I've learned to love myself because I am worth fighting for, even if my situation seems like a lost cause to me. I have learned to stand up for myself, and to be my own greatest advocate.
And now that I've began a life of mostly either being out or stealth, I've learned how it feels to suddenly feel comfortable talking to people and let down barriers that I had put up many years ago. Being yourself is the best you can be; sometimes it just takes a little push.
Perhaps I'm just delusional, But even during the hard times, I don't consider myself unfortunate to be trans. I consider it a blessing. Everyone has challenges and obstacles in life, mine just happen to be built directly into my own body, and are presented to me in a different way.
When I dated women, I often jokingly mentioned that I liked being trans because I could never get a girl pregnant no matter how hard I try.
But after realizing that I was gay, I've decided that I'm more content being able to jokingly brag that unlike men I can have multiple orgasms, so...Yeah, that's a plus.
Personally, I enjoy being trans. It means that I get to experience life in a way that most people can never come close to imagining. Frankly, I like to think that I'm here in this world to show people what the trans community is really capable of. It might sound silly, but my goal in life is to become a very open and proud actor...without being coined as a 'trans actor,' I'm sick of trans people sticking to the world of porn (I'm sure there has to be at least a few trans actors out there, but they've got to be closeted! Come out, Come out wherever you are!) o.o; Yeah...there you have it.
If we were not trans, we would not be on this site and would not be having this conversation.
Quote from: Nygeel on April 20, 2013, 12:17:53 AM
If we were not trans, we would not be on this site and would not be having this conversation.
Well played.
We have a good idea of how a womans mind works and that's something cis-men find difficult. For me theres nothing so delightfully simple as seeing the smile on a upset female friend's face when you hand her the biggest bar of chocolate you could get hold of and knowing exactly how much they appreciate it.
Don't have to worry about what's feminine or what's masculine because I know so much about gender I know it doesn't matter.
Not too many guys were ever active in the women's movement. I feel it was an honor/privilege.
--Jay
Quote from: Nygeel on April 20, 2013, 12:17:53 AM
If we were not trans, we would not be on this site and would not be having this conversation.
Touche.
By the way...how do you guys know "how a women's mind works"? Seriously, someone teach me. Apparently my copy of The Care and Feeding of the Female Mind didn't ship with my trans package when they ordered up my components from the spare parts department. That's not very fair >:(
Though I guess the nice thing about my situation is that male-type socialization seems to come naturally, the way female-type socialization never did. Anyone else have that?
Thanks all for the positive comments. I'm glad to see that not everything is as negative as it seems most of the time.
QuoteThough I guess the nice thing about my situation is that male-type socialization seems to come naturally, the way female-type socialization never did. Anyone else have that?
I have this too. I never really understood female conversations. Not to sound stereotypical, but a lot of them seem to talk so easily about their, well....cycles. I even have online friends of whom I ask 'how are you today' and she answers 'I'm crampy, my period started today'. It makes me go O.o at the screen. I also think men are more laid back, and less 'backstabby' when it comes to friendships, but again, that sounds like a bad stereotype and could just depend on the people I met. But yes, all in all, male socializations do come more easy to me too (maybe not the wrestling and other rough parts. I feel too insecure for that with this still weak, feminine body)
Yeah, when you're read as male it's a nice feeling to drop all the angsty feelings that come with worrying about passing and just be yourself, people who I'm stealth to don't see anything different about me compared to that stereotype for cisguys. There is a "bro code" of sorts, not the one that people use as an excuse to be absolute tools but just a standard by which many males socialize. It's especially apparent in the high school scene, including the wrestling and all. Somehow I haven't been outed by any physical contact that comes with that territory, which is a nice boost to my ego.
And something else cool about being trans is that we can pick our own name that actually fits us. There's an electric thrill when I hear my name or when I get gendered properly, but of course, it wouldn't do to grin like a hyena every time that happened so I've learned to keep it to myself until I'm alone. Then I have a happy meltdown, like a 13 year old girl at a certain Canadian pop singer's concert except minus the ear-shattering screams and stuff. Generally, guys are just more chill about things, which is nice because I kind of balk when people freak out for seemingly no reason. Seriously, calm down XD
When you get seen as what you really are inside it's a good feeling, finally being able to socialize without fear and depression.
Admittedly, I'm the type of person who would have rather been born cisgender, personally. The only thing I would be scared is that I wouldn't be the same person. I mean, I like who I am, in general.
However, I think there is some good that comes about it. I feel a greater amount of empathy for people, and I'm certainly much less quick to judge because I know how it feels to be treated like you're less than human. I also know how awful it is to have a condition that's expensive to treat and requires a lot of jumping through hoops. If I was cis, I probably wouldn't have had such a deep understanding of why it's so important to fight discrimination and why it's important that everyone gets the ability to have medical treatment. Granted, being trans has also made me a bit cynical in some ways, but I like to think I'm usually better for it. But I can't deny that I've had a few moments where I kept thinking "At least you get to wake up every morning and see a body that matches your expectations, why are you whining about your problems?"
I also think that being trans has made me stronger as a person. Like many trans people, I was suicidal before my transition. I remember periods of time where I would lay down to go to bed and my mind would go over how many things in the house could be used to end my life. I had some really dark periods because I was so unhappy with my gender identity. But having gone past that and tackled those demons, it has made me much stronger. When something bad happens, I tend to deal with things better because I know that I've conquered much, much worse things.
I dunno, though. It's a hard question. I don't know how my life would have been if I wasn't trans. I could have had totally different experiences, so it's hard to say.
I feel like I know what women can be subjected to and go through, but only from an observational perspective. I'll never know what women really think because I'm not one. So it's a bit different. It's like I'm a very convincing guy in drag walking through life and no one else knows but me. And once you've experienced certain things and get a feel for how things work when society thinks you're female, then it gets pretty old. So it's not exactly a benefit.
Over the years I've noticed a lot less people give me crap if they see me as female but I dress or "act" male. I know there's still plenty of areas out there where this is a problem for people but the areas I've lived in the last 20 years it seems to have mellowed out.
It's better than being born with a degenerative or serious disease, etc. Someone else said that everyone has problems and struggles in life and I guess I'm just trying to say that I'm glad this is my problem and not some other things.