Am I the only one who has encountered multiple people who are not only intolerant, but straight up rude about transgenders?
One of the first people I came out to (I've only come out to three people, not even my folks or any of my family yet) was so surprisingly intolerant that I was left speechless! I went to him with kindness and all he did was insult not only me, but the whole transgender community as a whole! Let it be noted that he is no longer my friend and I'll probably never even speak to him again.
The worst part is that I honestly believed he was a nice person. He didn't act like this about anything else I've told him. He's actually very smart and certainly academically ahead of me, but I can't even conceive of what would lead him to act like this.
I'll try and quote him the best I can;
"You're transsexual? That's really messed up. Honestly, I can see why you're so depressed and down now. You're so insecure about your own self that you don't even know who you are anymore. Don't think I'll be calling you anything than what you are, girly. You should know better, honestly."
This is a message he sent to me on Skype not too long ago, spelling errors and all:
"this [transgender] is just a made up word people use to try and sound special when they arent' a guy or girl can be bi and it means nothing to feel like a boy and to feel like a girl. because everyone feels diferently. and a girl no matter how hard they try cannot think or feel like a boy and visa versa."
*Sigh* So has anyone else had these people in their lives? :/
I haven't encountered anyone like this personally but I understand how you feel.
That's downright embarrassing and thoughtless.
* hug * I understand how you feel. My dad told me that I need to "grow a pair and man up". Don't spend too much time trying to reason with these people. They often aren't willing to change how they see the world and so everything you say will be twisted around to support their viewpoint :(
His opinion is worthless - he cannot even spell!
Yes I have but to be honest I don't feel singled out because I'm transgendered.
Any person who honestly believes they know more about another person than they do themselves is an idiot by my reckoning.
CloudyKino,
Some of those we sometimes assume are our friends only view our friendship toward them as a convenience because they aren't socialized enough to foster and maintain a true friendship on their own accord. So it's obviously time to cut Rudy adrift and find those who accept you for being who you are rather then being insulted by someone with the idea that suddenly you no longer fit into his little box so nicely labeled with his mental perception of who you are.
Don't think it's worth having people like that in your life. How good friends were you before all this?
I don't mean for this to come across as rude at all, but it sounds like he didn't have too high a regard for you before and you should definitely drop people like that immediately.
I have run into exactly. One of the worst is from my former best friends partner. I grieved over the loss but I am making new friends now. You will probably do the same.
People usually have lines drawn of how far they will go when it comes to anything, be it jumping from an airplane or accepting a person as being different than they thought.
Words can't explain my fury. Just- :icon_userfriendly:
Quote from: Amanda M on April 26, 2013, 10:49:50 AM
His opinion is worthless - he cannot even spell!
If this was the qualifier to being worthless, I'm sorry, but half of the people who are extremely helpful and supportive on this website would be considered worthless. I don't think its right to discount someone's worth based on spelling ability. However, spelling mistakes aside, yes, this person's opinion is not worth giving any value to.
[edit: run on sentence]
It wasn't the spelling, but the content of the response, that was disheartening.
And "girly" is particularly demeaning.
Quote from: Jamie D on August 11, 2013, 02:16:09 AM
It wasn't the spelling, but the content of the response, that was disheartening.
And "girly" is particularly demeaning.
That was my point.
I agree that this person is a dolt but we also need to put things into perspective. There have been several studies recently asking medical students how they feel treating trans* people, the figure are coming through that about 80-90% of medical students feel uncomfortable. This is in contrast to their opinion in treating homosexual people were the non-comfort zone was about 30% .
Prior to the HIV pandemic the non-comfort zone for homosexuals was back at the 80-90% level. What changed was education.
In another survey when the same students were given talks by trans*people the non-comfort went to 30% ish.
That such dramatic changes can occur with comparatively little effort is heartening. What is sad is those medics in community medicine that we depend upon have not been educated, hence the high rate of rejection we can find when seeking treatment.
None the less your ex friend is a jerk and you are well off without him.
i have met quite a lot of small minded people like this that have said some pretty nasty things to me and though this kind of behavior is intolerable on a moral level i have to thank them in a way because dealing with it and realising that there wrong has made me a stronger and more confident person
I've run into a lot of people like that. You really have to figure out how to either not take it personally or at the very least point the person toward some sort of educational material and hope that others won't be spoken to the same way.
It's hard, though. Sometimes I pretend I'm wearing armor, or I think about several generations from now, how they'll laugh or marvel at the ignorance and meanness that existed toward gender variance in our era.
Quote from: Felix on August 14, 2013, 04:04:54 AM
I've run into a lot of people like that. You really have to figure out how to either not take it personally or at the very least point the person toward some sort of educational material and hope that others won't be spoken to the same way.
It's hard, though. Sometimes I pretend I'm wearing armor, or I think about several generations from now, how they'll laugh or marvel at the ignorance and meanness that existed toward gender variance in our era.
That's a very interesting thought
Ah, yes, those types of guys...
I have a friend (I haven't come out to him yet) that is really close-minded. I told him about my FtM friend and he said that he would just have to deal with the fact "she" is a "girl" until he underwent surgery. I very respectfully told him off, but there just is no changing those people. At least, if they are close-minded and unable to see another viewpoint. However, there are people that, if presented with logical facts, can see another point of view.
I've met one group of people like that, back in high school. Well, "met" as in overheard... Kept overhearing (they were rather loud)...
They were talking about a (presumably) transwoman who either wasn't necessarily a transwoman, or had forgotten to shave, just generally being rude and bashing her - calling her "it" and trans* people freaky, etc. *Sigh...* They didn't stop through the entire bus ride, and I should have said something.
Despite the girls in that group being overall rather rude about other things... It sounded like this one was due more to ignorance than most else, and I don't think that they actually know they sound rude and close-minded to other people (presumptions, again - this opinion is at least shared by the friend who's with me on the bus).
Quote from: Beth Andrea on August 14, 2013, 07:49:45 PM
I haven't had the pleasure of interacting with people who are that rude, but I'm reminded of when I was in tech school in the AF and all of us youngin's felt so sure about our tech knowledge, in fact we were rather haughty about it...Until the instructor asked one of us a question, and was given an "Of course it's *this*..." tone in the answer...
And the instructor asked, "Are you sure?" "Yes, of course."
*dramatic pause*
"Are you sure?" *looks knowingly at another student*
*pause while first student almost wets himself rethinking his answer*
"Well...? Have you thought about it again?"
...well long story short, that is a trick I learned in talking to people who are 100% confident (and arrogant) in their answers...just ask, in as calm a voice as possible, "Are you sure?" If they start explaining why they are, just look knowingly at another person, like you're saying, "Hmm-mmm. Listen to this guy, see if you think he's wrong too."
I sincerely hope I get the chance to try it out sometime. It is effective, especially with people who are otherwise intelligent.
Hah! I'd like to try that one, myself.
It's interesting to see how much a person's confidence can change if it's questioned, though, even if the thing was something they knew with absolute certainty.
Was the instructor's only purpose in doing this to teach that lesson? It's a darned good one.
Quote from: ZandertheSwanky on August 14, 2013, 07:37:24 PM
Ah, yes, those types of guys...
I have a friend (I haven't come out to him yet) that is really close-minded. I told him about my FtM friend and he said that he would just have to deal with the fact "she" is a "girl" until he underwent surgery. I very respectfully told him off, but there just is no changing those people. At least, if they are close-minded and unable to see another viewpoint. However, there are people that, if presented with logical facts, can see another point of view.
yeah last night i brought up in conversation one of my mtf friends to test the water with my friends and i am worried about how closed minded they are they said regardless of how much surgery someone has if they were born a man your always a man. it sadens me to hear ppl i care about speak like that
It's a sad and painful fact that changing your sex will definitely separate your true friends from the others. I lost friends and family and it hurt. I now have better friends and living an authentic and honest life allows me to be much more of a friend to them.
Take heart, loss isn't constant, even for trans people.
hugs & smiles
Emelye