Now I'm far from going full time at least I think I am, but whenever I think about the idea of going full time I get......Well stage fright is probably the best way to explain it. Not to mention I feel like I'll be loosing a part of my self. I don't plan on rushing into my transition so maybe this problem will solve it self but I just scared.
Just ease your way into it. Full time doesn't mean you dress up like Mrs. Doubtfire on Day One.
You'll be losing the old self and discovering the new one! It's a great feeling.
Quote from: Orihime on April 25, 2013, 12:12:48 AM
Just ease your way into it. Full time doesn't mean you dress up like Mrs. Doubtfire on Day One.
Definatly baby steps may be the best for me, and my immediate family really.
Don't worry about it. If you don't feel ready for FT, then that is okay. There are no rules for going full time. It's up to the individual. You sound like you want to have a slow and progressive transition. That can be a viable way to move forward. So, don't worry about it. Just keep taking the steps that you want. If you need help dealing with your fears when you feel it's time to FT, please speak with and be honest with a therapist about these fears. They can certainly be a big part of the process by helping you get the courage you need.
What I do is wear clothes that are pretty andro but not super femme. They're all women's clothes but they work without being too in your face. I have clothes that I could pull off wearing now that I'm a little further into HRT but don't because the neck is too scooped and some of them cling to me and show off what HRT and mother nature have given me. But if you're not ready you might not be able to deal with some reactions you might get. People will notice. The thing about most tops is they show off your shape and have rounded neck lines. Well at least the clothes I buy.
I can kinda understand what you mean about losing some part of yourself, but for me I was pretty ecstatic about shopping and buying clothes that actually fit. I am pretty happy to be out of the droll male attire, tbh and I would be heartbroken to have to go back to that. So you never know you may love it.
Concentrate on the here and now. I'm far from going full time, too (probably about a year) and it scares me as well. Just go with the flow and do what feels right. I plan to ease into it; going out dressed without leaving the car, taking a walk at the community track at dusk, stuff like that. If you plan on getting hormones and/or FFS, electrolysis, growing your hair out, all of that stuff takes time. What I want to do is wear unisex clothes and accessories while I'm doing it, let people figure it out themselves for a while until I can "pass". Just do what feels right for you.
I don't know if i said it already but I'm so glad I joined this forum. thank you ladies for the word of wisdom. I think I'll work on being in all girl mode around the house first, so I can get my mannerisms down packed. Then slowly build from there.
Just go slow, each day wear a little more of your feminine side, relax, enjoy the feelings, adjust. Then move forward as you need. It may or may not be right for you. Only you will know inside if it's good for you.
For most MTF TS they hate to wear any male type clothes. I know from my life I hated every minute I had to wear male stuff, act male, yuck!!!
Good luck young girl.
Just take your time, it isn't a race with anyone.
I went slowly and was reminded of it yesterday, I'm seeing a new psychiatrist (local laws) and she had seen me once almost a year ago. She read me her notes of that meeting as a starting point. She said a year ago she saw a rather effeminate man who was wearing androgynous but def female clothing. She said yesterday 'I see he has disappeared!' I replied that he had died during the year and no one was mourning for him.
So we get there step by step.
Just get comfy with yourself then you will be comfy with others around you as you won't be worrying.
Cindy
No worries. It will be ok
I can understand that you are nervous going full time, but loosing part of yourself is what is going to happen one day.
As of now, you have control of that, so putting of going full time, means you can. But think about when you start HRT (if you haven't already). You will have no control about loosing part of yourself, even if you put of going full time.
But on being nervous, I am eight months in and still get nervous, such as when I am on a bus that is full of people (more the younger ones - school or college).
One thing I would not do, is go full time till you know for sure that you will do this each day. Otherwise you will get people who may not of seen you before, who then see you again and think, one day you dress as a man another day as a woman.
I am kind of lucky (so I have been told), as I have the build of a woman (size 6), so most people who don't know me, don't really know I am not a woman.
Just do what you feel is right for you!!
Quote from: bethanyjadefowell on April 25, 2013, 07:17:24 AM
I can understand that you are nervous going full time, but loosing part of yourself is what is going to happen one day.
As of now, you have control of that, so putting of going full time, means you can. But think about when you start HRT (if you haven't already). You will have no control about loosing part of yourself, even if you put of going full time.
But on being nervous, I am eight months in and still get nervous, such as when I am on a bus that is full of people (more the younger ones - school or college).
One thing I would not do, is go full time till you know for sure that you will do this each day. Otherwise you will get people who may not of seen you before, who then see you again and think, one day you dress as a man another day as a woman.
I am kind of lucky (so I have been told), as I have the build of a woman (size 6), so most people who don't know me, don't really know I am not a woman.
Just do what you feel is right for you!!
Honey,
You are a woman. And be a proud one!
Cindy
And something else. You don't have to wear a skirt!! I say this because a lot of trans MTF wear skirts, and you don't have too if you don't want.
You could wear some nice flat shoes, skinny jeans, a woman's shirt, and have your hair in a ladies style.
Even when you do go full time (even now or after transition), there is no law that says, we MTF trans, have to wear skirts.
And thank you for that, means a lot :)
But, but... Skirts are so much fun! :)
Swoosh... Swoosh... Swoosh...
I wear skirts (some times), but you don't have to feel you have to do so if your MTF. That's all I am saying...
Think of your transition, and going FT, as a flower, blooming. No flower pops up instantly (well, except maybe dandelions ;) ), they take their time; they don't dally, but they don't dawdle, either.
And your style of womanhood, of clothing, of a partner....is your style. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Good luck, and "happy blooming"!
Im with you too!
I think Im 4-6 months from being ready for full time. Maybe a little longer!
But Im going to start working on my clothing starting next pay check.
My experience is somewhat different from many ladies on his forum. I went full time the day I realized I was trans, and that was a year ago may 1st :)
I had always been so feminine and quite hated myself because of that for years trying to be a man. Anyway I started accepting my femininity and over the course of several months I realized what I was, and by the time I did I was already wearing women's clothing. I have lived my entire life forced out of the closet as a gender variant person, I suffered the fear of being seen as a freak, ->-bleeped-<-, dinner, loser etc when I was 11 years old. Living with that has been hard but ultimately made transition way easier.
When I went full time, of course I did not pass at all, maybe at a passing glance. It was intense, but I was so happy to have discovered who I was and to finally have a solution for my seemingly unsolvable dilemma that was life. I wasn't scared of the judgement, I had heard it All before. People respond very differently to trans people than feminine men. That's very true. And if you don't pass it's a big deal.
I live in NYC so that made it way easier. Depending where you live in the city, you can live safely as a non passing trans woman. I was happy that I was finally embracing myself and becoming who I was. I knew people would judge me either way, so why not be me.
I honestly never thought I would pass as a woman. I wanted to. But I didn't believed it was possible on hormones alone and wasn't willing to get facial surgery.
Three months into being FT I got on HRT. Still I didn't pass. But one day at 4 months on HRT...I was called she by a college advisor I'd never met.
From that day forward I have been properly gendered by everyone who did not know my prior to my transition. I know that my passing is a huge blessing of many factors, and confidence is a huge part of it. I am blessed with genes and age for sure, but if I embodied myself with less confidence, it wouldn't be inconceivable that passing on looks alone would be harder for me.
I know my story is different then most. But the take home message from my experience to yours might be to trust yourself despite the world, and that faith and honesty are gentle ways to be YOU functionally in the world.
I'm not suggesting you go FT. You'll go when you're ready. But know that this journey is unique to each of us who embark upon it. We don't jump into this at the end, we have to be carried along through the changes and in the process we learn more about who we are than we did when we began. That is the hero's story, and our conviction is revealed as we travel.
Good luck and keep sharing. At 8 months on hormones and 1 year into my transition, I must say that I miss nothing about that shadow of manhood that I desperately scrounged for in fear.
x Di
One day at a time on your schedule.
Quote from: Kelly-087 on April 25, 2013, 03:25:35 PM
Im with you too!
I think Im 4-6 months from being ready for full time. Maybe a little longer!
But Im going to start working on my clothing starting next pay check.
Kelly if you do not have much money for clothing please go to a Goodwill or another thrift store. Relax, chill, shop real slow. You can find some really nice women's clothes, shoes, jewelry etc... at a very nice bargain. Be sure to get the right size because nothing can be returned.
Good luck
Yes, TRY ON EVERYTHING. Don't just hold it up and say, "yeah, that'll fit" (typical "guy" shopping). That's part of the fun, going into the changing room, undressing...dressing...looking at yourself in the mirror (and yes, it's for vanity's sake! You want to look GOOD!) I've had clothes that were all the "same" size, but only one item actually fit; depending on what "it" is, I might take a 10, maybe a 16...no way to tell without trying it on.
Yay for shopping!!
I can relate a lot of being nervous about FT. Now that I've started hormones, I have started to become really troubled by the fact, that FT is looming somewhere there. I kind of feel, that I will be dropped from outerspace among 40 year old women and men and to be honest, I'm completely lost or clueless of that life. It's like I've never lived and now suddenly I appear, without any meaningful personal history as a woman.
It's strange. Before hormones I was really excited and nearly ready to start FT immediately, but now I'm actually terrified. I've had some bad experiences lately, which have diminished my willingness to go FT.
Due to my culture and how I was raised it's like I've been in a bubble. As I learn more about my self the idea of me transitioning is
becoming more of a need. As far as losing myself I just look at pictures of myself in boy mode and I'm obviously not truly happy but I'm not
sad. I'm simply content it's like every thing is bland. With all that being said I don't want to lose this person but I cant hide from the
female persona that is starting to become the dominate state of mind inside me. Then again I am A pack rat maybe I'm just trying to have
my cake and eat it too.
Like the others have said EASE yourself in. Jeans & thongs are your best friends.
It's then more about the tops you wear.