Hey everyone, my name is Alice, and I'm very new to all of this...
My legal name is Alfred, and I just turned 24. I'm not sure how to classify myself (never was one for labels, but they do make everything easier) so I guess I'll just explain my situation.
Growing up, I always felt something wasn't right about me. All my guy friends were trying to be as manly as they could be, and when puberty hit they would all brag about how they were growing moustaches and beards. My situation was a little different...
I would dream about being a girl, and I was absolutely convinced that something went wrong with the cosmic order of things (whatever that may be) and I ended up being born a male. Growing up in a Catholic household made me very afraid of what could happen to me spiritually if I spent too much time thinking about it. But at the same time, my grandmother (my sole guardian at the time) raised me to believe that you could do anything if you had enough faith and prayed nightly.
Well, the lord never made me a girl, and for a long time there was a point where I refused to think about my strange situation. Every time it entered my mind, I would dismiss it and then sink into an angry depression. Eventually I had my big falling-out with Christianity in general, and it was then that I started to embrace what I had denied for so long.
I was 17, and in high school I had befriended the resident "freaks". These were the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and goth kids, the kids pushed away from everyone else because they did things a little differently than the majority (a trend I've noticed is a little reversed nowadays). I struck a really strong relationship with one of them, a boy by the name of Keith, and he introduced me to my first homosexual encounter. Later on that year, there was a big festival at the local community college in celebration of difference, and the gay community was out in full color. We had great fun, and I met more amazing and wonderful people during the event.
One group of individuals had a larger impact on me than the rest, however - a group of gender queer people with stories to share of trials, discovery, and love that would really shape my future. They called themselves Third Sex, and I took everything they said to heart.
By now, I was 19 and openly bisexual, but I still felt something was missing from the equation. I was much happier being accepted for my love of the same sex, but even when I was with my male significant other, I felt estranged. I did some deep soul-searching or star-consulting or whatever you wish to call it, and about a year later it dawned on me that my attraction to the female form wasn't one of lust, but one of envy.
I wanted to become a woman, and I was going to accomplish it one way or another.
However, some things are easier said than done, and for a long time I did nothing about it. I was far too sacred to admit this to anyone. My friends said they knew something was up with me, the way I acted, my mannerisms, and my interests. They said there was always something, "Not so much gay, more girly" about me. I was told about this when I came out to them about being homosexual, a front I put up in hopes of explaining my mannerisms. Not even my boyfriend believed it.
At the end of 2006, I bought a pair of women's jeans and a babydoll tee. I wore them to my brother's wedding reception (more of an afterparty than a formal thing) and I was confused for a girl on several occasions that evening. It felt great, and I haven't looked back since.
I still haven't worn a skirt or even a bra out in public, but I'm working up my courage a little at a time. If I had the money, I would pursue hormone therapy and breast augmentation without hesitation. I've thought about it for a very long time, and it's something I really want. Just this year I met two wonderful people who have helped me come to terms with myself, and they introduced me to this forum. I didn't join for some time, wondering if I was ready or not to become a part of this sort of community - but after I realized how silly I was being, here I am.
That's pretty much my story... I hope to get to know some of you, and even get to know myself a little better by joining this wonderful place. ^^
Hi, Alice!
I'm very pleased to make your acquaintance.
It seems that trans people have many different paths to the final realization of who they are and I notice that once that has happened, there's hardly any turning back. I hope you make it your first priority to find and start seeing a therapist who specializes in gender issues so you can get started towards your goals without jeopardizing you well being.
In the meantime, please feel free to use Susan's as a place of refuge and support in an all too often unfriendly world. Besides the forums, our WIKI and links pages can give you all sorts information about trans issues and the Chat pages are just plain fun on top of being an opportunity to "speak" in real time with many of the wonderful people whose posts you can find here. Of course, please make sure you follow our terms of service, https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html which is one of the ways we keep our site happy and secure.
I'm happy you've joined us, Alice, and I hope we'll get to know each other a little better real soon.
hugs & smiles
helen
Hi Alice,
So nice to have another Alice arround here.
Your story seams so familiar. Enjoy your stay here at Susans.
Alice
Hello Alice and welcome to Susan's!
Thank you for your introduction. Please take a few moments to get familiar with the site, review the site rules, and take advantage of our many resources such as the wiki, chat, and the links listed at the main page. We look forward to your future posts and participation. Enjoy your stay!
tink :icon_chick:
Hi Alice,
It's good to meet you.
Hope to see more of your postings.
Jillieann
Welcome Alice,
It's good to see you are on your way. I would also recommend a therapist, especially if you want to move on to hrt. Hormones are nothing to take lightly. Glad you joined.
Hugs,
Rhonda
Hi and welcome, i myself went from STRAIGHT straight girl... to bi girl... to well where i am now It seems some people seem to need to take steps that in their own head seem logical just to get to a truth we knew anyway...
good to meet you :)
Thank you all so much for the very warm welcome! I look forward to getting to know all of you, and if you want to reach me outside of the forums, all of my messenger info is in my profile. ^^
Welcome to the neighborhood Shyfox. You aren't alone in your quest. There a lot of people who are in your shoes and a lot of here have already gone through it ourselves. Eventually, you will find the way that works for you and things will fall into place. We are all here for you to help along the way if you need it.
And don't forget to read the site rules ;)